The following day seemed to fly by. Daisy had to work hard to concentrate on the article she was writing because Brian’s possible involvement in the murders of both Fiona and Walt was uppermost in her mind. She had to rush to finish an assignment, and as the appointed hour for the double date approached, Daisy was becoming more and more nervous. She would catch herself twirling her hair or twisting one of her rings or jiggling her legs up and down furiously while she worked. She called Helena late in the afternoon.
“I don’t know if I want to go through with this,” she told her friend.
“What?! You can’t back out,” Helena whined. “You’ll have fun, I know you will. Don’t be nervous about a thing. Dave is a perfect gentleman.”
“All right, I’ll go. But you owe me one.”
Helena laughed. “I already knew that—anything you want!”
“There’s nothing I want right now, but I’m keeping it in the back of my mind.” Daisy managed a smile at the thought of her friend’s happiness. “I’ll see you tonight.”
An hour later Daisy closed her laptop and headed for home on the crowded Metro. She showered and changed her clothes and gave herself a quick once-over in the mirror before heading out the door to the restaurant she and Helena had chosen to meet Dave and his friend.
Helena was already at the restaurant, seated at an outdoor table with two handsome men, one of whom would be Daisy’s date for the rest of the evening. Daisy hesitated before joining them, giving fleeting thought to going back home, phoning Helena, and feigning illness or even death. But common sense took control. Daisy squared her shoulders and pushed the gate open.
Helena saw her immediately and she waved Daisy over. Both men stood up as Daisy approached. Helena pointed to the man on her left and introduced him as Bennett. The man on her right was Dave. Daisy shook hands with both men and they all sat down together. Helena looked around the group brightly, a wide smile on her flushed, pretty face.
Daisy ordered a glass of wine to calm her nerves, then the foursome engaged in small talk while the tables filled up around them. As the patio became noisier over the course of dinner, they had to raise their voices to hear each other. Dave was attentive and moved his chair slightly closer to Daisy as they talked. Daisy moved her chair farther away with every attempt made by Dave to get closer until she was touching Bennett’s seat.
“Oh, sorry about that,” she mumbled. She glanced at Helena, who rolled her eyes and shook her head, laughing. Daisy inched her chair a bit closer to Dave and listened to what he was saying, something about his job. She had already forgotten what he did for a living.
Oh, yes, he was an urban planner in one of the Virginia suburbs. A rewarding job, no doubt, but Daisy wondered whether she really needed to know about every variety of tree being used to populate the downtown area of the city where he worked, or whether the reservoir outside town could be kept secure from people trying to go for a swim at night. She nodded and smiled in all the appropriate places as Dave spoke, asking questions now and then to keep him talking even though she wasn’t really listening. The truth was, she wanted to encourage him to talk so she wouldn’t have to say anything. The last thing she wanted to do was open up to this total stranger about her job, her likes and dislikes, and her background. And if there was a chance her job bored others as much as Dave’s job was boring her, then she wanted to keep her mouth shut. It amazed her how intensely Bennett and Helena seemed to be talking to each other. Their heads were almost touching, and Helena’s eyes would widen every so often and she would gasp, or she would toss her head back with raucous laughter. Bennett seemed to be enjoying himself, too. Daisy felt almost sorry for Dave. He was trying so hard to keep up a conversation—it wasn’t his fault that she didn’t feel like talking. Sure, he was good-looking, but that wasn’t what counted, was it? She wished he would change topics to almost anything, but she feared if she changed the topic he might expect her to talk.
What’s wrong with me? she asked herself more than once. This great-looking guy is sitting close enough to me for me to smell his cologne, he’s obviously got a job that he finds fulfilling and fascinating, he’s clearly interested in me, so what’s the matter? Why can’t I reciprocate the feeling?
Deep down, Daisy knew why. Her relationship with Dean, and the way it had ended so spectacularly, still haunted her. She simply couldn’t bring herself—couldn’t allow herself—to become interested in anyone else. It was sweet of Helena to try to set her up, but the thought of going out again with this man, who looked like he might be gearing up to ask her on another date, was terrifying. Not only that, but who had time for a relationship when her job kept her so busy?
She blinked and looked at Dave, who was smiling at her expectantly. “What do you say?” he asked. “Would you like to go to the movies tomorrow?”
“Oh, Dave, I’d love to, but I really am committed to my job,” she said. “I’m afraid another date is just not in my future right now.” She could see Helena’s crestfallen look out of the corner of her eye. She so badly wanted to please Helena, even to please Dave, but she couldn’t do it. She had known the hermit side of her would come out sooner or later, and she had to be true to herself. She just couldn’t lead him on.
Dave gave a small sigh and smiled at her. “That’s all right. Helena told me you might not be interested in dating, but I hoped once I turned on the charm you wouldn’t be able to resist.” Daisy let out a laugh. She felt a momentary pang of regret for guarding herself so closely—Dave seemed like a genuinely nice guy who wanted nothing more than to go to the movies—but she didn’t give in to the temptation of changing her mind. She smiled her thanks and the group finished their meal in relative quiet.
Daisy was miserable.
Helena called her later that night. “What happened? I thought you and Dave were getting along so well.”
“We were, and he seems very nice. But I told you before, I’m just not interested in dating right now.” She tried to change the subject. “Did you have fun with Bennett?”
“Oh, no you don’t,” Helena chided. “You’re not getting away with this so fast. You’re going to tell me why a gorgeous woman like you doesn’t want anything to do with men.”
“You know the reason. It’s because of Dean.”
“Daisy, that was a long time ago,” Helena said softly. “Isn’t it time to start opening yourself up again?”
“When I open myself up, I get hurt.” This conversation was digging more deeply than Daisy preferred.
“But if you don’t open yourself up, you won’t know how much happiness is out there waiting for you,” Helena replied.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” Daisy closed her eyes. She just wanted the conversation to end.
There was a silence on the phone. “Okay. I’m sorry I made you go out tonight. I just wanted you to have a nice evening.”
Daisy was miserable. “I did have a nice evening, Helena. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not ready for men.”
“All right.”
Daisy had a hard time getting to sleep that night. She tossed in bed until she finally got up, made herself a cup of herbal tea, and sat down in the living room with Trudy’s diary.