TUESDAY, OCTOBER 9
Jaime walked across the parking lot to the courthouse, butterflies flying in anything but formation. Dane was waiting within for the first hearing related to her charges. Mitch’s text had thrown her into an adrenaline-laced rush. Somehow the email he’d sent her with details on the hearing had gotten hung up in his out-box.
The thought of seeing Dane made her feel like an eight-year-old girl begging her mother not to take her to his home. If she could live those days over again, there were so many things she’d do differently. She’d tell her mom why she didn’t want to go. If that didn’t work, she’d tell her teacher. Someone would have understood what she struggled to put into words and helped her escape.
Today would be different. She’d be in the safety of a courtroom. This was her world, not his. And she’d have someone on her side this time, someone who knew the full story.
She forced a bravery she didn’t feel into her steps. If she was supposed to fake it until she made it, she’d be faking a very long time. Maybe into the next century.
You’ve got this, Jaime.
Only she didn’t.
At moments like this she wished she could believe in God like her friends did. Hayden’s faith was this natural extension of her life. Caroline’s flowed from her in bubbly streams. Emilie’s might be quieter, but it was a bedrock when life shifted—as it had done significantly last year when her friend was being stalked. But anytime Jaime dared to consider it, she couldn’t escape the reality that God had not bothered to intervene for her when she was an innocent girl.
She wasn’t doing badly on her own.
If she ignored the nightmares.
She’d known a recurrence was a risk when she moved forward in her plan to bring Dane to justice, but she hadn’t expected to relive the abuse every night. It was like her mind had reverted to being that child who felt out of control, alone, and so scared.
Was it better to yank the Band-Aid off all at once or let it slowly peel back?
Neither felt good.
She lifted her face to the sun and let it warm her even as a chill breeze blew across her shoulders and down her neck. If she wanted to arrive in time, she needed to pick up her pace.
The white stone building towered above the cityscape in the bustling area squeezed between Rosslyn and Clarendon. The courthouse area continued to evolve and pulse with the energy of a hipster locale crammed into a few square blocks. Unlike Old Town Alexandria, this part of Arlington was relatively new, with the courthouse opening in 1994 and many of the buildings around it cropping up after 2000. A slight detour across the paved courtyard led to the movie theater. Turn a little farther and one could slip into the Metro system and be whisked to any corner of the larger DC area. Hayden and Emilie could have Old Town. Jaime liked the energy of these more urban spaces.
And right now she needed that energy to propel her through the metal detector and to the courtroom. This preliminary hearing should be routine, with the CA presenting evidence to establish probable cause for the charges to proceed. Then it would be a grand jury. She’d likely testify at both, since she was the only evidence other than her journal.
The thought had her stomach churning. If it had been so hard to talk to her parents, what would it be like to share her blackest moments with strangers?
She walked down the hallway and took the elevator to the courtroom floor, striding past other attorneys without really noticing them. The civil attorneys wouldn’t recognize her unless they’d had reason to appear in criminal court. Most wouldn’t dirty their hands.
When she entered the courtroom it was empty, not even a bailiff or clerk lurking in a corner. Then her eyes adjusted to the light and she noticed a man. From across the room, she knew it was Dane. Even seated, the way he held himself reinforced his confidence that he was in control.
She turned to leave. She’d check the hallway for Mitch, then poke her head into the judge’s office.
“I wouldn’t leave.” His voice echoed with authority in the vacant space.
“Why?” She forced the tremble from her voice.
“Because I arranged this time to talk to you.”
“Really?” He couldn’t do that. Not when a preliminary hearing was required by law.
“The judge is one of my golf buddies.”
“Of course. Thanks for the information. I’ll be sure to request a change of judge.”
His gray gaze bored into her. He gestured to the courtroom. “This isn’t going to accomplish a thing.”
“Other than seek justice for what you did to me.”
“You think this will resolve whatever your twisted mind thinks happened?”
“I do.”
“Then you are more delusional than I thought.” He eased to his feet in a catlike move, unnerving in its smoothness. Shouldn’t he be getting creaky in his advanced years? “No one will believe your allegations.”
“The Commonwealth’s Attorney already does.” She wanted to glance around but kept her eyes locked on Dane. Where was Mitch?
“Everyone knows that cases like this are Lacy’s mission in life. It would be easy enough to sway her your direction.”
“No swaying needed.” Jaime felt the blackness pinpricking the light. No, she wouldn’t let him see her weakness. She forced words from her parched throat. “They sensed the truth.”
“Then you’ll start a war.” His eyes were lit with a fire that would consume her if she didn’t get away. “There are things you don’t comprehend.”
“You’re right.” Her lungs threatened to stop working, her breath coming in the barest sips. “I’ll never understand how you could molest an innocent child.”
“I didn’t do anything to you.” His gaze was unflinching.
“I’m leaving.” She turned and walked deliberately toward the door, when what she wanted to do was sprint. Put as much distance between them as she could. She felt the light-headed sensation that signaled a panic attack.
“One last thing.” His voice commanded her to stop with so much authority he might as well have shouted.
“Yes?” She didn’t turn around, couldn’t turn around.
“If you continue, I will destroy you.”
“I’m not your soldier. I don’t follow your orders and won’t be cowed by your threats.”
“That makes you easier to break.”
Jaime tipped her chin, squared her shoulders, and pushed the door open. She had worked too hard to now allow this man to reenter her mind and psyche, but she felt his presence as if tendrils had latched into her soul. She kept moving. Where was Mitch? He wasn’t in the hallway, so she quickly entered the office for circuit court and waited for the judge’s assistant, Marlene, to finish a phone call.
The woman looked at her and did a double take. “You okay, Jaime? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, hon.”
A ghost. That was a good way to describe Dane. A man who was a part of her terrible, dark night of the soul, but not a being who could hurt her now. She wasn’t a little girl anymore.
“Is the judge ready for the hearing?”
Marlene shook her head, dangly earrings jangling. “No. I called your office to let you know it had to be postponed. An emergency hearing cropped up.” She glanced at her desk and tugged a file free from the pile, then slid it toward Jaime. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.”
“The defendant was in here asking questions. Guess he doesn’t plan to hire an attorney. Seems to think he can snap his fingers and make it go away.”
“He has that ability at his job.”
“Last time I checked, he wasn’t the judge.” Marlene crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back with attitude. “Anyway, thought you’d want to know he’s unrepresented.”
“Does he know the judge personally?”
“Not that I’m aware of. Why?”
“He said they were golf buddies.”
“Then he doesn’t know this judge. She hates golf.”
“Good. I didn’t want to change judges anyway.”
“Um-hum.” The phone rang, and Marlene glanced at it. “This thing has been ringing all day. Mitch will let you know when we reschedule, probably tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Marlene.”
She knew Marlene was right. She had to count the cost of this lawsuit. She wanted to finally hold Dane accountable for what he’d done to her. She wanted him to acknowledge the ways she had paid for that violation through high school and college, and still did today with her fear of relationships.
Family was supposed to love and protect you. Yet he hadn’t. How could she risk love with anyone else?
Ignoring the elevator, Jaime slipped down the stairs and stopped in an alcove on the first floor to pull up her work calendar on her phone. There were meetings and hearings coming up, some related to the Alexander Parron case. It wouldn’t hurt to stop by the PD’s office to check on things and make sure Evan didn’t have any questions. Maybe her boss would realize how much he needed her and be ready to lift this ridiculous leave. A woman could hope. And it was better than risking seeing Dane on his way out of the court.