“You ever think you’re with the wrong person?” Anna asked.
A burst of static made me pull the phone away from my ear. “I don’t know,” I said. “I sometimes think about that, but Vanessa just fits with me so perfectly.”
“How can you even say that?” she said. “After all the shit she’s put you through? She cheated on you, what, five times already? And you keep going back to her? You think that she’s the one and all?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “I mean, I cheated on her, too.”
“Yeah,” Anna said. “With me. Remember? How do you think this makes me feel? You calling me to moon over stupid blonde bimbo Vanessa.”
“Should you and me be together?” I said. “Seriously?”
She said, “Are you really asking me that question? You cold son of a bitch.”
“I’m being serious,” I said. “You and I have had our ups and downs over the years, too, you know.” I looked around my living room as I paced. The TV was on without the sound, tuned to an old episode of Saturday Night Live. Kristen Wiig was making a scrunched-up face.
“So what?” she said. “It’s nothing like what Vanessa does. Not even close.”
I wanted to hang up the phone; I even took the phone from my ear and put my finger on the End Call button. I just didn’t have the heart to follow through with it. If I did, I could totally count Anna out as my friend for, well, the rest of time. Didn’t want that. So I swallowed hard and listened. “You’re right,” I said.
“I know I’m right,” she said. “The thing is? A few months ago? I would have totally been your girlfriend. You and I could’ve gone all the way. But I don’t think I could ever go back with you now that you’ve put your dick in Vanessa.”
“That’s not fair,” I said. “I had sex with her before you.”
“That was different,” she said. “I thought it was over, which it obviously is not.”
“I think it is.”
“Oh? You think it is? That true this time?” she said. “Or is this another one of your bullshit dramas you’re going to put on me because she’s hurt you, and you need to feel good about yourself by talking to a girl?”
I said, “Wow,” and sighed audibly. “This conversation has gone downhill pretty quick. This is not why I called.”
“Then why did you call?”
“Because…”
“Yeah?”
“I want to go out. Hang out. Go grab a drink or something.” I was still trying to process what I’d seen with Damian and his pair of creeps drinking Mike’s blood. Should I tell her? I thought.
“Where’s Mike?” Anna asked.
“Hospital.”
“That’s right,” she said. “More of your handiwork.”
“I had nothing to do with it,” I said. “Damian—”
“Who you wouldn’t even have crossed paths with if you’d gotten rid of horrible Vanessa and her white trash clan the first time you cheated. See what she brings into your life?”
“Vanessa wasn’t even there at the Universe. She doesn’t know this guy. Jeez.”
“Jeez is right,” she said. “Anything else?”
“I was really hoping we would still be friends after all of this,” I said. “I mean, I’ve known you since first grade, you know?”
“Then maybe you should start acting like it. Maybe treat me with a little bit more respect. I mean, really? Do you think I want to hear about Vanessa all the time?”
“Probably not,” I said.
“Probably true,” she said. “So if we’re going to stay being friends, maybe you should choose what nonsense you share with me a little differently, okay?”
“Got it,” I said. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
I felt my face flush. I sure didn’t like apologizing for just being honest, but it was obvious that my fling with Anna had meant a whole Titanic-sized, Rose-and-Jack iceberg more to her than it had to me. I probably shouldn’t have ever crossed that line.
“You’re forgiven,” she said. “I get it, you’re just a guy. All guys are the same like that. Think with your dick until it’s empty. Then when it’s hard again and no one’s around to take care of it, you turn into little babies. What can I do? I should have never expected you to be any different.”
“That stings,” I said. “Of course I’m different.”
“Not when it comes to this you’re not,” she said. “Hate to tell ya.”
I prayed very hard that the other line would ring so I’d have an excuse to go. It didn’t, and I sat in her uncomfortable silence for several of the longest seconds on record.
“Just kidding,” she said.
I didn’t think so. She’d already said what she’d really wanted to say. That was that. I knew there was not a hope in hell I’d ever consider her romantically in the least again after the way she’d just dismissed me.
“Okay, okay,” I said, forcing a laugh that probably came off more as a snort. “Glad we got that all cleared up. So, look, it’s already nine. I’ve got to get on my way to the shop.”
“Oh, fun times,” she said.
“Maybe to some,” I said, “but not for me today.”
She laughed.
We hung up.
I drove to work pissed. She’d really been cruel to me. There I was, calling her, hoping for some good, friendly advice from a girl about another girl, and she’d totally shot me down, and cut me down, too. There’d be no sympathy from her. She was an expert at demoralizing me.
Then I passed Main Street, where I spotted the marquee of the Universe.
NOW OPEN!
I remembered the night I’d been there and the wonderful girl I’d seen: Minarette. I wondered if she was like Anna, all judgmental and bitter, or if she was a party girl like Vanessa. I wondered if she was something much more than either of them. I hoped so. I recalled her dimpled cheeks, and her eyeteeth that looked like small fangs. I remembered that blonde mane and that silver dress.
Not a chance, I told myself. Not a chance in hell. A girl like that? Out of your league, buddy. You couldn’t afford her. She’d eat you up alive. You’d fall hard…harder than you’ve ever fallen before. Stay the hell away from her. Or else. She’ll ruin your heart for good. Promise. To top it off, that guy she was with nearly killed you and Mike. Stay away. She’s trouble.
I’m stupid, so of course, the first thing I knew I’d have to do is to go back to the Universe the next time there was a show. I had to see her again—had to lay my eyes on Minarette. I couldn’t resist.