News flash for you: you’re not the only Genie running around making magic. Everyone has an inner Genie. To truly have a magical life, you’re going to have to figure out when working with other Genies is a good thing . . . and when it’s a bad thing.
As your energy shifts to being more positive and more spiritual, magical new people will be drawn to you! On the flip side, you may realize that some of the ones who have been in your life for a long time no longer feel good to you. In fact, as the sparkle comes back into your eyes, you may suddenly be able to see very clearly that you’re no longer able to tolerate negative people.
As I mentioned in the Genie-ology section of Chapter 4, one of the ways in which people can partner with other Genies with positive results is to work in small groups. If you’re going to work in partnership with other Genies, there are a few things you might want to keep in mind . . .
Partnership is a very broad term that can mean anything from our most romantic and intimate relationships to something as emotionally unconnected as contracting with someone to remodel the kitchen. Nevertheless, every connection we make with other people contains the potential to have a powerful effect on us—especially over time.
When I was still working as a certified public accountant, my favorite part of the job was my team. I know that when people hear “CPA,” their first thought is “that guy who does your taxes,” but there are all kinds of jobs in the profession. During the span of my accounting career, I did just about everything. However, as time went by, the primary aspect of my job became the management of people. I had a lot of people working for me, and I was very good at managing—especially the hiring part.
Of course, I had a certain advantage when finding just the right people. I’m psychic! So I knew who would work well with others and who wouldn’t. I even had other department heads offering to pay me to hire their teams for them! I didn’t have a big secret, though. The key to a great team, in my mind, is diversity.
I adore diversity. Whether in work or personal life, I consider the mixing of different sorts of people akin to making a magic potion using only the most wonderful of ingredients. I love that element of taking a group of diverse, differently skilled individuals and putting them together as a team, then seeing what they create. The result will always be infinitely better than what could ever be put together by a team of members who are completely similar in their training and perceptions—trust me!
So, naturally, I think one of the keys to a very successful Genie partnership is teaming up with others who are different from you. Yes, of course, it’s important to have common goals and ethics. But think of what can be accomplished if one person is incredibly intelligent and experienced, another is creative and brimming over with fresh ideas, and another is from a different geographical place with a unique cultural perspective . . . it can be astonishing!
YOUR REALITY ISN’T THE ONLY REALITY
Having an open mind is another thing that’s very important for successfully working with other Genies. It is a very human trait to believe that the world is seen and interpreted by everyone else the same way it is by you, but hear me when I tell you that this simply isn’t true!
Sadly, the belief that there’s only one way to see the world is the primary cause of wars, divisiveness, and conflict between people. Stop and think about this for a moment: Just like a snowflake, you’re unique. There’s simply no one else like you. How could there be? After all, no one else has your genes or grew up with your family dynamics. No one else had the exact experiences you did through your childhood, going to school, and heading out into the workforce. No one met, interacted with, and was influenced by the same people in the same ways as you. You see the world in your own unique way.
Society forgets that what might seem perfectly logical and obvious to one set of people is absolutely ridiculous, crazy, or indefensible to another set of humans. It is utterly natural and good for you to have your own opinions and thoughts about any topic at all. But if you can keep an open mind, knowing that others may see things differently and for perfectly legitimate reasons, you’ll save yourself a lot of anxiety and conflict with other Genies.
BECOMING SOMEONE ELSE’S GENIE
Over the last few years, I’ve learned a good many things. For example, I discovered that if you roll up socks in a suitcase, they take up less space than if you lay them flat. I don’t know why that is, but it appears to be true. I’ve found that the key to traveling from country to country without taking your entire wardrobe is that “monotones are your friends,” so you can mix and match outfits. I’ve also learned that it isn’t possible for me to have a magical life if the majority of my relationships are with people who are drowning in drama. This last little bit was a big revelation to me—and a big challenge! You see, I used to give my power away to others almost as a way of life.
One of the things I’ve noticed about life is that birds of a feather really do tend to flock together. Since you’re reading my book, it’s either because you’re like me in certain ways or you need to hear the message I have to share, or both. So let’s see if I’m right. I’m going to describe you right now. (I’m really describing the old me, but I’m betting this is going to sound really familiar.) Here goes . . .
So, how’d I do? Does that sound like you?
If you were to stop and really take the time to analyze your relationships, you might discover that quite a few of them make you feel unhappy or anxious at times, or in a state of continuous fear or worry. What’s curious to me is that often these unhappy alliances tend to be quite old. A person may have been part of your life for over a decade, and you hold on to the relationship because you’re too softhearted to go through the drama that comes with bringing the arrangement to a close. (Or, perhaps, you simply still care for the person.)
Trust me, I know how hard this is. I have firsthand experience removing those types of relationships from my life, and Heaven knows it’s not easy. It can be very, very challenging. But let me tell you something. A relationship that’s making you unhappy is not meant to continue. You’re supposed to be a free and joyful person. Those who honor you and bring happiness into your life—those are the ones that you should hold on to and shower your Genie magic on. If a relationship makes you feel trapped or devalued, consider that a sign that it’s time to move in a new direction. And that direction is as far away from emotional imprisonment and a lack of balance in give-and-take as you can get.
When you become entrapped in a bunch of high-drama relationships with people who only take but don’t give back, then you become their Genie. You’re spending your magic making them happy, not yourself. If there’s an equal balance of give-and-take, then that’s great! Share the magic! But if you’re just having your energy drained every time you’re with them, then you’ve basically been shoved back into your lamp metaphorically, and they’ve become its master.
My term for these people is drama masters. They’ve managed to get control of your Genie lamp, and with that they bring a bunch of drama into your life that you wouldn’t have otherwise.
But how to get free—now that’s the difficult part. How to remove the painful influence and entrapment of someone who, in your heart of hearts, you know needs to go?
A few years ago, my perception of relationships began to change dramatically. I don’t have all the reasons at my disposal, but I think I just started to get tired. I got tired of saying yes to everyone when I really wanted to say no. I got tired of drama in my life. But I think the thing I got tired of the most was not being my authentic, unique, quirky self. I got tired of tailoring who I was to suit who was in front of me at the moment. I wanted to be purely me.
Now this created a predicament. Let me tell you something important that you need to know: People don’t like it when you change. Actually, let me qualify that by saying that your real friends won’t mind. A truly loving and uplifting life partner won’t mind. But the drama masters you’ve been tailoring your life to? They get really upset when you stop catering to their every whim. When you stop being who they think you should be and start being your own true self, they don’t like that at all. They expect the Genie in the lamp to just keep giving the same way you always have.
So in order to break out of my cocoon—in order to really fly—I had to deal with those people. And lots of times that meant conflict. In almost every situation, it meant releasing those people from my life. I had to learn to say no when that was the right thing for me.
The thing that’s very hard about this is that just because someone is a “drama” type of person, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t like or even love them. They can be amazing people. They’re just . . . exhausting. They drain all your Genie magic and rarely give back in equal measure based on what they take.
Once I decided to start clearing the drama masters out of my life, I didn’t do it in any particular order. I didn’t set up a process or sort through the people I knew in an organized fashion. I just became conscious that my life needed cleaning up. So whenever someone would call me, I would check in with myself afterward. If I felt drained, I would stop and think, Okay. Is this how I usually feel with this person? And if the answer was mostly yes, I would decide then and there to just let that person go.
I didn’t have a big conversation. I didn’t make my own bunch of drama out of it. I just stopped calling the person. I stopped answering the phone when they would call. I asked Raguel, the archangel of relationships, to let that drama master just drift away. I asked Zadkiel, the archangel of memory, to let them forget me.
And let me tell you, this made an amazing change in my life! It was like a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was calmer. I was happier. I was more positive. And I had worlds more energy.
Of course, there are still drama masters in my life. After all, there are some people you just can’t release. You may have parents, children, a spouse, or co-workers you have to deal with because you just really have no choice. The best you can do is to limit their impact. But if you scroll through your social-media feeds and your phone’s contact list, I bet you can find a lot of drama masters you do have a choice whether to associate with.
Also, don’t just assume that you have no choice in the matter. I once worked for someone who was unbelievably negative. Empress of the Drama Queens, for sure! You know what I did? I stopped attending her meetings, because that’s when she was the most volatile. I avoided connecting with her whenever possible. So, really consider who is truly a “no choice” person.
Now that the majority of the drama masters are gone, I’m so much happier—and I desperately want the same thing for you! I want you to be free from the lamp and not be anyone else’s Genie. I want you to have the opportunity to love yourself by discovering who you truly are outside the confines of the drama kings and queens of your life.
What that means is that you’re going to have to learn to say no. You’re going to have to start clearing house. You’re going to have to learn that any conflict you experience due to this time of transition—this time of blooming—will be relatively short, and you’ll see when you’re done that every second was worth it.
You’ll have to learn to stand up for what you believe in. You’ll have to be willing to defend your own beliefs and follow the Divine guidance that you’ve been given. More than anything, you have to do whatever it takes to be who you truly are rather than the diluted you that’s busy being who everyone wants you to be.
So I want you to repeat the following phrases:
“No.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I just can’t do that.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, but that just isn’t in line with my own integrity, so I’m going to have to decline.”
“I hope you’ll understand, but what you’re asking of me feels like the wrong thing for me right now.”
And then one more time . . .
“No.”
GENIE ACADEMY
Lesson #15: Drama-Master Release Exercise
Grab a piece of paper, a pen, and your address book and/or personal electronic device, such as your phone or laptop. Think about all the people you regularly interact with. Look over your phone’s contact list, your address book, and your social-media feeds. Notice whether you feel positive or anxious when you read someone’s name or think about them. Then write down the names of all the people to whom you have a negative reaction.
Next, look at each name and decide if you have a choice about whether you interact with them or not. Really think about it. Don’t just assume you have no choice. Maybe you can at least limit your contact. If they’re a “no choice” person, take them off your list.
For the people left on your list, seriously think about what they take from you and what they give back. How balanced are the scales? Why do you want them in your life? For anyone where you feel the negatives are balanced by the positives, mark them off your list.
The names left on your list are your drama masters. Time to let them go.
I would highly encourage you not to make a big dramatic experience out of releasing your drama masters. They’ll just take it as their chance to play victim and throw guilt and all kinds of negativity your way. And isn’t that why you’re releasing them in the first place, to get away from that?