Andy Narayanan completed his chemical engineering degree at the Indian Institute of Technology in Chennai, India, and his MBA at the University of Chicago in 2005. He worked in leadership positions at large and small companies. After more than a decade he sensed that something was missing. He started meditating on his own in 2010 and began formal Zen practice in 2014. Now in his early forties, he is currently working on a new venture in artificial intelligence while being an advisor to other startups. He is married with two children.
Teresa Bouza: What kind of work do you do?
I work as a product executive in a technology company. I’m an entrepreneur at heart who likes building technology products and companies. I enjoy conceptualizing an idea to solve a real-world problem, bringing people in to a team to transform the idea into a real product that is useful, and then helping the world understand the usefulness of this product. Impacting people’s lives by creating products that they can benefit from is fulfilling. For me, this is the essence of entrepreneurship and work.
How did you start Zen practice?
It started with my concerns about work, the work environment we have in this country. I think we need a different approach to how we think about work, and how people work together. Like most people, the way I approached work was influenced by what I was taught in schools and in work environments, which is to work through a very logical decision-making process. You go to business school, and learn the different things about how to run a business. Then as the leader of a company, you demonstrate strength; you lead people by being out in front. That’s the way I was taught. It got to a point where I wasn’t happy about what I was doing. I was working and had a good career. I was in leadership positions in AI companies, but it didn’t feel right for me. Something was missing. I needed to step back. I did a lot of soul-searching in terms of “Why am I doing this?” “Why am I working so hard?” “Why do I want to build companies?” “What is this thing?” I realized that work is important, and I’d created my own companies, but I was questioning why I was doing it.
When did this happen?
About five years ago, after twelve or thirteen years of professional experience. I did everything people suggest that you should do. I went to good schools, the top business school. I got good working experience. I followed that path.
What would you say you were looking for?
I was looking for a meaning. It was then that I turned to meditation. I read many books and tried different approaches, and I finally decided to show up at Kannon Do. I had an “Introduction to Zen” session and started sitting. After attending some retreats, I had my first formal meeting with the teacher, Les. After a period of meditation, I asked him, “Can we chat?”
I found myself saying to him, “I don’t know why I am doing the work I’m doing. What’s the meaning of work? What’s the value of zazen? I want to meditate, but I don’t know why.” He didn’t give the answers I’d hoped for. He just said, “These are very deep questions. Let’s continue to talk and sit together and see what happens.”
Each time we met, I asked very logical questions, just as I’ve always done. “How do I know meditation is working? When am I going to see progress? How long is it going to take? If by a certain time it doesn’t work, does that mean I’m not fit for this?” And he said, “I don’t know.” But there was something about the way he said it or maybe there was a calmness in what we were doing. There was something about it. I didn’t know why I was coming back, but I wanted to come back. There was really no reason why I had to come back the second time, the third time, the fourth time, the tenth time. I just decided to show up.
That was two years ago when I first came to Kannon Do, but my search had been on for five years. I had been thinking about this issue in the way you build companies. You are the leader, and it’s all about you as a person. You have to be the visionary; you have to be strong; you have to protect the rest of the company from any bad news. You carry a heavy burden; we’re taught that you become a leader by being the Superman.
And slowly I realized that’s not who I am. The more my journey started unwinding after I started practice, I realized that I was human. I have emotions. Some days are hard, and some days I’m very happy about what’s happening. What the practice helped me do was slowly stop reacting to those things and just start observing them. I saw it was less about the individual and more about observing what’s happening. When I started doing that, I noticed some changes in how I react to situations.
What kinds of changes?
My approach to leadership was changing. I had a moment when it was like, “It’s not about you. Things just pass through you.
You’re just one among everything, whether it’s emotion, work, output, anything. You’re there to do what you are supposed to do.” That’s how I felt, and it felt great. The pressure began to fall off. I didn’t have personal responsibility for everything—building the big business, launching the next product that’s going to make millions of people happy. I didn’t have to be the one person who makes money and makes everybody happy with their paychecks and bonuses. It didn’t have to be only me. I’m just one of the many variables that’s making it happen, and I just have to do my part.
That was a very different moment for me, and subsequently I realized that it’s less about the traditional leadership style and all the things I’d thought about. It’s not about being this fearless leader or knowing everything. It’s about understanding the power of everything around you and doing your part, seeing how you can channel and help others. That’s the role of a leader.