There is a science to observing intuition, and it can be a methodical undertaking with a purpose, procedure, operation, and conclusion. Learning to listen to the unconscious allows us a window into the magic that is all around us. The unconscious can link each of our unique beings with the grand collective that governs us all. Faith may well be the evidence of things unseen, as the New Testament suggests, but I don’t think that it has to be. The rich symbols that surround us in daily life, and that capture our attention through synchronicity, are a different kind of proof in the unseen cosmic infrastructure. Pausing to acknowledge these proofs can map a path forward for each of us. If and when we need encouragement—especially when we are in the essential moments of our lives, be it choosing new directions, closing past chapters, or listening to the call of our spirits for radical change—symbols, synchronicity, and cosmic timing can provide us with confirmation that we are, indeed, on the correct trajectory.
All of us are connected to symbols, even when we are not aware of them. Symbolism around names conveys a lot of information before we even meet. Just think of the times when you are introduced to someone and think that they don’t seem like their given name, or that they should be called something different. Names are intimately tied to our identity, and we are extremely tied to identity in Western culture. We have access to a collective and unified consciousness on Earth, but we continue to cling to dualism and individuality as the truth. In traditional Asian cultures of old, people introduced themselves by leading with their family name before their first name, a nod to the idea of being stronger as a group than as an individual. In the West, our individuality is very much an indicator of our success and we are often only known by our first names.
However, there are limits to identifying with your sense of individual self. What is known in psychology and philosophy as the transpersonal is the important study of examining states of consciousness beyond personal identity. Exploring the transpersonal allows each of us to study the ways in which our individual psychology and consciousness are a reflection of the whole, and vice versa. Carl Jung, one of the founders of transpersonal psychology, developed numerous techniques of incorporating mystical spiritual traditions into the clinical setting. He developed the concepts of symbols, synchronicity, and cosmic timing as the language of the unconscious. All three of these are important to take into account when understanding the complete picture of each individual patient and their symptoms. As we have discussed, the multiple pathways that set the foundation for incarnation and birth are inclusive of the whole of a family’s history, the energetic state of the world, and the secrets of the unconscious.
The magic and messages of the universe are meant to be comforting and validating when you feel isolated and alone. They reveal the ways that you as an individual are still connected to phenomena beyond a singular and isolated life. When you are experiencing major life transitions, it is not uncommon to see the messages all around you . . . if you take the time to notice. For instance, more than a year before I sat down to write this very chapter, I was standing on a street corner in Los Angeles. I looked over and noticed that I was standing right next to fashion designer and women’s advocate Diane von Furstenberg. What was strange is that I felt like I knew her; she was intimately familiar to me. It was a highly creative and magical time in my own life, as I made new soul agreements about expanding my work of spiritual fertility into the world. A year later, almost to the day, as I began this chapter on synchronicity, I received a call from Diane von Furstenberg’s office inviting me to work with her. The sense of familiarity I had on that street corner was a premonition of a future path. Moments like these are designed to support your faith. They are exhilarating and uplifting, and enhance a certain feeling of connectivity and purpose.
Outside of the comfort that unconscious signals can provide, they have an even more powerful and transformative impact. When you begin to live your life listening to and trusting the messages from your most interior self, you begin to dismantle the power that you have given to other people, especially those in authority. Each step you take to shift the power dynamic away from the exterior world, and everything you do to stop looking outside of yourself for the answers, empowers your own realization that you already have access to all that you are seeking.
When we break away from tribalism and monotheistic cultures, we transfer the power once attributed to God to those who claim they have the power of God. Kings, presidents, and doctors are the new placeholders to comfort our fear and anxiety. We miss out on a huge opportunity when we look to others to fix our sadness, illness, infertility, and confusion. If we continue to refabricate the broken systems of old, we will never return to the harmony and equality that once ruled this planet. Simply connecting to intuitive wisdom might not provide enough of a catalyst to change the politics and disagreements of Earth, but it can remind and reassure each of us, individually, of our collectivity and ultimate connection.
Here are some examples of meaningful symbols, synchronicity, and cosmic timing:
The individual path of spiritual connection and actualization is revolutionary. Its power to comfort you in sadness and grief can be exponentially grown into an alchemical classroom, where questions about your deep issues of this lifetime are answered. A dream can show you your child’s face or a map of how to heal your greatest fear. A moment of synchronistic connection with a stranger can deliver a catalyzing moment when you give yourself permission to follow a different path, love, or career. A lunar eclipse can summon a deep memory of lust and desire that reminds you of your life purpose.
Many people argue that we are ultimately alone as individuals on the Earth, especially as we have moved farther and farther away from community. We are unique and highly spiritual creatures, tied to a global collective that has existed for a very long time. Your children’s children will see proof of this interconnectedness, which all began with a simple message delivered to you at present, most likely through your unconscious.
Choosing to have a child is big. The more aware and present you have been in your own life, the more intense of a decision it can be, even when you have a socially accepted support system of spouse, family, and career. Fear can grow when you remove just one of these factors. I’ve worked with many people over the years who struggled with making this choice, not because of a lack of desire or a lack of trust in the call to be a parent, but because they were missing something they felt society told them they needed to have—such as a partner, financial stability, or extended family.
The latter was true of Tatiana, who had immigrated away from her one surviving relative decades ago. Tatiana’s partner was also an only child from a broken and dismantled family. Together they both had the desire to start a family but hesitated; they knew that if anything happened to them, there would be no one left to care for their child and little money to help. As we were exploring her fear and preparing the way for pregnancy during one of our sessions, Tatiana said, “I dreamt of my grandmother last night. She was so close that I could smell her perfume and feel her warm breath on my cheek. I was so sad when I woke up. She’s not here.”
“But she is,” I responded. “That was her telling you that she is here for not only you but for your future child too.”
“I want to believe that,” she replied. “I mean, I do believe that, but I’ve been fighting and struggling on my own for so long.” For many people, the desire to live a more spiritual life is very much present, but often, the armor that they have had to put on to survive reflects faith away instead of allowing it in.
“How did you meet John?” I asked.
Her energy shifted and lightened. “We met at our friend’s dinner party. I knew I loved him the first time we spoke. We were both running late and met in the elevator on the way up. It was meant to be.” As she said the last sentence, she figured out why I had asked her this question. “Is choosing to have a child just like that, something you know in your heart?”
“Yes, it often is.” I smiled back.
After a pause, Tatiana said, “I don’t know if I’m right or if I’m just saying this because it makes me feel better, but I think I was meant to have a child the moment I stepped into that elevator with John. I’m going to trust in that power over my fear, and I’m going to trust that he and I are not really alone.”
Tatiana overcame the lineage of her isolated, fractured, and displaced history; instead of focusing on the ways she’d survived without anyone’s help, she chose to recognize the unseen support of the universe, which had been with her all along.
So often, the signs and timing are already present in a person’s life, but what is lacking is the permission to give these events credit and acknowledge their power. Many people in our lives will be supportive and encouraging when we share the stories about magical moments, while others will quickly turn their own cynicism toward us with a vengeance. I’ve learned the hard way that the more triggered and defensive a person is when you share information about alternative practices (such as holistic medicine, astrology, intuition, and synchronicity), the more this is a result of that person’s own trauma. I tell my clients it’s best not to try and change these staunch opinions, but to instead send those individuals as much unconditional love as you can. Maintain allegiance to your observations of such phenomena as a way of communicating with the spirit of your unborn child, and save the energy you would expend on arguing for something else, like growing a baby!
Creating a fertility altar is one of my favorite tools of spiritual fertility. This simple exercise is rooted in feng shui, an ancient system of interior design that describes the way that our home reflects the energetics of our life.
Can you make space in your life and your home, and by extension, for a child? Select an area of your home that feels peaceful and that you can easily see. Many people use the top of a dresser or a small side table as a base, although some make mobiles or bulletin boards the focus of their altar. I suggest adding the fertility symbols that you observe in your life, such as a picture of a family tree that you played on as a child, or images of your ancestors to whom you feel a positive attachment. In feng shui, fire is contraindicated in the space that reflects fertility, as fire is a great cleansing force that is powerful for clearing energy out but not necessarily for inviting energy to settle in. I suggest flowers, incense (which connects the earth to heaven through smoke), and music. Most importantly, spend time with your altar daily as a space to connect to your child’s spirit.
My client Ann had a different kind of faith in the universe to test, especially because the choice she would make to become a mother using IVF and donor sperm has been the path of so few women throughout history. Increasingly, I have been honored to work with this new type of mother whom I call the frontier woman because she is on the forefront of redefining the pathway to motherhood.
For centuries, the establishment of marriage was required to have children, but as women have gained footing in the economy and finally have the chance to be truly financially sovereign, we are discovering new ways to become mothers. Ann was a successful New York City executive. She had been a lifelong athlete and was highly educated about her own body and the spiritual connection between mind and body. She had made the decision in her late 30s to freeze her eggs, wanting to take the pressure off of getting pregnant not only for herself but potential partners.
The irony of developing your career in Western culture as a woman is that the thousands of hours you have to work to succeed almost always consumes the height of your reproductive years. It’s not the same for men. By the time most women are in a place where they will not be passed over for a promotion because they took off a year to have a child or needed leave because of pregnancy-related complications, they are usually in their 40s.
I have said time and time again that older mothers make the best mothers, and I stand by that sentiment. A woman who has experienced both the good and bad of the world, and who has had the time to develop her own interests, passions, and desires before motherhood, brings to her child a wealth of wisdom—and often, a level of financial security to help foster her child’s creativity and education.
I also want to make it extremely clear that I do not believe in the strict age categories that Western reproductive medicine places on women’s fertility. While I ultimately support each individual’s choice to freeze eggs earlier in their reproductive years, I have seen many cases where having frozen eggs was either completely unnecessary or too heavily relied on, especially when those eggs were not fertilized upon retrieval. It is important to take the time to listen to your instincts. I have developed an entire ritual process for egg freezing that I call Always Connected. It can provide comfort and spiritual support for not only you but also your eggs and embryos as you go through the fertility process. At the center of the ritual is holding a space for unconditional love, both for yourself and your future children.
I have seen unconditional love make all the difference. It certainly made a difference in Ann’s fertility process. Several years after her decision to freeze her eggs, she found herself being loudly called by her child’s spirit. She knew it was time and had confidence in her ability to be an excellent mother. However, she still had to grapple with some difficult decisions as a “single mother by choice.” The women I have personally worked with in this category are in their 30s and 40s and extremely clear that they are prepared for motherhood, with or without a partner. For many, the allure of using a donor for sperm allows them to remove the variable of having to first find a life partner. In today’s world, where so many potential partners already have children from previous relationships, the notion of being a single mother is no longer stigmatized. Ann felt the pull of her child’s spirit so strongly that she seamlessly moved beyond the fear that often comes from being at the forefront of a movement.
There were some comforting signs and signals from the universe that showed its support along the way. I often describe this feeling to my clients by saying, “Imagine that your life is a marathon; as you run, there will be people along the way shouting their support and there will be banners held high, encouraging you. Look for them, especially if you need support or have lost your route.”
One such banner of universal support came as Ann and I were taking a walk after her session. We had been speaking about her awareness of her baby’s spirit and about how she felt she was almost ready to start trying to become pregnant when we turned a corner in New York’s SoHo district to find a very special message intended for her.
Art can play a major role in delivering universal messages. Just as Ann said the words “I think I’m ready,” she spotted a small ziplock bag taped to a building’s wall. It was a gift from a New York City graffiti artist who places “free art” around the city. When she picked it up, we discovered that it was a breathtakingly beautiful drawing of a baby’s face. I had chills as I said to her, “That’s for you, Ann, take it.”
“You’re right, it is for me,” she responded as she slipped the bag into her purse. Ann conceived on the first round of IVF a few months later and had a fantastically healthy pregnancy and birth. Her little girl is beautiful and strong, and experiences nothing but love from her mother and her mother’s community. I never doubted Ann’s capacity to healthily conceive and carry, but for much of the world, one additional fact about Ann would elicit fear and unnecessary judgment: Ann was 47 when her daughter was born.
Several years ago, when women began to freeze their eggs years before they were ready to begin conceiving, I was asked to develop a ritual to help make the process more sacred.
At first, I recommended the lullaby ritual; this was helpful but didn’t feel celebratory or joyful enough. Around that time, my wedding anniversary occurred and we, like many others, had saved some of our wedding cake in the freezer to eat later. I started recommending to my clients that they buy a birthday cake on or around the date of their egg retrievals and either keep some of the cake in the freezer or buy a new cake each year and celebrate it as a type of birthday.
I do believe that when things are out of sight, they are out of mind. The challenge in the Always Connected ritual is to keep the energy light and positive, and to continuously celebrate the beauty of life as present in these frozen eggs. For many people, there is a great personal judgment, often reinforced through medicine, about the quantity and quality of eggs that are retrieved. I try to remind my patients that a party can be any size and that sometimes the best parties are the smallest. When you hold a space to proudly commemorate the retrieval of your eggs, you are energetically connected to those pieces of you, no matter the distance, location, or time.
“Am I too old to have a baby?” I have been asked this question thousands of times. When I was in my earlier years of medical practice, I tended to follow more traditional guidelines about age and fertility; since then, I have veered far from these standards. “It depends. I think that timing is more important than time,” is how I now almost always respond.
After seeing people try unsuccessfully to conceive during a set period that seemed perfect for their reproductive clock, I’ve come to realize that even if it’s the “right time,” it still might not happen. In this book, we’ve explored some of the reasons conception does not take place, even if your ovaries are relatively young. But there is another more mysterious element that can contribute to the cosmic timing of your conception and pregnancy. It has to do with the greater timing in the story of your life’s unfolding.
It can be frustrating to feel ready to have children while waiting for all the pieces to come together. I sometimes see my clients pushing hard against what I call the flow of the universe, and sometimes this push leads them into more and more Western medical intervention. While this can override our own biology to produce pregnancy, it can also be impacted by unseen and unknown forces.
Even if laboratory results, ultrasounds, and retrieval numbers look great, people can still fall into an unexplained infertility category. When this happens, I often ask what can be learned by stepping back and considering the greater picture of a client’s life. Sometimes the events that need to take place in the future are dependent upon an exact infrastructure from the past; that is, events have to occur a particular way in the past for the future to happen the way the universe intends it to. But this is very difficult to determine, even in the energetic realm.
One of the hardest things to face as a potential parent is if—even if you are ready—your child’s spirit might not be. Stepping back to trust in the great unknown is exceedingly difficult, particularly when your culture suggests that every day you wait, you are less and less likely to have that child.
Sacha was 42 when she came to see me. Her first question was if I intuitively thought she could conceive. She had been married years ago but had never wanted to have a child with her ex and was currently single. She would be a single mom by choice.
“Do you think you can?” I answered back.
She confidently responded, “I know I can, but my doctors are all discouraging me and I’m beginning to be afraid that I can’t. Everyone tells me how hard single parenthood is.” She shared how everyone in her life—doctors, friends, and family—told her she was too old to have a baby, and that it was tough to be a single mother. Because she was African American and grew up in Harlem, there was also a lot of trauma associated with being a single mom in her community and in her own family.
I reminded her that she had power over the narrative and opinions she allowed into her energy, and if she felt healthy and ready, she should have faith in that. I also helped her to connect to the spirit of her child through meditation, and at the end of our session we both felt a strong and very bright energy that wanted to come in. I closed by telling her I believed in her and that I didn’t need to see her again.
Two-and-a-half years later, Sacha called me to set up an appointment. The following Tuesday morning, just as I was asking God to show me a sign of encouragement that my work was in alignment with God’s intent for me, Sacha showed up for her appointment—on the wrong day, at the wrong time. She informed me that she had become pregnant after just one try, which happened the month after our session. She had used a donor’s sperm and conceived via nonmedicated intrauterine insemination (IUI).
She said, “Dr. Von, you were the only person who believed in my body’s health and my vision of motherhood. Your encouragement helped me to finally believe that I could become pregnant. You will always have a special place in my heart and in my son’s life.”
She added that after her child was born, she met the love of her life and that they were getting married and had discussed having more children. Sacha trusted in a very unconventional path toward motherhood. Throughout her journey, she had to conquer many fears about timing, being a single parent, and her age, but ultimately, her connection to her child’s spirit outweighed the fears. She trusted in a different sort of timing. She trusted that she could be loved by a partner after motherhood, and she listened when the energetic whisper—or in this case, the shout—of her fierce little boy said, “I am ready for you, mama.”
Think back to the “empty” moments of childhood when you had ample time to dream and imagine. Can you remember the capacity that you had to create out of the emptiness? When is the last time you experienced a day, or even an hour, that was not filled with media, exercise, commuting, or a specific task-oriented achievement? The tie between empty, unstructured time and imagination is strong—so much so that when we over-determine our schedule and experiences, we disconnect from the part of our being that dreams and creates.
There are downfalls to living in a capitalist economy based on production and consumption. Capitalism relies on the commodification of eating, dressing, exercising, and even spending time with friends and family. For many of us, our identity is often tied to our output, production, and success. This can be sustainable for some, but there is also a danger that certain core aspects of self can be lost, ignored, and undernourished when the emphasis is placed solely on what you are doing versus how you are being. Your value as a human being is not measured by your productivity or how much you do. Unfortunately, it is much harder than any other time in our planet’s history to practice being versus doing.
Why is unstructured time to simply be so essential to fertility? Engagement in the world requires engagement of your nervous system. Stress hormones (such as adrenaline) work on negative feedback systems, meaning your body produces biochemicals on demand. Like any system that works on demand, it can break or grow overused and tired. The effects of constant “doing” without sufficient “not doing” creates a society that does not take time to reflect on the adverse effects of constant productivity.
If we don’t provide time to think about the effects of our collective actions, how do we know that our actions are even effective or meaningful? And how do we provide enough unstructured time to dream and imagine better and more unified ways of being human and new pathways for stewardship of the Earth for our children? A simple yet powerful practice for learning to trust in cosmic timing comes with the ritual of meditation.
A brief disclaimer: I must confess that I am a chronic over-doer. I left home early and have made my way in the world as a self-employed doctor and healer. A few years ago, I found myself at the end of a great cycle. I had lived and manifested the dream I’d created in my early 20s, but I had no free time or extra space to tap in and dream up my next evolution. I was overscheduled, tired, and stressed. I decided to do something radical, which for me meant returning to my roots. I traded all of my fitness classes for restorative yoga and meditation, and I kept blank holes in my schedule. I journaled about the ways I was being present in the now, and connected deeply with the powerful seven-year-old manifestor within.
To my surprise, the essence of my being was not hard to access. The simple act of providing space and emptiness allowed my soul’s mission to shine through. I realized somewhere along the way that I had associated “being” with anxiety and fear. I felt that to be successful, I constantly needed to be planning and strategizing. Production and action felt safe; somehow, “doing” protected me and kept me viable in the world.
It was then that I understood how much of our value as humans we associate with our success and productivity. Without time to reflect, we repeat the same situations again and again. When we don’t have time to ourselves, without hyperstimulation, we forget how to trust ourselves. We forget how to tap into our unconscious, which is teeming with messages that cannot reach us if we are overly focused on productivity. When we blindly trust a map, we sometimes cover unnecessary distance and forget to take in the environment along the way. But the map is not the territory, and timing is more important than time.
In this chapter, you learned that cosmic timing is the most important type of time. Fertility is often chalked up to the “ticking” biological clock; however, when you use the tools of intuition, your relationship to time often changes. Observing life through the practice of your intuition helps restore your belief in your own ability to heal and understand the messages of your body.
The modern emphasis on individualism has given us many gifts, but the trade-off has been a break in the comfort and knowing that the tribe and collective once provided. Fertility is both an individual act and an act for the collective. And the choice to have a child is one of the biggest you will ever make. Fear is a prominent emotion that accompanies conception, pregnancy, birth, and parenthood. But the remedy for fear is finding the magic in your life through observing symbols, synchronicity, and cosmic timing. Practicing this not only changes the way you perceive reality; it also impacts the way reality unfolds around you. This, in turn, balances your nervous system and your hormones, creating a more stable and supportive environment for conception.