A man (TOM) standing in a bright light. Wearing a tux. He talks to us.
Another man (JERRY) in a tux stands next to him. Smiling.
TOM … I love cock. I do. I’m really sort of just into it, you know? Cock. And that’s what got all this started, I mean, how I ended up here in the first place. Because of that. The “cock” situation. (Beat.) And I had, like, no idea when I was younger, I really didn’t! None. I wasn’t secretly putting on my mom’s dresses or make-up at night or, or, reading the Hardy Boys and getting a boner … nothing like that.
JERRY I loved the Hardy Boys, are you kidding me?! They were so cute, with all their … or maybe I’m thinking of the show. With Parker Stevenson. Yeah, that’s it! That’s the Hardy Boys I know. The TV ones. God, he was good-looking … Parker …
TOM Funny thing is, I was totally into girls when I was younger—seriously, I was!
JERRY I grew up in Oregon. Beautiful part of the country …
TOM So I did the whole “marriage and kids” thing when I was nineteen … I did. Yeah! Why I don’t know, because I was supposed to? Maybe. It was expected of me and so that’s what I did. I did that … made it through six years. Six. (Beat.) No, “made it through” sounds so—and I don’t wanna be like that, dump on her or be all—no, actually, it’s pretty damn accurate!! I just made it through. Barely.
JERRY I met him when he was living in Chicago, divorced and just starting to dip his toe into the scene a little bit—totally not sure about what he wanted, how he saw his life going in the next however long … but he did like cock. That part was a given. Oh yeah!
TOM I already said that, didn’t I? And it’s true—second I tasted it, it was like a light went off in my head and all these, like, fireworks and stuff … big letters up in the sky saying “YES! WE’RE HOME!!” (Beat.) It was pretty awesome …
JERRY He couldn’t get enough and I was, you know what it’s like—hey, I’ve always been a very giving person! Who am I to stop a guy who wants to learn? And this dude just couldn’t get enough …
TOM I just like the whole—the shape of the thing and how it’s … the taste of it, I mean—not taste, really, it’s only skin after all, how does that taste? But it’s true, there’s a certain—anyway, I’ll shut up now! But you know what I’m saying … that shit is good! Cock.
JERRY Wow. I mean, yeah … he got really good at it. All of it. Sex.
TOM And somehow we sorta just stayed together and became, I dunno, a couple, I guess … I mean, pretty soon he was moved into my place and there we were. Him and me. This … couple. In a relationship.
JERRY I had always been looking for someone. I mean, a guy who I could be—you know what I’m saying! Someone special, who gets me.
TOM Anyway! Enough about us and the whole … trust me, it was working and if it does, when it does—in life, I’m saying—you shouldn’t question happiness. Not ever.
JERRY He was just a funny guy, really. That’s what I liked about him. (Beat.) And great with his kids—on the phone, anyway. He’s not allowed to have them out to see him; they’re in Orlando so he has to fly there if he wants to be around ’em at all, and that’s … (Beat.) Did I mention that he’s good in bed? Well …
TOM I do like sex!—I found that out pretty early on. Like, immediately.
JERRY And that’s how it went and suddenly, you know how it is … like, five years go by! We’re looking in the mirror one morning—we love to shave at the same time, share the water and, and the, you know, use the same little brush thingie with the soap— and, my god, I’m looking at myself and I say to him, I say “Jesus Christ, look at me. I’m twenty-nine years old.” (Beat.) He leans over—doesn’t say a word—just sort of lowers his head toward me, this little peck on my cheek. Then he whispers to me, “Wait’ll next year. Thirty’s a bitch … ”
TOM He had a drop of foam on his nose, like a little puppy. Really fucking cute, if you wanna know the truth …
JERRY And we just stood there, bare-chested and with these towels on and started kissing. It was so good. Just—anyway, that’s when he asked me. Said “Let’s get married.”
TOM Which was a big deal, right? I mean, like I said, I’d already done it before and it was, well, whatever … it was what it was. My kids are terrific. (Beat.) Anyway, we’d even talked about it before but living in Chicago it was always about civil unions and domestic partnerships, all this shit that wants to be the same, to give us a little hope that people are about to stop being so goddamn idiotic about something so basic, so simple if they’d just let it be but it’s … anyway, he told me that he had this dream. About it. Like, a wish.
JERRY I just wanted it to be the same as anyone else, you know? Except two guys on top of the cake, in tuxes—really cute and both of us looking … it’s stupid, I know, but I had actual dreams about it! Since I was a kid.
TOM We kinda just watched and waited, without saying too much about it and yet nothing at all was changing so we thought maybe we could move to another state or, or, you know—but years go by and finally I say it as we stand there in the bathroom shaving. I’m the one to say it but we’re both thinking it. Let’s make this thing real! Marriage.
JERRY Boom! Next day we’ve got tickets, we’re off to California—there’s a window out there for us, I mean, we’re two active, informed, vibrant people, right? We see what’s going on in the world and it turns out there’s, like, this five month period in 2008 where that golden state near the ocean comes to its senses and says, “Yes, it’s ok to be who you are” and we run out there like everyone else. Do this thing before anybody can say “no” to us again. And they do, they close that thing down like a book snapping shut, a few months later. Bam! But we do it. We get married.
TOM We looked amazing—I mean, yes, it was just the courthouse and all, but we did the whole deal he’d been wanting. Tuxes and, and just the entire—we were pretty much awesome. Standing there in the hall and … well, people were staring. That’s all I’m gonna say. They were. Staring.
JERRY Just like I’d dreamed about. Seriously.
TOM And we were just giddy the rest of the day. This was in September and we snuck off to San Diego to be at that hotel that was in the movie with Marilyn Monroe and the guys dressing up like two women … you know the one! It’s, ummmmm …
JERRY I’d never been to the Hotel Del Coronado. Just gorgeous, this big ol’ place propped up on the beach there … just very …
TOM I took my tux off but I could not get my husband—or wife or whatever the hell I was gonna call him now—he wouldn’t take his off! Said he was gonna go downstairs and get some cigarettes …
JERRY My one vice.
TOM He’d been a smoker for years—works out religiously but wouldn’t think of giving up his nicotine! (Smiles.) He was standing there, at the door to the room, smiling at me, this big grin on his face. Asking me if I wanted anything. Some Twinkies or whatever.
JERRY Somebody loves “Hostess.” It’s true …
TOM I said “No thank you, I’m a married man now …” and we laughed and I blew him a kiss. Out he went.
JERRY They didn’t have any Marlboros there in the little gift shop so I went out into the streets. Looking for a 7-11.
TOM And … apparently … he ran into three guys who were coming up from a swim. Just some college kids from what the news said … and the police report.
JERRY I was walking along in my tux, carrying a bag of mangoes and one of those stupid roses that you buy—the single ones with a bit of plastic around the petals—they keep ’em right up there by the checkstand so I got one for my fella …
TOM And they must’ve said something because I know that … he could never let shit go … you know? Ever. Some guy two feet taller than him and ten years younger and he’d go after ’em like a little rooster if it was about us or being gay or, like, any of the stuff he believed in. Those kids in Africa or, or Amnesty International—he’d be up in your face and telling you that you’re full of shit! (Laughs.) That was just him. You know?
JERRY I remember these surfer boys passing …
TOM He wasn’t found until the next morning. Down by the rocks, where the water runs up onto the beach …
JERRY It’s just funny … one day I’m standing in New York, the next thing you know I’m walking down a street with palm trees on it! I mean, palm trees!! With a rose in my hand and a paper bag full of strange fruit and, I dunno, this … love, I guess. Yeah, love in my heart for him and everybody else. Right? Even the three guys who are moving toward me now, three boys who are getting louder as they come …
TOM The story made the papers and was kind of a big deal, especially after all the … anyway. Yeah. (Beat.) One day, few months later, somebody sent me a picture of us, before all that, standing on the courthouse steps as we waited in line to go in—and I keep it out where I can see it now; I’ll give it a glance when I head off to work or out for a run, that kinda thing—it’s of the two of us, both in our suits and smiling and from a distance or, if you stand back from it just a bit … you know what?
JERRY I couldn’t see their faces but they were laughing and the sun was just behind them as they came closer … laughing at me.
TOM We’re like that couple you see on top of a cake. That little plastic couple, only it’s two guys. Us. Vibrant and young and frozen for a moment. I mean … well, you get what I mean, right?
For a moment, the two men come together as one—hands held tight and smiling out toward the audience.
TOM Us standing there and smiling, as if all was right with our lives and not anything could possibly go wrong. You know?
JERRY They were laughing and it was getting louder but to me, on this day and how I was feeling … it sounded like birds singing …
TOM As if nothing in the whole wide world was able to scare us or hurt us or frighten us …
JERRY These beautiful little birds … singing just to me from up in Heaven above …
TOM No, not us. Not ever again …
Suddenly a light over JERRY blinks off and out. He is now lost in the darkness.
Their hands unlock. TOM stands alone in the fading light.
He tries to smile but this too fades away.
Silence. Darkness.