Chapter Thirty

BRIAR ROLLED OVER, wrapping her arm around Lillia’s waist. She’d been awake for a while but she didn’t want to get out of bed. Right now, everything was perfect. Lillia was gently snoring, the summer sun was just starting to rise, she could hear Soren and Fauna making breakfast downstairs.

When she got up, she’d be the conduit, living phone line to the Gods. When she got up, she’d eventually have to look in the mirror and see a face she did not recognize staring back at her. When she spoke to people, she’d know they were not seeing her; they were not seeing Briar Constance any longer but some inhuman interpretation of her.

But right beside her was the musky scent of Lillia’s hair, the soft planes of her body, the warmth of the bed and sheets wrapped around her legs. She’d closed her shop the day before, giving nice severance packages to everyone working there. After Evaria had gone on TV it had been too much, she couldn’t expect them to work in those conditions. There had already been one weirdo, holding a protest sign and screaming at them. Ursula had called crying.

Another dream shattered.

Lillia turned over, making small sleepy noises, and snuggled closer against Briar. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Briar said, savoring the moments before her eyes were open, before she was looking at her.

But that moment came too soon. Yawning, Lillia opened her eyes and smiled. She ran her fingers over Briar’s arm, still around her waist. “Do you want to be my girlfriend? Like the real deal, telling people, checking in, all the bells and whistles. Exclusively mine.”

Briar’s stomach did a somersault. She wanted to answer immediately, but she’d also been an absolutely terrible girlfriend, historically. And Lillia didn’t deserve that. She deserved…everything. She’d been right about every cruel thing she’d said to Briar.

Still, she wanted to be different, and not just for Lillia, but because she had a long life to live and she didn’t want to keep hating herself. “I really do, but I might be bad at it.”

“Oh, I’m certain you will.” Lillia grinned. “Maybe it’s time for me to try out making bad choices.” She kissed Briar skillfully, exploring her curves with her hands. Her tongue swept through Briar’s mouth lazily, as though they might kiss all day, but Briar’s toes were curling. “It feels right, doesn’t it?”

“You’ll never have a normal life with me. Ivian is out there somewhere, hating me for killing his child. And…well, even if I was justified what father wouldn’t want blood? And people are looking for me, they’re going to ask for favors. Esse Park is in full bloom, magic is on the rise.”

“And you were worried you were going to go to jail. Just had to turn one little lake golden to get away with murder.” Lillia kissed her nose.

“I’m serious, Lillia. You deserve more than me. Look at me…I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“I do, I know exactly who you are.” She kissed her eyelids, one, then the other. “Flaws and all. I want to be with you, Briar. But you have to want to be with me too. You have to be all in. You can screw up and say the wrong thing, but you have to promise you’re going to try.”

She thought of Nilaja, of all the people who had caught her eye before, caused her to stray. The phone calls she would ignore, deleted messages, a mountain of regrets. She had to be better than that and there was only the future. “I want to try.”

“So, girlfriends?”

“Yes.” Briar smiled. “Girlfriends.”

Downstairs there was a clatter and curse, then laughter.

“That’s…something that’s happening, huh?” Lillia twitched a finger, throwing open the curtains, and the sunlight streamed in, warming the room.

“Well, they are engaged.” Briar raised an eyebrow.

“You know, there’s something seriously wrong with the entire Constance family. Somehow every single one of you is both incredibly brilliant and a complete idiot. And all in different ways. It’s incredible.”

“Wow, really starting this relationship off on the right foot.”

Fauna yelled up the stairs before Lillia could respond. “Ry, get down here. Evaria’s holding a press conference.”

Briar pushed herself out of bed. “Endlyia’s not doing so great with government employees, is it?” She grabbed a pair of shorts from the floor, pulled them on, and wrestled her hair into a ponytail.

There were still splatters of pancake batter on the cabinets in the kitchen, and Lillia’s mixing bowl had a chip. Fauna was wearing an apron, checkered red and white with ruffles around the edges. A wooden spoon stuck out of the pocket.

Soren’s phone was propped up on the counter, streaming Evaria’s speech. She looked tired. Her dark hair was pulled back in a perfectly smooth bun, showcasing the sharp edges of her face. “There is a time for mourning, just as there is a time for working. This country has gone through so much and this week we lost two leaders. Ansel Savros and I disagreed on nearly everything but in the end, he was willing to sacrifice himself to keep this country safe. Jenia Alvier was a good friend and it has been hard living these last few months knowing she was gone and unable to share. I hope you will understand why I did not say anything, why it was impossible.”

“She’s vying for the Prime Minister job,” Soren said, thin lipped. Briar hadn’t spoken to him about his father yet. She didn’t know what to say.

Evaria opened the floor to journalists and the camera panned over the gathered crowd. Briar’s heart skipped a beat. There, a few rows back, was Bastianna. She looked terrible; there was a cut across her cheek and her hair needed brushing. And there was something about some of the people gathered around her, how close they were to her. Not strangers. They knew each other.

“And what of Briar Constance?” a journalist asked. “We’ve seen Lake Grimelsda. Everyone knows Ms. Constance was there but no one seems to know exactly where she is now. And the whole business with her aunt…”

“Her aunt was another tragedy,” Evaria said, her voice clipped. “Briar is safe and she will make herself known in her own time. She did not…I was there and she did not choose to be a conduit for the Gods. And we should all respect her—”

“Should we?” Someone yelled from the crowd. “All of you kept this from us. Now the Gods walk again, there are reports you aren’t telling all the truth, even after this, after this awful thing happened. No one is telling the truth. We can all see you, Evaria. Why are you pretending we don’t notice you’re changed too?”

In the kitchen everyone pressed close to Briar, staring at the phone screen. Lillia’s hand rested on the small of her back.

Evaria swallowed hard and she looked to someone off the screen. “Yes. Something terrible did happen.” She ground her teeth together and for a moment Briar thought she wouldn’t go on but she did. “Eliana was not a Goddess but the daughter of one. After her death her father tried to kill Briar and got me instead. He is…unaccounted for but he is no longer with the Gods.”

To Briar, this didn’t seem like the best way to break the news to the public but then again what would be? She had been there when it happened and it still seemed unreal to her. There was no good way to have this conversation and hiding the truth from people would only enrage them.

But she would be stuck in the thick of it. Terrified people would flock to her, thinking she had answers. And she didn’t. She was lost, terrified to even be someone’s girlfriend, much less humanity’s savior. She was filled with shame for how excited she had been when she thought the Goddess Eliana had picked her.

In the background, Bastianna whispered something to the man standing next to her.

“Tell the truth!” he yelled. “Briar is no conduit. She’s a charlatan who seduced a God and tricked them into protecting her. Ivian is paying the price for her misdeeds. She never believed in Eliana. We will all pay for her sins!”

The camera swung around to Evaria who was motioning to someone off screen. “That is simply a complete fabrication.”

“She slept with you too!” Bastianna’s voice rang through the crowd.

“Yes, well, that did neither of us any favors. But Briar has worked tirelessly to try to stop Eliana, who did not mean well. Eliana murdered Jenia Alvier and possessed her body. She used her powers to control Ms. Constance against her will. She laid a curse on all of humanity long ago and Briar is the one who worked against her.”

“Lies!” the man yelled again. “Briar Constance murdered a Goddess and Ivian was justified to try to kill her. She is a threat to everyone’s salvation.”

Power swirled and turned through Briar but her head was swimming. Lillia pressed closer to her, stroking her hair.

“Enough,” Fauna said, turning off the phone. “I don’t need to hear any more of Bastianna’s opinions on any of this.”

“It’s concerning though.” Soren glanced out the window like he might see an angry mob forming. “Briar killed a God. There will be resistance especially if…” He busied himself cleaning a spot of batter off the cabinet.

“Especially what?” Briar asked, standing beside him. He shrugged, not answering. “Especially what, Soren?”

Sighing, he put down the rag he was using to clean. “Especially if Ivian joins their cause. Bastianna literally worshipped Eliana. I got lunch with her last week, that’s all she talked about. She’d listen to her father. She’d do whatever he said.”

“But Ivian will want to get back to the realm of the Gods,” Lillia said, as magic sparked on her fingertips and she balled her fist to quench it.

“He might not. His child is dead. He’s been alive for longer than anyone can imagine. He might choose vengeance.”

“Fuck.” Fauna smacked the refrigerator hard enough that several of the magnets fell off and clattered on the floor. “The rules of the universe are bullshit. He gets a chance for redemption after murder? It’s complete and utter bullshit.”

Briar wrapped her fingers around the edge of the countertop and took a deep breath. The magic inside her continued to build until her skin was glowing, until it pressed on the inside of her eyes and vibrated through her organs.

She straightened, looking around the room. “I am the conduit. I am strong and full of power. I’m not afraid.”