Marissa had stayed up way too late after Thanksgiving, drinking and watching the Lifetime Movie Network in bed. She could not get comfortable no matter what she did. She couldn’t stop thinking about how Jared had looked at her that day with such disdain and resentment. Turning over, she grabbed her phone to look at the time. Only three minutes had gone by since the last time she looked. Even with the muscle relaxers she had taken over the course of the evening and the bottle of wine she had brought upstairs, sleep was still nowhere to be found.
With a groan she sat up, contemplating her options. Finally, she reached over to her nightstand and grabbed her laptop. She adjusted her pillows to sit up slightly and opened her email.
Jared,
I know I said—
Nope. Marissa held the backspace button down, deleting the words she had managed before trying again.
Jared,
I need you to understand, everything I said to you was a lie. It was meant to hurt you, because it was the only way I could think of to keep you safe.
She stared, rereading her words carefully a few times before she was satisfied enough to continue.
Upon leaving the physical therapy center, I started receiving photos. Just like the victims of my last case. So I came to Port Townsend. And they kept coming. The focus of the photos soon became you. The only thing I could think to do was cut you off and put distance between us. And it worked. I no longer receive pictures of you. Now they are only photographs of me. I’m working on putting distance between myself and everyone but
Marissa paused.
the truth is I’m not ready to be alone.
And while some of her family had made appearances in the background of some of these photos, they were never the focus, which was something she could cling to.
“What the fuck am I doing,” Marissa growled softly to herself.
With a sigh, she held the delete button down and watched the email disappear. No good would come from it. He had moved on. He was happy with medical assistant Barbie. They were living together and starting a family. What good would the truth do now? Their friendship may never recover, but he could live a full life. Telling him the truth would only serve to place him back in danger.
She slammed her laptop closed and wiped the wetness from her eyes. Running both her hands through her hair to wrap around her temples, Marissa shook her head. This was pointless.
She rolled onto her back while different thoughts floated across her mind.
Second chances. The universe certainly had a sense of humor.
As morning arrived, she decided that no, she was just going to stay in bed. Ellie and Wicket didn’t seem to mind spending the day snuggled up with her. She kept all the curtains closed and lights off, the only light coming from the TV. It wasn’t until nearly midnight that Marissa her way downstairs to really scrounge around for food, finally feeling some pangs of hunger. She hadn’t been wandering around her kitchen for more than ten minutes when a knock at her door made her jump. It was late; who the hell would be knocking at her door? Grabbing her phone to investigate her Ring app, she couldn’t help but smile to see who was standing there.
“Hey, what’s up?” She opened the door to see Mac standing there with his hands in his pockets. He was much more casual than she was used to seeing him, in sweatpants and a black hoodie, his hair messy enough to make it look like he’d just rolled out of bed.
“I saw your light on. Wanted to make sure you were okay since I didn’t see you all day.”
Marissa huffed. “Yeah, I just couldn’t sleep.” She scratched the back of her head, loosening the previously tightly pulled hair. “What are you doing up?” She raised an eyebrow at him.
“I spent most of the day sleeping. Recovering from that food coma your sister put me in.” He paused. “Plus, it’s my job to keep an eye on you.”
“Right,” she said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.
“Okay, well, if you’re okay, I will just head home.” His eyes lingered on hers before he started to turn around. As he did, she hesitated.
“Wait,” she said, bouncing onto her toes. “Do you like old movies?”
He turned and smiled at her, looking interested. “What?”
“Do you like old movies?” she repeated, potentially looking impatient until she gave him a small smile. “When I can’t sleep, I run through TMC streaming and watch old movies. I was debating between McLintock! and El Dorado. Feels like a western kind of night.”
His smile brightened. “Love John Wayne films.”
“Why don’t you join me?” She opened the door a little wider and moved out of the way, allowing him to enter the house. As soon as he closed the door behind him, Ellie was in the hallway, whining in excitement.
She watched them for a moment and felt herself relax a little. Having someone else in the house calmed her nerves a lot more than she expected. “I’m going to make some popcorn and get a drink. You want anything? I have…” She looked into her kitchen. “I have wine. Lots of wine.”
“Wine is good then.”
“Good. Have a seat, and I’ll be right there.”
A few minutes later, Marissa joined him on the couch, sitting on the middle cushion. “This way, we can share,” she explained, as though she needed to, handing him the popcorn. He smiled at her. “Do you have a preference?”
“Let’s start with McLintock.”
“Start with, huh?” She laughed as she passed him his glass of wine.
He shrugged, taking the wine carefully. Marissa took a large sip of her wine before putting it on the coffee table and shifted as Ellie jumped up on her other side. The shepherd put her head in Marissa’s lap and huffed in contentment as the movie started.
She didn’t feel drained anymore. They watched the movie quietly, laughing together. At some point, Ellie stretched out, pushing Marissa closer to him. She waited for him to protest or tell her to move over, but he did neither. The two hours had flown by before she was even aware.
“One more?” She glanced at her phone to look at the time. It was just after 3 a.m. She should have sent him home and gone to bed.
“Yeah, why not?” He smiled at her and stretched out, leaving his arm around the back of the couch as she leaned forward to put on El Dorado. She finished her wine and sat back on the couch, pulling a blanket over her legs, and throwing them up on the sofa under Ellie, who huffed in annoyance. “Are you cold?” She held up her blanket, offering to share.
“I’m good.” He nodded and smiled at her before looking back at the TV.
She stared at him for a moment longer, briefly wondering what her life would have been if she had made different choices. Second chances, indeed.
It wasn’t as though she didn’t enjoy El Dorado, but somewhere in the middle of the movie, Marissa started to drift off. Sleep that so often eluded her finally came. It was a restful sleep. It wasn’t until the sunlight from the front window shone on her face that she opened her eyes again. She wasn’t sure where she was at first. Ellie was sleeping curled up in the chair, and Marissa had, at some point, stretched out her legs. She had also curled into Mac’s chest, his arm around her. Sitting up, Marissa wiped the drool from her mouth and sleep from her eyes, surprised. As she shifted slightly, she felt him move beneath her.
“Good morning.” He stretched out his arms and yawned before he looked down at her and paused as though waiting to see how she reacted.
“Morning,” she said slowly. “Sorry.”
“For what?”
“I think I might have drooled on you a little,” she said sheepishly.
“I think it’s okay.” He gave her a confident smile, his arm still around her. “How did you sleep?”
“I actually slept,” she admitted, a little surprised.
“Good. I’m going to take a little credit for that.”
“You should.” She nodded, allowing herself to relax a little, leaning into him.
He was about to say something else when Marissa felt her phone vibrate before she heard it. She grabbed it quickly. It was a text from Veronica.
[Veronica: There is a report of an abandoned car in Upper Big Quilcene Trail #833. Matches the description of your victim Rolley’s car. You wanna check it out?]
“They found my murder victim’s car.” She stared at her phone for a long moment. She wanted to call Brian but didn’t feel comfortable after Mel’s bitchfest at Thanksgiving. Maybe if they actually found something in the car she would. She looked up at Mac, bouncing where she sat. “You want to go with me? It’s about an hour and a half drive.”
Mac nodded. “Sure. Let me just run home, change, and freshen up?”
“Sounds good.” She smiled at him. She was grateful for the interruption, too, not yet ready for this conversation. She wasn’t prepared to give it any kind of thought, give it labels, or any finality. Instead, she’d just ignore it. She would continue to pretend there was nothing but professionalism between her and Mac.
Once he was out her door, she ambled up the stairs, her legs feeling stiffer than ever. She washed her face, threw her hair up without bothering to brush it, and found some clothes that wouldn’t be too tight on her skin. She could already feel a flare-up coming on, probably from the Thanksgiving stress settling in. Heading back down the stairs, she stepped into the bathroom to grab her daily meds, grabbed Ellie’s vest, and walked out the door, locking it behind her. Mac came out of his front door moments later and met her by her car. “I figure I’ll drive since I know where we’re headed” She paused, looking around the interior. “Sorry, the car is an absolute mess.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said, flashing her that charming smile of his, which she turned her head to ignore as she sat down in the car.
Marissa settled into her mini, turned the radio on, and smiled as she started the car. She loved her little, fast car. While the hour-and-a-half-long ride wouldn’t have been long to begin with, Marissa made it in forty-five minutes. As she started to slow down along the service road, Mac let out a small laugh.
“You’ve got a serious lead foot.”
Marissa just shrugged and gave him a smile. “She likes to go fast.” She grinned before turning back to the road. They didn’t have to go too far off the road before they saw it. Pulling over, she knew right away that it was the car they’d been searching for.
The little silver Honda was pulled off the side of what would be considered a service road, the front wheel in a ditch. Veronica was standing behind the car, looking down the hill. She walked over as they got out of the car, shaking her head. “I don’t know how this ended up here, and his body ended up behind the Palace Hotel. It makes literally no sense.”
“Have you looked inside yet?” Marissa felt a slight flutter of excitement, pulling her jacket closer as the cold coast breeze blew through.
“No, I figured I’d wait for you.” Veronica nodded her head at Mac, acknowledging that he was there. “Hey.” She stood to the side, giving Marissa space. “Oh!” she said after a moment, digging in her pocket and pulling out a pair of keys. “You’ll need these.”
“Yes.” She took the keys and looked at the car. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the car door and began the initial search. The forensic team would tear the vehicle apart later. Still, Marissa, Ronnie, and Mac searched under the seats, in the glove box, and in the trunk for anything left behind. She hoped they would find something that would lead to answers.
“I got something,” Mac said, awkwardly straightening his long body after leaning down to look under the front passenger seat. He held up a bracelet very carefully.
Marissa stopped her search of the driver’s seat and stared. The silver chain dangled and glistened, the familiar A charm twirling as he held it up.
“That’s Allison’s bracelet,” Marissa said quietly, without taking her eyes off the band.
“Allison Drake?” Mac asked, obviously trying to keep up on a case that wasn’t his.
“Yeah.” Marissa pulled herself out of the car and met Mac around the vehicle’s front, taking the bracelet in her gloved hand. She examined it closer, but she had no doubts. This was Allison’s bracelet. She never took it off. It was a gift from her dad on her sixteenth birthday.
Veronica came over, looking uncomfortable as she eyed the bracelet. “The tow is coming for the car, so we can have our forensic team look through it.”
Marissa nodded, dropping the bracelet into an evidence bag that Ronnie held open. Marissa then took the bag and stuffed it in her pocket.
“I’m gonna take a look around the area,” Marissa announced, following the direction the Honda’s wheel was facing, hoping there was some sense to the madness. There wasn’t much to see, just more forest: tall trees, dried-up leaves of all colors scattered on the forest floor. There was no path here, only dense woods.
Marissa walked just far enough that she could still see the car, Mac, and Veronica in the distance when she turned back, but they seemed small. Ellie’s nose was high in the air as Marissa shoved her hands in her pockets, the sinking feeling of disappointment washing over her. The scene around her was beautiful; the quiet forest should have calmed her, and the fresh air hitting her lungs should have felt refreshing. Instead, as the air filled her lungs, her breathing grew frantic and shallow. She could feel her heart pulse against her breast, hard enough that she thought it might burst right out. Pain exploded through her, shattering through her body. She felt it in her legs, her back, in her throat, in her head. She was frozen in place where she stood.
Ellie immediately started nudging her, urging her to get on the ground, and whining loudly. Despite the pain that she logically knew was from panic, she sat on the floor, laying out her legs so Ellie could lay across them and lick her face while she tried to reassure her. As Marissa breathed in through her nose—inhale calm—she tried to isolate the feeling or thought that had put her on the ground. Letting out a heavy breath—exhale worry—she shuddered, closing her eyes. Inhale calm. It was quiet. It was the calmness that surrounded her. Exhale worry. Marissa opened her eyes to see Mac kneeling beside her.
“You okay?” He didn’t reach out to touch her, though he looked like he wanted to.
Marissa swallowed, feeling her heartbeat. It was nearly back to normal. Still quick, but typical for her, at least. “Yeah.”
“You want to talk about it?” he asked, uncertain if he should.
Marissa let out another slow breath before she answered, her voice low. “It’s too quiet.”
Mac looked understandably confused.
“I don’t know how to do calm and quiet anymore. Everything about my life is chaotic and loud and in constant motion.” At some point, tears had begun falling down her cheeks. “I have no idea how to do quiet anymore. It makes me panic. Fight or flight mode.”
Mac looked at her for a long moment, his face still before he held out a hand to help her up. Ellie jumped off her lap as she stood and brushed her pants off. Marissa looked up at him to see he was watching her, and he gently brushed the tears from her eyes. Mac looked like he wanted to say something, but he sighed and took a look around the forest, keeping his thoughts to himself. Instead, he held out his hand to her.
She hesitated before slipping her hand into his, and they made their way back to the car. Veronica was busy talking to George, who had arrived with the tow truck, and giving him instructions.
By this time, Marissa had snapped herself out of it. She handed Veronica the evidence bag with the bracelet. “Here. You take this down to the station. Let Jackson know I’ll be in first thing in the morning. I think I just need the afternoon. I’m not feeling great.”
“No problem. Go home and feel better.” Veronica obviously tried not to look concerned, but she gave Mac a look that said it all.
“So you’re gonna let me drive, right?” Mac flashed her a charming smile that melted any resistance she had planned on putting up. Though it wasn’t much, she felt weighed down and exhausted now.
“Sure.” She gave him a half-hearted smile as she handed over the keys. “But she is my baby, so you better treat her right.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned.