Usually, Lisa looked forward to Tuesday afternoons and the forty-five minutes of peace that came from Ava and Jemima being ensconced in their ballet class while Lisa read her book or checked her phone or ducked out for a coffee, like all the other mothers usually did. The grey and dingy waiting room was always deserted and relatively quiet except for the background sounds of tinkling piano tunes and Miss Tenille shouting, ‘Princess toes. I want Princess toes, my precious little primas.’ Princess toes meant pointed toes, and the reference to primas was of course to prima ballerinas. It made Lisa giggle. Prima ballerinas they were not! For all Miss Tenille’s exhortations to the girls to demonstrate elegance and grace, the sound that emerged from the classroom more closely resembled that of a stampeding herd of pygmy hippos. The more loudly she demanded ethereal lightness, the more loudly they stomped. Today was no exception. As the thuds grew louder and more violent, Lisa found Ellie’s hand creeping into her lap.
‘What are they doing in there?’ The little girl’s eyes were round and slightly frightened.
‘It’s all right, darling. They’re just dancing. But not very well.’ She inclined her head conspiratorially. ‘Don’t tell them I said that.’
Ellie nodded seriously.
Lisa had tried to get her into the same ballet class as Ava and Jemima but there wasn’t a single place to be had—Scott and Lisa obviously weren’t the only parents happy to pay $50 a week for the privilege of allowing their daughters to stamp around a room for half an hour and fail miserably in their efforts to emulate graceful butterflies.
‘I’m sorry I couldn’t get you into the class.’ Lisa squeezed her hand. ‘We’ll try again next term.’
‘It’s okay,’ said Ellie doubtfully.
‘No really, I will try.’ The little girl gave a worried frown. Maybe she didn’t actually want to do ballet? Ellie was so polite, it was sometimes difficult to know exactly what she wanted—so different to Ava and Jemima who bellowed their demands on a minute-by-minute basis.
‘But only if you want to, Ellie. How about you have a trial lesson and if it’s a bit scary, you don’t have to do it. Okay?’
‘Will you be there?’ Ellie asked.
‘Of course. If you want me to be.’
‘Okay,’ said Ellie happily. ‘That sounds good.’ She swung her legs under the seat.
Not for the first time, Lisa marvelled at Ellie’s resilience. She was such an easygoing child and she’d fit into the family with far more ease than Lisa had expected. There was something calming about her presence. Certainly, it had changed the dynamic between Ava and Jemima. Normally, the competition for Scott and Lisa’s attention came down to a battle of who could yell the loudest. Now, the girls were competing for Ellie’s attention and they’d quickly discovered that she didn’t respond to being shouted at, as that tended to send her into Lisa’s protective arms. But she did respond to gentility and quiet requests for games. Of course it probably wouldn’t last. The novelty of Ellie would soon wear off, Lisa wasn’t naïve enough to expect any different. But still, for ten days of relative peace and quiet, the introduction of a new family member had been well worth it. Besides, it would only be for a short time. Jeff had seemed confident of getting results. Lisa may as well enjoy the marked improvement in her children’s behaviour, even if it was only temporary.
For a moment, the music and the stomping stopped and the waiting room was quiet. Ellie leafed through a tattered picture book out of the bedraggled collection of toys and puzzles in the corner, specifically put there for bored siblings of the primas. Then she sighed and closed it.
‘Lisa, can I ask you something?’
‘Certainly, sweetie. What is it?’
‘Where’s my mummy?’
Lisa’s stomach clenched. ‘You know where she is. She’s gone away, for work.’
‘But where?’
‘I’m not exactly sure of the name, but it’s a long way away. Overseas. That’s why it’s taking a little while for her to get back.’
Ellie bit down on her trembling lip. ‘When will I get to see her?’
‘At some point, darling. You’ll definitely see her again at some point.’
Lisa put her arm around her and felt the child shaking in her arms. This was too much. The truth was that Missy’s note had been so vague that Lisa had no idea if and when Ellie would see her mother at all, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to break the child’s heart. Besides, deep down, she had to believe that Ellie would see her mother again. Jeff would find Missy and somehow they’d convince her to come back for Ellie—she was such a gorgeous child who’d clearly been well loved. Obviously, something had gone catastrophically wrong, but what? She made a mental note to text Jeff and see if he’d made any progress. Nearly a week had passed since the meeting, and there’d been no news at all.
After a few minutes of Lisa stroking Ellie’s back, the little girl’s shaking had slowed to large and irregular sniffles. Lisa offered her a tissue and Ellie blew obediently.
‘Are you okay, darling?’
‘Yes,’ she said in a shaky voice.
‘You know we’re so, so happy that you’re with us, don’t you?’
Ellie nodded.
‘Give me a hug.’ Lisa opened her arms and Ellie climbed into her lap and buried her head into Lisa’s chest. She was still so small. Lisa felt terrible.
‘Can you give me something?’ Ellie’s voice was muffled.
‘Anything, darling. What would you like? A chocolate? I think I’ve got one in here somewhere—’ But as Lisa reached for her bag, Ellie caught her face gently between her two hands and locked eyes with her.
‘Will you promise me that I’ll see her soon?’ Ellie’s eyes were so infinitely blue, they reminded Lisa of a midday summer sky.
‘Yes, definitely. Cross my heart and hope to die,’ Lisa said solemnly, feeling the sickly sensation of knowing she’d just committed to something she had no absolute certainty of achieving.
Mothers clutching coffee cups and wrangling tired, bored siblings started drifting back in. Soon, the pygmy hippos would stampede into the room like a giant flood of creaming soda with their pink leotards and even pinker faces, reddened from too much wild stomping.
Lisa quietly read to Ellie the picture book she’d been leafing through earlier. It was the story of a little girl who had two left feet but loved to dance. Ellie was entranced and Lisa made a second mental note to check again whether she might be able to join the ballet class earlier than term two.
On the last page, Lisa’s phone rang. A number she didn’t recognise.
‘Lisa, is that you? It’s me, Ben. Jamie’s assistant.’
This was strange. Why was he ringing her? They’d met once or twice but Lisa was quite sure she’d never given him her number. ‘Ben, what’s wrong?’
A beat of silence. ‘Something has happened to Jamie.’
Lisa froze. ‘What is it? What’s happened? Is she all right?’ For Ellie’s sake, she tried to keep the panic out of her voice, but she could see she was failing as the little girl’s face darkened.
‘She’s all right. She’s safe. She’s here at work.’ Ben paused. ‘But she had a disastrous meeting with Angel, and I think something happened with Jared earlier, with their celebrant.’
‘Where is she now?’
‘Crying in her office.’ Ben hesitated. ‘I’ve tried talking to her, but she says she only wants you.’
‘Of course,’ Lisa said efficiently, not betraying the whirl of thoughts in her head. Scott was at work, which meant she’d have to take the girls. Not ideal. But Jamie never cried, she always said she’d used up her lifetime’s supply of tears when their mum and dad died, and she rarely asked for help, which meant she must really need it. ‘I’ll be there right away.’
As Lisa hung up, the little primas swarmed in and filled the grey room with colour and excited chatter.
Like slippery little fish, Ava and Jemima threaded through the crowd and tried to pile onto Lisa’s lap, where Ellie was still sitting.
‘Girls, girls. Wait. Please.’ Lisa stood up, causing all three to tumble off.
‘Mummy,’ Ava grumbled. ‘I just wanted a cuddle.’
‘I’m hungry,’ whinged Jemima. ‘I want dinner, NOW!’
Ellie just waited.
‘Girls, get your jackets on.’
Lisa helped Jemima while Ellie helped Ava.
‘Aren’t we going home, Mummy?’ said Ava.
‘No, darling. We’re off to visit Aunty Jamie.’
‘Yay,’ the three girls shouted in unison, and as they trooped towards the door, Lisa thought how much easier life would be if everyone remained a child forever.
Five pm and the city traffic was grid-locked. Based on Ben’s excellent directions, Lisa knew they were only two blocks from Jamie’s office. But in front of her was a sea of red tail-lights.
‘Mummy, I’m hungry,’ grumbled Ava from the back seat.
‘Here, darling, share these.’ Lisa reached into the glove-box and produced the packet of Pringles she kept in there for emergency situations.
‘Chippies,’ Jemima cheered as her sister carefully doled them out.
Lisa went back to day-dreaming out the window as the girls munched away happily. The footpaths were filling with office workers on their way home and everyone was so smartly dressed. Sharp suits, skinny ties, pin-point high heels, beautifully tailored skirts. Lisa took in her own attire—loose jeans, canvas sneakers, and a grey sweatshirt. It was strange to think she had once belonged to this well-dressed tribe. When was the last time she’d worn high heels? Did she actually own any? She had a vague recollection of some dust-encrusted, black suede pumps in the far reaches of her wardrobe, but possibly they were a pair of Scott’s work socks, accidentally thrown into the wrong spot. All her work clothes were a size too small now. Even though she’d lost all the baby weight from Jemima, she’d had to accept that her two, four-kilo darlings, had forever altered the shape of her rib cage.
‘You wouldn’t bloody believe it,’ whispered Lisa under her breath as she spotted a free car spot outside of Jamie’s building. It was a sign. Jamie must really need her. There was an actual sign designating the spot a loading zone, but Lisa figured that with three children in a station wagon she’d be able to make a good case to any skulking parking rangers.
‘You said a rude word, Mummy,’ chirped Ava from the back seat. ‘You said bloody. Daddy’s not allowed to say that word.’
‘I didn’t swear, darling. I said … um … ruddy, not … er … that other word.’
‘What does ruddy mean, Mummy?’
‘It’s something that’s red,’ said Lisa, craning her neck to reverse park into the spot.
‘So, a fire truck isn’t red, it’s a ruddy fire truck?’ questioned Ava innocently.
‘Not really, darling,’ said Lisa, feeling herself descending into one of those parental rabbit holes that seemed to have no end. ‘It’s a bit hard to explain, and look! We’re here at Jamie’s work. Let’s go.’
As they piled into the lift, Lisa texted Ben to let him know of their arrival and when the doors opened, he was there to greet them in Spin’s glamorous foyer.
‘Hi, Lisa.’ Ben gave a grim smile before kneeling down to the girls. ‘Hello, ladies, I’m Ben,’ he said brightly and offered each child a high-five. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you guys and I’ve heard you all really hate chocolate biscuits.’
‘Noooooo,’ said Ava, smiling. ‘We love them.’
‘Well, that’s just as well because I have a whole packet in the kitchen. Who wants to come with me?’
‘Me!’ The girls threw up their hands in unison, their eyes as sparkly as the pristine glass walls around them.
‘Thanks, Ben,’ said Lisa gratefully as he led them towards the oversized doors emblazoned with the Spin Cycle logo.
‘This way, ladies.’ As Ben headed left, he gestured to Lisa to go right. ‘Down that way,’ he said, pointing discreetly.
What a thoughtful man, thought Lisa, to refrain from mentioning Jamie’s name knowing that if he did, the girls would demand to see her straight away.
Things must be bad.
Lisa crept down the hallway, looking timidly over the tops of work stations and through office doorways. Although she’d never been there before, the place was gut-churningly familiar in the way that all offices tended to be. Whirring computers, grey carpet, the woody smell of paper, coffee-stained mugs on desks. She shivered. No, she didn’t miss this.
As she approached the final door on the left, Lisa could hear sniffing and sobbing.
Jamie?
Lisa was so well acquainted with the sound of Ava and Jemima’s crying that she didn’t even need to see their faces to know which one would be soaked in tears—Ava screeched like a scalded cat, while Jemima bellowed like a calf separated from its mother.
This cry was different. She hadn’t heard it since their parents’ death, and the two of them had clung together with Jamie wailing like a wounded animal.
‘Jamie.’ Lisa rushed through the door. ‘What’s happened?’
Given the redness around her eyes, she’d obviously been crying for a long time. It was as if caterpillars had stamped tiny angry feet all about her eyebrows.
Jamie rose from the chair shakily, then half-collapsed into Lisa’s arms. ‘It’s all a disaster,’ she moaned, raising the volume of her crying to a new level that Lisa would have described as ‘speared elephant’.
‘There, there,’ Lisa rubbed her back the way she did when Ava declared she was about to vomit. ‘Everything’s going to be all right.’
‘No, it won’t,’ sniffed Jamie. ‘It’s all buggered up.’
‘Hon, I’m sure it’s going to be fine.’
‘You weren’t there!’ Jamie fixed Lisa with an accusatory glare.
‘Where wasn’t I?’
‘My meeting with Angel. It was terrible. She told me I couldn’t run a bingo competition, let alone my own business—or hers.’
‘But you did so much preparation for that meeting.’ Lisa had seen the PowerPoint. She’d even helped Jamie with the figures about cash flow, profit and loss.
‘I know!’ Jamie cried. ‘But Jared put me off.’
As Jamie filled her in on the meeting with the celebrant, Lisa felt shock coursing through her body, causing her feet and toes to tingle.
‘So you’re saying Jared may have a child.’ Lisa slumped into a chair across the desk from Jamie.
‘Possibly.’
She paused. The idea was almost too bizarre to say out loud. She’d never adored Jared, that much was true, but he was a smart man—far too smart to be unsure as to whether he had fathered a child or not. She’d heard of people being in denial about impending parenthood, but this went beyond that—it bordered on wilful ignorance. And the next bit was even harder to fathom.
‘And the child … could be Ellie?’
‘Yes. No … I don’t know. I mean, they look alike.’
‘But that doesn’t really prove much. I mean, my postman looks a bit like a hound dog, but I’d never suggest he was related to one.’
‘Unless you wanted to extinguish all hope of ever receiving another letter.’ Jamie smiled weakly.
‘Might not be a bad thing,’ said Lisa gloomily. ‘All we get are bills.’ She looked out the window. The lights in the offices across the street were starting to come on. The city was prettier at night. The dull grey of concrete and bitumen gave way to sparkling lights against inky blackness. Usually, it made Lisa happy to see the city putting on her shimmery dress, but tonight she just wanted to bundle up her three little girls, race back to the safety of their own home and shut the door. Things had settled. Ellie was happy. Lisa was loving the extra little person in their life. The house was noisy and chaotic and Lisa was actually enjoying it immensely. But this? It was too much.
‘I mean, it might explain why Ellie’s mother left her with you,’ said Jamie thoughtfully.
‘But if Jared’s her dad, why didn’t she take Ellie straight to him?’
‘Because she knows Jared and knows he’s a man-child who would try to shirk the responsibility. This way, he can’t really ignore her, can he? I mean, Ellie’s living with you.’
‘Maybe. But how would she have found us?’
‘Oh, Lise, you’re so innocent,’ Jamie smiled. ‘There’s this thing called the internet. Makes it really easy to find people. Facebook. Relationship status. Would have taken her five minutes to work out who Jared was dating and who I was, and my family, my friends. All of it!’
‘But there are privacy settings that stop people you don’t know from seeing all that. I’m sure Scott showed me how.’
‘I work in PR. Nothing’s private. I’m an open book.’ As Jamie swivelled nervously in her chair, Lisa leant forward and locked eyes with her.
‘So, photos of the girls, their parties, that beach holiday we had together last year—that’s all open to anyone to see?’
Jamie nodded.
‘Oh, god.’ Lisa clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘That photo of me in the bikini just after Jem was born and my tummy’s all jelly and wobbly, you don’t have that one up there, do you?’
Jamie reddened. ‘Your tummy wasn’t that bad.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Anyway, I think you’re missing the point. It’s really Ellie we should be worried about.’
Yes, Ellie. That dear, sweet, loving, intelligent little girl. She couldn’t possibly have half of Jared’s genes. She was far too nice! Not that Lisa would say that to Jamie. The guy might have been a lying snake in the grass, but he was still her sister’s fiancé. For the moment.
‘Ellie says her dad died. And I know she wouldn’t make that up,’ said Lisa.
Jamie sighed. ‘That poor child has obviously been lied to about a lot of things. You really think her mother wouldn’t lie about this?’
‘You sound like you want Jared to be Ellie’s father.’
‘And you sound like you don’t want to find out,’ said Jamie.
Lisa paused. ‘I’ve hired a private investigator to try and find Missy.’
‘An investigator. People do it all the time,’ she said stiffly.
‘People on TV shows! Not people who live in the suburbs and never take pens from hotel rooms because they think it’s stealing.’
‘It is stealing. You don’t pay for them.’
‘Oh, Lise, it’s factored into the price.’
‘Well, hiring a PI is perfectly legal, but that’s all beside the point because I haven’t heard back from him since last week. He obviously hasn’t found her yet or he would have told me something,’ said Lisa.
‘You know you really shouldn’t sound so happy about that,’ Jamie admonished.
‘I know.’ Lisa hung her head. ‘And I know she hasn’t been with us long but she’s become like part of the family. I don’t think I’m ready to lose her.’
‘Well, I don’t want to lose Jared, but Ellie deserves her mum.’ Jamie tapped the desk. ‘And I deserve the truth! And certainty. I want to know who I’m marrying and where I’m going to be working. And I don’t know anything at the moment.’ Jamie threw her hands up in exasperation and started weeping again quietly.
Lisa felt her heart give way. Poor Jamie. She was really suffering. As different as the two sisters were, Lisa completely understood her sister’s need for certainty. ‘Hon, please don’t cry. You know Jared really loves you.’ She thought it was the most reassuring thing she could say, but it only seemed to make Jamie cry harder.
‘I … pink … ruddy … dove … Ben.’ Jamie was sobbing now, which made her words almost impossible to make out.
‘What are you saying, hon? Something about Ben having a pink and ruddy dove?’ That word again. Lisa wished she’d never said it to Ava; now it was all she kept hearing.
Jamie lifted her head. ‘I think I love Ben,’ she moaned, before dropping her forehead to the desk again.
But before Lisa could respond she noticed a figure at the door, surrounded by three littler figures. Ben and the girls. Had he heard Jamie’s declaration? Fortunately, her head was again buried in her arms and she didn’t notice the party in the doorway until Lisa spoke. ‘Ben! Girls!’ she said brightly. ‘Did you have fun?’
As Ben stood behind them, Ava prattled on and on about the chocolate biscuits and the soft drinks and all the cake in the kitchen. Finally, she drew breath and Lisa leapt at the chance to speak. ‘Sounds like a wonderful time, so, girls, please thank Ben.’
‘Thank you, Ben!’ the girls chorused.
‘Ben, I think you should go now. It’s getting late. We’ll be fine from here,’ said Lisa reassuringly.
‘You sure?’ He looked at Jamie, who was wiping her eyes with tissues and smearing mascara across her entire face in the process.
‘Yes, yes,’ said Lisa confidently. ‘All under control. Jamie will come home with us.’
‘All right,’ said Ben slowly. ‘But at least let me help you all into the car.’ He smiled at Lisa. ‘My sister says she never goes anywhere because it takes longer to get the kids in and out of the car than the outing itself.’ He knelt down in front of Jemima. ‘Climb aboard,’ he said, allowing her to climb onto his back.
‘What about me?’ complained Ava. ‘Why don’t I get a piggy-back?’
‘You will,’ said Ben easily. ‘I’ll take Jem to the lift. Then you can have a go while we’re going down, and then it’ll be Ellie’s turn in the street. Fair?’
Ava nodded and jogged compliantly behind Ben as he horsey-galloped towards the lift, causing Jemima to squeal in delight. God, no wonder Jamie was in love with him. Even though they’d only met briefly, Lisa already had the feeling that Ben was the most thoughtful man, aside from Scott, that she had ever encountered. And he would make an incredible father, she marvelled, before turning her attention back to Ellie, who hadn’t followed the others, but was looking carefully at Jamie’s mascara-stained face.
‘What’s wrong?’ The little girl put her arm around Jamie’s shoulder. ‘Are you okay? You seem really sad.’
Lisa felt her heart melting.
‘I’ll be fine, Ellie,’ said Jamie, patting her arm. ‘I’ll be fine.’