In the space of a few weeks, my life changes.
Being with Bella, being intimate with her, flips my perspective. The early mornings streaked with worry are replaced with an easygoing lightness. Breakfast becomes a family meal again. Getting the twins ready for school becomes a fun part of the day instead of a frantic chore to try to make it out the door on time.
Afternoons I used to spend watching game reels or getting in an extra workout, anything to focus my spiraling thoughts and avoid self-pity, are spent wrapped in Bella’s embrace. Lazy lovemaking followed by late lunches.
The dark nights I used to beg for sleep to quiet my mind and end my restlessness are spent watching old sitcoms and new action movies, with Bella next to me on the couch.
While we’re careful to maintain a professionalism in front of the twins, by the end of the following week, it’s getting harder to not touch her, to not kiss the back of her neck, to not ask her a personal question when they’re home. Bella asked me when we should share our relationship with the twins and I clammed up, unsure how to proceed.
How do I ease them into understanding that I’m dating someone? Will they be angry? Hurt? Confused? Will they hate Bella? Or worse, me?
Looking for advice, I run it by some of the guys on my team. They’re all unanimous in their decision to tell the kids. In fact, they’re truly happy for me, smacking me on the back and telling me that I’ve made a fantastic choice in Bella.
Over the past few weeks, she’s brought the kids to more of my games and all of the wives and girlfriends embraced her like she was one of them. Even before she really was one of them.
As much as my teammates’ approval soothes some of my concern, it doesn’t alleviate it entirely. Because the guys are like my brothers, of course they have my back. They want to see me happy. But maybe they’re not looking at the situation from the perspective of Milly and Mason.
For that, I need to touch base with someone who would put the twins’ best interest before mine. I need to tell Maia.
I swing by her house after practice in the middle of the week, knowing it’s her day off from working at the hospital. Nerves skate up my spine and I spend an extra five minutes idling in her driveway, my fingers tapping out a beat on the steering wheel.
I shouldn’t be this nervous. I’m a dedicated father, a good provider, a man who loved her sister with every part of me. Still, telling Maia that I’m now seeing Bella, my kids’ nanny, is a delicate subject. Thoughts on how to broach it swirl in my head. I’m so lost in my own mind that I jump when a tap sounds from the passenger window.
I whip my neck to the side, snickering when I spot Maia next to the passenger window, bundled up in a massive scarf, with two mugs of coffee in hand. I unlock the car door and she slips inside, passing me a mug.
“Thanks,” I say, taking a sip. The bitter roast quiets some of my thoughts and I lean my head back against the headrest.
“I was starting to worry about you. You look like you’re going to tell me you got traded to Los Angeles and are taking Milly and Mason away…” she says half-jokingly but I hear the concern in her voice.
“No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “It’s nothing like that.”
“But it is bad news,” she murmurs, watching me.
I blow out a deep breath.
“Oh my God! Are you sick? Is one of the twins ill?” she asks quickly, panic blazing across her face.
“No, no, of course not,” I rush to reassure her, placing a hand on her wrist. “I’m making a mess of this.”
Maia takes a deep breath, her dark eyes flashing the same way Layla’s used to. Since Maia is so much younger than Layla, I never realized how similar they look. They always resembled each other, were clearly sisters, but now that Layla is gone, Maia seems to hold so many more of her features.
“What’s going on, JR?”
I take a deep breath. “I’ve come to tell you some news, some changes in my life. And I don’t really know how to say it.”
“Just blurt it out.”
“I’m dating someone.”
Maia freezes, her eyes swinging to mine. For a beat, she’s frozen and then, her laughter erupts.
I lean back, the back of my head hitting the window. I reach to rub at the spot as I stare at my sister-in-law like she’s lost it. Is she upset? Is this one of those disbelieving reactions to the news I shared? Is her laughter going to morph into tears in a second? “Maia,” I say slowly.
“Oh gosh, JR, jeez,” she wheezes out, pressing a hand over her heart. “You really scared the shit out of me and, well, to tell me that,” she chuckles, “that you’re dating…”
I wait for her to finish her thought but she doesn’t. She just keeps laughing and shaking her head.
Slowly, her laughter dies down. Maia runs the back of her hand over her eyes and takes a sip of her coffee. Clearing her throat, she turns toward me and nods. “Okay. What’s her name? How’d you meet her?”
“Hold up,” I say, squinting at her. “You need to explain what the hell that”—I wave a hand in her general direction—“was about.”
“Honestly? Relief. I thought you were going to tell me something truly awful but to learn that you’re dating, that you’re living again, it’s a big, big relief.”
“Relief,” I repeat, not believing her.
She nods. “Mom and I were really starting to worry about you. You seemed so down all the time, so sad. Which, of course, is normal. But your life was just becoming this routine. No joy, no socializing. Just work and home, work and home.” Maia shakes her head. “No one can keep that up forever. We all need people, companionship, emotional connections with others. It’s important, JR.”
“You talked about this, about me, with Zainab?” I ask slowly, wondering how my mother-in-law would feel about me dating.
Maia nods. “Of course. With your parents gone, we consider ourselves your strongest support system. Still, we hoped you would meet someone…”
“You did?”
Maia smiles. “Is that so hard to believe? We want you to be happy, JR. Whole. All of us do…”
“Yeah, but, you know I loved, love, your sister, right? I mean, I would never want to disrespect Layla or dishonor her memory.”
Maia chuckles. “That’s what you’re worried about? JR, anyone with eyes could tell how much you cherished Layla. And how much she adored you. You guys were the most amazing couple, real relationship goals. If I’m being honest, I used to be a little jealous of how effortless things seemed for you guys. Trust me, no one would ever think that you were dishonoring what you and Layla had, the family and the life you built. But JR, you’re supposed to keep living.
You’re supposed to heal and find good again. Love. It’s natural and Mom and I would never want less of a life for you because Layla passed.” Her eyes fill with tears and one spills onto her cheek. She flicks it away with the backs of her knuckles, offering a soft smile. “Trust me when I tell you, my sister would want you to choose love again over constant heartache. She would want that for you and she would want the best of you, the whole you, to raise the twins. Not just pieces and shadows.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “I thought you’d be upset. Or angry.”
“Never.” She takes my fingers and squeezes them. “Tell me about her. Is it serious?”
“I, it’s…new. But yes, my feelings are very strong. I wouldn’t—”
“Date someone casually. I know. With you, it’s always all in or nothing. Layla used to joke that you were a man of extremes.”
I smile, remembering how she used to tease me about that too.
“What’s her name?” Maia asks. “How’d you meet?”
“She’s, well, it’s Bella.”
Maia’s eyebrows fly up. “The nanny?”
I nod.
Maia’s eyebrows snap back together, her eyes narrowing. “And you’re sure about this? It’s not just some natural extension of living together, raising the twins together or—”
“It’s for real,” I cut her off, not wanting her to think that Bella and I would take a risk like this just because it’s easy. “Trust me, I fought against it, tried to avoid her, kept her at arm’s length… The truth is, I met Bella before she came to nanny for the kids. I couldn’t have been more shocked when she showed up on the doorstep to interview. But she was the best person for the job, the most qualified, and the twins took to her immediately.”
“They adore her,” Maia agrees, smiling at me. “That’s good, JR. Really.”
I blow out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“To be honest, it makes me feel better that you met Bella before. That you guys were interested in each other for real and not just because your lives overlap so much.”
“It’s definitely a lot more than just the convenience of it. I…I’m falling for her, Maia. She makes all the aspects of my life better and I miss her when we’re not together.”
Maia’s expression softens. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you,” I say, truly touched that she means it. “I don’t know how to tell Milly and Mason.”
“They don’t suspect?”
“I don’t know,” I say slowly, thinking over the past week. “There were a few instances this week where Milly looked at me funny or Mason looked like he wanted to ask something. But neither of them came out and said anything directly. I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing that the woman is Bella. But I want to be honest with them. Do you think it’s too soon? How do you think they’ll react?”
Maia blows out an exhale. “I honestly don’t know, JR. That’s a tough one. I’m not sure how the twins will take the news but what I do know is that if they learn about you and Bella from anyone who isn’t you, it’s going to hurt a hell of a lot more. You need to talk to them. You need to be honest and upfront about your feelings. It has to be you.”
“I know. I agree with you. I just, I don’t want to flip their worlds upside down when they’re finally doing so well.”
Maia smirks at me. “I don’t relish your position.”
I snort. “Thanks, Maia. One day, you’ll have kids and—”
“Not anytime soon,” she cuts me off.
I lift an eyebrow but Maia shakes her head, not taking the bait.
“Talk to them, JR. Be honest and upfront with them. For too long, we all hid Layla’s illness from them. I know at the time, we thought we were doing the right thing. Maybe we were…but the one thing I learned from everything that happened is that being honest, sharing information, matters. Choosing how to feel about something matters. Tell them and then, let them feel what they feel. Just be there for them.”
I think over her words, nodding slowly. “Okay.”
She takes another sip of her coffee. “You know once the twins know, Mom is going to expect Bella to come to Delaware for Christmas.”
I snicker, knowing she’s right. Marrying Layla was like hitting the in-law jackpot. I don’t know anyone who has the type of relationship with his in-laws that I have with mine. After my parents passed when I was in high school, I yearned to belong to a family again. Layla’s family became mine from the moment I met them and I’ve never taken that for granted.
“We’ll take it step by step,” I say slowly.
Maia laughs. “Tell that to Mom after she has a stocking made for Bella.”
I chuckle with her, some of the weight I was carrying around dissipating. Maia’s approval makes my future with Bella seem that much more realistic. I’m not building castles in the sky, dreaming of wild hopes. I’m turning my dream into my reality.