WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17
A man stood in the doorway. He crept closer, and Jaime tried to push farther into the shadows of her bed. If she pretended she was asleep, he would go away.
But he didn’t. He paused as if sniffing the air, and then stepped closer.
Again.
And again.
Until he was so close, she felt his breath.
Jaime jerked awake. She fought against lungs locked in panic, her mouth open in a silent scream.
Caroline opened the door to Jaime’s room and slipped inside, her face illuminated by the light cast by the bedside lamp. She eased onto the edge of the bed and slowly rubbed Jaime’s arm. “You aren’t alone, Jaime.” The circular motion began to orient Jaime to the fact she was in her room. “Father, please make Your presence known to Jaime through Your peace that passes all understanding.”
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” The words escaped in spurts and gasps.
“I know. You’re the bravest women I know, but you can’t walk this alone.”
“I have you, right?” Jaime tried to laugh and break the tension still squeezing through her, but she couldn’t. Pressure built to know the truth. To take the risk to trust this God as her friends did.
Maybe Chandler was right and He could use her life.
He didn’t feel safe or tame.
She’d liked the idea of a tame lion she could control and mold in a way that didn’t shatter her world. She wanted the powerful parts He offered without the sacrifice, yet it was both. She needed Him to touch and heal her. She couldn’t do that, and this lawsuit attempt had reinforced how very much her efforts were doomed to fail.
Maybe He could be trusted. Maybe He was good, as the beaver in the book said. Maybe she didn’t need Him to be safe as much as she needed Him to be good to her.
The thought chased her the way Simba chased a ball across a floor. Everywhere she went it dogged her. Hounding her as she made supper, following her as she jogged on the treadmill in the exercise room, following her as she watched a show with Simba curled against her side. No matter what she did, she felt the presence. What if He would be good to her?
It was almost worth any risk to find out.
So many had disappointed her, and yet she knew more was possible. She knew it to the core of her being.
It felt odd but so right to reach out to Him with the echo of her darkest moments fading like a mist in the morning light.
“What do I do?”
Caroline’s smile rivaled the first light of dawn. “Ask Him to break through your walls. I’ll lead.”
And as Jaime repeated the simple prayer, she didn’t feel a quake that shifted her foundations the way the Stone Table cracked with Aslan atop it. Instead, she felt the softest vibration, an echo that felt like love and peace combined, a sensation she wanted to clutch and memorize.
Caroline hugged her and then bounded off the bed, wiping her eyes. “I need to get ready for work.” She started toward the door, then turned back. “Thank you for letting me be part of this.”
Before Jaime could reply, her friend slipped into the living room, easing the door behind her. Jaime stayed propped in bed, tipping her face toward the ceiling. It felt like drops of grace washed over her in a gentle sprinkle. It was the gentlest scrubbing she’d ever experienced. A cleaning at the deepest levels.
The feeling stayed with her as she dressed in a suit that made her feel invincible and prepared to return to work. The only problem? Crickets were louder than what she’d heard from the public defender’s office since Savannah had forwarded the letter from the ethics panel. Had that only been yesterday?
If she got back to work quickly, she could attempt to salvage the Parron trial. That would take a miracle, but maybe she needed to believe in one.
She’d march into the office as if her leave had expired and see what happened.
There was a knock at the door, and she frowned at Simba. “Were you expecting anyone, boy?”
She edged to the door and opened it. Chandler straightened and a grin spread across his face. “Hey, you.”
“Good morning.” She leaned against the door and tried to resist the magnetic pull to him. She didn’t want to resist. She wanted to believe he was the perfect man for her, and it went far deeper than his Captain America persona. It would be hard to explain to someone how much his character tugged her to him as surely as Cupid’s arrow.
“Ready for an escort to wherever you’re going?”
She tipped her head and studied him. “Don’t you have to get to work?”
“Not today. Took a vacation day to spend time with my girl.”
The words settled over her. “I’d love that, but I need to see if I still have a job.”
“Then your chariot awaits.”
She bit her lip and then nodded. “Thank you.”
He leaned toward her, his lips inching nearer. “You’re welcome.”
She held her breath, hoping, wishing, expecting . . . and then sighed as he edged back.
“Get your things, and we’ll grab coffee on the way.”
“All right.” When they were settled in his truck, she glanced out the window. “This morning was a big one.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“Caroline prayed with me.”
He slowed at a stoplight, then reached over to squeeze her hand. “That is fantastic news.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I think so too.” She tried to ignore the warmth that spread up her arm. “I’ve never felt this . . . loved.”
“It’s a great feeling. Take a mental snapshot, because it won’t always feel this perfect.” His eyes met hers with quiet joy. “But you won’t regret it.”
She’d watched Hayden, Emilie, and Caroline for years. She’d observed them experience hard things and still hold to their faith. She might not ever understand why God had allowed certain horrors in her life, but she had a feeling He could handle her questions, and she’d decided to trust Him regardless.
“So, the public defender’s office?” He pulled out of the coffee shop drive-thru.
“Yes.” She needed to see what would happen. It was a gamble to arrive unannounced, but it was too easy to tell someone they weren’t wanted or needed over the phone.
Fifteen minutes later Chandler slowed and pulled to the curb in front of the PD’s office. It was one suite of offices in a skyscraper of a building a five-minute walk from the courthouse. He glanced at her, then at the building. “Want me to wait here?”
“It would probably be a good idea.” She sighed. “I don’t know if they’ll welcome me back.”
“I bet they will.”
She knew better than to hope but had to take this step. Would Grant give in to whoever had told him to fire her? She wanted to know just who that man was.
Could she clutch the morning’s earlier feeling of peace tight and hold on a little longer? As she looked out the truck’s window and took in the stone behemoth in front of her, she didn’t know. But she couldn’t sit here and let some faceless man rob her voice. She would fight for her job the way she fought for her clients.
Chandler parked the vehicle and stepped from it. A moment later he was holding the door for her. “Whatever happens in there, you have a future, Jaime.”
She wanted to believe that.
He offered her a hand and helped her from the truck. “I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”
Somehow she knew he would, even if she was there for hours. “I’ll call as soon as I know how long I’ll be.”
Then she squared her shoulders and walked toward the double door that led to the lobby and the elevators that would whisk her to the PD’s suite.
Time to get inside and see what her future held.