Brett took a deep breath, then slowly opened the hospital door.
“Come on in,” Shelby said quietly.
Taking another deep breath, he walked softly toward the bed. The little boy lying in it looked almost lost beneath the covers and the tubes. His sandy hair needed a trim, and his long dark lashes brushed his pale cheeks.
Shelby stood on the other side of the bed. “Let me introduce you to your son. This is Jonah.” She leaned down and whispered in the boy’s ear. “Jonah, your daddy is here. He wants to say hello.”
Brett glanced at her, unsure what he should do. What he should say. She gave him an encouraging nod. With one finger, he brushed the bangs from his son’s forehead.
His son.
“Hi, Jonah,” he said quietly. “How have you been, buddy? You know, you’ve been here a long time. Too long. But I know you’re going to get better. And when you do, we’re going to have so much fun. We can go fishing with your Uncle AJ. Would you like to do that? Or we can go to a football game. Watch the Buckeyes beat Michigan.”
His throat caught, and he swiped his hands over his eyes. He’d thought he had it made, living a life that was the envy of his peers. Trading one beautiful woman for another. Free to make his own decisions, to live life on his terms.
But this is what he had missed. The chance to be a father to a little boy who was growing up without one. Except for that reprobate Meghan had taken up with. He’d proved not to be any kind of dad.
Bile swirled in his gut, and his face tightened.
“What is it?” Shelby asked.
“Just thinking of Meghan’s husband. What I’d like to do—”
“You mean her ex-husband.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s his fault Jonah’s lying here.” His voice caught again. “You’d think she’d have been more careful about who she married.”
“And who she slept with.” Shelby’s words, laced with a touch of sarcasm, punched the air from Brett’s lungs.
If anyone was to blame, it was him.
He avoided Shelby’s gaze by staring at Jonah. Meghan’s drunken ex had walked away from the horrific accident that put Jonah in this coma. Barely a scratch on him. While Jonah . . . And yet it needn’t have happened.
Shelby reached across the bed and gripped his hand. “I’m sorry I said that, Brett. You have every right to be mad. Just don’t be mad at Meghan.”
“I deserved it.” He blew out a breath, trying to get his emotions under control. “If I’d been a better man . . .” His voice broke, and he swallowed hard. “I . . .” He shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to shock Shelby with the word he’d almost said. “I seduced her. I let Sully bully her and I let AJ take the blame. And I hardly gave her another thought until AJ found her.”
He couldn’t keep the tears at bay any longer. “I’m responsible for this.” He spat the words past the lump choking him. “God forgive me, this is all my fault.”
Arms against the rail, he bent his head, not sure he could have stood without the bed’s support.
Immediately Shelby was by his side, one hand resting on his arm, the other rubbing his back.
“I just want Jonah to be okay,” he said huskily.
“I know. It’s what we all want.”
“You’ve been praying.”
“Every day.”
“Then why isn’t God listening to your prayers?”
“He’s listening.”
“But not doing anything.”
“It seems that way, I know. But look at how God has protected Jonah.”
“Protected him?”
“Jonah could have died in that accident. But he didn’t. And it wasn’t a coincidence that AJ found Meghan when she needed him most. Because of that, Jonah is getting the best possible care.” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. He wanted to, but a giant stone blocked his heart.
“Even if the worst happens, we’ll all know that everything that could be done for Jonah was done. Neither you nor Meghan will be haunted by that.”
“He looks so small.”
Shelby gave him a half hug. “He has your eyes.”
Brett’s glance darted to her, then back to Jonah. “How do you know?”
“Meghan told me. The very same blue.”
“Really?”
“Um-hm. She told me she’d forgotten how much he looked like you till you came to the hospital that first time. It panicked her.”
“Why?”
“You’ve got money. To hire attorneys. To give Jonah things she can’t. All she has is him.” She gestured toward the small boy, then smoothed his blanket. “She’s afraid you’ll take him. That’s why she’s kept you away.”
“What changed her mind?”
“If I had to guess, I’d say Aaron. He has a very high opinion of you.” Her lips curved into a mischievous grin. “I don’t know why.”
Brett straightened and arched his back. “What can I tell you? He knew me before I became the world’s biggest jerk.”
“I met him again this morning. He seems a bit smitten.”
“That’s not a word you hear every day.”
“But it fits.”
“What about Meghan?”
“She definitely likes him. But I think she’s too worried about Jonah to be interested in a relationship.”
“Aaron’s a good man. Better than me.” He rotated his shoulders and paced the room, suddenly restless. Returning to the bed, he gripped the rails. “Do you think it’s true what the Bible says? That part about the sins of the father being visited upon the children?”
“You know that verse?”
He ignored the question. “I pretty much followed in my dad’s footsteps. Except I didn’t make the mistake of marrying someone first.” He gestured toward Jonah. “If he grows up to be like me . . .”
“We’re all influenced by our childhoods.” Shelby looked thoughtful, again as if she were weighing her words, wanting to say the right thing. “But we still make our own choices.”
“You think I can be someone different? Like AJ?”
She smiled broadly, her eyes shining at the mention of AJ’s name. His cousin was lucky to be loved so deeply. “Why don’t you just try being the best of Brett?”
“Sounds like a top ten list.”
“Jonah needs someone to look up to. Even if his first years have been difficult, that doesn’t mean it’s too late for you to be a significant part of his life. To be the dad he desperately needs.”
Brett stared at his son, letting Shelby’s encouraging words glide over the stone in his heart, melting it with their warmth. His life could have been so different. He could have been a dad coming home every day to a woman he adored, the mother of his children. Now he’d never have that. At least not with Meghan and Jonah. But Shelby was right. That didn’t mean he couldn’t have a relationship with them. That he couldn’t be part of Jonah’s life from here on out.
At least Meghan was giving him that chance. And maybe she’d give Aaron a chance too.
“All I want is to be his dad. The best dad I can be.”
“I know.”
“And maybe someone’s . . . special someone.” The word husband wouldn’t slide past his lips. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet.
“Oh?” Curiosity lengthened the simple syllable.
“Must be something in the air. I think I’m feeling a little smitten myself.”
“With Dani?”
“What do you think of her?”
“I like her. She’s hardworking. Has a lot of creativity and vision. Plus she’s fun to be with.”
“Was she at your house when I called yesterday?”
“I was telling her my family history.”
“Did she, you know, talk about me?”
“That would be breaking the girl code.”
“Come on. We’re family. Almost. What did she say?”
For a few seconds, Shelby stared at the monitors, then seemed to make up her mind what to tell him. “She thinks you spend time with her because you’re lonely.”
Brett’s eyes widened, and he poked his chest with his finger. “Me? She thinks I’m lonely?”
“Not the case, huh?”
“I’ve got a list this long”—he held out his arms—“of gorgeous young women who are just waiting to see my name pop up on their cell phone screens. Lonely.”
“You do have a high opinion of yourself.” Shelby shook her head but smiled. “Anyway, I told her the same thing. Though not in those words.”
“So she thinks she’s doing me a favor? I can’t believe this.”
“Quit being a baby. She didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did she mean it?”
“Confession. I was being nosy.”
“And?”
“Maybe playing matchmaker.” She scrunched up her features. “Just a little.”
“I don’t need your help finding a girlfriend.”
“I just want to see you happy. And you know you’re not going to be as long as you’re running around with women like Tracie.”
“So you think I can be happy with Dani?”
“You’re different when you’re with her. More at ease and, I don’t know, relaxed maybe.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“I told her I thought God brought the two of you together. You’ve got to admit it’s kind of strange the way you met.”
“True.” He thought back to that night at the hospital, and how much had changed since then. He never would have believed that he’d actually be here with Jonah instead of staring up at the colored lights. “I’ve been praying. Or at least trying to. I don’t always know what words to say.”
“Just say the words that are in your heart.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“That’s because it is. God is always listening.”
“Maybe to you. But I’ve probably broken every commandment there is.”
“I’ve broken commandments too.”
“Not like me.”
“It’s not a contest, Brett. It’s a relationship.”
“I’d do whatever God wanted if he’d save my son.”
“God’s son already paid the ultimate price to save you. And Jonah.”
Her words caught him up short. He’d been to church often enough as a kid to have heard the sermons, to know the basics. But none of the preaching or teaching had affected him as much as Shelby’s comeback. For the first time, he was struck by the magnitude of what God had done all those centuries ago.
Could he have done what God did? Sacrificed his only son to save someone else?
Never.
He gazed at the small boy, quiet and still beneath the blanket, and a swell of love threatened to burst his heart. He could barely stand the enormity of what he felt for this child. To think that God’s love was even greater. It was unfathomable.
It was true.
“I really am sorry for what I did to Meghan. How I left her alone when she needed someone. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for Jonah.”
Unable to trust his voice any longer, Brett stared out the window into the bright morning sky and deeply sighed. To trust in God didn’t mean giving up anything that really mattered but discarding his old life for a new one.
One with Jonah, at least as much as Meghan would allow him.
And maybe one with Dani.
She’d been understanding about him breaking their date for today. Even happy for him. But he’d make it up to her and plan something special for next weekend. Something special for his special someone.