When I got to my apartment it felt good to be home again. I thought about how comforting I found those four walls with their Ikea furniture. I had spent so much time going from one place to another in search of Amelia Garayoa that I had barely spent any time at all at home. It only took me one glance to see that the apartment needed an urgent cleaning, and I promised myself that one of the things I would have to do was convince my mother to send her cleaner along. With the understanding, of course, that I would pay.
I had a shower and then fell into my bed. How much I had missed it! I went to sleep straight away. My guardian angel decided to wake me up in time for me to go to find my mother, because if I had stood her up this time, then she would have been capable of refusing to talk to me for the rest of her life. I woke up with a start and looked at my watch. Eight thirty! I jumped up and rushed to the shower again. At nine on the dot, my hair still wet, I rang her doorbell.
“You look terrible,” she said by way of greeting, without even giving me a kiss.
“Really? Well, I think you look lovely.”
“Yes, well, you look terrible. Do you know what irons are for? I’m sure you do, because you’re one of the clever ones.”
I was annoyed at my mother’s irony, and all the more so because she was right, and the shirt I was wearing was rumpled and my jeans needed a wash.
“I haven’t had a chance to unpack, really. But I’m here, that’s the important thing, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
“Water! For the love of God, bring me some water!” my mother shouted.
“What? What’s wrong?” I asked in alarm.
“I’m having palpitations. At the cheek of you.”
“You really scared me!”
We went to the restaurant that she had chosen. The conversation took on the same tone throughout the whole evening. I regretted having invited her to dinner with me. What is more, my mother decided, just to give my fragile economic situation a further kicking, to have champagne with the meal, and ordered a bottle of Bollinger as if it were a bottle of Coke.
I called Doña Laura the next morning, to ask her if she would like me to come round and tell her about my investigations up to that point.
“I would prefer it if you delivered the manuscript when you have the whole thing ready and typed up.”
“It was just so that you could see how I am getting on. Let me tell you that Amelia Garayoa’s life is worthy of a novel.”
“Well, well, when you know everything, write it all down and bring it to me. That’s what we agreed, no?”
“Of course, Doña Laura, and that’s what I’ll do.”
“Do you need anything else?”
“No, I think I’m alright for the time being. Professor Soler is being a great help. I offered to tell him everything I was finding out, but he told me that he didn’t want to know anything apart from what was absolutely necessary for him to help me.”
“And that’s as it should be. Pablo is a good friend of the family, but he is not family, and there are things... Well, things that he doesn’t need to know, that nobody needs to know.”
“I need to call him now, because I need him to tell me if Amelia was in Madrid at the beginning of September 1940.”
“If you want to, you can talk with Edurne, she can help you.”
“And what about you, Doña Laura, don’t you remember anything about that time?”
“Of course I do! But I don’t want it to be my memory that tells you how to proceed, but the neutral memory of the people who were with us at the time.”
“And Edurne, will she remember? It seems to take a lot out of the poor woman to have to remember these things.”
“That’s only natural, old people don’t like it when we rummage in their memories. Edurne is very modest and loyal, and it isn’t easy for her to tell things about the family to a stranger.”
“I’m a part of the family, don’t forget that Amelia was my great-grandmother. You are a kind of great-great-aunt to me.”
“Don’t talk nonsense! I think you should speak to Edurne. If you like, you could come round to the house tomorrow early in the morning, which is when her head is the clearest.”
I don’t know why Doña Laura insisted that Edurne speak with me. The poor woman couldn’t hide her discomfort at having to tell a stranger intimate aspects of the life of the family to which she had dedicated her whole life.
When I reached the Garayoa house, the housekeeper told me that Edurne was waiting to speak to me, but that I should go to see the ladies first in the salon.
Doña Laura and Doña Melita were there. I thought that Doña Melita did not look that well, she seemed tired.
“Is it very hard for you to put the story together?” she asked me in a faint little voice.
“It’s not easy, Doña Melita, but don’t worry, I think that at the very least I will manage to get the most important details of my great-grandmother’s life organized.”
Doña Laura shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and told me not to waste any more time.
“Not just because of the expense, but because we are too old to wait much longer.”
“Don’t worry, I am as keen as you are to finish the investigation as soon as possible. I have left my job as a journalist and my mother is about to stop talking to me.”
“Your mother is still alive?” Doña Melita asked, and this surprised me, as I had already explained what my family circumstances were.
“Yes, luckily enough my mother is still alive,” I said, disconcerted.
“Right. Well, you are very lucky, I lost my mother when I was very young.”
“Enough chatting,” Doña Laura interrupted. “Guillermo is here to work, so he should go off to the library and talk to Edurne.”
Edurne was sitting in an armchair and appeared to have dozed off. She jerked herself upright when she heard me enter.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine, fine,” she said in a dazed voice.
“I don’t want to bother you, but maybe you remember about a visit Amelia made to Madrid in September 1940. I think that she was on her way to Rome, but that she came to see her family first.”
“Amelia was always coming and going, and there were lots of times when she wouldn’t say where she was coming from or where she was going.”
“But do you remember what happened that time? It was September of 1940 and I think she came by herself, without the journalist, without Albert James. Her previous visit was when she discovered that Águeda was pregnant...”
“Oh now I remember! Poor Amelia, what a shock! Águeda had taken Javier to the entrance to the Retiro so that Amelia could see him, but she opened her overcoat and we could see that she was fat, fat and pregnant...”
“Yes, I know all that, but I want to know what happened the next time Amelia came to visit.”
Edurne began to speak, her voice tired.
We weren’t expecting her, she came without telling us. This was something that became a custom with her. We never knew when she was going to come. Antonietta was better, thanks to the money that Amelia sent, which let Don Armando buy medicine... well, medicine and food, because Antonietta needed to eat well. The money Amelia sent wasn’t enough for luxuries, but it was enough to buy food. You could find good stuff on the black market back then, but it cost a fortune.
I think that Amelia came in the evening, yes, yes it was at night, because I was making the dinner in the kitchen and it was Jesús who opened the door.
“Mama, Mama, come quickly! It’s cousin Amelia!”
We all rushed out into the hall and there she was, hugging Jesús.
“But how handsome you are! You’ve grown a lot and you’re much less pale.”
Jesús was getting better as well. He had always been a sickly child and he had gotten sick during the war. But over those months he had gotten better. The medicine, and the food above all, were working miracles.
Antonietta hugged her sister and there was no way to pry them apart.
Laura began to cry and it was hard for Don Armando to hold back his tears as well. We all wanted to hug her and kiss her. It was Doña Elena who showed her practical side and put all this hugging and tears in order, making us move into the salon. She sent Pablo to take Amelia’s suitcase to Amelia’s room, and asked me to go and finish making supper and to set one more place at the table.
Amelia was very affectionate with us all, she kissed me and Pablo.
Jesús and Pablo were good friends, and now that Jesús was better, Doña Elena had put Pablo’s bed in his room, because she said that now he was growing it wasn’t right for him to carry on sharing my room.
We ate rice with tomato and slices of fried streaky bacon that evening. I had bought the bacon that afternoon from a black marketer who had set his cap at me.
Rufino, for that was his name, had sent me word that they had fresh bacon, so Doña Elena sent me to buy some... Where was I? Yes... now I remember... Amelia said that she was not going to stay very long, just for two or three days because she had to go and work. She was Albert James’s assistant, he was an American journalist who apparently was in New York but who had sent Amelia to Rome to prepare for a report he was doing, I don’t know about what, but it was lucky that she had to go to Rome because it meant she could pass through Madrid on the way.
“How did you come here from London?” Don Armando asked.
“I came through Lisbon; it’s the safest way.”
“The English don’t seem to worry too much about Franco,” Don Armando said.
“The English can’t fight against Hitler and against Franco, they need to topple Germany first and then everything will follow after.”
“Are you sure? England is still issuing Franco the navicerts that allow him to import fuel and wheat; it’s not much, but it is still something.”
“You’ll see how everything will change once we get rid of Hitler.”
We told her all the family news. Antonietta said that she would like to work but that Doña Elena would not let her.
“She won’t even let me help in the kitchen,” Antonietta complained.
“Of course not! You’re not better yet,” Doña Elena said angrily.
“Aunt is right. The best help that you could give the family is to get completely better,” Amelia said.
“The doctor told us that we need to take special care of her because she could still have a relapse,” Don Armando added.
“And what about you, Laura, are you still at the school?”
“Yes, I’m going to start teaching French this term. The nuns are very kind to me. There’s a new mother superior, it’s not Sister Encarnación anymore, she died of pneumonia and has been replaced by Sister María de las Virtudes, who was our piano teacher, don’t you remember?”
“Yes, yes! She was very kind to us, a good woman.”
“They say that none of the nuns speak French as well as I do, so I will teach French this term, and when Antonietta is fully recovered, then I might be able to convince Sister María to let her give piano lessons... but she needs to recover fully before that can happen...”
“That would be wonderful! See, Antonietta, that you will be able to work? But you have to get better, I forbid you from doing anything until my aunt and uncle tell me that you are fully recovered.”
Don Armando told them about his office, his new job as an articled clerk.
“I need to put up with a lot of things, but I don’t complain, because what I earn is what allows us to stay on our feet. I have been marked down as a ‘red,’ so I am not allowed to defend cases in the courts, but I am at least working with what I know, preparing the cases that others will defend.”
“They exploit him, he brings back work every day, and he doesn’t even get Sundays or Saturdays off,” Doña Elena complained.
“Yes, but I have a job, which is a lot, given that they were going to shoot me a few months ago. Amelia saved my life and I have a job, which is more than I could have dreamt of when I was in prison. We do well, with your help, Amelia.”
“Do you know anything about Lola?” Amelia asked, looking at Pablo.
“No, we haven’t heard a word. Pablo goes to see his grandmother in the hospital, but she gets worse every day. His father writes to him from time to time, but there’s not a trace of Lola,” Laura explained.
“The boys go to school,” Don Armando added. “They’re bright and get good marks. Jesús is very good at math and Pablo is good at Latin and history, so they help each other. They’re like brothers, sometimes they even fight like brothers.”
“But why would we ever fight?” Jesús protested.
“Alright, all I will say is that every now and then I hear shouts coming from your room,” Don Armando continued.
“But that’s not fighting! Don’t worry, Amelia, I get on well with Pablo, I don’t know what I’d do without him in a house that’s so full of women, and bossy women at that... ,” Jesús replied with a laugh.
“I... well... I’m very grateful that you let me stay here... , ,” Pablo whispered.
“Oh, don’t be silly! Don’t thank us, you’re another member of the family,” Don Armando said.
Amelia spent two days with her family. She went to speak to Antonietta’s doctor, and asked Laura to go with her to say hello to Sister María de las Virtudes, whom she gave a small donation for her to “buy flowers for Our Lady’s chapel,” and also, as we had all feared, she insisted on seeing Javier.
Doña Elena resisted sending me to go and roam around outside Santiago’s house, but Amelia insisted so much that eventually she gave in.
“After what happened the last time, Águeda might refuse to let you see the child,” Doña Elena said.
“He is my son and I need to see him. Can’t you understand, Aunt? I can’t be in Madrid and do nothing to see him. If only you knew how much I’ve regretted abandoning him...”
Amelia told Laura that she suffered from nightmares, and that on many nights she woke up crying because she had seen a woman running away with Javier in her arms.
One day I sat down at the corner of Don Santiago’s house, waiting for Águeda to make an appearance, and this was how I spent the whole day. It was well dark by the time I got back home. All I had seen had been Don Santiago coming out early in the morning, and coming back home in the afternoon, but never a sign of Águeda or Javier.
Doña Elena grew nervous and said that the best thing was to leave it for some other time, but Amelia insisted; she could not spend much more time in Madrid, she had been there for three days already, but she would not leave without seeing her son. In the end, Doña Elena broke into tears.
“But Elena, what’s going on?” Don Armando was alarmed by his wife’s tears.
“Come on, don’t cry, I didn’t want to upset you,” Amelia apologized.
Laura hugged her mother without knowing how to console her. When Doña Elena calmed down she sat for a while in silence.
“But you are so stubborn, Amelia! I didn’t want to tell you anything because I didn’t want you to suffer, but you insisted and insisted...”
“What, what’s happened? Has anything happened to my son?” Amelia asked in alarm.
“No, Javier is well, he’s with your in-laws.”
“With Don Manuel and Doña Blanca? But why?”
“Because Águeda has had a daughter, a week ago, and it was a difficult birth and she’s in the hospital. Santiago has taken Javier to be with his grandparents until Águeda is in a fit state to go back home with the child. I didn’t want to tell you so as not to upset you.”
Amelia did not cry. She trembled and made a great effort to control herself, swallowing her tears, and succeeded in not crying. When she could speak, in a tiny faint voice, she asked her aunt:
“How long have you known?”
“I’ve told you, for a week; I met a friend of mine and the first thing she said to me was that Águeda had had a daughter and that they were going to call her Paloma. She told me that it was a difficult birth and that Águeda was crying for nearly two days until the baby was born. Santiago never left her side. She also told me that ever since Águeda had got pregnant, Santiago had employed another maid to deal with the domestic chores, and that Águeda had become the lady of the house. She doesn’t wear an apron anymore, and although Santiago still hasn’t introduced her to his friends, there is no doubt that they are living together.”
“I cannot blame him. I have no right,” Amelia murmured.
“You’re right, however hard it is, you cannot blame him. Santiago is a man... a young man, he can’t wait for you,” Don Armando said.
“He doesn’t have to. It was I who abandoned him, and who went off with another man, leaving him with a baby only a couple of months old. I wish that I will be able to forgive myself one day!”
“If you want to, I can call Don Manuel and Doña Blanca and ask them to let you see Javier... ,” Don Armando suggested.
“You don’t need to humiliate yourself, Uncle. You know they won’t let me see my son. I trusted that Águeda...”
“I’ll come with you to your in-laws’ house. We can wait until they take the child for a walk, and at the very least you’ll be able to see him from a distance,” Laura suggested.
“It’s a good idea, at least I’ll be able to see him from a distance. I’ll delay traveling for one day more, I hope that... well, I hope that Albert isn’t upset at the delay.”
Doña Elena ordered me to go with the two cousins. She didn’t want Amelia and Laura to go alone, she was afraid of what might happen. We turned up in the morning at Santiago’s parents’ house and did not have to wait long, because at round about eleven we saw Doña Blanca leaving the house, holding Javier by the hand. The child had grown a great deal and looked happy with his grandmother.
Laura was holding Amelia’s hand, but could not stop her from pulling herself free and running toward her son.
“Javier! Javier! It’s your mother!” Amelia cried out.
Doña Blanca stopped dead and blushed bright red, from anger I think.
“How dare you!” she shouted at Amelia. “How dare you show yourself here! Go away! Go away!”
But Amelia had grasped Javier in her arms and held him tight, covering him with kisses.
“My little boy! How beautiful you are! How much you’ve grown! I love you so much, Javier! Mother loves you so much!”
Javier was scared and started to cry. Doña Blanca wanted to take the child, but Amelia would not let him go. Laura and I did not know what to do.
“Please, Doña Blanca, have mercy!” Laura begged. “Put yourself in her position, she is the child’s mother and she has a right to see him.”
“She’s a slut! If she had loved her child, then she would not have abandoned him and her husband to run off with another man. Let him go, you slut!” Doña Blanca shouted, and pulled Javier’s arm.
“Doña Blanca, you are a mother, let Amelia at least kiss her son!” Laura insisted.
“If she doesn’t let him go then I will shout even more loudly, I will call for a policeman and I will have you arrested. Didn’t she run off with a Communist? You’re all Communists and you should be in prison. All the reds are whores... Do you think I don’t know how your father got out of Ocaña prison? That one there sleeps with anything in trousers,” she shouted, pointing at Amelia.
Laura had turned as red as a tomato, and did something totally unexpected. She grabbed hold of Doña Blanca’s arm and twisted it, separating her from Amelia and Javier. Then she pushed her against a wall and, paying no attention to Doña Blanca’s cries of pain, stamped on her.
“Shut up, you witch! You’re the slut. Don’t insult my cousin again, don’t do it or I’ll... I swear that you’ll regret it. My father is alive thanks to Amelia, because you Nationalists are a bunch of disgusting... You’re scum... You and yours aren’t worthy to crawl at our feet. As far as whores are concerned, the Nationalists have made whores out of many decent women, just go to Gran Vía and you’ll see mothers forced to sell themselves just to get food for their children. Is this the prosperity Franco promised? Of course, you have everything you want, you won the war... and they were about to kill your son, because Santiago, thank the Lord, was not a Fascist.”
Doña Blanca got free of Laura by giving her a good push. Amelia was trying to calm Javier, who was crying and scared because his grandmother was being treated in this way by two women who were strangers to him.
“Whether you want to accept it or not, Javier is my son and you can’t lie to him and tell him he has a different mother. I may be the worst mother in the world and I may not deserve to have Javier, but he is my son and you will not snatch him away from me,” Amelia said, staring her mother-in-law in the eyes.
“When Santiago finds out what you’ve done... All you reds are sluts, sluts! Leave us alone, you’ve done enough damage!”
Amelia put Javier down and gave him one last kiss.
“My son,” she said, “I love you so much, and whatever they say you must never forget that I am your mother.”
Once back in Doña Blanca’s arms, the child began to calm down. Doña Blanca went back to her house, walking as fast as she could.
We walked home, worried about what might happen next. Knowing Santiago, it was clear that he would not just stand by and do nothing once he found out from his mother what had happened.
Don Armando tried to calm Amelia and Laura, he told them that he would not let Santiago do anything. But Doña Elena was not so sure, and so we spent the rest of the morning and a part of the afternoon waiting for something to happen. And it did. Of course it did. It was half past nine and we were having supper when the bell began to ring insistently.
Doña Elena sent me to open the door, and I did so trembling, because I was sure that it would be Santiago.
I opened the door and it was him. His face was twisted with anger and it was clear that he was making a great effort to control himself. His father was with him.
“Announce us,” he said without any preamble.
I went into the dining room and, stammering, announced Don Santiago. Don Armando told us not to move from where we were; he would speak with Santiago. We were very quiet and said nothing, wondering what would happen.
“Good evening, Santiago, Don Manuel... How can I help you?”
“I want your niece to stay away from my family once and for all. She has no right to frighten my son. I want you to know that I will not tolerate my mother being treated as she was treated today by your daughter Laura.” It was hard for Santiago to control his rage.
“If anyone lays a finger on my wife or my grandson, then he will go to prison. I will move heaven and earth to make sure that happens,” Don Manuel said.
“I don’t have any doubt at all that you could make it happen, but no one has attacked Doña Blanca. As far as I understand it, from what Laura said, she helped Amelia to be able to be free to hold her son in her arms. She was not disrespectful to Doña Blanca, but Doña Blanca was disrespectful to us, not just to Amelia and Laura, but to my entire family.”
“My wife is a lady and always behaves in a ladylike fashion, something that cannot be said of your niece,” Don Manuel said.
“Please, father, that’s not necessary!” Santiago said, angry at his father’s comment.
“If you are here to insult us, then it is better if you leave straight away. I will not have you say a word against Amelia. What has happened has happened. And you, Santiago, you have no right to stop her from seeing her son, and to confuse Javier by telling him that Águeda is his mother, that is cruel, you will have to tell him the truth some day, and do you think that Javier will forgive you for lying to him? That he will forgive you for denying his mother the right to see him?”
“I have not come here to discuss my decisions with you, but to inform you that I will not permit another scene like the one that took place today. My son is growing, he is happy, he has a family, and I am not the one who left him motherless.”
“Don Armando,” Don Manuel interrupted. “Let me warn you that I will do whatever it takes to ruin you. You will lose your job and they will re-examine your case and maybe send you back to prison. Everyone knows how you managed to be released, there are rotten apples everywhere, and the one who managed to swap Amelia’s favors for your pardon was just another unimportant rotten apple.”
“How dare you insult her! Yes, I am free thanks to her, thanks to the money that she had to pay to that corrupt man who swaps lives for money, but that’s the kind of people you Nationalists are. Don’t you dare say a single word to insult Amelia!”
“Father, you shouldn’t have said that!” Santiago said.
“Ah! Do you really not know? I can’t believe you don’t know, when the whole of Madrid knows! Ask your niece how she paid, what she gave as well as money, to get you released from Ocaña,” Don Manuel insisted.
At this moment Amelia appeared on the threshold of the room and then put herself between Don Armando and Santiago and his father.
“You can insult me as much as you want. I won’t deny you that right after all I’ve done, but it is you, Santiago, who should leave my family in peace. They have done nothing to you. As for Javier... he is my son, however much that upsets you, and that is not something you can change. I cannot turn back time, but I assure you that if I could then I would not have done what I did, that I am filled with remorse and will never forgive myself as long as I live, but I cannot change what I have done.”
“Amelia, please, go inside, let me handle this. They have no right to insult you, I will not tolerate these insinuations.”
“No, Uncle, it is me who has to tell them not to insult and threaten you. Don Manuel, I always took you for a gentleman, who would be incapable of the low act that you have just perpetrated by saying what you have just said. I am not an indecent person for saving my uncle from execution. It was not enough for your friends the Nationalists to win the war, they have to take their revenge on everyone on the Republican side who fought against them. Of course, Santiago, that was your side, although never that of your father. Will Franco be the stronger for shooting thousands of people who fought against him? No, no he won’t; people will fear him and hate him, but it will not make him stronger.”
“Stay away from my son,” Santiago said, looking at her with fury.
“No, I will not stay away from Javier; I will try a thousand times, as often as necessary, to see him, to be with him, even if only for a few minutes, to remind him that I am his mother, to tell him that in spite of what I did I still love him with all my soul. And I will pray every day to ask forgiveness from God, and also that Javier will forgive me himself one day.”
“I insist on what I said: I will not allow any member of this family to come close to my own. I want that to be clear, and also that there will be consequences if it does not happen,” Don Manuel said.
Santiago took his father by the arm and ushered him out of the house without saying goodbye.
We all went out into the hall. Don Armando looked at Amelia with tears in his eyes.
“What did you do to get me out of Ocaña?” he asked, scared of what the answer might be.
“Nothing that dishonors me. I paid the price that Agapito, that bastard intermediary, demanded. And the fault is committed not by the person who pays the price, but by the one who asks it.”
“Amelia, for God’s sake, I want to know what you did!” Don Armando insisted.
“Uncle, please! I did what I was asked out of a sense of duty toward you, whom I love so much. I don’t regret it, I would do anything to save a life. The price that is asked for a life is never too high, especially not for the life of someone you love.”
Don Armando was in despair. Doña Elena embraced him, trying to make him feel all the love that she could.
“Amelia has been very good to us, don’t shame her by insisting, by asking again and again,” she begged her husband. “We will always have her to thank for the fact that you are still alive.”
“But not at any price!”
“Don’t say that! I don’t know what Amelia did apart from give money to that scoundrel, but I swear that I would have done anything they asked to save you.”
Amelia asked the family to gather in the salon.
“What Santiago’s father suggested... It is true, nobody knew about it apart from Laura, or at least that is what I thought, but it is obvious that the bastard who served as intermediary, Agapito, has told everyone that I gave myself to him in exchange for your pardon. I would have preferred that neither you nor anyone else in the family had found out, and I swear to you, Uncle, that I have already forgotten all about it.”
“My God, Amelia! My God! How your father would have suffered to have known about a thing like that! I... I don’t deserve to live in exchange for such a sacrifice... I can never repay you...”
“For goodness’ sake, Uncle, don’t say such things! You don’t owe me anything, nothing at all, there are no debts between people who love each other. And let me tell you again that I don’t regret what I did, I have not had a bad conscience about this for even a single day, and if I feel anything for this Agapito it is hatred, and a desire that he catch syphilis and die. But I don’t feel dirty myself, I don’t regret anything. I know that you would have given your life to save mine, and all I did was give a couple of minutes of my life to some heartless brute.”
None of us could sleep that night. I heard Amelia talking with Laura and Antonietta all through the night. Doña Elena got up to make a calming drink for Don Armando, and Jesús and Pablo spent the night murmuring in low voices. We were all upset.
Amelia left the next day and did not come back for a while.
Edurne fell silent and closed her eyes. It was clear that she was suffering. I was upset on her behalf that Doña Laura had made her remember this. I don’t know why, but I took her hand and bent over her.
“Thank you, I don’t know how I can thank you, I wouldn’t be able to put my great-grandmother’s life together without you.”
“And why do you have to put it together? If you hadn’t appeared in this house, then everything would have stayed the same and we would have died peacefully, without looking at the past.”
“I’m sorry, Edurne, I truly am.”
“Will I have to speak to you again?”
“I will try not to bother you again, I promise.”
I wanted to say goodbye to the two old women, but the housekeeper said that they had gone out. I didn’t believe her, but I accepted the excuse. Not only were they paying me, but I would never have taken even the slightest step toward Amelia without their help. They had the right not to see me.
I left the house with a strange sensation overwhelming me, a kind of unease. I didn’t know why, I think that Edurne’s story must have affected me. I didn’t like Don Manuel at all; it was annoying to think that even though it was a distant relationship, we were still related: He was my great-great-grandfather; we were family.
I went to my apartment to write down what I had found out over the last few weeks. There was so much material that I decided to transcribe the tapes and get my notes in order before diving into them.
I worked for the rest of the day, and a good part of the night as well. I wanted to go to Rome as soon as possible to talk with Francesca Venezziani. Before I left I called Pepe to see how things were at the online newspaper. They had fired me, but maybe they would feel compassion and let me back in.
“No, Guillermo, no! The boss doesn’t want to know about you. He says you’re completely disorganized, and he’s right. I am sick of sticking up for you, so you’d better go out and make your own way in the world.”
I didn’t want to get worried about this, but my mother was right: When my investigation into Amelia was finished, and once the story was written, maybe I wouldn’t find another job. I said to myself that there was no going back and decided to make Julius Caesar’s phrase from the Gallic War my motto: “We will talk about the bridge once we reach the river.” Only later on would I worry about myself and my future.