To the vigilance of my exertions a lax pause,
Offering in the vehicle and wavering colour of evening
My weakness to my judgement, whether it may be a fault
Of defect or excess in me, or whether most
Not from a sort of habit of having what I say go for nothing?
For although I had allowed (I hardly shall allow)
That fable of persuasion, should I have no title to surprise
Upon felicitations of failure? And yet it is the time,
And I own as I ought to do, I have failed, I shall fail
Failing with the aid of all the images you may choose
For the proprieties of sentiment and the canons
Of a liquid eloquence; of links
Of favouring lights, of medals, of hinges, my grammar
My logic, vocables like faggots, triple cords, gongs, florets
A whole chivalry of leaves: I mean
An inordinate number of decorated reflections branching
Into how many more I have hinted at, as well as joints
Fans and ligaments and horns. I am an artisan of fire.
Far as this our business bearing me, thus far am I led to set
My ripe steps on a way I see before me, a soft pace
That tests it as to the use I may be of in the sorrows we
Have seen too much of. But since the times
Will come to worse: and neither the senate nor the soldier, not seeing
As I do, great London like a fuscous rose, her door-ways
Warm with the flux of quality, her shops bundles of muslin sown with rubies,
Her frigates tilted above the mud at low tide, and the town
Like a heap of fresh wet stars; and neither
The mushrooms of her markets, nor her polity nor her pravity
Will observe the secreted city of the speaker: let then this
Be to the other a sepulchre. Advanced I have my city,
And under the glimmering decadence of heaven, deepened, Displayed the broad and dividing streets, the close columns
Of a sea-stone, the straitened palaces, the shallow quadrants
Vacated theatres, full graves and the temple trembling
To the least word. And I have watched it,
And in vain. And in vain before it I have turned
Too completely the religious animal. My thought, sight,
And what I saw a song; my instruments must intricately
Simulate an involuntary ascension, melt in flight.
And that austere insolence of tune was (nowhere near
The loud grudge of levellers) a manner of grovelling
To some tyranny of snow at morning. And all
To be connected it may be with the fact
That I came once from abroad, bred
In a transmarine province, whence
The more my eyes, my tongue the more might
Cling to the forms I have laboured to obtain; and so,
All the constructions put upon what I would be at, in that I would
Drink with my own looks, touch with my own hands, were
Eminently subject, being of a soft rash love
To the defamations of boyish fates, and the rudeness of those who would glory
In a revolution of things. I hope I
Am as little awed out of my wits by the fear
Of vulgar shrewdness, as most of those I esteem. I have neglected
To follow, to bow to fortune. Yet if I love, I may lie:
And if I shine, obloquy will have it as a serpent
Who’s in love with how he shines. And of a truth there is
This of wonderful in it that I should then
Prove no stronger than my passion: the machinery
Is itself well enough to answer all ends,
Were the matter but as sound; but what will serve
The arrangement of rottenness? Why should I build
With pain, were it with honour, and besieged by much foul gold,
On such frail stuff as the state? Why for an art
The lowest choose, choose also to revive
What other men no longer would believe? But so I must:
The fire that’s born of peace returns to peace,
No phoenixhood resides in a transparence;
I should have died into the death I saw. And so I choose,
And to undertake the odious office of a priest
Among a diseased and desperate people, prosperous urchins
With the condescension of a conscious victim visit. Suffer,
Restore the flown thing. Sorrow with palms
Would ‘fallen fallen light renew’. So I rejoice
To resign the lustres of a true success,
Myself to be what I pursued or praised, and so delight
To proclaim that cunning agony of rectitude, that my actions
Shifts and equivocations, all were and will be answers
To an immense mass of dark dealings. The system stretching now
To tracts that will be rank in future ruins, in both worlds
There is now this fistulous sore that runs
Into a thousand sinuosities; and the wound now
Opens the red west, gains new ground.
What disarray of an irresistible weather damps the fag-end
Of our day? And I bear it like a girl.
I am afire with its tears, my words have the asperity of tears,
I am it would seem an acceptable tube; and therefore
While time is, let me be used.
And therefore not the miserable managements,
It is not the infringements on dusty plains
Of a corrupted oriental cavalry, it is not
The caballing of the monied men, and not
The refuse and rejected offal of strolling players, nor the hazards
Of a den of outlaws upon a doubtful frontier nor even
My own colloquies at dawn with deploring fields,
Will seduce me (I hope) or silence me. I hope my unhappy blood
And its favourite fever may be given the grace
To give the truth my voice, truth to my voice, and may
The rich web so establish, while words are, while time is.