Witches Be Crazy

Up until this point in his life, Dungar had never regretted not learning to swim. If someone were to tell him even a week ago that he’d be storming a faraway island with a group of pirates then he probably wouldn’t have had any idea how to react, but he certainly wouldn’t have believed them. He figured most of his neighbors who had also spent their lives in a scorching sea of sand probably couldn’t swim either, just as it would be a safe assumption that someone who spent their life confined within city walls wouldn’t be able to hunt or fish. Most people opt not to hone skills that do not coincide with their day to day lives.

Unfortunately, like it or not, the skill of swimming would certainly coincide quite well with Dungar’s life at this very moment. The bobbing box currently keeping him afloat was the only separation between him and what would almost certainly be a watery grave. Therefore, even if it meant he had to face the ominous defenses of a giant plant, Dungar was staying put no matter what.

“If you can’t swim, then wot are you doing on a bloody boat?!” Jimminy asked incredulously.

“You said this was the fastest way to Jenair.” Dungar countered. “We didn’t have time to waste!”

“Oh you brave foolish bastard, you! Just can’t resist going and looking for trouble, eh?!”

Dungar gaped back at him. Their current situation was becoming direr by the second though, so he didn’t have time to draw attention to such a hypocritical statement. As the current slowly pulled the bobbing boat in the direction of the island, they appeared to have crossed some sort of invisible threshold that triggered the tree’s attention.

In a tremendous flash of light, the top of the tree began to spray out massive plumes of fire in all directions. It was so bright that Dungar and Jimminy were forced to shield their eyes from the visual onslaught. The temperament of the water also began to turn steadily rougher. Before long, both passengers were forced to hold onto something to avoid being tossed overboard.

“Blimey!” Jimminy exclaimed. “Those pirates are sure gonna be mad at us when we see them again.”

Hastily each man grabbed a paddle and began attempting to row amid the violent thrashing of the boat and steady showers of sea spray. Progress was very slow going as much of the two men’s effort was devoted to avoiding being tossed from where they sat.

Dungar blinked furiously against the deluge being blown into his face by the suddenly heavy winds. He could barely see the silhouette of the tree amid the flurries now. His entire body was soaked, his clothing and hair both matted against him. He clung to the oar with desperation, fearing he may lose it all the turmoil.

“It’s no good, mate!” He heard Jimminy’s voice call out over the howling winds.

Eventually they began to adapt to the rhythm of the rocking, and the wind and rain became something they could tune out. Fuelled by desire for survival, the two men rowed against the elements, defying the stormy wrath put upon them.

With a bright flash of light and an enormous splash, the storm suddenly became comprised of more than wind and rain. Dungar averted his attention from the chaos around him and looked skyward where he was greeted with the sight of the plumes of flame bursting into a swarm of fireballs and descending upon them. Soon the roiling sea became even more tumultuous with the immense splashes and sizzling of watermelon sized fireballs landing around them.

“Yup, they’re going to be really mad at you.” Jimminy repeated again as he too spotted the rain of fire. “Hey, that one right there appears to be headed right for us!”

Jimminy was right; bearing down upon their very position was a sinister fireball that had destruction written all over it. Knowing they had only seconds, Dungar tossed his oar to Jimminy before reaching into the munitions bag and grabbing the first weapon he could get his hands on. As he pulled it out of the sack, Dungar found it to be a large Lucerne hammer. It was old, blunted, weathered, and in some drastic need of some maintenance. However, none of that was relevant at this point in time as Dungar required it for but one purpose.

Gripping the mace tightly, in one swift and powerful movement Dungar spun back towards the descending fireball and, with a mighty upwards swing of the hammer, he shattered the projectile into a million glowing particles that were quickly carried away by the roaring winds. As the vibrant spark show dissipated, he could see that the amount of fireballs overhead that were bearing down on the boat had multiplied.

“I need you to keep rowing, Jimmy!” He called out as he held the hammer ready.

With stunning compliance, Jimminy wordlessly locked both paddles into the oarlocks and began to row for all he was worth. The sea was still mercilessly choppy and the storm was as fierce as ever, but each man carried out his duty with stoic determination.

One by one Dungar smashed the fiery orbs as they reached his miniature vessel, the resulting flares from each destroyed projectile vanishing in the rain with a death rattle-like sizzle. His life of working a forge had rendered him all but immune to the occasional singe from stray flares, and the stormy weather that had turned the sky black and drowned the air around the tree with its torrents helped protect the boat from catching fire.

The shoreline was almost within reach now, thirty paces at most. Dungar smashed one last fireball then dropped his hammer and bent down to assist in rowing with his hands. They were so close to safety. As soon as his hand touched water, however, a large, black slimy hand shot from the lake and grasped his wrist. He immediately tried to pull back, but the hand held him firm. Then, with a hefty jerk, Dungar felt his entire body being pulled from the boat and into the frigid water.

It was a similar slow motion feeling to the one he recalled from the arena. There was no pain this time though, just a paralysis from the icy waters and the chilling fear of being completely submerged in water for the first time in his life. Knowing that a predator dwelled there in the deeps with him did nothing to alleviate his panic either.

The gooey hands continued to grip him, pulling him down into the unknown expanse that was Lake Deeplu. They must have been closer to the shore than he had thought, because within seconds of his submersion Dungar felt his face being pressed against the sandy bottom of the lake. He thrashed around as best he could, all the while clawing at the body of the creature. Large chunks of gunk sloughed off of it with every swipe, but it did nothing to wane the creature’s strength.

As he continued to scratch at his attacker, Dungar finally felt what seemed to be the outline of a face of some kind, but it was difficult to tell due to the consistency of the being’s body. Nevertheless, he was running out of options fast. In a final stroke of desperation, he plunged his hand into the creature’s face, digging his fingers into any orifice he came across: mouth, ear, nose, eye socket, anything. When he had a sufficient grip, he yanked as hard as he could.

He didn’t know exactly what happened. All he knew was that he had torn a large chunk of something out of the creature, and as soon as he did there was an eruption of bubbles followed immediately by the pressure pinning his face into the sand being removed. In the last remaining seconds he had of breathlessness, he braced his feet against the lake floor and pushed upwards with all his might.

As soon as his head broke the surface, Dungar filled his lungs with deep breaths of the glorious air that he had so long taken for granted. He then grasped frantically at the side of the lifeboat before he sunk back into the water. Just as he hauled himself back into the boat, another head broke the surface of the water. It appeared to be a human skull, however the eye sockets were hollow and soulless, and the skull itself was thoroughly coated in black gelatinous ooze. The jaw also appeared to have been ripped off.

Despite the grievous bodily harm inflicted upon it, the thing hoisted itself into the boat as well with relative ease and resumed its attempts to repel the island invaders, all the while uttering a gargling growling noise.

Even if he had an answer to that question, Dungar didn’t have time to offer it. Immediately he balled up his fist and drove a heavy haymaker into the side of the creature’s head. Once again, large chunks of the slime flew off as the being’s body recoiled, but it appeared to have little effect otherwise. Within moments of the blow, a sword blade appeared from its chest, Jimminy having impaled it from behind.

“Erm, sorry mate.” Jimminy offered sheepishly. “Would you believe I was just hoping you’d hold that for me?”

The creature snarled again before fastening its hands around Jimminy’s neck, lifting the man off the ground as it choked him. Seizing the opportunity, Dungar pulled the sword from the thing’s chest and used it to slice its hands off, freeing Jimminy. He then swung the sword once more at the neck of the beast, intending to finish it with a decapitation. The blade, however, became imbedded in some sort of skeletal structure that lay underneath all the ooze that coated the creature. Dungar tried to pull it loose, but the attempt was to no avail.

The being was now having difficulty choosing which of the two men to attack, but ultimately it decided Dungar was the greater threat. It lunged at him, the two nubs at the ends of its arms stretched out with murderous intent. Dungar raised his own arms to keep the creature at bay causing his hands to sink into its body until they reached what he could only assume was the creature’s clavicles. As the two grappled, Dungar called out to Jimminy.

A second later another sword blade appeared jutting from roughly the same spot as the first one, coming to a stop mere inches before reaching Dungar. Jimminy had retrieved another sword from the bag and run the beast through yet again.

Dungar’s legs were slowly beginning to buckle as the oozy monster continued to press down on him. Glancing to the sky, he saw that it still continued to assault them with its fiery rain, and just Dungar’s luck, there was another fireball heading straight for them. In one movement, he pulled his hands from the fiend’s body and ducked. The creature fell forward and found itself draped over his shoulder.

Digging his hands into the monster’s body yet again, Dungar felt around until he found some ribs to grab onto. Then, with a loud roar of exertion, he heaved the creature over his head and high into the air. The monster hammered at his head with its blunt arms as he slowly rotated whilst still holding it. Carefully, he lined up the beast to be in the trajectory line of the blazing projectile.

A loud crash followed by a sickening hissing and sputtering indicated the fireball had hit its mark. The force of the impact knocked Dungar backwards and flat onto his back. His clothes were stained black from the remnants of scorched slime, and his hands still clutched onto the charred remains of the monster’s ribcage. Any other traces of the creature appeared to have been vaporized.

A scraping sound indicated their lifeboat had finally run aground. Dungar was more than happy to hop out, thankful to have returned to land, yet another lifelong commodity of his that he had taken for granted. He never realized just how much he enjoyed the concept of a still, unmoving ground wherein he had all the space in the world to roam. Though that second part wasn’t necessarily true about this island.

Despite the gigantic plant growing out of it, the island itself was little more than a sandy ring that didn’t stick out any more than ten paces in any given direction from the tree. There was quite literally nothing to mention in the way of wildlife or other greenery; the island simply consisted of sand and tree. An impressive tree it was, though, naturally it looked even bigger up close.

Dungar and Jimminy tentatively approached the massive shrub. Gnarled branches thicker than barrels jutted out in every direction from it, twisting and winding and turning the space around the tree into a vertical jungle. The tree’s bark had an incredibly smooth and glassy consistency to it as well, almost as if every inch had been flawlessly sanded. Dungar wasn’t exactly sure where any treasure on this tree would be located, or how to reach it. The surface of the tree was way too smooth to just climb, and there didn’t appear to be any notches carved in by climbing equipment. Then again, given the stormy conditions he had created, it is just as likely that none of the pirates survived their swim.

“Hey, mista Dungar.” Jimminy called out, motioning Dungar towards him. “Wot do you make of this?”

Curious, Dungar walked over to where Jimminy was gesturing. There appeared to be some sort of symbol etched into the tree by where he was standing.

“Perhaps it is a rune of some sort?” Jimminy offered. “A magic symbol with some kinda mystical power that establishes this tree as a wizard perhaps?”

“I’m pretty sure this is just something that somebody put into the tree, Jimmy.” Dungar deduced. “It looks carved, and there’s a knife laying on the ground.”

“Well blimey, that’s even more interesting! Maybe it’s an ancient language detailing the rich history of the tree!”

Jimminy cocked his head to the side as he continued to analyze the symbol. “Oh surely that can’t be the case, mate. It’s way too simple. I’m thinking it’s a puzzle that the tree poses to any who seek the treasure! Hm, perhaps the answer is to shoot it with an arrow …”

“Oh that’s just plain ridiculous, mate. I’m going to follow you so that when you’re proven wrong I will be there to rub it in your face!”

So off they walked into the wild blue left direction. Dungar dragging his shoes in the sand with every step, happy to have the familiar feeling of the grit beneath his feet back. Jimminy also found himself returning to old routines, namely his penchant for breaking into song.

Way hey and away we go left

With every intention to commit a theft

We’ll only succeed if we are deft

A way hey and away we go left

EVERYBODY!

Dungar was all but desensitized to it by this point. It was certainly still annoying, but after all he had been through in the last few days, minor annoyances didn’t quite have the same effect on him that they used to. Also, while they sky was still made black from the storm anyway, he was fairly sure that night would be falling soon, if it hadn’t already. As they walked for another couple minutes, they eventually saw the unmistakable indication of an opening in the side of the tree.

“Blimey, mate!” Jimminy called out as he began to run to it. “I don’t believe it!”

Dungar followed after him as the lanky fellow took off. As they rounded the corner and entered the opening they found the entirety of the interior of the tree to be completely hollow. Vines that emitted an eerie green glow covered the walls as high as the eye could see, filling the room with a dim luminescence that exuded a tone of mysteriousness.

However, in the very center of that mysterious shroud, there was a seated around a fire a group of seven individuals forming a miniature pocket of familiarity. As the two entered the room, a tall, recognizable figure rose from the pack to acknowledge them. Nobeard stepped out of the group and strode towards Dungar and Jimminy with purpose.

“Alright. Which one of ye mateys is responsible for tripping the tree’s defenses?”

Dungar studied his face; it didn’t require a particularly perceptive individual to determine the level of the man’s displeasure. He then glanced at Jimminy, who insistently nodding in his direction with a blatant lack of subtlety.

“Sailor. Ye set in motion a series of events that not only jeopardized our entire mission, but also resulted in the death of one of my crewmen.”

Nobeard gestured towards the fire. There were only six silhouettes seated around it, the slim figure of Hugo Bonny not among them. Dungar begrudgingly had to admit to himself that, among the pirates he was tasked to raid the island with, Hugo was at least the one he was the most alright with inadvertently killing. Frankly the only thing that worried him was how Captain Nobeard was going to react.

“… and it was AWESOME!!” The deranged pirate added enthusiastically, jumping up and down. “Thar was stormy weather, a raging sea, monsters, and even fire falling from the sky! I didn’t even know it was possible fer something to be that marvelous!”

Dungar was struck dumb from a combination of surprise and relief. Jimminy shared his surprised sentiment, but the man was rarely at a loss for words.

“Aye don’t get me wrong, laddy, Hugo was a beloved member of me crew. But he knew the risks of this excursion. Besides, it’s like I always say to me pirate mateys, a drowning death at sea is nature’s way of telling ye that you suck at yer job. Now come warm yerselves by the fire, lads.”

The two followed Nobeard as he returned to his original spot among the weary looking pirates. Even amid the exhaustion of their ordeal, the party remained as rambunctious as ever.

“Great lord of the sea, would you quit your yelling?” Finn demanded. “And I packed these rations myself, don’t be jealous that you didn’t think to do the same!”

Ozzy then sidled up next to Shane and put an arm around him. “I have some extra rations that I can share with ye, sailor.” He offered with a smile.

“WHY THANK YOU, OZZY, BUT FINN’S RATIONS ARE MORE FILLING. AND HE’S HOGGING THEM ALL. YOU’RE A HOG, FINN!”

“ENOUGH!” Nobeard yelled at the group. Everyone jumped and gave the captain their attention, Wally even put his hand mirror down.

“If ye bilge rats don’t start behaving, then I’m going to extinguish this here fire and see how that goes for ya’s!”

Fearful looks appeared on the faces of the pirate party, fearful looks that were not mirrored on the faces of Jimminy and Dungar. Nobody was cold or wet anymore, and the interior of the tree appeared to be well lit enough, so Dungar couldn’t figure out what the big deal was.

“I don’t expect ye lads to understand.” Nobeard said to Jimminy and Dungar. “This here fire is the only thing keeping the nymphs at bay.”

“They be the tree’s protectors, matey. Pretty and effeminate creatures, but every bit as vicious as that lake out there we just traversed.”

Dungar chuckled to himself. He had only just escaped the clutches of an evil and dangerous woman, only to trade just one for an entire battalion of them instead. If these were the type of women that he was destined to meet over the course of his life, then at least he’ll have an easy time rationalizing never having been married.