Chapter Twenty-Nine

SOREN

 

His insides were vibrating, every inch of him filled with a buzzing that made him feel like his head was going to split open. His father was dead. He’d stabbed him, felt the skin give way to muscle. Then the blood had started. He’d replayed it over and over the whole way home until they’d made it to the city and he’d shoved it away, something to deal with later.

But the memory bubbled up again, while he sat in Lillia’s kitchen surrounded by Gods. And one of them was making eyes at Briar, as though he didn’t have enough shit to deal with. And she would probably go for it. She was exactly the kind of girl who would do something so Godsdamned stupid as to sleep with one of them. He hadn’t been surprised to hear it the first time and he wouldn’t be surprised now.

But whatever kind of girl she was, he wasn’t about to let the Gods try to lay even more problems at her feet. She’d handled enough. The universe had loaded her plate with enough shit to last twenty lifetimes and he was so sick of it.

“So, we killed one God and now we need to kill another? Is there just an endless stream of you sons of bitches?”

“Hmp,” Nilaja scoffed.

He contemplated screaming just as Briar had. “You did this, you can come here and give all the information you want, but I saw the way you used her. I guess the universe doesn’t care about that. I guess that kind of hurting doesn’t count.”

“The universe wants us here.” Nilaja pulled out a barstool and sat. It was an odd thing, to see a Deity sitting like they were about to order a drink. They were beautiful, in the way Gods were, but nothing about any of them appealed to Soren. In fact, he was starting to suspect he’d spent most of his life wrong about what he wanted. He intended to correct it, if he could just manage to find his footing.

“Fallen Gods do not happen often; it is against our nature. It has only happened twice before. Each God perished in the end but each left their stain on the world—and that was long ago, in a much less connected world.” Ortus glanced toward Nilaja. He was not relaxing in the same way they were. He still stood, wilted flowers at his feet, the rattle of death and bones in each breath he took. But Soren had no terror left inside him for the God of Death. “But the universe is a funny mistress, her ways do not make sense to even us, born right from her fabric. While we can stop him from any more misdeeds, just as we saved Evaria, we will not be able to control him. The Universe will grant him time to redeem himself.”

“Are you sure you can’t stop him?” Fauna asked, pulling the blanket tight around herself. “Judging by the way one of you just tried to murder my cousin and the way he had a whole baby with a human you don’t seem exactly bound to the universe and its desires. I’m so tired of your riddles and the way you act helpless like you don’t yield all the power. Deal with him. We aren’t doing it.”

Soren wanted to kiss her right then. She was right. This wasn’t their problem. They’d taken care of Eliana and she shouldn’t have been their problem either. The Gods had forced Briar into servitude even when she’d done everything they’d asked. What reason did they have to trust them? To work with them?

Briar must have been thinking the same. There was a wrinkle between her brows and murder in her eyes. “So, what am I supposed to do? Is another God going to try to kill me? I agree with Fauna. Deal with this yourselves. You have mistreated and abused me. Look at me.” She motioned to her newly flawless face. “My aunt is dead. Ansel is dead. Evaria nearly died. I have no intention of working with the Gods. I do not want you here.”

Nilaja reached across the counter for Briar’s hand and she snatched it away.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me again!”

Nilaja flinched and their whole body changed, becoming smaller, more delicate. Could they control it? Part of him hoped they couldn’t, that they knew the feeling of unwanted magic, however cruel that was. “Briar, if he doesn’t choose the right path he might come for you just as he said he would.”

“Then I’ll protect her,” Lillia said. “Whatever she is, the conduit, wanted by a God, history buff, socialite. Whatever she is, I’ll protect her, because it was your God and you didn’t.”

“I tried.” Nilaja turned their silver eyes toward Briar but she just looked at the ground.

Something about the movement broke Soren. Briar had always been strong; from the first moment he met her, she’d radiated strength, determination. A party girl sometimes but someone to count on always. She’d saved him, over and over she’d saved him. She’d almost died doing it. She’d been willing to sacrifice her aunt for the possibility it would spare him. He didn’t know how much he could truly blame Nilaja—they must have been doing what they thought best, but it had broken Briar. And that was unacceptable.

She’d always longed for a smaller life than the one she had. She’d opened a bookstore and collected old books. With a flush bank account, she’d gone to college and majored in history. She’d chased the truth of the Gods and it had nearly killed her.

He could see the regret on the faces of both Deities. Neither had wanted this, it hurt them. He knew in their hearts they did mean to protect the humans—but they hadn’t. Again and again, they had failed. They bought pain and destruction. Maybe it used to be better, maybe when they were truly humans and not witches and fae they had worked better together. Maybe the magic had tainted it.

But none of it mattered. None of it fixed Briar or brought his dad back. None of their regret would erase from his mind the way it felt to slide steel into flesh; a knowledge he would not wish on anyone.

“And I will protect her too,” he said. “We stick together.”

Ortus smiled and for a moment the rattle of bones died. “She will need you. I can feel the love you have for one another, stronger than any chain that might tether you together, but Briar is bound to the Gods now. Our power has moved through her. People will come to her and with a Fallen walking, she is in danger. We cannot control Ivian but do not ask us to stay away either. We will help how we can.”

Briar looked up and Gods, she was otherworldly—and suddenly he knew what she looked like. She looked like the Deities. At first, he had assumed it was just so much magic, it had healed all her old scars and cuts and bruises, mended all her ailments, but it was more than that. She had the same air of “otherness” they had. His heart cracked. She wasn’t a God. She was a woman. And he loved her, with all her flaws and scars and bruises, he had loved her. He had learned what friendship meant.

“So, what does it mean, to be the conduit?” Briar poked at a burnt spot on the counter.

“Briar, can I explain something?” Nilaja asked and slowly Briar nodded, still not meeting their eyes. “We used each other. I know that isn’t what you want to hear from me but we both knew what we were doing. You knew why I was there. I am sorry I wasn’t more truthful about what it would mean for you but you did need me to get rid of her and we need access to your world. Look at all the damage she’s done—look at the damage we did trying to rectify it. We need to come back; we need to fix our mistakes. That’s all I intend to do.”

“You took my humanity.” Briar put her hand to her heart. “Something that was there, it’s gone. I hadn’t even accepted my long life yet and now you’ve taken my ability to have a normal one. I’ll never be able to walk through a crowd and just be a girl.”

“Did you want to just be a girl? I know that’s what you told yourself but did you? You chased notoriety even while swearing you shunned it. Why did you want to find the history? Not for the knowledge, you already have that, you’re smarter than most, but you did it because you wanted to be the one. You wanted to write a book everyone would know. You were jealous of Fauna because she would head the company. You are mad and I understand but deep down, did you not want this?”

Briar chewed her lip and Soren suddenly understood what had compelled her to jump across a table and attack a God. He wanted to strike Nilaja down.

She rubbed her temples. “So I’m a shitty, sucky person. There had to be more to your visit than this.”

“You can summon us, Briar,” Ortus said, glancing between Nilaja and Briar, something like concern on his face though Soren found it hard to tell what the Gods were thinking. “We wanted you to understand that, while I know you disagree, we are going to give Ivian a chance to redeem himself. He is…he is one of us and he lost a child. What he did was despicable and wrong yet we will give him a chance. But you are still the conduit and you can call on us. I know you are angry but I implore you to do just that if you are in danger. And we also came to, hopefully, explain some of the things that will change in your life.”

“Because I am the conduit.” Briar stroked a finger down her arm. “A little above the humans. Far below the Gods.”

“Because you are a conduit,” Ortus agreed. “And because you are not the first, nor will you be the last.”