Chapter Twenty-Four

ALL BRIAR SEEMED to do now was travel between other people’s houses. She didn’t mind; it was better than the alternative. She’d always liked living alone, had hated being forced to have a roommate her first year of college—even if the roommate was Fauna—but now her condo was too big. The space echoed with memories of everything that had come before.

Walking kept her mind from wandering and taking inventory of all the ways she had screwed up her life. That was the cruelty of time, the ability to look back and see the way her mistakes had played out. The knowledge she would have more time than most of her kind haunted her. She’d made too many mistakes, been too cruel, too quick to judge, too everything. Too alone. Now if she lived it would be hundreds of years, possibly rotting in prison. To dwell on all her mistakes, all the opportunities she had squandered.

For so many years it had been Briar and Fauna against the world. None of her other friendships, and there had been so many, had ever stuck. They just used each other for whatever they wanted, for whatever the other had. Now without Fauna she wasn’t sure who she was or what to do. And she could feel Soren slipping through her fingers. No matter the outcome, she knew he had a better chance of finding Fauna’s forgiveness than she ever would.

Those thoughts plagued her as she pushed open his door, not bothering to knock, and was greeted by a loud meow.

Soren appeared at the top of his stairs, eyes wide and shirt unbuttoned. Snowflakes fluttered around him, falling and melting on the floor. “Gods, Briar. You scared the shit out of me. You aren’t supposed to be here.”

“Did your plan work?” It didn’t take a scholar to know the answer.

He shook his head. “I got lunch with Bastianna who, by the way, is totally unhinged. I think she’s in love with Eliana. They’ve recruited a bunch of followers, Believers they’re calling themselves.” He came down the stairs and Snowflake met him halfway. He scooped the cat up in his arms and rubbed him behind the ears. “I didn’t point out that no one doesn’t believe in the Gods.”

“Didn’t get near her though?”

“She said I needed to prove myself first. You really shouldn’t be here.”

Briar shrugged. “Or maybe I’m just better at all of this than you. She’s going to Evaria’s lake house on Friday.”

Soren started to grin, then the color drained from his face. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.” He nodded toward the living room and Briar followed him.

He looked deeply tired as he sat on the couch, rubbing his palm along his forehead. There were faint purple bags under his eyes, and he sighed as Briar sat. “You have to understand, I don’t want to die. I’m not a bad man but I don’t want to die.”

“Of course. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.” Briar scooted closer, unsure of where this was going. Was he backing out? She wouldn’t blame him for a second but she didn’t know what she would do. She would try everything to save him but she couldn’t promise. Thoughts of Evaria bleeding rose in her mind and turned her stomach. She hated herself for entertaining the idea, for imagining a blade sliding into flesh.

“My father…he offered to be the one. I don’t know if it will work. I don’t know how any of this will work. I know it’s supposed to be your sacrifice and maybe he won’t count but…I just don’t want to die, Briar.”

Was it possible? Would it even work? She wanted it to, and she didn’t know how much of what the Gods had told her she could believe. Would killing Ansel be a sacrifice for her? Certainly not as big of a sacrifice as if she killed Soren but she had never been sure she was going to be able to do that. But it would hurt, it was a pain she would feel, to do something so terrible to Soren, to take his father. She looked skyward, wishing the universe could speak to her, explain what it wanted.

Hadn’t she given enough? She’d lost her aunt. She’d lost Fauna. All of it done trying to serve the whims of magic she didn’t understand, trying to right a wrong that wasn’t truly hers. Fixing Ivian’s mistake. She thought again of a knife breaking through flesh.

There was no way she could come back from that. She’d found herself after she’d brought back Eliana. That hadn’t been her, not truly. She’d pushed most of those memories to the deepest parts of her mind, blaming them on the Goddess.

But this? To murder a man while in full control of her body? There was no humanity in that. It was murder, whatever the reason. And maybe that was the sacrifice.

Herself. All the things she had believed in.

And maybe it wasn’t. All the Gods had told her the same thing. A life for a life. A sacrifice. Ansel had once been one of the most powerful men in the world. He was her friend’s father and the one who began all of this. He was Eliana’s first victim. But was it enough? Even with Nilaja’s power flowing through her, would it be enough?

“I don’t want you to die either, Soren. I don’t know how to get through this without you.” She looked around, wondering if Nilaja was listening. There was a spell to hide the sick from Ortus, meant to keep him from coming to collect. It was bullshit of course but maybe the sentiment was true.

She held up a finger before he answered and said the words she’d read, hoping it would work. Nothing changed but she didn’t know if it should. “Listen, Nilaja wants me to bring back the Gods. They’re going to help me with Eliana and I haven’t agreed but I know they plan on doing whatever they want. They’re using me as much as I’m using them. I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to let them. But the Gods aren’t going to be happy with me when this is over and I don’t know what that will mean, for me. For us.”

“Okay. I trust you.” Some of the color had come back to his cheeks but his eyes were still full of sadness.

“So, I channel both of you and we…we kill your father. The Gods are going to be furious. I’m going to lose the favor of the God of Change.” But Nilaja had offered their power and that might make this work. She would take Nilaja’s magic and make Soren’s sacrifice into her own, because Nilaja had offered what she was not supposed to have, the power of the Gods. The power of change. It could work. She scrubbed her hand against her face. “Let’s hope it’s enough.” She tried to keep her voice confident though she didn’t feel anything but scared, almost entirely sure she was making the wrong choice, but without any other options.

“The sacrifice is real to me, Briar.” He looked at the floor when he spoke.

“I know.” How could she do this to him? How could she not? It was fucked and wrong. She’d never let the Gods come back, whatever the outcome. She steeled herself. If it didn’t work, she’d turn the blade on Eliana.

There was no guarantee of death with that either, but if Jenia’s heart still beat she’d find it. She’d drive a knife through it until it stopped. It had to do something. She couldn’t stab Soren. She’d never truly believed she could.

And it might damn them all.

They had been grabbing at the wisps of plans, hoping to find a way out of the horror lying before them. They had been flailing for months, throwing out wild ideas and pretending they thought they might work. Now the time was upon them. She could remember so well the joy she’d had when she headed toward the temple ruins and the brief moment of horror at the scene she had found.

But this time it wasn’t just Eliana who would be there. There was a spark of hope. Briar had seen the way Nilaja had looked when they saw the spell. They were going to show up and Briar would drain every ounce of power from them if she had to, however much she needed to kill Eliana. Nilaja knew she had no intention of bringing the Gods back and they were still showing up. This was a plan, not a flailing hope but a real plan, with possibility.

Everything had to work.

It had to.

And Soren would kill his father. That had to be enough for the universe. How much more could it want from them? How much more could it take?

Both of them were lost in spiraling thoughts. She could see it on Soren’s face, in his eyes—so far away. Briar grabbed his hand. It was too cold. Even the temperature in the room had fallen. “It’s still me and you, Soren. We’ve survived her this far.”

“We’ll stick together.” His pleading eyes made it sound like a question. He’d been wild and broken when she’d ripped him from Eliana’s clutches. Now he just seemed wholly broken. There was no joy behind his eyes, none of the laughing man she’d once been happy to follow into chaos.

“I still think you’re a good man, Soren Savros. None of this is going to change that. We’ll find a way out of this, together,” she told him again, hoping this time he’d find a way to believe her. “You and me. Just like we promised.” The words steeled her soul. She still had so much to fight for.

He smiled and his skin warmed under her hand. “We might be all we have after this.”

She still wasn’t sure how she felt about Soren and Fauna. She wasn’t sure it was her business at all, or that she had any place to judge her cousin, who had only ever wanted to be loved. But she trusted Soren. For better or worse, she trusted him. “She can’t ignore both of us forever. You’re her fiancé.”

“Gods, that was so fucking stupid. Everything we’ve been doing is stupid. I’ve been panicking and I just wanted someone to have the answers. But it was all so dumb.”

“Can you really blame us? We are in way over our heads. I have no idea what’s a good idea and what’s bad anymore. It’s like there’s no baseline to judge anything by. Nothing works out how I expect it to.”

“And yet we’re still going to go for it Friday?”

Briar laughed coldly. “What else can we do? Like you said she’s gathering followers. We know she isn’t afraid to kill people. Maybe that’s the problem. It’s hard to know what to do when your opponent doesn’t act like a person should.”

“Promise me if this doesn’t work we’re done. Me and you.” He stood up, his shirt still open. There was color back in his cheeks. Even in panic he was a beautiful man. “We drain our bank accounts and we go somewhere else. Fuck the Gods. Let them handle this. We’ve done our best.”

“Okay,” she lied. “Can I bring Lillia?”

“Oh. Absolutely not.” He smirked. “You don’t get a permanent vacation girlfriend if I don’t. We’ll have to find new ones, foreign. Shop girls or something.”

“Yeah, you’re exactly what every shop girl needs.” She was glad to see him smile. “Do you have some alcohol? I have a lot of shit I need to do but I’d like to hang out with you a little while longer.”

“Yeah.” He offered her a hand and pulled her off the couch. Instead of letting go he pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. He kissed the top of her head before releasing her. “Come on.” He headed for the kitchen. “And you can’t be serious about the shop girls. What don’t I offer a woman? I’m a sensitive artist. I’m great in bed. Well read. Smart as a whip. Incredibly humble. Great abs.”

“Oh, do go on.” She pulled down cups and bottles. “I’m falling in love with you myself.”

He scoffed. “No, I liked you too much. You can’t stand it when someone actually cares about you. You want someone all dark and unavailable.”

“Ouch.” She poured a drink and pushed it toward him. “And you never liked me. Come on, me and you? An absolute mess.”

“Are we really going to argue about this?” He drained his glass and when Briar didn’t answer except to drain hers in response he continued, “My real question is, do you think involving Evaria Jakobson in this is the right move?”

“Evaria is actually as smart as a whip. After everything we’ve been through, I have to believe I would know if Eliana was in her mind. And I trust Evaria to keep a secret; I once was the secret. Her husband never knew and it wasn’t exactly well hidden.”

“I’ve met her husband. Keeping him in the dark would not exactly be a challenge. I’m not sure he even knows how to turn on a light. It’s a tragedy the caliber of men who inevitably end up in charge.”

“He is an idiot.” Briar laughed, pouring another drink. “Maybe didn’t deserve what he got but…” She shrugged. An affair hardly seemed the worst of her offenses. “I couldn’t exactly spurn her advances.” She left out the fact that she’d made the first move, and the second. The third had definitely been Evaria.

“She’s old.”

“And hot.” Briar turned toward his fridge, suddenly hungry, and found the usual suspects. More booze and an assortment of cheese. She pulled out a half-eaten wheel of brie. “First off, she can’t be that much older than you, so shut up. Secondly…well…” She grinned, grabbing a knife. “I’d do it again.”

Soren put out his hand for the knife and started cutting slices. Briar rummaged for crackers in the cabinet. She found a full box and marveled at how normal she felt. Then she shoved those feelings away, deciding not to dwell on it and just live in this moment. She was getting concerningly good at shoving away the things she didn’t want to think about.

“So, when we escape to foreign shores, I’ll pick a girl and you can have her mother. A family affair.”

Briar made her favorite vulgar gesture, wiggling her tongue. “Speaking of cunnilingus, I spent the night at Lillia’s last night. I was going to spend the day but then I found out about Evaria.”

“Well, at least one of us is getting laid.” He raised a glass and Briar clinked hers against it. “Briar, thanks for saving me. I…well, I’ll never be able to explain what it meant that you risked so much for me.”

“You’re a lot like me. Hot, rich, not as smart as you think you are, lost.” She refilled his glass. “And I know. You don’t have to tell me, I know.”

“If it doesn’t work…with my dad, I’m still…” He swirled the amber liquid in his glass. “But if we walk out of it, I’m going to be a better man. I’ve got to be more than this.”

“You should show your paintings, you know, in a gallery somewhere.”

He scoffed, shrugging.

“I’m serious, Soren. Do what you love. It’s what I’m going to do. We’re privileged to have the cash flow to back us. Make your art. Live. If I walk out of Evaria’s, I’m going to write a book, expand my bookstore, double everyone’s wages who works there. Fauna’s in charge of Constance Steel now, she’ll give me the money.”

The room grew colder. Would Fauna? Would she be inclined to do anything for Briar? Would her grandfather when he learned the truth? She might survive this just to find herself broke, the owner of a grandiose condo and a barely getting by bookstore.

Whatever. Those were all minor problems for another day. And Fauna couldn’t hate her forever. She had to come around.

She had to.