Prologue

Dying flames chewed hungrily on the remaining morsels of a once mighty city. The final traces of the thick smoke had finally begun to dissipate, leaving a clear view to gauge the destruction. Not a structure still stood in the piles of ash and wreckage. That sort of thing tended to happen when every building was made out of wood. All that once was now was no longer, and all that would be was now a mystery. In order to solve that mystery, someone was going to need a really big broom.

Despite the heat of the razing, the empty streets were cold and lifeless. The only movement they saw now were the scorched embers that were blown away with each light breeze. So many had walked them just the day before, completely unaware that they would never walk them again. Not that they would want to anyway, as the only things they would find were remains of homes, livelihoods, and memories. Not to mention the truly awful smell.

There was but one man seen departing the devastation alive, the only one to escape the fatal fate of his former fellows. No one knew his name or face, nor did they know his relation to the city. He was simply a lone man stained with soot from head to foot that wore a tattered cloak which fluttered behind him as he hurried away. If there were anyone who could explain what happened, it would probably have been him. But the world was a big place, and a man with nothing had nowhere he couldn’t go. Except for country clubs, they tended to only allow access to people who possessed things. As for the mysterious man himself, he was last seen heading eastward into the lands of a kingdom called Jenair.

* * *

The pride of the kingdom of Jenair was its capital city, which was senselessly also named Jenair. Strategically placed on the center hill overlooking the lush yet manicured countryside, it marked the perfect focal point for the numerous winding crossroads and the nomadic souls that routinely traversed them.

Like any societal epicenter where travelers from faraway lands would congregate, the kingdom was always teeming with the usual products of these people: foreign goods, innovative inventions, venereal diseases, and the most common of all: stories, rumors, and information. Each new temporary resident to the city contributed to and perpetuated the influx of tales of every topic one could imagine. The cobblestone streets were reliably rife with stories of gallant warriors saving princesses, dragon caves that lay just over the next mountain, or this week’s underground group of revolutionaries that were “totally gonna topple the fascist regime this time!”

Normally in the wake of a disaster like the one that befell their neighbor, no one in the kingdom would find themselves discussing anything else. However, before any theories even had a chance to develop, the health of their beloved King Ik found itself taking a sharp turn for the worse. The illness’s rapid progression left the king with little time to set his affairs in order, particularly the most pressing matter of finding a suitable heir to marry his daughter and assume the throne.

The shocking and saddening news spread among the residents of the city and kingdom like a plague. Ik’s decaying health on its own may not have been enough to phase out the neighboring kingdom’s capital’s destruction, but the gossip was given an enhanced allure due to the fact that nobody was aware that the king even had a daughter.

Relatively little personal information was known about their beloved monarch. Formally known as King Ik Theik V, he assumed the throne at the young age of seventeen after the horrific affair many years ago when a pack of rabid redbears that just happened to be in the area stormed the royal luncheon that was foolishly being held outside the castle walls. King Ik IV was among the casualties as well as several of his advisors.

As a result, Ik V’s first official act as king was the instruction of the royal detective detachment to investigate the incident and produce a blameworthy individual. The investigation lasted well over a year and never produced such an individual, likely because it was pretty obvious they were mauled by wild animals.

When he received this news, Ik decided to have the atrocity blamed on the other neighboring kingdom of Nonamay. In the long run it proved to be a very smart decision because when the people were coaxed into hating something else they became less likely to aim their hate at their overlords.

During his tenure as king, Ik V only instigated one other official act. Today it is still known as “Everyone Go Out Into the Forest and Kill Redbears Day,” and it takes place on the anniversary of Ik IV’s death every year. The holiday is named as such because it is an accurate description of the events that take place and because the king’s minister of propaganda, who was also in charge of naming things, was one of the advisors ground up by redbear jowls on that fateful day.

After the implementation of this classic holiday, King Ik retired into his castle and outsourced the vast majority of kingdom management to his remaining advisors. Little had been heard from King Ik in the years that followed and he had been largely forgotten. However now the word of his illness and daughter’s existence were the talk of the town and the news was being spread far and wide prompting men and even women to journey from all over the land to compete for the hand of the princess, or foot, if they were into that sort of thing.

As word spread, tales regarding the origins of the royal heir evolved at an equal pace. It was said her mother was an angel who descended from the skies many years ago during the celebration of what was thought at the time to be the official genocide of the redbears. The princess was then allegedly kept secret from the public for the purposes of receiving proper instruction on princess etiquette. This instruction supposedly included numerous lessons based around mastering skills such as diplomacy, proper manners, feigning convincing empathy, keeping one’s opinions to one’s self, and sandwich making.

There were also alternative theories surrounding the princess. One postulated she was not a descendent of the Theik lineage at all, but was instead an apocryphal daughter that Ik V had smuggled in for the purposes of concealing his impotence and thus preserving his status as a dominant male figure. This theory was fishy at best as it would be nonsensical to devote effort to faking an heir only for that heir to be a female bastard, but there were always some who would believe anything that would allow them to laugh at their leader.

Irrespective of her questionable origins, the one unmistakable quality of the princess was her undeniable beauty. She was known to have left the castle and made a public appearance only once. It is said that during this appearance her skin, which was oddly tanned for someone who had apparently never been outside, emitted a light more radiant than that of the sun and her smile was so alluring that a flock of birds splattered themselves all over a tower because they were physically unable to watch where they were going.

She had long blonde hair that cascaded downward, flowing over her shoulders and encompassing her in a sheen of gold down to her hips. Her eyes were a brilliant blue and conveyed a sense of magic and wonder as they gleamed in the daylight like sapphires. Her cheekbones were high and wide, etching a faithful lingering smile and air of friendliness into her visage. Her lips were an ideal color and proportion to adequately convey the notion that she was a healthy and viable individual with which to conduct reproduction activities. Her body also reflected a similar notion. It was insisted by all that no maiden embodied the concepts of beauty, grace, and refinement than the unfairly fair Princess Koey.

Needless to say, women wanted to be her and men wanted to own her. And so it was that nobles, knights, and generally important individuals began to make the trek from far and wide, across treacherous volcanic landscapes, dark forests, and giant chicken infested steppes to make her acquaintance and participate in the bidding war. As a result, the numerous small towns and tiny villages hidden along the main routes began to receive a massive influx of traffic consisting of royal hopefuls, tourists, traders, circus folk, and shady characters who would inform unlikely heroes that all was not as it seemed in the kingdom of Jenair.