Tales of Genies often begin with one who is stuck in a lamp or a bottle until someone comes along and releases them in exchange for wishes. However, you are your own Genie, so you’ll have to get yourself out of that lamp to make your wishes come true!
So the Genie lamp, in our metaphor, refers to whatever is keeping you trapped or, at least, in the illusion of entrapment. In other words, it’s the ways in which you might be blocking your own magic. The walls of your Genie lamp that keep you trapped are made up of three materials: regret, self-blame or judgment, and unforgiveness.
WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?
You’ve already taken the first step toward removing these blocks and getting yourself unstuck from where you’ve been. Simply by reading this book, you’ve made the choice to live a happier, more magical life where your dreams come true. Now, to keep the momentum going, you must let go of the past. When you focus on everything that’s gone wrong and the ways in which your life hasn’t measured up to your expectations, then it becomes difficult to have faith that things will change. If you spend all your time looking backward, then you’ll never move forward.
Throughout your life, you’ll also have moments of bliss—times of such utter joy that you’d love to live in them forever. But you can’t live in the past. You might have some success re-creating moments that are similar, but after expressing gratitude for what has been, you must then move forward. Focus your Genie magic on creating totally new moments of happiness throughout your life. Never stop making new and exciting moments! You’re an infinite supply of Divine manifesting energy.
The next thing that you’ll have to do is to admit to your own drama. I know that most people say that they dislike drama and that they run from it as fast as they can. However, it’s important that you sit down and really evaluate your relationship to drama. Oftentimes, the same people who say they hate drama are the ones who are devouring it like candy!
For example, pretend that you just got some news. I’m not talking about big, happy news like “We’re getting married!” Maybe your car’s engine is a goner, and now you’re going to have to get a new car. Or perhaps you just heard bad news about someone else: “Did you know that Marie is leaving her husband?”
When unfortunate things are happening to you or others you know, and within minutes you’re posting about it on social media and texting your friends to share the bad news, then you might be a drama-holic. If you run around telling the drama-filled, unfortunate stories that unfold in your life to everyone, the Universe is only going to give you more drama-filled, unfortunate stories to tell.
I think that some of the problems with our drama-holic society come from television and movies. Big drama-filled stories are what get people to tune in or go to the theater. Reality television is particularly guilty of skewing our perceptions of what makes a “normal life,” making it easy to get attached to the idea that life is supposed to be dramatic.
And you know what? Life is dramatic! But it can be dramatic in the happiest of ways. For example, you can tell your friends and family that your dreams are coming true. Wouldn’t that be wonderful drama?
Negative drama stories do nothing but bring you down and hold you back, keeping you in a drama-holic loop that isn’t going to get you where you want to go. And the belief that you’re trapped by your circumstances is just one more negative, drama-holic story. So let go of the negativity. It just inhibits your desire to leave the lamp.
FORGET THE REGRET
Let’s start with the first trap of the Genie lamp: regret, a completely useless emotion. It makes sure that your gaze is firmly in the rearview mirror, focused on the past. Think about that analogy for a moment: Imagine if you were to try to drive your car solely while looking in the rearview mirror. What would happen? I suspect you’d be driving in fear the entire time. You wouldn’t successfully get where you wanted to go because your trip would probably end in a terrible wreck.
When you regret something you’ve lost, like a relationship, you may not be able to start new relationships or enjoy the ones you do find in the here and now. Focusing on your regret may also cause you to continually kick yourself for something you did that you’ve judged as “bad.” Even if you have truly done something unfortunate, you might be judging yourself unfairly.
Either way, by living in the regret of that event, you diminish your own self-worth. Your low self-confidence keeps you from believing that you deserve a happy life. Focusing on regret can also create unending fear that you’ll make further mistakes.
I will allow that regret has one redeeming moment. And when I say “moment,” I really mean that. Regret can provide you with the insight that your behavior, or your choices, has not been up to the standards you have set for your life. And in that moment of epiphany, you can learn. You can become determined not to repeat that mistake or error in judgment in the future. But that should last only as long as it takes for you to ask forgiveness from anyone who was harmed and then—and this is probably the most important part—to forgive yourself.
My mom was both mother and father to me and taught me many things that have helped me to have what I consider to be a very magical life. Her one little quirk, though, wasn’t that she lived in regret, but in the fear of regret.
She would be so scared that she’d make a choice she’d regret that she couldn’t make a choice at all. Helping her buy a new car was beyond challenging. Since I lived across the country from my mom, I have my dear brother-in-law, Ted, to thank for many of those car-shopping expeditions. Ted was infinitely patient with her, as it always took an extensive amount of searching and the need to drive a particular car many times. And when we were building her a new house, well . . . oy.
What I learned from my mom in that regard was that a fear of regret can be just as debilitating as regret itself.
A fear of regret shows up in a lot of the intuitive readings that I do for people. They write to me and ask things like: “Did I somehow miss meeting my soul mate?” or, “Should I have taken that career opportunity? Did I lose out on my chance to follow my life purpose?”
These types of questions break my heart. I have a great deal of compassion for people who are living in regret or fear that they have somehow messed up their lives in a way that can’t be repaired.
As a strong believer in a loving and benevolent Universe, I don’t actually believe it’s possible to somehow permanently ruin something beautiful that’s supposed to happen in your life. And so when I get those questions, my heart goes out to the questioner. And then I do everything I can to assure them that nothing is lost . . . nothing is ruined . . . everything will be fine. There’s a reason you didn’t marry that childhood sweetheart. It’s probably because there’s someone way better for you. But if you’re looking backward and living in regret, you’re not going to see Mr. (or Ms.) Right when he (or she) is standing right in front of you.
Regret and fear are intertwined. One leads to the other. As I said, if you live your life in regret, then you come to fear your own ability to make choices. You may wish for positive things in your life, but you have no confidence that they’ll come to you or even that you deserve them.
You become trapped in the Genie lamp.
The cure for regret is forgiveness of self and others, as well as the faith that the best is still yet to come. Release regret and you’re one-third of the way out of the lamp.
HERE COMES THE JUDGE(MENT)
Judgment and placing blame are the next hindrances to getting full control of your magic. Sadly, we’re a judging society. We condemn others for their behavior without any idea of what their story is or what they have had to deal with in their lives. We blame whole groups of people for our problems and the challenges facing our planet. We harshly judge ourselves for our lack of success or our failed relationships.
The reason why judging others is a trap is that in doing so, we anticipate that others are almost certainly judging us. No one wants to be judged, yet everyone seems to be doing it. It’s like a never-ending ride on a carousel, going nowhere.
Get off the carousel. Stop judging people. Keep your focus on your own contributions to the world. If others are doing things that you find are outside your own personal moral code, then get involved in a positive and proactive way that matches your Divine guidance. But leave the judging part out of it.
Perhaps even more importantly, show some compassion for yourself. You’re human. You may occasionally take actions you aren’t proud of. But instead of beating yourself up, realize that at any given moment you’re always doing the best you can. Each bump in the road teaches you to take a different route the next time. Instead of berating yourself, pat yourself on the back for having learned something that will make you a better person who makes better choices in the future.
Wow! Look at you! You’re two-thirds of the way out of that lamp!
FORGIFTNESS
The last thing keeping you in that lamp is unforgiveness—both of others and yourself. There’s an old saying that might be a bit clichéd, but it’s still very relevant. It has many variations, but the one I like to use is: “Holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Refusing to let go of anger, resentment, or even guilt about something you or someone else did in the past is completely toxic. If the unforgiveness is toward another person, you might feel that you’re punishing them for whatever they did to you. But I assure you, the person truly being punished is you. You’re the one feeling the greatest pain. The other person may desperately want your forgiveness, but if they don’t get it, eventually they’ll give up and let it go. They’ll move on. But you’ll still be suffering in that toxic energy, rehashing over and over what was done to you.
Unforgiveness keeps you permanently connected energetically to the other person and their painful behavior toward you. Why would you ever want that?
There’s a common misunderstanding about forgiveness that I used to see in my private practice of doing psychic readings. Many people would misconstrue forgiving the other person as saying that what they did was “okay.” Nothing could be further from the truth. You can forgive someone, thereby freeing yourself from further torture, without ever agreeing that their behavior was in any way acceptable. By forgiving someone, you’re not validating their actions.
Forgiving someone is not a “gift” or free pass you’re giving them. It’s a gift you’re giving yourself.
Another curious but not uncommon feeling expressed by my clients was that if they forgave the other person, they were somehow allowing for the possibility that the hurtful experience might happen again. Forgiving someone doesn’t erase what you’ve learned. It doesn’t diminish your ability to protect yourself. You can have your eyes wide open and still have your heart free of the pain of the past.
Self-forgiveness is just as critical as forgiving someone else. Of all the barriers to getting out of the Genie lamp, this one is probably the most significant, because a lack of self-forgiveness is like regret, judgment, blaming, and unforgiveness all rolled up in one big bundle, stopping up the lamp and keeping you locked inside. The statement “I’ll never forgive myself” is like stuffing a cork into the lamp, blocking your way to a magical life. Forgiving yourself is a magical gift that only you can give yourself.
Here’s a news flash for you: God isn’t keeping tabs. Regardless of what you may have been taught, God is only loving you along the journey, all the while thinking about how adorable you are. He’s hoping that you’ll soon figure out for yourself just how radiantly beautiful and magical you are, and thinking just how awesome a day that will be.
So if you’re having trouble forgiving yourself, consider this: Heaven forgives you. Your angels forgive you. God forgives you. And if you have all that forgiveness shining down upon you, you must be pretty darned forgivable!
So get with the program. Whatever it was, it’s over now. You’re a better person. You have amazing things to contribute to the world, and your magical life awaits!
Congratulations! You’re out of the lamp!
GENIE ACADEMY
Lesson #2: Drama-holic Pulse Check
Just like in Lesson #1, you’ll need a small pad of paper that will fit in your purse or pocket or a voice recorder. What you’re going to be doing is taking note of every time you participate in a bit of drama. This includes items such as:
If the list has more than two or three things on it by the end of the day, you may be a drama-holic. If so, it’s time to purge that behavior. Look for common things that trigger your attraction to drama. Is it always the same people you’re interacting with at the time? Does it make you feel important when you have the “scoop” on a story before anyone else? If you’re a drama-holic, then it’s time to face that truth so that you can start avoiding the people or situations that pull you into that loop of anxious or negative behavior.
Lesson #3: Releasing Regret
If regret is a big part of your life, then I’d like to help you let that go. So let’s start by making a list of anything that’s keeping you looking backward instead of forward.
Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and take a few breaths. Try to bring yourself to a peaceful place. Now think backward. Are there any situations from the past that you think of often with regret? Most often the most troubling situations will cross your mind on a regular basis even if it’s been a long time since the event occurred. Write them down.
If you come across small things that you don’t think of very often, it’s all right to jot those down, as well. These may be things you did in childhood or your youth that you almost never think of, but that you wish had never happened or had had a different outcome. If we’re going to release regret, let’s get rid of all of it!
Once you have your list, I want you to write down what you learned from each situation. Look for something positive. It might be that it made you a better person going forward. Perhaps it showed you the value of friendships or love in your life. Maybe you now know a great deal more about who you are and what you want from life. Do your best to find something that came from that moment you’re regretting that’s positive and write it down.
Once you have the list of your regrets and the positive things that came from those situations, you’re going to say a prayer or meditation of forgiveness and release for yourself. It can be whatever words come to you, but an example of that might be:
Dear Divine source of love,
Please help me to release these feelings of regret. I ask that I receive the forgiveness of all that are involved as well as forgiveness of self at this time of release. Create for me the peace of letting go of “all that was” so that I might embrace the “now,” knowing that these experiences have made me a more compassionate and kind person. Help me to remember at all times that your love is propelling me toward joy, toward fulfillment, and toward my dreams come true. I now release all feelings of guilt, regret, and sadness in favor of the peace of forgiveness and the remembering of how loved I am. And so it is.
Once you’ve done that, you’re going to release the paper you wrote your regrets and lessons on. I prefer to burn it. Make sure that you do so safely, ensuring the fire will be easily contained and can’t spread past the paper you’re releasing. If that isn’t possible, then you can simply scrunch it up into a ball and toss it into the trash while taking deep breaths. Keep in mind that you are throwing away the last of your regret.