TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16
Simba waited by the door when Jaime opened it after the Metro ride back from the city. She’d opted to walk slowly from the station, trying to organize her thoughts and emotions. It had been a crazy day, and she’d invited Chandler over before she’d known how draining it would be.
She felt soul-level emptied.
Could this all be part of God’s pursuit of her, as Caroline suggested?
Was He big enough to take her questions and love her anyway? Would He absorb her anger and release her to feel? She sensed His tug, but the next step felt massive.
She dropped her bag beside the catch-all table, kicked off her shoes, and then scooped up the cat. “What was I thinking, boy?” She walked to her bedroom. “I must have felt weak this morning when I promised Chandler supper.”
She squeezed into her room and changed into a pair of jeans and blouse. Then it was back to the kitchen to work through food options since she’d skipped the grocery store due to lack of time. “Looks like it’s pasta with homemade sauce and some kind of salad.”
Jaime was dicing vegetables for the sauce when the front doorknob jiggled, and Caroline opened the door. She carried her things to the small closet and hung them up before turning around to greet Jaime.
“What are you working on?”
“Supper. I forgot to mention at coffee I invited Chandler over.”
“No problem. I’ll make myself scarce.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do. You’re letting me stay here, not disrupt your life.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “By the way, I stopped by the apartment again to get a couple things. It’s looking like the people the management company hired haven’t even started yet. I’ll be the first to admit I don’t understand home improvement projects, but I expected something to change.”
“That’s not a good sign.”
“I’ve got a call into the company. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” But the way she twisted a strand of hair around her finger and then let go only to do it again conveyed Caroline’s discomfort. She wasn’t certain of anything.
“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need.”
“You’re sweet, but you weren’t looking for a permanent roommate.” She shook her head as if clearing the thought. “Oh, before I forget. Brandon’s hosting a cookout at Fort Hunt Park in a few days. We want you to come.”
Jaime wiped her eyes as the onion hit her. “Are you two becoming an item?”
A blush climbed Caroline’s cheeks even as she shook her head. “He’s way too busy with his kids, and I’m not interested.”
“In an ex-football player who happens to be jaw-dropping?”
“Says the girl fascinated by the Captain America look-alike. Jaime, there’s no way he’s interested in me. It’s a shame, because he’s great with kids, but that wouldn’t work anyway.”
“So he needs a nudge.”
“No!” Caroline stepped away from the doorjamb. “Don’t even think about doing something like that. I’m content with my life.”
“Do you want me to speak the truth?”
“Not even in love, girlfriend. What time is Chandler coming?”
“Nice try. Six. Why don’t you want the truth?”
“Because. But save the date for the picnic. And bring Chandler. It’ll give you something to look forward to.” Caroline waggled her fingers at Jaime and collected her bag.
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll grab dinner, maybe go back to the court. Brandon brought some girls in today that I used to know. Between that impromptu drop-in and coffee with you, I’m behind. Don’t wait up.”
Before Jaime could respond, her friend was out the door. She knew she didn’t need someone as a buffer to make sure all stayed well. She knew she was safe with Chandler. He was a kind warrior. The sort who would give his life to protect the innocent. Her innocence had been stolen years earlier, and he still stayed.
She stirred the sauce and then walked to the bathroom, leaned into the sink, and studied her image in the mirror. “He’s coming so you can ask him questions. You’ve eaten together before. You’ve watched movies together. This is no big leap forward.”
The problem was her heart knew those words were lies, every one.
Chandler stepped from the elevator, then held it open for Caroline. “Am I chasing you out?”
“Not at all.” She made a no-big-deal expression. “I’m headed to work. Have a nice time.”
“Isn’t it late to head in?” He released the door to let her descend.
She stuck her hand there to hold it open. “Not really. But listen. You do anything to hurt Jaime, and I have friends who can hurt you.” The door started beeping a warning, but she continued to hold it. “That woman is precious to me and not to be toyed with.”
“Promise. She’s special to me too.”
“Good. The flowers are a nice touch.” Caroline released her hand on the door and let them slide closed.
Chandler glanced down at the bouquet he’d picked up at a local market. The sunflowers and mums had felt like fall and a pulse of color that he hoped would make Jaime smile every time she saw them. The way she engendered such protectiveness in Caroline was both endearing and a little terrifying. Jaime had an agenda for inviting him up, but he didn’t know what. Give me wisdom.
The hallway started smelling of garlic and onion before he reached her door. His stomach rumbled as he knocked on the door and then stepped back. A minute later she opened it, and her studied casual elegance made him want to tell her she didn’t need to try so hard. He loved everything about her. He needed to back away though. She couldn’t be his, not yet.
“Thanks for inviting me over. Whatever you’re cooking smells better than the microwave meal I’d have scorched.” He held up the flowers. “I got these for you.”
Jaime’s mouth tipped open as her eyes misted. “Thank you. They’re perfect.” She took them and slid around the island. “I’ve got a vase here somewhere.” She dug around, avoiding looking at him.
“Anything I can do to help?”
“No.” She popped up from digging through a cabinet. “I found one.”
“Jaime, I’m glad to be here, but not at the expense of your peace.” She fidgeted with the flowers, so he reached across the island and stilled her hands. “You are important, and I wanted you to know you’re seen.”
A tear trickled down her cheek, and his heart squeezed. “Why?”
“Because you are valuable.” He reached across and ran his thumb down her cheek. The skin soft as rose petals to the touch. She stilled and he felt time freeze. A moment to capture. Just like he wanted to taste her mouth and let her know how much value he found in her. He held back, knowing it could be too much.
Time to get back to whatever purpose she had. He slid his thumb from her cheek and took a step back. “What are you making? Something Italian?”
She blinked as if coming back from a daze. “It’s a bit of this and that. Hopefully it will be good.”
They made small talk while she finished preparing the meal, then sat at the tiny table to eat the chicken and pasta with a nice salad. Jaime kept up her end of the conversation but seemed quiet and lost in her thoughts at times.
He wiped his mouth with a napkin and then leaned back. “That was excellent. Thanks for a home-cooked meal. Now can you tell me what’s bugging you?”
She swirled her fork through the chunky vegetables left on her plate. “I finished the book you loaned me.”
“You mentioned that last night. What did you think?”
“I can see why you like it.”
“Oh?”
“It’s a simple yet compelling story. You named your Aslan well.”
“I’ve always liked that the lion Aslan isn’t tame.”
“Why? I’d be like Susan, afraid to meet him.”
“If he were tame, we could control him. The magic of Aslan is that he’s bigger and more than we are.” Chandler took a sip of water. “I like the idea that God is wild and so much more than me, but He fights for me.”
“I don’t like the idea that following Him means being out of control.”
“But He’s a good king.”
She shook her head and then shrugged. “Maybe He has been for you. I’ve had a different experience.” She sighed. “I want so much what you and my friends have, but there’s this insurmountable reality of my past.”
Chandler heard the longing in her voice. There was so much hope, if she could just reach out and grab it. He prayed as he leaned toward her. “There’s nothing in your past that scares God. I know to my core He was there with you, crying with you.”
“But I never sensed Him.”
“He was there. And He’s with you now. So many would be devastated by your experience. Instead, you’re this amazingly strong overcomer. And I know to the absolute core of my soul that He will use your past for good if you let Him.”
“I want to believe that. But I’m struggling.” Her voice was beautifully broken.
“That ‘want to’ is the first step, Jaime.”
A blaze of emotions skated over her face, one followed by the other, until hope chased fear away.