I was up by four the next morning. Mr. Jessup was set to go into surgery by six, and Mrs. Jessup wanted to get to the hospital before then to make sure everything was ready for him. I guess there was hospital paperwork and other stuff to take care of.
Our houses were on a side street that was usually quiet, but walking down the street just as the sun was coming up and before anyone else was awake was a bit unnerving. I was glad when I saw some lights on as I neared the Jessups’ house.
Mrs. Jessup must have been waiting for me, because the door opened before I had a chance to knock. “Haley, thank you so much for coming over on such short notice,” she said distractedly. She was already grabbing some bags that had been set down inside the front door.
Mrs. Jessup was one of those ladies who seemed to have it all—husband, kids, the big house in the suburbs, and a career. As a financial analyst at a small firm outside the city, she always wore coordinating outfits and perfect makeup. But today Mrs. Jessup looked different than I had ever seen her. She had on an obviously well-worn sweatshirt and jeans that led down to a pair of scruffy-looking sneakers. None of her ensemble was color coordinated, and only matched in the shared dinginess of all the clothing. She was not wearing makeup and had her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. The pair of glasses surprised me the most, since I’d never known she needed them. I had been babysitting this woman’s children for years, and I didn’t really know anything about her other than what she chose to show me.
“No problem, Mrs. Jessup. I’m just glad I could help,” I responded. I wanted to ask about Mr. Jessup, but she was already halfway out the door and on her way to the car, all while giving me some last-minute instructions.
“The kids are still asleep, but they know you’ll be here when they wake up. Pancake mix is on the counter for breakfast, and there’s plenty of food for sandwiches and snacks. Peter’s mother will be here around seven tonight, and hopefully her flight will be on time. The kids know Grandma is coming, so it shouldn’t surprise them,” she said as I obediently followed after her, looking for any opportunity where I could ask a question that had been eating at me.
When she paused to open her car door, I saw my chance. “Would it be okay if a friend stopped by later?” I asked, thinking that it might be better if I kept it as vague as I could get away with. I wasn’t sure what I would say anyway. That I had a girl coming over who I was looking to make a move on? That didn't seem like an appropriate way to phrase my request. Luckily, she trusted me and was distracted enough not to want to get any more details. And truthfully, chances were high that everything that happened with Kate today would be totally innocent. Whatever moves I had to make wouldn't be impressive.
“Of course, that’s fine. Let me know if an emergency comes up, but I’ll be at the hospital where the coverage is spotty. I’ll step out and check my phone regularly, though.” Before she got in her car, I was able to ask her to give Mr. Jessup my best. When she looked at me, her face crumbled for a second before she pulled herself together with a deep breath.
“I will tell him, Haley. Thank you again for coming over on such short notice.” Then she got in her car and drove off. I watched the car until it turned the corner at the end of the block and was out of my sight.
I had the next few hours to myself until the kids were scheduled to wake up. I thought about taking a nap, but figured that by the time I fell asleep on the couch, I would probably have to get back up. So instead I checked the kitchen and planned breakfast. I was sure the kids were worried about their dad, so I thought chocolate chip pancakes would be a nice treat for them.
The rest of the time was filled with checking social media and thoughts of Kate, both good and bad: little daydreams of us dating and doing couple-type things together (mostly G-rated); her rejecting me in a way that a kick in the gut would hurt less; us trapped in a space station, battling invading aliens, with love being our greatest weapon against them. (That last one may have been a product of waking up before dawn and then having a couple cups of coffee to stay awake when I didn’t usually touch the stuff.)
I was glad when Max, still in his pajamas, stumbled down the stairs at a little past eight and flopped down next to me on the couch. I was silently thankful, because he’d stopped me from obsessing so much about later that day that I’d almost convinced myself to text Kate and cancel.
Max yawned and snuggled his face into my side. “Is Mom gone?” he asked in a still-sleepy voice. I ruffled his hair and was grossed out when I came away with something sticky on my hand. I made a mental note to make sure he took a shower before he got dressed for the day.
“Yup, just you, me, and Ellie today. Plus chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast,” I added.
“Why are we sitting here, then?” he exclaimed. “Come on, I want pancakes!” He tugged at my arm, trying to get me off the couch and into the kitchen.
“Hold on,” I said, pulling him back to the couch. I might have been a weakling, but I was at least able to prevent a nine-year-old from bodily moving me. “We have to wait for your sister to wake up, and then I’ll start cooking.”
I realized my mistake as he yelled, “Okay!” and ran up the stairs, presumably to wake his sister. I tried calling him back, but it was too late. I thought of following him, but gave up on it a second later. Ellie had to get out of bed at some point. A few hours earlier than planned was fine.
When I heard a yell, a thump, and finally a door slamming, I got up to start the pancakes. And find an ice pack for any bruises caused by the mystery thump.
Ellie came down after Max had polished off two pancakes (and taken a shower; I’d bribed him with a promise of extra cookies later if he washed his hair extra well). She sat at the kitchen table, and I placed a plate and silverware in front of her groggy form while pushing the stack of pancakes closer so she could reach them easier. Ellie was thirteen, at the age when she was trading Go-Gurts for Greek yogurt and chicken nuggets for plain salads. I hoped she wouldn't be one of those girls who obsessed about her weight, but she had a good head on her shoulders, so all I could do was trust her to stay healthy and not go overboard. It was a good sign that she added two pancakes to her plate, even if she skipped the syrup.
“What are we doing today?” Max asked as he ran his fingers through the syrup on his plate and then licked it off. I grimaced, but figured it was better than him trying to drink it straight from the bottle.
Ellie looked up, too busy chewing to say anything, but the questioning look on her face indicated that she was curious too. Now was the time to tell them that I had a guest coming over.
I wiped my mouth with a napkin, mostly for something to do while I tried to think of the best words to use.
“So,” I started, looking from the syrup-covered face to the semi-bored one, “I don’t really have anything planned, except for around one. A friend of mine is supposed to come over to say hi and stay for a little bit. I told your mom, and she said it was okay, but before then we can do anything you guys want.” I hoped no other information would be needed. I was wrong.
“Is it Marie?” Max asked excitedly. “If she’s coming over, can she bring Bob? I have a new video game we can play if he can come,” he said. I had forgotten that while Max was two years older than Bob, they went to the same school and knew each other. When Marie had come over while I was babysitting in the past, she’d sometimes brought Bob with her, and the boys would be glued to their games for hours.
“No, Marie isn’t the friend who's visiting today. But I’ll let her know to set up a time where you and Bob can hang out together soon,” I reassured Max. He looked disappointed, but not for long.
“Is your girlfriend coming over?” he asked with a sly smile. I could feel my face heat up. I had never told the Jessups I was gay.
“No, she’s not my girlfriend. And don’t go saying that to her,” I scolded, already picturing the awkwardness if Max were to call Kate my girlfriend while she was here. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Max. Kate’s just a regular friend.”
“Relax,” Ellie chimed in. She looked at me in exasperation. “We all know that you’re a lesbian. My mom and the short Mrs. Philanuzzi are in the PTA together at my school, and they were having a meeting here. Mrs. Philanuzzi told Mom that Madison told her that everyone was talking about how you came out during chemistry. Mrs. Philanuzzi said it was a lot easier to be gay now than when she was a teenager,” Ellie explained, rolling her eyes to show her annoyance.
I was speechless. The story of my outing had traveled outside of school to the community at large. For some reason, I had thought that it would stay confined to school, but I’d been so wrong. It should have been obvious. Kids talked to their parents and parents talked to other parents, and before you knew it my neighbors were discussing the fact that I was gay. I was a little annoyed at the unnamed Philanuzzi mom who was spreading details of my life to whoever would listen. I really had to meet that family soon.
“I came out in English, not chemistry class,” was my response. For all my gripes, that was the part I had chosen to rebut? Maybe it was just easier to focus on the mundane details than the more worrying idea that I was a subject of gossip.
Ellie shrugged, not caring about my inconsequential correction of her retelling. She stood with her plate and walked it over to the kitchen sink. “I’m just saying that no one cares that you’re gay. You like girls, so what? You're exactly the same person you were before. So no big deal, unless you get, like, a supermodel for a girlfriend, but even then it will only be interesting because there aren’t a lot of supermodels around here.” She rinsed off her plate and placed it in the dishwasher.
As she walked away, I tried to come up with something to say, but nothing was coming out. Deciding that the conversation had gone about as well as could be expected, I told Max to put his own plate in the dishwasher and then proceeded to clean up breakfast.
Max and Ellie were self-sufficient enough not to need that much supervision, but I still checked that they weren’t looking at websites they weren’t supposed to and weren’t eating too much junk food. Ellie was mostly on her phone, and a couple of times I casually strolled behind her to make sure she wasn’t sexting or being lured to a rendezvous by an online predator. Each time, she was playing some innocuous Internet game, which was a relief.
Max was alternating between his video games and a building project he was working on with Legos. One entire side of his room had been cleared out, and he was constructing a perimeter of some larger structure. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer when I asked him what he had planned, and when I asked Ellie, she said that he hadn’t told anyone what he was doing. All they knew was that it was going to be big and that he had been planning it for a long time. Every birthday and Christmas, the only things he asked for were Legos. He had over a dozen boxes of different sets, which he was cannibalizing for his project.
“Mom and Dad are hoping he’s not planning anything that will blow up, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to end up being something super nerdy, like a giant wizard or something. You want to throw in any guesses about what it might be?” she asked as we sat on the back deck. Max stayed in his room, having declined my invitation to join us when Ellie and I had decided to sit outside.
I thought about it for a few seconds. “I’m going to say a truck. No, wait, I’ll change that to spaceship. He still likes spaceships, doesn’t he?” I asked. Before trucks and spaceships had been rocks and animals. Every time I came over, it seemed that Max was fascinated by a new topic. He would bury himself in the subject, asking for help finding websites and books for weeks, and then one day it would pass and he would be on to the next thing.
“No, he was done with spaceships last week. Now he’s all about the ocean. My dad was planning on taking him to the aquarium this weekend, but then they found something wrong with his heart when he went to the doctor on Thursday. That’s why he had to go in for emergency surgery.” Her eyes slipped away from me and looked out at the backyard.
So that was why Mr. Jessup was in the hospital. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, Ellie. It’s actually good that they found whatever was wrong early. It’s easier to fix these things before anything bad happens.” I could only imagine what it would feel like if my dad were in the hospital for major surgery. Both kids looked to be holding up fine, but I did notice that neither was as talkative as normal.
Ellie didn’t respond, only continued staring. I was distracted when my phone buzzed with a new text message. When I saw that it was from Kate, I sat up straighter in my chair and hurriedly opened the message. I was half hoping that she was canceling today, but instead she asked if she could come over early. I texted back that she could and then quickly received a response. She would be over in ten minutes.
I stayed frozen in my chair until Ellie asked, “Who was that?”
“My friend Kate is coming over earlier than originally planned. She’s on her way. Do you want some lunch? Let’s go ask Max if he’s hungry.” I needed a task to occupy myself with until she got here or I’d worry myself into an ulcer.
Ellie got this shrewd look on her face. “Oh,” she drew out. “It’s your friend. Who is not your girlfriend. But do you want her to be your girlfriend?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. That was a look I would have expected from Marie, not the thirteen-year-old girl sitting next to me.
“Let’s go get lunch,” I attempted to repeat, but my voice had suddenly gotten very high, and I wasn’t sure she understood what I had just said.
“I’m not hungry. Do you like this girl? You can tell me, I can totally keep a secret,” she encouraged. Then her face truly brightened for the first time that day. “I can help you!” she exclaimed excitedly. “I’ll mention what a great babysitter you are and how nice you are, you know, stuff like that. And how you’re looking for a girlfriend, and then I’ll tell her your type, which will be a description of her. It’ll totally work, I saw it on a show once,” she promised.
Oh geez, now a kid was trying to be my wingwoman. Why were all the people in my life trying to play matchmaker? Did they all really think I was that clueless and hopeless on my own?
“Thanks, but I don’t think I’ll need help,” I said quickly, trying to derail Ellie’s current line of thought. “She’s just coming over to hang out, that’s it. Please, please don’t do any of that,” I begged.
“But you like her, don’t you?” Ellie pressed.
Before I could answer, I heard Max at the door that led out to the deck. “Who does Haley like?” he said loudly. “Is it that girl who’s coming over? I knew it!” he shouted with glee.
At that moment, the doorbell rang.
I was really hoping that it was not Kate at the door, but I had a feeling my luck wasn’t that good. By the way the two kids had frozen when they heard the sound of the doorbell, I figured they had the same thought. The three of us stared at each other until Max broke his gaze away and disappeared back into the house. I quickly followed, Ellie behind me, because if it wasn’t Kate at the door, I didn’t want him talking to strangers. And if it was Kate, I definitely did not want him talking to her.
He ran fast with those short legs of his. The front door was already opened when I reached the entranceway. Just as I had predicted, Kate was on the other side of the opening. She moved her gaze from Max to me when I came into her view. She went from looking politely interested in whatever Max had been saying to excited at the sight of me. Or I was reading way too much into a friendly look.
I put my hand on the edge of the door just above Max’s head to open it wider. He turned to me when he felt the door move seemingly on its own.
“Your friend is here,” he said unnecessarily.
“Yes, I see that,” I responded not unkindly. “Thanks for getting the door, Max, but I think I can handle it from here,” I said, subtly trying to get him away from the doorway. I guess subtle didn’t work on him, though, because he didn’t move. Grabbing the back of his shirt, I gently pulled him backward into the house until he was behind me.
I smiled at Kate. “Hi,” I said, sort of dopily. It was just so great to see her again. I had not realized I’d missed her until she was standing in front of me again.
She smiled almost impossibly wider. “Hi,” she almost giggled back. “I’m glad I got the right house. I mean, it wasn't too hard, your house is just down the street, but I got a little nervous when I heard some shouting as I was walking up. Was that you guys?” she asked, concern on her face.
Before I could think of a plausible answer, Ellie came to my rescue.
“That was my brother,” she said as she smoothly stepped into the doorframe. “He can be a loud idiot sometimes.”
Max yelled out a disgruntled “Hey!” that everyone else ignored.
“I’m Ellie, and that was Max,” she said as she held out her hand for Kate to shake. Wow, the Jessups had taught at least one of their kids good manners.
“Hi, I’m Kate,” she responded as she shook Ellie’s hand. I belatedly stepped to the side.
“Sorry, come in,” I said. As Kate walked through the doorway, she passed Ellie, who gave me a thumbs-up behind Kate’s back. I gave Ellie a sideways glare, but Kate must have seen it because she gave me a confused look. I tried to play it off as an itch near my eye, but I didn’t think she believed it.
Max came running past us, not satisfied with the lack of attention he was getting. He slid to a standstill and was almost bouncing with the excitement of a new person around. Poor Kate had no idea what was coming.
“Kate, how long have you known Haley? She’s been babysitting us since I was little. She lives three houses away that way”—he pointed in the opposite direction of where my house was—“and she has a sister and her best friend is Marie and Marie has a brother named Bob and—”
“Max!” I interrupted before he described to Kate every person he knew. “Why don’t you give Kate a tour of the house?” I suggested, knowing that if he had a task to complete, he would be less likely to blurt out something that would embarrass me.
It worked. Kate and I followed Max as he led us through each room of the house, describing what each room was used for and seemingly every piece of furniture located within. When we got to the kitchen, while Max was narrating the contents of each drawer and cabinet, I whispered an apology to Kate about suggesting the tour. It was probably not what she had expected when she’d agreed to come over today.
“That’s okay,” she whispered back. “He’s very cute, and I don’t mind. How long have you babysat him and his sister?” she asked as Max described how the water dispenser on the refrigerator worked.
“A little over four years. Their parents needed someone to watch the kids after school for a couple hours until their dad came home from work, and they knew my family from the neighborhood. It’s been pretty good timing. When I go to college next year, Ellie should be old enough to stay by herself with Max. So they won’t need me anymore anyway,” I explained.
Max announced, “Let’s go to my room next. It’s upstairs,” and we dutifully followed him. The tour continued this way for about twenty minutes until we were back in the front hallway. Ellie had stayed in the living room, watching television, while the rest of us had been traipsing through the house. We joined her, and that was when I got nervous. It turned out to be for good reason.
“So, Kate,” Ellie started with false nonchalance, “did you know that Haley likes girls?” I had to give her credit for being straightforward, but I still wanted to crawl into a hole and bury myself for years and years. Kate didn't give any outward sign that she was surprised by the question, but she surprised me with her response.
“Yes, and I also know she's single.” I was even more surprised when she looked away from Ellie and said, while staring at me, “And she knows that I'm single too.”
Was she sending me a message? As she turned back to Ellie and they started talking about movies, I furiously analyzed what Kate had said. She could have just been confirming that I remembered our previous conversation in my room (as if I would ever forget it), but I knew immediately that I was stretching. Or trying to talk myself out of believing something good. If she was sending me a message, then I was reading it loud and clear for once. Now I just had to figure out how to act on it.
I tuned back into the conversation as they were talking about a new movie that had come out yesterday.
“We were supposed to see it yesterday,” Ellie said, “but then all the stuff with my dad happened and my mom said that we have to watch it another weekend.”
Kate was sympathetic. “I'm really sorry that your dad is in the hospital. Haley told me when we were making our plans for today. I'm sure he's going to be fine and home soon.”
Ellie mumbled a quick “Thanks” in that awkward way people did when they didn’t know what else to say and wanted to change the topic. Kate must have picked up on it, because she immediately switched the conversation.
“I was going to see that movie tomorrow, but my best friend backed out at the last minute,” she said, obviously disappointed. “I already bought the tickets, so I have to find someone else to go with now,” she continued.
Ellie perked up. “Haley isn't doing anything tomorrow, are you, Haley? You can go with Kate,” she said as if it was the ideal solution to Kate's problem.
I gave her a quick glare to let her know her meddling was not appreciated, and she returned it with an innocent smile.
“That sounds great,” Kate exclaimed. “If you're not doing anything, I would love it if you came with me. If you don't want to see this movie, we can try to see something else,” she added.
Before I could think about it, I heard myself saying, “No, that's fine, I've actually been wanting to see that movie. I read that the dust storm scene looks really good on the big screen, and I don't have any plans for tomorrow. Like Ellie mentioned,” I added pointedly.
We agreed to meet at my house tomorrow before the movie and drive to the theater together. Max began complaining that he was hungry, and since it was lunchtime, I told the kids I would make them sandwiches and snacks. Kate immediately offered to help, so we both went to the kitchen, leaving the kids in the living room. It was the first time we had been by ourselves since she’d arrived.
I got the bread, meats, and cheeses from the refrigerator while Kate went to the pantry to check on which snacks were in stock. She came back out with bags of pretzels, chips, and cookies.
“Are these okay for them?” she asked as she set the bags down on the counter.
“Yeah, we’ll just add some carrots and apple slices from the fridge, and they should be good. Mrs. Jessup is pretty cool when it comes to feeding the kids. I’ve been doing this long enough that she knows I’m not going to give them a tub of ice cream and two spoons and leave them at it,” I said with smile.
Kate laughed and said, “I don’t think I want to be here if Max is full of sugar. I’ve seen my little cousins on a sugar rush, and it wasn’t pretty. You don’t even have the luxury of giving them back to their parents if they get extra crazy. How long do you have to stay with them today?” she asked as she began putting a little of each snack on the kids’ plates.
I went back to the refrigerator for the vegetables and fruits. Over my shoulder, I said to her, “Their grandmother is flying in at around seven tonight.” I came back to the counter and said in a lower voice so the kids couldn’t overhear, “I think it’s pretty serious, with their dad in the hospital. The doctors found something with his heart, and they rushed him into surgery. He’s probably going to be in the hospital for a while if they have a relative flying in to stay and watch the kids.”
Kate’s eyebrows furrowed in distress. “That’s awful. The kids are still so young. Is their dad a young guy?” she asked.
I nodded. “He can’t be more than forty. At least they caught it early.”
There was silence for the next seconds before Kate blurted out, “We’re going on a date tomorrow, aren’t we? Because I’m under the impression that this is a date, and I didn’t want you to think it was more of a friend thing, but if you do want it to be just a friendly hangout, then that’s cool too, I just wanted us to be on the same page. It would be embarrassing if we each thought it was one thing but the other thought it was something else and wires were crossed and stuff happened that would not be good,” she ended limply.
I saw her face scrunch up as if she regretted everything that she had just said. I couldn’t help smiling at her rambling. It was adorable. She was adorable.
My smile melted away when I thought about what she had just asked me. Here was the clear-cut sign I had been looking for, so it was easy for me to agree with her. Even though my heart was beating furiously.
“Yes, a date tomorrow is good. I mean tomorrow being a date is fine. Me and you on a date at the movies sounds super,” I said, and now it was my turn to cringe. I wouldn’t blame her if she canceled right then and there after that word jumble I just spat out.
But she was nodding in affirmation. “Okay, great! It’s a date, then.” She continued nodding for a few more seconds until she abruptly stopped, as if she had just realized what she was doing.
Now it was my turn to blurt something out. “So you like girls?” But before she could answer, Max and Ellie came into the kitchen looking for lunch. I silently cursed their timing. So close, but still so clueless.
I turned from Kate and set the kids up at the kitchen table with their lunches. The doubts started to creep in. Should I have asked her that question? Did I have the right? Jenny had mentioned that Kate may be bisexual, but I got the impression that she wasn’t 100 percent sure. If her own best friend didn’t know, then why should I?
I lingered at the table, asking the kids if they needed anything else. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear Kate’s answer. If she said she was straight but wanted to try dating a girl for fun, I would have to end whatever we had before it even started. I liked her, but I had to protect myself first.
After getting the kids some juice, I couldn’t put things off any longer. Kate was waiting at the kitchen counter where I had left her, and I took up my previous position. I was fiddling with cleaning up the counter when she put a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. I looked up to her solemn face. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered so I was the only one who could hear.
“I’ve liked boys before, and I’ve liked girls before. And right now I like you,” she said to me. When she pulled back, she looked at me nervously, trying to gauge my reaction.
“I like you too,” I said honestly. She smiled, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“No duh,” Max said from the table. “You guys are all lovey-dovey; of course you like her.” I guess I had been a little louder than I’d thought, but I didn’t care. Kate and I liked each other, and we were going out on a date.
Awesome.