Chapter Three

ORTUS WAS AS attractive as the other Gods but it was not alluring. He was too sharp, too defined. It was terrifying. Bones shook around his feet, bathed in mist. Each breath rattled. His eyes were black as pitch, only the smallest circle of silver revealed him as a Deity. His long hair was the color of a raven’s wings—iridescent even in the candlelight. And he looked furious.

“You were going to let her die.” Blood flowed through Briar’s fingers and onto her wrists. She’d broken skin from how tightly she had balled her fists, trying not to let her magic break free.

“Someone has to die. Humans always forget it is the only thing you march toward. The unending embrace of the beyond.”

“Shut up.” Briar didn’t care that he was terrifying. She didn’t care that he was mad. She was enraged. “Why haven’t you answered when we summoned you?”

“You’ll speak to me with respect.”

Briar opened her mouth once more and Soren pinched her thigh before he stood. “She’s just frightened and responds like a caged animal. We are desperate for your help.”

“You have your answers,” Ortus said, keeping his eyes on Briar exactly like one would watch a caged animal that might break free. She wondered if she could hurt him, if some part of him was truly afraid of her. “Nilaja rarely answers but they were moved by your plight. You’ve spoken to Ivian. I will give you the same answer. Pulling Eliana from this world will require a blood sacrifice. We no longer reside in this plane, we cannot move about it freely, a choice made long ago.” His voice was tense, and Briar suspected he had not agreed with that ancient decision. “We are not playthings to be pulled from a box at your whim.”

“Even if you don’t reside here, why can’t you figure out a way to stop her? You’re Gods,” Fauna said, her fingers moving over the angry red welts on Lillia’s arms. Thankfully, her color was starting to return.

“And we do not control each other,” Ortus said and the mist around his feet turned black and rose, shrouding him. “Death cannot change the seasons. The mountains do not move the sea. And I cannot stop Eliana without a sacrifice from a human. I will help you—I will drag her back to our realm and I will fight harder this time to banish her permanently once she is returned, but I cannot do it without you. We cannot touch her.”

“You have to help. I did this.” Lillia held up her arm.

“And it was incredibly foolish. If you feel so inclined again at least follow through and your…lover won’t have to make her choice.” He grinned, revealing dagger-like incisors. “Your own death will do.”

Briar lunged for him, jumping across the coffee table, the bowl of blood upending and splattering across her clothes. Ortus blinked out of view and she crashed onto the floor. The spot where he had stood smelled of rot and decay.

“What the fuck, Briar?” Fauna yelled, helping Lillia to her feet. “What in the absolute, ever-loving fuck? Are you trying to die?”

Briar pushed herself up. She was sticky with blood and the way it mixed with Ortus’s lingering scent made her stomach turn. What was wrong with her? She had no Goddess to blame for her stupidity now. Just fear and rash decisions. “Lillia.”

“You tried to fight a God for me.” Her voice was breathless.

“You did the same for me not too long ago.” Briar’s body ached, her knees were already starting to bruise from where they had crashed into the edge of the table, and her nose still dripped blood, though the magic inside her was waning.

A waste of time.

The whole thing had been an enormous waste of time. The Gods were not going to help them. There was nothing they could do because they were no longer here. They had banished themselves long ago. Like cowards.

And yet Eliana had found a way back, a sacrifice. A terrible ritual and she was returned. Could they return the other Gods? Perhaps not Ortus who she did not care for at all but Nilaja or one of the others she had not yet met? Could they help more if their reign was restored? It was an idea but one she wanted to think on more before she blurted it out. She was already covered in Lillia’s blood from her last bad idea. She couldn’t stand to do it again. So far, she hadn’t enjoyed her interactions with the Gods very much.

“Lillia, I think this rug is a goner.” Soren, the apparent keeper of rug knowledge, said, his eyes on the red spot that continued to grow. “I have a couple extras in my attic, I know they won’t replace a family heirloom, but we all owe you. Why don’t you let me get this out of here and Fauna can make you something to eat while Briar takes a shower.” He scrunched his nose at her but there was something in the look he gave her. Something unsaid.

“Can…” Lillia looked from her wrists to Briar and back.

Briar’s stomach twisted. Why had she let her do this? She was still a plague to these people who had dragged her out of Eliana’s clutches. Almost twenty-six years old and she still couldn’t differentiate between a good idea and a bad one until she’d seen the consequences. Three Gods had now confirmed what the first had told her. Without a foothold in this world there was nothing they could do about Eliana. There had to be a sacrifice.

“The thirteen witches.” Briar shoved her bloody hands into her pockets, ruining her shorts.

“What?” Soren spun toward her.

Ivian had said it and she’d been thinking on it ever since. “It was the first sacrifice. How she was able to get into this world with just a spell and Jenia’s life. I know we can’t murder thirteen women but if we could get one of the Gods back to this world…”

“I’ll keep calling my father. I’ve been trying to talk to him about exactly what happened.”

“I need a shower.” Lillia pushed past them. Her skin was back to a rich brown, but her eyes were still dull and full of sadness.

What had Briar done to her? She’d been so alive when they first met. The most beautiful thing Briar had ever seen. “You should go,” she told the others.

Fauna watched Lillia’s retreating figure. “That was so Godsdamn stupid.”

“We had to try.” Soren chewed on his lip.

But not like that, not by risking Lillia’s life for answers they already had. She wouldn’t forget the way the color and life had drained from her in this century or the next.

“I’ll keep an eye on her. Physically, she should be fine.” Mentally, they were all fucked.

“Let me get rid of this first.” Soren gestured to the rug and Briar nodded.

Upstairs the water was already running in the master bath, so she pushed open the door to the guest bathroom. It was peaceful inside, old, stained wood and white marble counters. She grimaced as her bloody hands touched the faucet and she peeled off her ruined clothes.

The scalding hot water was a relief as it washed over her skin, burning away some of her guilt. She should have done it herself. Ortus should have answered sooner. She couldn’t begin to imagine the life of the Gods in their own realm but what could they be doing that was more important than dealing with their own deranged child?

Eliana was never meant to exist so it was no surprise she could not live peacefully in either place. She was a wild animal without a home, without peers. Human or God, both realms were a cage, and she must have lost herself in trying to find freedom. Or perhaps she had been born a monster. Somehow Briar didn’t think so, not when the Gods had cherished her. Once, Eliana had been a baby, a blank slate, the same way Briar had once been whole and unbroken.

No, the evil inside Eliana must have started from how singular she was. Feeling always out of place. The trauma of her mother’s death; leaving her alone in this realm, no connection to the humans. Her only family was a God far away in another realm. Did he care for her there? Sing her lullabies at night?

Briar scrubbed her hair, watching the water finally run clear, and banished those thoughts from her mind. It didn’t matter if Eliana had once been a lonely child. It had taken only decades before she had cursed everyone, and a thousand years had given her no clarity. She was a murderer, cruel and vicious.

Lillia was already in her bed when Briar got out of the shower. Gently, she crawled in with her. Lillia had her knees to her chest and Briar curled her body around her, pulling the covers up to both of their chins.

For a long time, Lillia was silent, and Briar listened to the rhythm of her breathing, watching the sun sink lower and lower outside the bedroom window. Then Lillia stretched out and turned to face Briar.

“You tried to attack Ortus.” There was laughter in her voice. “Physically. Not even with magic.” Her eyes crinkled on the edges.

“I had to protect you.” In that moment it had been all she could think of. Lillia was precious and he was treating her as disposable. And maybe it wasn’t just something broken in Eliana, maybe that was the problem with all the Gods. They had no respect for mortal life.

The laughter left Lillia’s eyes, replaced by something more intense. “You don’t have to protect me, Briar. This isn’t your fault.”

She tried to turn away, but Lillia stopped her with a hand on her hip. Briar had to say something. “Everything is my fault.”

Lillia’s voice was stern. “It’s not. We’re all victims. What we did tonight was terrifying, but it was my choice. You don’t have to take on all the danger yourself. We’re all in this together. It isn’t your fault, Briar. It’s not.”

A snag in the sheets caught her attention and she rolled the thread between her fingers. “I brought her back. That was me.”

Lillia shook her head. “Ry, you were the victim. Just because you were the one she manipulated doesn’t mean you have to take on everything yourself now. I chose to try to summon Ortus, the same as I chose to save you the night Eliana came back.”

“I screamed at the Death God.” It seemed terrifying now, out of the moment, without rage ripping through her body. She hadn’t just screamed, she’d leaped across a table, spilled blood on the rug.

The laughter returned once more to Lillia’s face. “Indeed you did.” She pushed herself up and threw a leg over Briar, straddling her. Briar’s body went taut as Lillia ran a finger over her lips. “You’re so beautiful. I love how you know it, how confident you are. It makes it more exciting when I catch you off guard.”

She was confident in her beauty, it had been confirmed all her life, but everything else—everything else was a façade she was terrified someone would see beyond.

Soft fingers slipped beneath the thin fabric of her T-shirt and Briar’s thoughts narrowed in their focus. “Like this, when I can feel your heart race. I like it.” Lillia ran her thumb over Briar’s breast and pinched the sensitive flesh between her fingers.

Her heart did indeed increase its pace and she pressed her thighs, trapped between Lillia’s legs, together. Lillia pushed her shirt up and the cool night air piqued her throbbing skin.

Closing her eyes, Briar let her head fall back against the pillow as Lillia trailed kisses down her chest, teeth scraping skin. Her fingers curled around Briar’s knees and she pushed her legs apart. Winding her hands through the tendrils of Lillia’s hair, Briar gasped as her mouth moved to her thigh.

Then Lillia pulled away, hair slipping through Briar’s fingers, and she nearly groaned with disappointment.

“I want it to be us.”

Briar would have promised her the moon right then. “It is. Us. Me and you.” A promise she should not make. Not right now, not when everything was changing so fast. She was caught in a whirlwind but she didn’t want to lose Lillia. She pushed herself up and captured Lillia’s mouth with her lips. “It always was.”

“We’ll find a way without—we’ll find a way to bring them back.” Lillia pushed her back onto the bed.

With Lillia between her thighs Briar’s thoughts strayed to Nilaja, the return of the Gods. She imagined the copper-haired Deity truly in the world. Lillia murmured her name as she tasted her and Briar’s thoughts returned to where they should be. She could not forget, could not let the could-be ruin what she had. It had almost happened already. She could make it work. She could be a girlfriend, a partner.

Worthy.

*

THE MORNING SUN danced in Lillia’s hair and Briar watched her, mesmerized, as she brushed her teeth. She’d never realized the depth of its color before, the dark brown revealing strands of red and gold. The memory of telling Lillia she loved her bubbled to the surface and she squeezed her eyes shut. For the sake of the Gods, who said that before having any sort of discussion with someone? She sounded like a teenager.

Lillia rolled over and Briar retreated into the bathroom, pretending she hadn’t been watching her. She was right about what she had said the night before. Briar was holding on to everything, blaming herself for every injury, every drop of blood that didn’t summon a God. Every tear.

Maybe it was time to let go of all that guilt. She would still remember it, never let Eliana back in, but she needed to quit blaming herself for everything that had happened. What could she have done? Eliana was a child of the Gods and she knew what she was doing. Ansel had gotten it worse. Thirteen women and Jenia Alvier were all dead, never to return, because of Eliana.

She spat into the sink and wiped her mouth with her hand before looking in the mirror. She had bags under her eyes and looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. Lillia’s foundation wouldn’t match but she brushed her hair and swiped mascara over her eyelashes before eyeing the closet.

Feet padded on the rug. “The dresses are on the right. You’re too tall for all my pants,” Lillia whispered, nipping at her earlobe.

“Mmm.” Briar hung the shirt she was looking at back up and turned, grasping Lillia’s thighs. “I wish I could stay but I need to stop by my store.” She moved her hands up slowly until Lillia finally swatted them away.

“I have to go to work too. I’ll bring back some supplies. Maybe we can do some spells at your place tonight?”

“Oh, that’s what they all say.” She kissed Lillia and turned back to the closet. They weren’t the same size, but she found a dress that looked decent and wouldn’t require an extra visit to her condo.

*

BRIAR PUSHED OPEN the door to her store and was happy to hear the bell ring overhead. She didn’t make it here nearly as much as she once had. She used to come every day, but now everything else seemed more important. Everything else was more important, but this was where her heart lay.

“Hey.” Ursula drew out the word, swirling her iced coffee around in its cup. “Listen, I have no idea what’s going on with you and I don’t care. I like you, I always have, but she’s terrifying and also the mayor and I didn’t—”

“What are you talking about?” Briar cut her off, moving out of the doorway and toward the counter as a couple came in and headed to the travel section. They eyed her briefly and she smiled.

“Evaria Jakobson. She insisted and I know she used to come by. You know—before…” Ursula danced around referring to the affair between her boss and the mayor. Briar had always liked her, from the first day she’d walked into her office wearing pink stilettos and told her if Briar gave her a job she’d never regret it. She hadn’t. She trusted Ursula completely.

“Ursula, give yourself a raise, okay. Ten percent. Seriously, you run this place better than I ever did.”

“Whew.” Ursula mocked wiping her brow. “There’s no caveat, right? I don’t need to fight the mayor?”

Briar rolled her eyes and rounded a bookshelf. She could see through the stacks to the closed door of her office and she steeled herself to enter. She never knew what she would get with Evaria before; now she felt like she barely knew her. She never would have guessed she wanted to be mayor, though she should have. Evaria always wanted more. She had never been happy under the thumb of her husband. She’d married too young and gotten trapped, addicted to the lifestyle her husband’s growing status had given her. Briar had never faulted her for it; she hadn’t walked away from her family either.

She almost knocked before going into her own office and still hesitated before pushing the door open.

And there she was, sitting behind Briar’s desk, a brutal scar on her arm, but whole. Her short black hair was tucked behind one ear and she wore a tight forest-green dress and black heels. Emeralds the size of Briar’s thumb dangled from each ear. The picture of elegance, as Evaria always was. It was no wonder the city had been happy to elect her. She was what every woman in Wesvik wished they were: beautiful, powerful, strong.

“I’m here like you asked,” she said, turning her phone upside down on the desk.

“Evaria.” Briar wanted to fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I don’t remember much from that night. It’s all a haze but I remember a woman and she said you needed me. I followed her to the ruins and then…when I woke, Ansel was there and then the medics.”

Briar closed her eyes against the nausea swelling in her stomach. Eliana had used her as bait, the same bait the Goddess had used for Soren. “The woman was the Goddess Eliana, only we were all wrong about her. She’s a half Goddess and she’s the reason for so many of our problems. But I didn’t know before that night. I swear it, Evie.”

“Don’t call me that.” Her face was pale and her hands, folded in her lap, trembled. She swallowed hard. “You worked with her though. Now Jenia isn’t really there, is she? I can feel it, like a siren’s song.”

“She manipulated me. Got in my head. But even then I had no idea, she said we were just bringing her back. I didn’t know anyone would get hurt.” Briar sat on the edge of her desk, just to be closer to Evaria, hoping her sincerity would show on her face. She would never have involved her in any of this if she’d been in her right mind. “We’re trying to stop her.”

“Who? You, Soren, and your bratty rich cousin? Oh, and the girl who works at the apothecary? What a team against the Prime Minister. I’m sure you’ll just knock it out of the park.”

“We have to do something. Look at what she did to you and that was just the beginning. There’s so much you don’t know. Jenia Alvier was a good woman, and she would have made a wonderful Prime Minister. Now she’s dead and Eliana hurt you. The way I felt when I saw you lying there.” She leaned closer, bracing her hands on her thighs. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t know?” Evaria’s throat bobbed.

Briar shook her head. “I never would have hurt you. Never. I’m not a good person but I’m not like that either.”

“I got a divorce.” She spun her phone in a circle, not looking Briar in the eye.

“I saw.”

“What could I tell him? I was used in a ritual? I think the Prime Minister is a demon? Though apparently I was wrong on that. She’s a Goddess. I had this huge cut on my arm and I disappeared for the night. He kept demanding and I knew he’d never believe me. He didn’t buy my mugging story for a minute. You know I thought of you then, not even about all this”—she gestured to her scar—“but I thought about how even if you hadn’t been involved, I could tell you and you’d believe me. That’s why you wanted the book, wasn’t it?”

“I was a fool.”

“Indeed, you were. And so was I. Are you happy with her?”

Pulling down Lillia’s too small dress, Briar stood up. “With Lillia? Yeah, I think I might be. She’s great, funny and kind. The kind of girl I should date.”

Evaria stood as well, leaving them too close, and she laughed. “Oh, Briar. It’s been what? A few weeks? You think you’re happy? I think the whole world waits for you to learn what you really want.”

“Why did you come?” It hadn’t been like this at first. They had always laughed. She thought of Evaria in her pool a year ago, splayed across a yellow blow-up raft. She’d been so beautiful, her toes skimming the water. Back then Briar thought she might actually intend to leave her husband. She’d been terrified at the prospect. Then the relationship had soured. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, until it was nothing but harsh words and kisses that left her bruised.

“Who else could I talk to? I won the mayorship. It was so fucking easy. Beloved, they called me. No one knows a damn thing about me. And they certainly know absolutely nothing about the maniac running the country. I can’t say a word. So here I am, back in this fucking bookstore.”

“You could help us. Not all the time, but you’re the mayor and you believe us. That’s big. We’re going to need all the help we can get.” Briar had barely skimmed the surface of telling Evaria all there was to know about Eliana. She didn’t want to spook her.

“Maybe.” Evaria picked her purse up from the windowsill and tucked it under her arm. “I know I should, but I’m not sure I’m ready.” She smiled sadly before heading toward the door.

“Evaria.” She turned back, one hand on the door, at the sound of her name. “I told her I loved her.”

“Well, that’s big. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.”

Chest tight, Briar closed the space between them until they were only inches apart. “You’ve said it though, right?”

Evaria pushed the door closed. “Of course. I’ve said it—many times. I was married for two decades.”

“She didn’t say it back.”

Her laughter didn’t light her eyes. “Maybe those who mean it only say it when they’re sure. What would we know of them, Briar?” She reached up and gently pushed a strand of Briar’s hair behind her ear. “When you get tired of trying to be someone you’re not, you should come and see me. I’m divorced now, mayor of Wesvik. What doors could that open for you, darling? And the sex was great.”

Once Evaria’s footsteps had retreated, Briar sat down behind her desk and wept.