Missy took a breath and stepped out of the train carriage and onto the platform. Every muscle and bone in her body ached from a journey that should have taken ten hours but had turned into fifteen. Fifteen hours of tossing, turning and pacing. Thoughts racing. In the end, she’d given up on sleep and watched for the kilometres to tick by. The lights in the carriage had dimmed, and if she concentrated hard, beyond her own reflection, she could pick out the occasional farmhouse in the distance. A glow of lights that suggested a small township. At 6 am, there had been an announcement. The train would be stopping for ten minutes in Taree. Missy took the chance to stretch her legs and use the toilet. It was grim. Paper everywhere. Wee on the seats. A disposal bin for needles next to the soap dispenser. Re-boarding the train, she passed a collection of passengers huddled on the platform and smoking furiously. Then, the train went nowhere and the ten-minute stop became a five-hour delay for some unspecified mechanical issue.
At least Ellie wasn’t with her.
Missy yawned and stretched. She was here now, later than anticipated, but still, she was here, right on dusk.
She breathed deeply and took in the sky, all pinks and oranges and soft as sherbet. There was salt in the air. A sharp, vinegary smell. Craning her neck, she glimpsed the ocean beyond the train tracks and, rising up in the distance out of the water, the mountainous Muttonbird Island where the shearwaters flocked every spring to nest and raise their young before setting off again for the 4000-kilometre flight to the Philippines for mating. Missy’s stomach turned. Home.
‘Bye-bye.’ It was the child she’d spoken with at the start of the trip. Behind, her mum stepped heavily out of the carriage.
‘Bye-bye, sweetie. I hope you get to see that dolphin.’
‘I’ll give it a cuddle for you,’ she said seriously.
‘I would love that.’ She knelt down and offered her hand for the little girl to shake. ‘Thank you.’
And with that, she was gone, trailing behind a mother weighed down with candy-striped plastic bags and, Missy surmised, the burden of having wrenched a child away from everything she knew and loved, into an entirely new and uncertain world. But one she had to believe was safer. Definitely safer.
‘You okay, love? Taxi rank’s that way if you need it.’ The station master, hands on hips, stood before her.
‘No, I’m fine. Someone’s meeting me.’
‘Homecoming, eh? Nothing like it. No place like home.’ He winked and headed back inside the ticket office.
Missy shivered and started walking. They’d agreed to meet at the park near the jetty. It would be quiet there now. Just a few joggers, a couple of surfers and the occasional fishing trawler heading out for the nightly catch. She’d messaged about arriving late.
As Missy neared the meeting point, her steps started to quicken.
There. Over on the park bench near the kids’ playground. The back of that head. The angle at which it sat. The hair—a little more grey than she remembered. But still, it was nearly as familiar to her as Ellie’s.
‘Mum!’ Missy couldn’t help herself. She ran, dropping the suitcase out of her hands. At the bench, she fell into the arms she knew and loved so well.
‘Missy, love. Let me look at you. Gawd, I’ve missed you.’ Terri leant out and her eyes appraised her. ‘You look absolutely knackered.’
‘I’m okay.’ Missy sat beside her mum. Definitely a little older. A little heavier. Wrinkles she hadn’t noticed when they said goodbye six years ago. But still—that same smell. The smell of her. Missy couldn’t even begin to describe it. Just like every home had its own distinctive scent, so too did her dear old mum. It was home.
‘Did you make sure you weren’t followed?’ asked Missy, looking about nervously.
‘Missy,’ she scolded. ‘I’m not a fool.’ She took her daughter’s hand and squeezed it. ‘Where’s Ellie? Is she all right?’
‘She’s fine,’ Missy confirmed. ‘For your own sake, it’s better you don’t know where, just in case …’ she trailed off.
Terri squeezed again. ‘I’m not afraid, if that’s what you’re worried about. You got photos?’
Missy produced her phone. ‘Here.’ She started flicking through images. Ellie eating spaghetti with a big tomatoey grin, riding her bike with legs splayed out from the pedals, kicking a soccer ball with intense concentration.
‘Oh gawd, when did she get so big?’ Terri said in wonder. ‘She’s an absolute doll, Miss. An absolute bloody doll.’ Her mum wiped her eyes. ‘Every night, I say a prayer to whoever might be listening.’ She raised her eyes skyward. ‘And I pray with all my heart that I get to see my baby granddaughter, at least one more time before I die.’ Terri started to weep quietly.
‘Oh, Mum,’ said Missy, burying her head into Terri’s shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry. You don’t know how sorry. I stuffed up so bad.’
Terri sniffed, wiping her nose with a tissue. ‘Now, don’t you go saying silly things like that, my girl. It’s not you that’s to blame. It’s him.’ She spat out the words with venom, anger taking over her sadness.
‘He’s been around?’
‘Once. Said he just wanted to talk to you. I told him I had no idea where you were and that if he came around again, I’d call the police.’ She stopped suddenly and dropped her eyes, fiddling with the tissue.
‘What?’ asked Missy. ‘What else happened? You need to tell me, Mum. I need to know what I’m up against here.’
‘The bastard took her photo. The one you sent on her fourth birthday. I had it framed and being the bloody idiot I am, I had it near the front door and the bastard took it.’ Terri curled her fingers nervously against her thigh.
So he knows what Ellie looks like …
‘Okay,’ Missy nodded, trying to hide her own growing unease. ‘Anything else … Mum?’
‘When he left, I watched him …’ she began nervously, still unable to meet Missy’s gaze. ‘I watched him right to the car … and … and I saw it.’ She stopped again.
‘Saw what, Mum. Please.’
‘I think … I think he had a gun,’ she whispered. ‘Down his back … I saw it through his shirt … That shape.’
Missy sat back, her mind spinning. They were all in grave, grave danger. A gun?
‘Oh, Mum, I’m so sorry.’ She buried her head in her hands.
‘Don’t you worry about me. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.’ Terri clutched her arm. ‘Miss, it’s you I’m worried about. It’s too dangerous. You shouldn’t be here. Go back to Sydney. It’s a big city. He won’t find you. You and Ellie are safe there.’
Missy shook her head violently. ‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘No, no. I can’t just sit there and wait for him to come and find us. I have to know what he’s up to. I have to work out what to do. How to protect us.’
‘What about the police? Maybe they could help?’
Missy gave her a look. ‘Yes, because they were so great last time,’ she spat out the words and felt immediate guilt as Terri recoiled. ‘Sorry, Mum, it’s not you I’m cross with … It’s just … it’s not like he’s actually done anything yet. He hasn’t really threatened us. You didn’t actually see the gun. What could they arrest him for?’
Terri dabbed her nose. ‘So what are you going to do, love?’
‘I’m going to watch him. See who he’s hanging out with, whether he’s gone straight back into it. Try and get something concrete that I can give to the cops as a tip-off. Get him put away again.’
Terri nodded. ‘Okay … okay.’ From under her cardigan, she produced a roll of bills. Missy tensed. It had to be at least three grand. ‘This is everything I’ve got, darl. But it should at least keep you going for a few weeks.’
‘Mum, please, no. You can’t.’
‘I can,’ she said firmly, pressing the notes into Missy’s chest and looking round furtively. ‘Take it, quick, before anyone sees; and I’ve rented a car for you, just like you asked—over in the parking lot.’ She inclined her head and pressed the keys into her daughter’s hands.
‘I won’t let you down.’ Missy pocketed the cash and wrapped her arm around Terri in a tight, fierce hug.
‘Ellie,’ Terri whispered. ‘Don’t let Ellie down.’