CHAPTER 3
In the Company of Angels
Dawn Godman was the single parent of a six-year-old son. She was born in Amador County, California, in the Gold Rush country. She lived in the backwoods with her family, at 3,500 feet in elevation. It was about forty-five minutes to the nearest town. The area around her home was filled with oaks and pine trees. She learned how to shoot a pistol and rifle at a young age, and was a real country girl.
Of her family life, Dawn said later, “When I was about nine or ten, my dad came down with chronic asthma. He almost died a couple of times. Mom had to provide for the family. Dad changed dramatically. You never knew what he’d do after that. Dad would be fine one minute, and then a split second later he would get mad.
“Mom spent most of her time focused on Dad, not the kids. I became responsible for the house at ten years old. I wasn’t happy as a child. But I wasn’t unhappy either. I preferred to spend time by myself. We were out in the country and I spent a lot of time in the forest alone.”
At seventeen years of age, Dawn filed for emancipation from her parents. She soon had a boyfriend, Patrick, and they got married while she was still a teenager. A year later, a son was born to them. The marriage did not last, however, and she and Patrick got a divorce.
Dawn attended Sacramento City Junior College and studied nursing. To support herself and her son, Dawn took a job as an attendant in a convalescent home. As part of her work, she took patient’s vital statistics, helped feed them and eventually worked her way up to helping in the intensive care unit.
Because of stress at work and having to take care of a son by herself at home, Dawn began taking methamphetamines at the age of twenty-two. She said later, “It ruined my life. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t do my job. Getting high was the most important thing in life.”
Dawn eventually lost her job and the meth use became so bad by 1996 that her ex-husband filed for and got full custody of her son. She started living in a car or even camping out in the woods. Drug-ridden and desperate, Dawn tried committing suicide with a bunch of painkillers. She said later, “In December 1996, I attempted suicide. It failed. I was in a mental-health ward for three days. I thought about whether I wanted to live or die. I realized that life was important to me because I had a lot of things to pass on to my son.
“I had been raised Pentecostal. I wanted something better for my son, and to get that for him, I needed to feel that for myself. I liked that the Latter-Day Saints took care of its members. I found the values I was raised with, stronger in the Mormon Church.”
In 1996, a friend gave Dawn a copy of the Book of Mormon. She eventually read it all and a companion book, The Pearl of Great Price. Dawn joined an LDS ward in the foothills, first living in a homeless shelter in Jackson, and then staying at a friend’s house. She even stayed a weekend at the house of the president of the local Latter-Day Saints relief society, before moving in with her grandmother in Martinez, in Contra Costa County. Of the LDS, she said, “The Mormon Church provided a community. When growing up, I never belonged in any group. I was always different. I had to fight to go to a dance. My brother always had everything given to him. I had to do everything possible to get a teacher to notice me, even though I was an A and B student. Nothing was ever good enough with my parents. With the LDS, people would really listen to me.”
Dawn began to go to church every Sunday at the local Mormon Church. She took the new member lessons and studied them all through 1997 and into 1998, when she finally became a full-fledged member of the LDS. She became such a member in good standing, she was allowed to go inside a temple. Her reaction to the temple was that it was a very sacred place. She said later, “You could feel the spirit of God there. In the Mormon Church, I felt I had a purpose in life. I felt that the Bible was only part of the story. The Book of Mormon described other stories. Those of the Nephites and Lamanites. All of the stories of the Book of Mormon were interesting and I believed it was the truth.”
Dawn had her photo taken at the Oakland Mormon Temple with star quarterback Steve Young, of the San Francisco 49ers. She was even allowed to see her son, again on weekends. She was progressing far in her life and looked forward to the day when she could have full custody of her son.
In 1998, Dawn made a fateful decision—she decided to join the Singles Third Ward in Walnut Creek. As chance would have it, that singles ward had a game night, and the game was a murder-mystery dinner. It was somewhat like the game Clue, except actual people took on the roles of characters in the mystery. Dawn was sitting in a room with others of the ward when Taylor, Justin and a male friend walked in. Most of the other people shunned the trio, because of their odd looks. They certainly didn’t fit the clean-cut Mormon stereotype. Both Taylor and Justin wore all-black clothing and Taylor even wore a head scarf. To many, he looked like a nineteenth-century preacher. There was talking and laughter among the other participants, but nobody went over to talk to Taylor, Justin and their friend. No one that is except Dawn Godman.
She said, “My first impression of Taylor and Justin Helzer was that they looked like what I used to look like in my old life. That’s why people were avoiding them. I made it a point to talk to them.
“Very quickly I realized that Taylor was very perceptive. He realized that my boy was shunned in the ward. The LDS taught their children to be quiet at meetings. But my son was rambunctious. I had to take him out a lot. That didn’t matter to Taylor. My son was all over Taylor. But Taylor gave him attention. He made a deal with him. If he would be quiet until the break, Taylor would play hide-and-seek with him in the church corridor.
“I was amazed that someone would take the time to recognize that my son needed attention. I was grateful for Taylor to be willing to spend time with him. I was motivated to know Taylor. His presence was powerful.”
As for Justin, he introduced himself and spoke not another word to Dawn that evening. He was totally in his older brother’s shadow.
The next time Dawn met the Helzer brothers was about a week later, at a Sunday meeting at the LDS church. It was a Testimony Sunday service, somewhat akin to the Quaker practice, where anyone in the congregation could get up and speak. Taylor got up in front of the others and began giving his testimony of faith. The story he told concerned being at a card room, the California Grand Casino. He was going to drive to his parents’ house, but instead a voice told him to go the other way so that he could help people. He followed the voice’s directions and spotted a woman and two small children walking down the road. Believing that they might need a ride, he stopped and asked them if this was the case. They said yes, and Taylor revealed, “The Spirit made me turn around for them.” He expounded on the fact that when God put opportunities in your way, you needed to seize them.
Dawn was impressed by Taylor’s story. She recalled, “He went out of his way to listen to Spirit and took action to accomplish what Spirit told him to do.”
Taylor spoke about the Spirit a lot that day, and the message was particularly appealing to Dawn. In her own personal life, she received and acted upon revelations in daily life. Dawn began going to church services at the Third Ward on a regular basis. She had very little contact with Justin, but talked extensively with Taylor about scripture, revelations and Spirit.
Kelly Lord also remembered Taylor that day very well. She said later, “It was Testimony Sunday, where any member could stand up and give their testimony about the faith and religion. People would talk if they were moved by the spirit of God. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Most people would get up and say something like, ‘I heard the Spirit as a voice.’ You wouldn’t say, ‘The Spirit just told me such and such.’
“Not Taylor, though. He got up and spoke in those exact words.”
It was a mesmerizing, powerful, bravura performance. He had much of the congregation spellbound. One person who was not spellbound by it was Bishop Brett Halversen, who was there. He listened for a while to Taylor’s revelation and he couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t seem to have anything to do with Mormon theology. Halversen said later, “The things he shared were not cogent for me. After two or three minutes, I asked that he be excused for the next person to testify. I shook hands with him after the meeting. There was no acrimony.”
After his testimony, some people joined Taylor and Justin in the parking lot for an informal study group. Generally after church services, the members would file off to Bible study or Book of Mormon study classes. There was a tradition of parking-lot meetings, however, for those who wanted to go there and discuss the service in a more informal setting.
Dawn Kirkland knew of the parking-lot meetings that Taylor began, with Justin at his side. Within weeks, Taylor had twenty or more people out listening to him rather than attending regular classes. It began to become a real danger to the established order of the ward.
Taylor was dramatic, forceful and in his element. He spoke with great conviction and passion. He was in command of a growing flock, but his messages were not those of the mainline LDS faith. He spoke of how the mainline church had veered off the path from Joseph Smith’s teachings.
Taylor told Kirkland at one point that he had a revelation from God to speak to the group. He asked her, “Do you know what it is not to commit sin? The only sin I’ve committed in the last month is one time not smiling at a cashier.”
Taylor claimed to be living a perfect life without sin. He was spotless. He was beloved of God.
This scared Kirkland. She said, “He was so charismatic, but I saw a great darkness in him and wanted to leave.”
She even warned Dawn Godman to stay away from Taylor. Kirkland pulled her aside from one of the parking lot meetings and said, “Take care. I’m concerned about the Helzers. They aren’t the right people to be spending time with.”
To this, Dawn Godman replied, “But they’re my friends.”
Kirkland gave up trying to convince Godman to beware of the Helzer brothers. She said later, “Everybody has to make their own choices. I wasn’t the boss of her.”
Kirkland was in a position of leadership in the Third Ward, however, and she was very concerned by Taylor’s messages and his growing flock at the parking-lot meetings. Kirkland finally decided to go see Bishop Halversen and expressed her concern to him. She told him, “I’m worried that people are being led astray.”
Kirkland later spoke of Taylor’s divergence from doctrine about the nature of Satan. In the Mormon Church, Satan was often referred to as the Adversary. She said, “You can be influenced by the Adversary and his minions.” She likened it to a radio. If you tuned in one station, you could receive messages from God, but if you tuned in a different station, you could receive evil.
Kirkland also realized that Taylor was veering from other doctrines of the LDS faith. According to Kirkland, one of the Mormon doctrines was about three Nephites who asked Jesus Christ after his resurrection if they could stay alive as well and follow him to the New World (the Americas). This was allowed to them. But somehow Taylor twisted this around to form his own sacred company of three. He said that he needed three core people to be his apostles. He would never come right out and say he was a prophet of God, but he certainly led others to believe that is what he felt.
Taylor quit the parking-lot meetings, but he wasn’t through influencing young women. He talked Kelly Lord into taking a Harmony class in Sacramento. The lead facilitator at that time was Sherry Matheson, who had split off from Impact in Salt Lake City.
Lord had a rough time with the first phase of Harmony, as Jeanette Carter had experienced. Lord said later, “It broke down all your defenses. It left you wide open. I felt confused. I didn’t really know how to move forward.”
She was taunted and mocked by the facilitator there. Everyone was programed not to give any sympathy to another person. They were supposed to speak truthfully, about themselves and others, even if it hurt.
The second level still confused and upset her as well. She said, “It was more intense.”
By the third level, however, she changed her tone. She said, “It was more gentle and safer. A place to find your own beliefs.”
When Kelly Lord passed the third level, Taylor gave her a big hug and said, “You’re starting to get it.” Which meant, she was starting to “get him” and the things he said.
It was around this third-level time that Lord took a trip down to Los Angeles with Justin. Taylor had already warned her not to compare notes with Justin about Impact America. Kelly disobeyed Taylor’s command, and on the way down asked Justin what he knew about Impact America. She said later, “He just gave me a blank stare.”
Justin was completely loyal to his brother and would not divulge any information that Taylor did not want others to know about.
Despite his loyalty, Kelly said, Taylor belittled Justin more than once in front of others. One incident particularly stood out in her mind. Justin was in the kitchen when Taylor strode up to him with a dirty plastic cup. He berated Justin for the cup being so dirty. Taylor screamed, “See, this is why roommates don’t like you!”
Justin was humiliated in front of the others, but he did not say a word to his brother.
At one point, Lord pulled Justin aside and told him, “You need to get away from Taylor.”
Justin ignored her.
Lord said later, “All energy went to Taylor. He was always the center of attention. If any attention went to Justin, Taylor would be angry. He wanted it all for himself.”
Lord was also starting to get concerned for Dawn Godman. She noticed that Dawn was falling under Taylor’s spell. One night, Taylor had Dawn wear a see-through netting top. Lord was astounded. Godman had never worn anything like that before. It was very non-Mormon attire. Lord noticed that Dawn dressed modestly before this, but not after.
“Getting it” was very big with Taylor. If you agreed with him, “you got it.” If you didn’t agree, “you didn’t get it.”
At a certain point, Taylor would quit arguing with the person and become completely silent for ten minutes or more. He would turn off his charm. He would leave the person yearning for the bright Taylor Helzer they knew and loved.
A test of loyalty became more and more pronounced with Taylor as the 1990s ended. Kelly Lord said that he started asking her unusual questions. One day at a Carl’s Jr. restaurant, Taylor said, “If I asked you to rob this Carl’s Jr. for me, would you be open to that?”
Lord said later, “I was so taken aback, I didn’t respond. It was like a loyalty test. Also, it was like, ‘Was I at his level of consciousness?’
“Another time he asked me, ‘What would you do if you read in the papers that I was in jail for something they said I did.? Would you come get me?’”
“Absolutely,” she answered.
“Good,” Taylor responded.
She said of Taylor, “He could overwhelm you. It was intoxicating.”
Kelly Lord’s world was in chaos around Taylor. “He was condescending,” she said. “Only he could talk to God directly. One time he told me, ‘Do not talk to me. Leave me a message on my message machine. If I find it worthy of a response, I will call you.’
“I thought, ‘Oh, that’s nice!’”
Even after this snub, she still phoned him back. She recalled, “I had to call back. I was still intrigued by Taylor. His energy was so powerful. And I was not a pushover.
“In truth, he never said he was a prophet of God to me. But he had episodes where he talked to God. He said he heard things through revelation.”
On another occasion, Taylor told her, “I’m very clear. If people aren’t loyal to me, I’ll just kill them.”
Lord was incensed and told him to leave.
This test of loyalty was a huge thing with Taylor, and it was making Lord more uneasy and suspicious of his schemes all the time. Once at a seminar in Marin County, at a Hilton Hotel, Lord met Taylor there. Lord was angry with Taylor because she had just found out that he was using and selling drugs. She angrily accused him of this and told him that he was full of crap. Then she said if he didn’t watch himself, he was going to end up like David Koresh at Waco, Texas.
She said, “Taylor was quiet at first and then made himself very big. He got very close to me and said, ‘If Kelly gets in my way, she’s fucked!’”
Lord said later, “I took this as a threat.”
Taylor asked her, “Are you clear about this?”
She answered yes.
Kelly had nothing to do with Taylor for a while after that, but it was hard for her to stay away from him. Months after the incident at the Hilton, she invited him over for dinner. Taylor began spouting all sorts of gibberish again. Then, at one point, he walked out into the rain, lifted his arms toward the heavens and started ranting. She just stood quietly in the background, watching this bizarre performance.
The last straw with Taylor, as far as Kelly Lord was concerned, had to do with a package.
“One time he phoned me and said, ‘If I asked you to deliver a package, would you do it?’”
This scared Kelly Lord and she hung up the phone. Later, she called him back and said, “I’m not going to do anything with packages.”
Then she related, “He was unhappy. He told me, ‘You haven’t reached my level.’”
Indeed, she had not. Kelly Lord would admit later, “I still had my own mind. I wouldn’t deliver any package that someone just gave me.”
If Kelly Lord would not come to his level, then Taylor would have to look elsewhere. It remained to be seen if Dawn Godman still had her own mind. Taylor began to tell Godman that she needed to take a course in Harmony. He expounded on the fact that it would make her a better person, one that understood herself and the world more clearly. Dawn was so swayed by Taylor’s exhortations that she went to see the bishop of the area, Bishop Halversen, about monetary support for attending Harmony in Sacramento. Bishop Halversen was very much against this idea. He already knew some of Harmony’s philosophy didn’t jibe with LDS teachings. But Dawn was determined to go. She said later, “I prayed a lot and was inspired to go to Harmony.”
Bishop Halversen told her, “You should pray some more.”
Dawn did, and decided that her prayers were guiding her toward Harmony. If someone as charismatic as Taylor said that it would be good for her, then it must be true. She decided to go, and Justin agreed to house-sit her apartment in Martinez while she was gone. Taylor kept her in the dark about what the experience would entail. All he told her was that it would break down people’s walls and make them more open to listening to what he had to say.
Of her experience at Harmony, Dawn said, “It was a warehouse in Sacramento, totally sealed off. No windows. Music, lights, the thermostat, everything was controlled by the staff. Initially there were thirty people in the group. A person could not just come and go as they pleased. A person had to even ask permission to go to the bathroom, and a staff member would always escort them there and back.
“A facilitator engaged everyone in conversation. The initial day was one of personal attacks. It put you on edge. I was almost afraid of him. You were constantly, verbally attacked. He’d say things like, ‘Oh, you’re stuck in that.’ You just stand there and take it. You had to stand up all during the attack.
“Our facilitator was Dion. He was six feet tall, blond-haired, nice-looking. He wore a business suit. He had a presence. He was like Taylor. There was no cursing allowed, but everything else was fair game. In one instance, Dion told everyone that a woman had been molested at a young age by her father and brothers. He made her stand. Dion called her a slut. He asked her how many times it happened and how many partners she had. She told everything. This went on for an hour.
“Dion didn’t react to anyone’s problems. He was cold. No emotion. It was his job to open her up. Everyone had to be willing to open their self up like her. It was all very intense.
“At the sessions, you look into another person’s eyes and think of your roles in the past. Get in touch with your inner child. You started judging people and building walls in childhood. With Harmony you got back to being a child. A pure child with no walls. No values. People with walls couldn’t understand Taylor.
“For example, a spider crossed my leg as a child. It scared me. So all spiders were bad. But that’s not true. Spiders have their place in the world.”
Dawn completed two levels of Harmony. The first level was called Quest. The second level was called Summit. Quest, she said, was to open the walls. Summit was to give a person new tools. Taylor told her that Summit was very important. He also said that it would get her to the point where there was no right or wrong. Only results. He claimed, “Since right and wrong is a judgment, it can’t be relied on.” Taylor gave her an example. He told her that she could be going to the store to get something and have an accident. The accident would leave her paralyzed. But was it wrong to go to the store in the first place? No, he said, she needed something, so she went there. There was no right or wrong in making a decision to go to the store. It had nothing to do with what occurred later.
Dawn said of Harmony, “The goal was to get to a place of no fixed values. Taylor insisted that everyone close to him had to go through Harmony.”
Taylor told Dawn that she would not be required to go through the third level of Harmony. He said she could gain more benefit from listening to him, and reading books that he recommended, than actually being there. The first book that he gave her was The Celestine Prophecy. The second book was Mutant Message Down Under. Dawn read the books and then discussed chapters with Taylor about the works and her life’s experiences.
Dawn said later, “I was bonded to Taylor by then. He gave me something I never had before. It was safe to be with him. It was safe to tell him my daydreams. He’d sit on the couch and just hold me for a long time. He made me feel special. I felt that my life had a purpose. I was where I was supposed to be. I felt incredibly close to God. Taylor believed everything could be filtered through the Twelve Principles of Magic. Spirit knew everything that was going on around you. It could guide you. It was a way to love your life and be in alignment with God.”
Dawn also formed her own ideas about the Twelve Principles of Magic. She said later, “I believed we were all perfect and what others saw as defects in us were opportunities for us to grow.” She also added, “I believed that Taylor and Jesus Christ were brothers.”
Dawn claimed that her relationship changed with her son after Harmony and talking with Taylor. She said, “I saw him (her son) not as a child, but as a person in a small body. I learned to communicate with him. I gave him the emotional support I never gave him before.”
By this time, Taylor was “totally charismatic and dynamic” to Dawn. She recalled, “I came to believe that he was a prophet of God. A seer and a revelator. He communicated directly with God and disseminated revelations from God. I thought of the stories listed in the Bible. I thought of Moses, the head of the Israelites. He guided them. The way Taylor guided me.
“A prophet of God is ordained by God. Any individual can receive revelations, but a prophet is raised up by God. Taylor had the insights into the dynamics between people. Everything he said would be true.”
As an example, Taylor would talk about the dynamics between two people. Dawn recalled, “I would talk to them and everything Taylor said about them would be true. He had an impressive command of scripture. There was a huge sense of peace being around him. A power from what he was saying. A sense of joy. I understood it to be the spirit of God.
“I’d never met anyone like him before. He wouldn’t stumble over words. He could reference scripture to news events. He made you see the impact of a person in the world.
“Taylor could do all of this with Keri and with Justin. Taylor would talk about how Justin needed to do certain things. He’d give him instructions on what scriptures to read. Ways for him to live his life aligned with the Spirit.”
Of Taylor’s gift for prophecy, Dawn said later, “I believed it all without a shadow of a doubt. I believed as much that Taylor was a prophet as I believed that Jesus was God’s son. At one point, Justin and I had a discussion about whether Taylor was a prophet. I prayed about it and realized that he was a prophet and that I should follow him.”
Dawn also believed that God’s law was higher than man’s law. And Taylor told her that Satan had been a useful tool in the world. He said that if not for Satan, Adam and Eve would have never had sex, and the world would have remained unpopulated. Satan had played an important role in the development of the world.
As time went on, Justin also became more talkative with Dawn. He told her about his life in the Mormon Church and about other religions he was reading about as well. He was particularly intrigued by Buddhism and their thoughts on Reincarnation, as well as certain dietary regimens. She could already see that he was eating foods that were healthy and that he enjoyed it. He didn’t have a yen for junk food.
At her place in Martinez, Dawn got to know the Helzer brothers a lot better, especially Taylor. She said, “He spent every minute of every day talking to me. He even dropped by work to talk to me. He was like my best friend. I knew he lived with Keri on Oak Grove for a while; then they moved into a condo in Martinez. I didn’t know her very well.”
By this time, Dawn also had interactions with Justin. She said, “Sometimes I would go shopping with him. I cooked for him once a week. He definitely enjoyed his food. He didn’t talk while he ate. He was just too much into his food. After dinner we’d talk about a whole range of things. We’d also spend a lot of time praying. We’d pray about our goals and our daily life. We’d pray that God would guide us.”
For the most part, however, Dawn talked and prayed with Taylor. He began telling her about something called Transform America. She recalled, “He talked about how bright people could have a lot of joy. They could live consciously. He wanted to transform America and the world.
“Taylor said he would pick a small town somewhere and tell the city council that a Transform America group in their town would boost tax revenues. People would be happier and make more money. He would send the mayor and councilmen, along with their families, to the group for free. When they went through it, they’d be happy and encourage other townspeople and their constituents to go.”
By this means, Taylor hoped that a community would donate one percent of tax revenue to his nonprofit organization. He would go from town to town, setting up local chapters of Transform America. Bit by bit, the whole nation would see the benefits such a group brought.
Taylor waxed poetic on his plans. Dawn said later, “Transform America would bring on the perennial reign of Christ. It was a way to shift consciousness in the world. Peace and joy would replace chaos and war.”
There was only one problem, as far as Taylor was concerned, he needed money, and lots of it, to start Transform America. He told Dawn, “I’ll need at least a million dollars just to get it going.” He led her to believe that there was already an organization called Transform America in place, but that it was secret, and that she shouldn’t mention the name to others. So Dawn never shared what Taylor was telling her at that time with other people.
By this point, Keri Furman had just about had it with Transform America and Taylor. She said, “There were meetings when I had to leave the room so he could talk to Justin or Dawn in private. He (Taylor) told me, ‘Go to your room!’”
Finally Keri had enough of Taylor and his demands and secretive ways. She packed up her belongings and headed for southern California, to be in touch with the Playboy organization there and pursue her modeling career.
Dawn, however, was falling more and more under Taylor’s spell. She was working for the Bay Alarm Company at the time, and she told her supervisor, Yolanda Dobbins, “I’m being inspired for a job more in line with what I’m called to do. Me and my friends are going to make a lot of money.”
By now, Taylor was not only giving her visions of Transform America, but his plans for In To Me See as well. Of this plan, Dawn said, “It would be a safe place for wealthy businessmen. Safe from reporters. Since CEOs are too well-known for that kind of place, there would be privacy.”
One of the prerequisites before a girl was allowed to become part of In To Me See was a questionnaire that Taylor began to devise. Dawn helped him type it up and even added suggestions. She said later, “He’d ask me about how a question should be phrased; then I’d help. But he came up with the ideas.”
Taylor wanted only women who lived up to his principles, and, in essence, “got it,” as far as he was concerned.
Dawn said, “If the girls wanted to have sex for money, that was okay. It would totally be up to them. Then the money they made, Taylor could invest it for them. He was good at that. It would encourage them to join. As he said, ‘You need money to make money.’”
Taylor even floated a bizarre idea by Dawn that concerned fast-food restaurant chains. It would be a scam. They would shoot out windows in various locations to make sure the stock would drop. Then supposedly he would buy into the stock at a low point, and trade it when it rebounded after the shootings stopped. He hoped to make a lot of money this way. This plan never got off the ground.
Mainly, Taylor concentrated on the questionnaires for In To Me See. The questionnaires’ thrust was to see whether a girl had a high sense of right and wrong, or was ambivalent on the subject. Taylor planned to hand out the questionnaires to young women at raves while he sold ecstasy. There is some evidence that he actually did this on one occasion.
Dawn, Justin and Taylor all went to a private rave in San Francisco on New Year’s Eve. Of course, there was all the talk at the time of possible Y2K disasters, but nothing of that sort happened.
It’s surprising that as suspicious and paranoid as Taylor was, he showed the questionnaire to some people besides Dawn. One of these was Christina Kelly.
Kelly recalled some of the questions on it. She remembered:
Sex before marriage is wrong? T F
I am a powerful sexual person? T F
I am a religious person? T F
I don’t do drugs? T F
Lying is wrong? T F
Stealing is wrong? T F
If Taylor was preaching, educating and proselytizing for Impact America and other schemes, Justin was looking inward. He kept a journal of his thoughts and aspirations. In one section, he wrote of creating a world that he desired. He said that his own advice would be his greatest source of wisdom. Then he listed his top three goals for the year:
1. Driver?
2. A sexual lover.
3. Become a druid.
Farther down the list were his hopes to get a degree or a good career.
Justin went into more detail about becoming a good sexual lover. He said that he wanted to express trust, self-expression and passion.
Of becoming a druid, he said that they were possessed with confidence, peace, pleasure and heroism. He admired the game Dungeons & Dragons. According to a cousin, he and Taylor once played the game for twenty-five hours without a break.
In another journal, Justin listed more goals:
1. A degree.
2. Self-awareness.
3. Earn $45,000 a year.
4. Physical strength.
5. Be out of debt.
6. Get a new car that was silver and black.
7. Harmony.
8. Detachment.
In a later section, he wasn’t expressing his love for Druidism anymore, but rather an admiration for the teachings of spiritual leader Deepak Chopra. Justin spoke of “love portending,” pure consciousness and a field of infinite creativity. Justin proclaimed under this new regime he could accept the present moment as a gift.
Throughout Justin’s writings, the urge for detachment kept popping up in his texts. He wanted to detach himself from worldly things. He spoke of detaching himself from “the drama of everyday life.” He tried to simplify his already austere world. He wrote of releasing ego, finding courage and finding a relationship with a woman of mutual attraction.
As far as sanctuary went, he said, “I imagine it into existence.”
Some of his thoughts were fairly esoteric. He wrote of releasing pure light into the universe and translating food into pure energy. He obsessed about creating the perfect body for himself. He took his meditation and exercises to extremes.
Justin kept coming back to one sad and lonely fact, however. He had no girlfriend and despaired of ever finding one. He wrote hopefully of sending and receiving eye contact with a beautiful woman. He yearned for what his brother had in the realm of women. Once again, he wanted to be like his charismatic brother, Taylor.
There was a darker side to Justin’s journals as well. He wrote of embracing pain and death. He said that Spirit saw the value of pain and death. These things were not to be dreaded. He saw life and death as complementing each other.
Despite still being married to Ann, despite his relationships with Keri and Dawn, Taylor found time to be around and influence other young women. One of these women was named Robin Stewart. She met Taylor at a birthday party and recalled, “We got involved very quickly. He was very positive all the time. What was so attractive about him was that he was so positive and achievement-oriented. He had an attitude like, ‘I am wonderful. Life is wonderful.’ He was very, very outgoing. He said he could do anything he set his mind to.”
After awhile, however, Stewart began to see some of Taylor’s dark side. She said, “None of his behavior ever mortified him. I was very antidrug, but he was experimenting with things that were taboo. He was into pornography and trying sexual things out of the mainstream. I wasn’t comfortable with that. He wanted to experience all of life’s experiences and not be afraid of pain. He wanted to eliminate fear. He thought you could grow from experiencing pain.”
The last straw for Stewart was a rafting trip. She remembered, “It was early summer. The river was very high. The rest of his family didn’t want to do it. But Taylor was all for it. He guided us on the raft down the river. Afterward, he told us he’d been partying all night. We had our lives in his hands. It was very upsetting for me.”
Another young woman, Elaine Totten, spoke of Taylor in the same manner as Stewart. She said, “He was charming, exciting and full of life.” But she also spoke disparagingly of a rafting trip with Taylor. “He was not good at following through. He was always late. I was the one who had to rent the trailer for the raft. He had a boat and no transportation.”
Totten, who was Mormon, was also disturbed by Taylor’s new philosophies. She said, “He showed me how reincarnation could be supported in the Book of Mormon. He said the Latter-Day Saints had gone down the wrong path after Joseph Smith. He believed all the later presidents of the church were misguided.
“Taylor’s whole countenance was no longer radiant. He told me he had communicated with animals. One time he communicated with a fly. He said to the fly, ‘If you land on my food, I’ll have to kill you.’ He said the fly communicated back to him, ‘I won’t,’ then flew away.”
Debra McClanahan also knew Taylor, Justin and Dawn. McClanahan lived in an apartment on Ryan Road in Concord and in 1998 had met Dawn at the LDS church in Danville. Justin and Dawn showed up one time in costumes at her apartment. They were going to a Goth club. Both Dawn and Justin were dressed all in black, and Justin wore knee-high boots. This was the first time Debra met Justin. She recalled later, “He was quiet and shy. Dawn did all the talking.”
Debra was in no way shocked by Dawn and Justin’s attire. In fact, she dressed flamboyantly with long, flowing dresses or skirts and an almost gypsylike appearance. Debra considered herself to be a witch who practiced white magic—in other words, a good witch, or “white witch.” She claimed never to have cast evil spells or dabbled in black magic. She took Wicca very seriously and attended meetings.
On a later occasion, Dawn took care of Debra’s daughter so she could go out to dances. Dawn eventually introduced Taylor to Debra. Debra said later, “He was charming. He was very nice. It was around Christmastime and he wished me a merry Christmas.”
Like Keri Furman, Kelly Lord and Dawn Godman, Debra McClanahan was drawn to Taylor Helzer. Eventually she and Taylor had an affair. Taylor and Debra had been out all night at a rave when he dropped her off at her apartment around five in the morning. Instead of leaving, he got into bed with her and they had sex.
Debra also gave Taylor full-body massages. She believed that massages released energy and were almost spiritual. Debra met Taylor’s mom, Carma, who was a massage therapist. They discussed the importance of a good massage. In time Debra gave massages to Justin as well.
Debra was very frank about her sexuality and those around her. She said that when she gave a massage to Taylor or Justin, and they had an erection, she would stimulate them until they ejaculated.
Debra also admitted that she gave Dawn a sexual massage as well. In fact, she related that one night in Concord she and Dawn were at a place called Catfish Charlie’s Bar when they hooked up with another person. Debra did not specify if this was a man or a woman. They all went back to Debra’s place and had a ménage à trois.
Christina Kelly knew Taylor, Dawn and Justin. She went to raves with Dawn and Taylor and knew that Taylor was making money by selling ecstasy at raves. He eventually told her about In To Me See, but she was under the impression it wouldn’t be sexual in nature. She thought it was just for rich men who needed escorts to some function. She said about Taylor, “He could light up a room.”
Of Justin, Kelly said, “He was gentle and loving. Not a person who attracted attention.”
Then she spoke of one of Justin’s strange habits. She noticed that when Justin stayed over his parents’ house, he slept in a closet space beneath the stairs. There was a mattress there on the floor. She said, “He was like a little kid. He loved it there.”
It was not yet certain who Taylor’s third-core person would be for his future plans. He always had his eye on various impressionable young women. One of them was Lina Richardson.
Lina was a very pretty blonde who fell under Taylor’s spell. She later said, about him, “Taylor was the sun. He was one of the most intense, charismatic people I ever met. I still can’t comprehend his personality, totally.
“When I was around Taylor, he occupied my every sense. He was overwhelming. We were at a tire store once. He spoke to everyone there. Before long, everyone was smiling. They were drawn to him. He had a gift.”
One day Taylor visited with Lina at her parents’ home. He was so bold as to ask her parents about their sexual habits. Nothing was off-limits for Taylor. As far as Lina’s sexual habits went, she told him that she was a virgin. For some reason, known only to himself, Taylor passed this information on to Justin.
One day out of the blue, Lina got a phone call from Justin, whom she barely knew of and had never met in person. He told her that he was amazed that she was still a virgin and he thought it was great. Lina was absolutely stunned that Taylor had passed this information on to his brother. She told Justin, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”
This did not deter Justin. He went on and on about how great he thought it was that she was a virgin. At a loss for words, Lina told him, “Thank you.” And thought to herself, Why the hell are you calling me about this?
At the end of the conversation with Justin, Lina said, “Can I please talk to Taylor?”
She jumped on Taylor about the situation, but he wasn’t shocked at all and couldn’t understand why she was upset.
In time, however, Lina learned to like and admire Justin. She recalled, “There was an innocence about Justin. He was one of the gentlest people I ever met. His presence was so small compared to Taylor’s.
“Justin was very quiet and extremely focused on small everyday things. One time Taylor and I stopped by Gerry’s house. There was a place underneath the staircase for when Justin was there. He slept there in a sleeping bag. He was very happy with the small things. He talked on and on about new juices he had found.
“Justin admired Taylor in everything he did. His brother was God. Justin was the quintessential younger brother.”
On one occasion Taylor left Lina with Justin alone in the house. She felt awkward at first, but then Justin made her relax by building a fire. Lina recalled, “I was in a very awkward situation. Yet Justin made me feel comfortable. I had never seen anyone build a fire so slowly or carefully. He brushed all the soot out and brushed the ashes onto a paper. He was slow and meticulous. Then he very carefully built the fire.”
After the episode with the fire, Justin asked Lina to go with him to a Goth club. She went along, but the Goth scene was not for her. She said, “Goth clubs were all about death and depression.”
The Goth scene certainly fit Justin’s view of life, but not Taylor’s exuberant manner. Lina said of Justin, “Compared to Taylor, Justin was a shadow.”
Lina spoke of Taylor’s presence being so overpowering that often she felt ill after having been around him. According to Lina, Taylor wanted to marry her, even though he was still married to Ann. Lina said, “I couldn’t understand his vision. It just seemed wrong. I told him the road he was on wasn’t the right one.”
Lina wanted to know who was in the inner circle he kept talking about. He wouldn’t tell her.
One time near the end of their relationship, she told him, “Your energy is dark. It’s evil.”
After hearing this, according to Lina, Taylor cried. She was obviously not going to be a part of his scheme.
There were always more women in Taylor’s life, however. One of these was Jessyka Chompff. She had met Taylor through her boyfriend, Alex. They went together on a trip with Taylor and really hit it off with him.
They hit it off so dramatically, in fact, that Jessyka would confess years later that on her wedding night to Alex, her new husband gave Taylor to her as a wedding present. They all climbed into bed and had sex. Then Alex left Taylor alone with Jessyka so she could enjoy him. According to Jessyka, however, Taylor was impotent, so they just “messed around and did other things.”
Strangely enough, Justin did not want to be left out of the mix, as far as Jessyka was concerned. He expressed his love for her. She kissed him a few times on the lips, but that was it. He was so enraptured with her that he wanted to live with her, but things never developed that way.
Dawn Godman’s friend Dawn Kirkland interacted with Justin, rather than Taylor. She had been a member of the LDS Church since 1992. She said later that she often prayed for “comfort, and I’d receive a feeling of peace and love.” She had dinner at one point with the whole Helzer family at their home and went rafting with them as well. This was when Taylor was living with Ann and out of the picture a bit more. She called Gerry, “Brother Gerry.”
She said of Justin, “He was friendly and funny. He cracked jokes all the time.” She really liked Justin, but only as a friend, as so many other women did.
As time went on, Taylor began to trust Dawn Godman and Justin with his ideas, the way he never had with Keri. He began to tell them more and more about his plans for Transform America. Dawn remembered that up until the year 2000, she thought that a prototype of Transform America already existed. It wasn’t until early 2000 that she realized that Transform America did not yet exist. All of it was still only a daydream of Taylor’s.
She said later, “He expressed that Transform America had to start soon because by the time it spread, the world would be close to Christ’s return to earth. It was already the Last Days. Prophecies from the Bible were coming true.
“One time in the car, he told me, ‘Spirit tells me it’s time you got to know everything.’”
They drove up into the Oakland hills and parked at the LDS temple there. Then they got out and sat on the temple grounds. Taylor told her, “This is such a sacred mission, I want the angels to protect us from Satan and his minions. They can’t overhear us here.”
Then he proceeded to tell her everything about his plans for Transform America. She said later, “I thought what a great opportunity and blessing to be able to be a part of this mission. Taylor said that he needed a core group of three to become a full-fledged prophet of God. He already had Justin. He needed me.
“It was the first time up on the temple grounds that I knew people would have to be killed to implement Transform America. There was no set number. I believed he had a direct commandment from God to do this. Everything he said came directly from God. I never felt that he was wrong in planning kidnapping and murder. And neither did Justin.
“We felt we were in the company of angels. A sense of being protected. A sense of security like I never felt before. It was as if someone was standing over you. As if you were a child and a person held you in his arms.
“Killing was acceptable to God on certain occasions. There was the story of Solomon and [King] Agog in the Bible.”
These stories alluded to the fact that evildoers could be killed to help a nation, especially if a nation was suffering from tyranny.
“Then there’s the story of Nephi in the Book of Mormon.”
This story referred to a man who was instructed by God to kill a man who abused his power in keeping the Golden Tablets in which the history of the Nephites was written.
“Transform America was a way to bring harmony to the world. It would bring in Christ’s millennial reign of peace.”
Now all Taylor needed was a fitting person to be sacrificed for his grandiose plans. Someone who would give her life, whether she knew it or not, for his grand scheme. In the end, he chose a young woman who had ties to one of America’s living legends of blues. Her name was Selina Bishop and her father was blues legend Elvin Bishop.