Chapter Eight

 

I held Daniel’s hand as we stepped out of the palace and onto the white steps where the royals watched the Unseelie approach with suspicious eyes.

While I had been pushed and pulled into my dress, Bibi had patiently answered many of my questions concerning the dark court of Faery. The Unseelie had their own king who had been on his throne for two hundred years longer than Miria. Dev’s mother was considered a young queen and many Seelie nobles had been waiting for the dark court to test her will. The Unseelie king was named Angus and he was half sidhe and half goblin. It was said he was descended from Balor and like the legendary warrior, he had a third eye which when opened could kill a man with a single glance. Bibi had explained that the envoy would be one of two ascended gods who served as Angus’s seconds, and the identity of the selected ambassador would be telling.

The queen looked approvingly on Daniel and me as we took our places behind Devinshea and Declan. She reached behind, pulling my hand into hers. “Hello, daughter. I am so happy to see you well. And you, Daniel.”

Daniel nodded her way. “We’re happy to stand beside you, Your Highness.”

Dev winked at me.

“All of Faery rejoices at your fertility, daughter. You have brought such joy to our house.”

Daniel’s arm went around my waist, his mouth coming to my ear. “You always bring joy to our house with or without a child.”

He knew exactly what to say. My vampire made me feel secure and safe. He loved me without a care to my ability to produce a child. I knew Dev loved me, too, but I needed to hear it from Danny.

Miria reached for Daniel. She took his hand in her free one. “Daniel, I want to congratulate you. I know you will be a wonderful father. I cannot thank you enough for everything you do for this family. I am proud to call you son.”

Yeah, she was making it hard for me to hate her.

Declan made a gagging sound. “Must you, Mother?”

She gently slapped the back of his head. “Quiet.”

Really hard for me to hate her.

Unlike our parade to the palace, the Seelie were silent as this caravan marched through the town. The villagers were out of their houses and businesses. They lined the streets but their silence spoke volumes. They were wary, watching every move the small party made.

Bibi had explained that a door located past the great mountains to the north connected the sitheins of the Seelie and the Unseelie. The door led to a vast plain travelers must cross to eventually find the entrance to the Unseelie sithein. She told me that the envoy more than likely had traveled across the plain by riding an eddy wind, but once on Seelie land, they would be forced to walk. The plain between the sitheins was there as a buffer and had once been the sight of many battles between the light and dark courts.

“Can you see who it is?” Declan asked.

I heard Dev let loose a great sigh of relief. “Yes. I would know those hounds anywhere.” He turned back to me. “It is all right, my goddess. They sent Herne. If they meant to start a war, they would have sent the other one. Come, he is a friend. Well, his vessel is my friend. The Hunter can be difficult. We will meet him. Daniel, bring the wolves. Herne will appreciate them.”

I steeled myself because he’d stopped using contractions. It meant he was definitely thinking about playing the part of the Seelie royal and I needed to back him up. Dev took my hand as Daniel motioned for our bodyguards to join us. Dev looked at his brother. “Can you be civil?”

“As long as he doesn’t sic those dogs of his on me,” Declan allowed. He nodded his mother’s way. “We will greet the Hunter. I suppose it is good news, though I cannot stand the man.”

“Please follow your brother’s lead for once,” Miria said in an irritated voice. She called for one of her assistants and began making arrangements for the envoy’s stay.

Dev smiled broadly and began to lead us down the steps. The name they mentioned began to sink in.

“You’re telling me that man is Herne? As in Herne the Hunter?” My father is Irish, a Galway boy. He never forgot the old country, and my childhood stories had centered on the Celtic myths and legends. From what I could recall, I didn’t see how this was a good thing. If Herne the Hunter was the good one, I didn’t want to think about who the Unseelie might have sent instead.

“Yes,” Dev replied. “You’ll love him. He’s interesting.”

My slippered feet hit the grass and Daniel took my other hand. He’d heard the same stories. “Yes, I’m sure the Wild Hunt is interesting to the people it hunts down and drags to the Hell plane. How is this good?”

“Don’t believe all the faery stories,” Dev said. “The Wild Hunt hasn’t been used in many years, and then only when a noble breaks his vows. And they aren’t dragged to the Hell plane. It’s so much worse than that.” He stopped briefly and gave his brother a dark look. “You haven’t done anything, have you?”

Declan rolled his green eyes. “Would I be walking toward the Wild Hunt if I had? I assure you, I would be running the other way. I have heard the stories and, though I know it would be futile, I would still try. I have no wish to be taken apart by flying beasts.”

The flying beasts were a part of the small but deadly army that according to legend made up the Wild Hunt, and Herne the Hunter was the Fae who led it. They sought out oath breakers and made them pay for their lies. It was not something to be wished for.

Dev appeared mollified by Declan’s answer. “Good, then he’s here because we’re friends. He’ll want to meet my goddess, and perhaps I can mend the fences you tore down.”

“Are those true black dogs?” Daniel pointed out the huge creatures walking beside the man with enormous antlers. Black dogs are a myth on the Earth plane. On the British Isles, there were stories of huge black canines who usually foretold a death. On the Faery plane, however, they were just pets.

“Yes, they are,” Dev said, picking up the pace. “It’s another good sign. He left the Cŵn Annwn at home.”

“Those are hell hounds,” Declan provided. “The black dogs are sweet little pets compared to the hell hounds. I won’t even go into the Cù-Sìth. They’re huge and green with flames for eyes. The dark court is a place of monsters.”

The black dogs were roughly the size of a calf. There were two of them, and they lumbered along on either side of the Hunter. Their long tongues moved in and out of their mouths as they panted in the midday heat. They were so black that in the light of the sun, they appeared to be blue. Behind the Hunter and the black dogs were several goblins who were well armed and appeared to be the Hunter’s bodyguards.

“I hope he did not bring the sluagh,” Declan griped. “We will be forced to feed them and they make the worst mess. The palace will stink for days.”

“This is why we are in this quandary,” Dev shot back. “You have no tolerance.”

I was kind of with Dec on this one. I didn’t want to meet the faery host. They were reputed to be even worse than the Wild Hunt.

I heard Lee start to growl behind me. Dev stopped at the edge of the palace grounds to greet the Hunter. I turned to my chief bodyguard and his eyes were dark and predatory.

“Don’t you start something with those dogs,” I warned. He could be a little territorial.

He merely gave me a stubborn look and continued to growl. Neil and Zack were getting antsy, too, as the black dogs approached. It was instinctive. They didn’t like non-pack canines in their territory, and certainly not around their mistress. It wasn’t like I was the alpha bitch or anything, but they took my protection seriously.

The black dogs caught the wolf scent in the air and suddenly they were growling, too, and the hair on the back of their necks was standing at full attention. I started to worry that we would have a fight on our hands.

“Shuck, Barghest, down,” the Hunter commanded, his voice deep and filled with his will.

The black dogs sat back on their haunches but kept their eyes on the wolves.

“You keep interesting company, Prince Dev,” Herne said with a friendly smile. He was a large man, broader than most of the sidhe I’d met, and even taller than Dev. He was six seven at the least. His sable-colored hair only reached his shoulders, but it was mostly obscured by the antlers he wore. Now that I was closer, I could see it was a headdress, but he moved with complete ease as though they were an actual part of his body. I reminded myself that this man was like my husband. He’d taken the non-corporeal hunter god into his Fae body and coexisted with the deity. Unlike Dev, he had given up his own name and chose to be known only as his god. “It’s been many years since I was in the presence of a werewolf, yet you travel with three.”

“I find they make fine bodyguards on the Earth plane.” Dev held his hand out and the ambassador came forward to shake it.

“It’s good to have you back, friend,” Herne stated, tipping his antlers gracefully. “I began to worry the Earth plane would keep you forever and we would be the poorer for it. Things haven’t gone well since you left. Now that you’ve returned, perhaps we can avoid bloodshed.”

“Why shed blood when we could get gloriously drunk?” Dev asked and Herne laughed.

“You always were a lover not a fighter,” Herne said, proving the Unseelie nobles were so much less formal than the Seelies. I just liked the fact that he used contractions.

Herne politely acknowledged Declan, but his distaste was easily read. He turned to me and a look of surprise crossed his tanned face. “You finally found your fertility goddess. You’ll have to forgive me, Your Grace, but your husband was forever bemoaning the lack of curves in our women. Many times he dragged me to the Earth plane to visit brothels because he needed to bury his face in a soft bosom. When he described his preferred choice of mate, he could have been talking about you specifically.”

“Herne,” Dev said, blushing just a bit, “I would like to introduce you to my goddess, Zoey, and my partner, Daniel Donovan.”

“Very interesting.” Herne’s dark eyes took in the two of us. He scented the air deeply. “The rumors are true. Your partner is a vampire. Odd. He’s walking in the sun.”

“It is one of his powers,” Dev acknowledged. “Have you ever met a vampire king?”

Herne’s eyes widened. The term “king” in this case referred to a trick of Daniel’s DNA. Once every thousand years or so a vampire of immense power rose and shook things up. Daniel was working on the “shaking things up” part. “I’ve met few vampires, though I was impressed with the ones I have come across. They’re fierce predators. Arawn will be eager to meet this one.”

“I’m sure he would,” Dev said in a way that made me think we wouldn’t be meeting this Arawn person if Dev had the choice.

“I would prefer to meet your wolves,” a deeper voice said.

I looked up even as Daniel placed a steadying hand on my shoulder. There was no doubt who we were speaking with now. His eyes were completely brown, deep and mysterious. Though his face was calm, I could feel the potential for violence. Herne the Hunter held his hands out and Zack and Neil were suddenly furry. They nudged their way around us and greeted the Hunter. They appeared to be happy as they leapt about and wagged their tails, but I didn’t like it.

“You forced them?” There was no other answer. They wouldn’t have changed on their own.

Herne turned those brown eyes on me. His hands reached down and petted the white and brown wolves almost absently. “They are mine as are all hunters.” His stare came to rest on Lee, who was the only one who kept his form. “You resist.”

“I have but one mistress,” Lee said, a strain in his voice. He was still fighting the urge. “I won’t leave her unguarded because you want to fuck around and show off.”

Herne cocked a bushy eyebrow as he contemplated my lone wolf. “You need to be tamed, dog.”

Lee growled behind me. I stepped up because I’d had enough. “Stop it,” I said flatly to the Hunter. “You will leave him alone. He is mine. Is this the way the Unseelie treat their hosts?”

I had his full attention now. “Human, you host nothing. You’re not even Fae. You’re a vessel for seed and nothing more.”

“You will not speak to Her Grace in such a manner. You will remember that she is the wife of our High Priest and deserves respect,” Declan ordered and now the black dogs were restless again. Neil and Zack looked from one group to the other, not quite knowing what to do or who to protect.

“I’m afraid I have to take exception as well,” Daniel said darkly.

But Herne ignored Daniel, preferring to bare his teeth toward Declan. “Ahh, Your Highness, have you forgotten so soon what happened the last time we met? I believe Barghest took a pound or two from your hide. Are you so eager to lose another?”

Declan flushed and looked over at the growling dogs. “You are in my kingdom now, Hunter. Do I need to call the guards?”

“I don’t think that will be necessary, Your Highness.” Bris took my hand. He brought it to his lips and gently wound his other arm around my waist. He turned his fully green eyes to the Hunter. “The Hunter will remember his manners around a pregnant lady or he will leave. He’s insulting my goddess and I won’t stand for it.”

The Hunter stopped and looked at me, obviously startled. “Bris, I had heard the prince had ascended. I didn’t realize it was you. You’ve been dormant for a long time. I apologize. I overstepped myself. That one,” he gestured to Declan, “angers me. Your Grace, I sincerely ask your forgiveness. If you’re carrying the prince’s child, then I honor you, of course.”

“I assure you, my goddess is full,” Bris said, looking at the Hunter. “It’s early, of course, but she carries a boy and he’ll be important. You should be careful around his mother if you wish for the child to share his gifts with the Unseelie. Perhaps it would be best if we allowed our hosts to handle this. And I would definitely let those wolves go. My goddess is attached to them. It is an insult to her that you took them over.”

A boy. I was having a boy.

Herne bowed deeply, but I wasn’t sure how much I liked being respected for the simple fact that my womb worked. “You have my deepest respect, Your Grace. I much enjoy spending time with your husband. I meant no harm to your wolves.”

Bris smiled down at me and nodded and then he was Dev again. His lips turned down. “I apologize, sweetheart. If I’d known he would insult you, I would never have introduced you.”

Neil came to my side and sat while Zack went to Daniel’s. They remained in their wolf forms in deference to the fact that their clothes had pretty much exploded. Lee relaxed a bit, and I knew he didn’t have to fight anymore.

The Hunter’s host looked slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Dev. The Hunter and your brother had words when he visited. It didn’t go well. I’m happy to hear your news. Congratulations to all of you.” He grew serious. “If this child is what he could be…he could help all of us. The goblins haven’t had a live birth in nearly twenty years.”

Dev put his arm around me. “I have no problem performing fertility rites. I understand my magic is rare and will happily share it with the Unseelie.”

Herne frowned at Declan. ‘That isn’t what your brother promised. He said you would withhold the rites unless the Unseelie made some unfavorable trade concessions.”

Dev sent his brother a dirty look. “While my brother is to be king someday, he does not have control of the temple. My temple is open to all Fae. If it’s more convenient, of course, we will travel to the Unseelie sithein. My wife is a great lover of the strange. She would find your ways interesting.”

“Not if that mean old hunter is an example,” I said crossly, leaning over to stroke Neil’s head. He thumped his tail but seemed like he was still a little disoriented.

“Barghest, Shuck,” Herne said, leaning down to speak to his dogs, “Her Grace seems like a woman who could use a kiss.”

I was suddenly assaulted by two huge dogs. I fell back on my butt as they licked my face and looked far cuter than any death omen should. They panted and nudged me with their great noses, begging for me to play. One of the black dogs sniffed Neil’s backside and he ran to hide behind Lee. I laughed and ran my hands through their coarse hair. I did love strange creatures, especially when they were as sweet as the dogs seemed.

Dev shook his head and looked at Daniel. “She’ll want to take one home.”

Daniel was watching me with a smile. “Let’s not let her get around the Cù-Sìth, then. We would look strange running around Dallas with a green dog with flaming eyes.”

“Yes,” Herne said with an indulgent smile. “I think Her Grace would fit in with the Unseelie. Let’s have an ale. I’ll get to know your partner, and perhaps we can find a way to mend our friendships.”

 

* * * *

 

I finally slipped away from the men two hours later. Herne was having lunch with Dev while Daniel sat in and listened as they told stories of the hunt. While listening to stories of the Hunter killing small creatures might be interesting to the men, I had other objectives to pursue. I also wasn’t sure exactly what kind of meat they were eating and after my cat taco experience, I was more careful. I liked to be sure what my lunch was made of. I approached the kitchens with Lee and Neil, who had just rejoined us after finding clothes since his had sort of exploded. Faery was turning out to be hell on Neil’s wardrobe.

Sarah had gone into the village to speak with the gnome and Felix had followed his wife, but Neil ambled beside me and he’d finally made friends with our new guests. The black dogs seemed to like me, and Herne made no move to stop them when they trailed after us. They were perfectly well behaved and hadn’t tried to hump anything, so I was comfortable with my escort.

Lee, on the other hand, was a little grumpy.

“Stop,” he commanded as Shuck nudged him with his huge nose.

“He’s just trying to play with you.” I scratched Barghest behind his big old ears.

Lee growled and if dogs can pout, that’s what Shuck did. He ran over to me and presented his head for a pet.

“Don’t take it personally,” I told him. “He won’t let me pet him either. He’s not playful.”

I heard a ruckus from down the hall. Someone was shouting and there was a great clanging noise. Neil and Lee both moved quickly to secure me. I found myself up against the wall with Neil covering me.

“Watch her,” Lee ordered.

“Like I don’t do that all day long,” Neil muttered.

“He likes giving orders.” I was pretty sure we were safe. The argument sounded like it was coming from the kitchen. It wasn’t the best place for an assassin to hide.

“He’s a drama queen.” Neil sighed, watching Lee disappear behind the doors. The black dogs set their backsides down, their tails thumping against the floor as they looked between us and the door.

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” Lee could be surprisingly sensitive. My tummy rumbled, and I hoped he dealt with the great cooking tragedy before I used up all of Danny’s energy again.

“I hear everything!” Lee yelled. “Zoey, get your ass in here. This is all your fault.”

Or it could be all my fault. That happened more than you would expect. Neil and I exchanged a look and followed orders, getting my ass into the kitchens as quickly as possible.

I was presented with a small but important battle. Albert was on one side of the kitchen, looking entirely professional in his white dress shirt and black slacks. He had a very masculine apron on. All he needed was a chef’s hat, though I wasn’t sure how we would fit it over his horns.

Bibi was sitting on the kitchen counter close to him, her legs and tail dangling. I had wondered where Bibi was spending her time when she wasn’t with me. I now discovered she made her way to the kitchens and aided Albert with his preparations. I had no doubt she’d been talking his ears off because once Bibi felt comfortable, she could talk a mile a minute. She was flushed with anger and looked across a marble island that was filled with fresh fruit.

Her adversary stood his ground on the other side. He was an officious-looking faery with his long brown hair in a neat bun at the back of his head. He was dressed to cook and looked at the demon and troll with utter disdain. Bibi, for one, was having none of it.

“This is Her Grace’s personal cook,” Bibi explained, and from her tone, I could tell it wasn’t the first time she’d gone over it. “He has every right to be in this kitchen. He has to make sure Her Grace eats properly for her baby.”

The faery sighed and it was easy to see he didn’t think talking to these creatures was a good use of his time. “These are my kitchens. I am the head of the palace’s chefs. You are not needed in here. I assure you I can handle Her Grace’s nutritional needs far better than this demon can. He is not Fae. How could he possible know how to nourish a faery child?”

My secretary shook her fist. “If you don’t allow Albert to do his job, I will call my mistress in and then you’ll be sorry. She will show you.”

I, for one, was interested in knowing how I would show the faery, who was at least a foot and a half taller than me.

“She is fierce and cruel,” Bibi continued, her voice promising all manner of torture. “She commands the wolves and they will hunt you down should you cause her a moment’s distress.”

Neil snorted at the thought and suddenly everyone looked our way. Albert shook his horns, appearing grim and put upon. Bibi flushed, her whole face going pink, while the faery chef looked down his nose at me.

I told myself for the four hundredth time that I was going to be a lady.

“Your Grace, is there a reason you have brought hounds into my kitchens?” the faery asked, frowning at the black dogs.

“I’m sorry. They just kind of follow me around. They’re really well behaved.” They were. They were politely sniffing around Albert now, who suffered through it all with dignity.

Bibi was past her initial embarrassment and chose to continue her tirade on my behalf. “Her Grace can go wherever she wants. Who are you, a servant, to tell her what she can and cannot do?”

“It’s all right, Bibi.” I needed to make a few concessions. “I am sure the chef is good at his job. I can just eat whatever the others eat.”

Albert sighed deeply, his disappointment an actual weight in the room. “Very well then, mistress. I will allow him to toss out my cilantro with the trash. It is what began this sad situation. He doesn’t view it as a proper herb.”

Now he had all of our attentions. Neil, Lee, and I were all Southwesterners. We liked our cilantro.

“Just what were you making with that cilantro, Al?” Lee asked, and I could hear his stomach rumble. Lee was always ready to eat.

The demon shrugged coyly. “In honor of my mistress’s blessed state, I thought that I would make a lunch of enchiladas, rice, and beans. It’s my mistress’s favorite. Sadly, the palace chef doesn’t believe Tex-Mex is worthy of his kitchens. I should warn you, my mistress, that he’s also told me I’m not allowed to fry anything. He doesn’t understand your cultural need to fry everything possible in hot grease.”

“What the hell are you making for lunch?” Lee asked the faery chef.

His superior smile said it all. “I am creating a summer salad of all the freshest ingredients. It will be topped with morning dew I collected from the finest flowers of our royal gardens.” All of this was said in hushed tones as though this was a great and honored meal fit for kings or queens.

Unfortunately, I had to feed wolves. They weren’t big on salads.

Neil looked at Lee with desperation on his face. “He has to go.”

Lee turned to me. “It’s your decision, Zoey. You’re the one who has to deal with the consequences.” He shook his head at Neil. “No, we have to trust Zoey. She’ll either pick the nonconfrontational route that gets all of us a meal of freaking morning dew or she’ll go with beef and cheese.”

“Please go with beef and cheese,” Neil pleaded. “I don’t think I’ll like morning dew. It doesn’t sound filling. Is it anything like Mountain Dew?”

“Did I mention the chocolate pie I made earlier that he wanted to throw out with the cilantro?” Albert asked.

“Faeries do not eat this chocolate of yours,” the chef informed me with an aristocratic huff.

“Dev does,” Neil pointed out. He did. Especially chocolate sauce since he liked to lick it off my body.

“You,” I said to the chef, raising my voice in my most regal fashion. “Out.”

My need to be ladylike completely lost to my need for chocolate. I had nine months to eat whatever I liked and fool myself into thinking my body would just bounce back after the baby was born. I wasn’t about to waste that time on morning dew, which I was pretty sure didn’t have anything to do with Mountain Dew.

“I shall take this up with Her Majesty,” the chef promised as he turned and huffed out.

I looked at Albert. “You, start frying tortillas.”

Albert smiled, completely satisfied. “It’s already done. I merely need to bake the entrée, mistress. In the meantime,” he began, placing a large platter on the table, “I took the time to make an appetizer of pulled pork nachos. Please enjoy.”

Neil actually drooled as he and Lee started in on the nachos. “I love you, Albert.”

“And I’m fond of you, Neil.” Albert checked the temperature of the ovens with his usual air of competence. He put the platters in and turned to me with a suspicious look as I tried to hide the fact that I was feeding the black dogs under the table. “Mistress, you wouldn’t happen to know why the brownies have suddenly stopped their routine cleaning?”

I shrugged because I was totally at a loss. I savored the greasy goodness of the nachos while Shuck thumped his tail, impatient for another. “Why would I know that? Besides, my rooms were perfectly cleaned.”

Neil nodded and answered around a mouthful of nachos. “My bed was made this morning and it wasn’t me or Zack.”

“Apparently the brownies have gone to the head housekeeper and they are demanding something they call ‘flavors,’” Albert said, his mouth turned down.

“Oh, crap.” Yeah, that was me, too. I had to hope the Seelie wanted this baby or I might get us all tossed out. I decided to try to feign innocence. “Would you believe me if I said I know nothing about it?”

“Not at all, mistress,” Albert intoned with a patient sigh. One hoof tapped along the marbled floor.

I tried to come up with a way to tell the story that made me look as innocent as possible. I hadn’t meant to cause a revolt, after all. “Well, you know how the brownies clean up and all you have to do to keep them happy is leave out a small bowl of cream?”

“Yes, I’m aware of the exchange.”

“I thought it might be fun to leave them shots, like what you get in a diner to put in your coffee,” I explained. “So I might have gone to Costco and brought in a couple of crates of flavored cream. I might have exchanged it for their regular cream. I mean the poor things have to eat the same damn cream every day. Let’s switch it up, people. Right? It’s no big deal, Al, just a little hazelnut and vanilla cream. Maybe some caramel.”

Albert shook his head. “Mistress, I hope you brought enough. They all wish to try the flavors. If you continue to feed strange creatures, we will be returning to our home with a menagerie. We’ll have to start a zoo.”

Barghest whined at my feet, proving Albert’s point.

Just at that moment the door swung open and two goblins entered. They were short but fierce looking, with leathery skin and red eyes. They swaggered in, their eyes going directly to me.

“We demand flesh and blood,” the tallest one said.

“Okay, I’ll go with my patent response of ewww,” I said with a glance at my wolves, who seemed to not care that two fierce warriors had accosted me. They were far too busy downing nachos.

“We’re hungry, human,” the shorter one said. “We demand our midday meal as is our right. You’re our hosts. You’ll give us flesh and blood. We don’t eat greenery.”

“Amen, brother,” Lee said with a growl and a manly belch.

“I don’t have any flesh and blood.” I looked down at the goblins. I doubted Albert had thought to bring along packets of blood and hunks of flesh. Though now that I thought about it, it might have been a good idea.

They looked me over with toothy grins. There was no lust in their eyes. I think they were wondering how many burgers they could get out of me. “You certainly have plenty of flesh, my lady, and you’re full of blood.”

I reached out and slapped him right on his scraggly head.

His clawed hand reached up and massaged his forehead. “The human hit me.”

“She did,” the other goblin replied, looking at me curiously. “Does she intend to start a war?”

“No,” I said, hitting the other one just as firmly. I didn’t have to play the lady with the Unseelie. They would just see it as a weakness. “But I’m not going to be intimidated and I’m certainly not going to be your meal. Now, you’re welcome to join us for our lunch if you can behave. We’re having enchiladas.”

Lee slapped at the table, giving me a stern frown. “Yeah, a small portion if you keep inviting people in. You’re already planning on feeding those damn dogs.”

The taller goblin gave me a disdainful look. “We don’t eat anything called enchiladas. Seelie food is distasteful. It’s shit.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up a particularly pork-filled chip. While the goblin was complaining about all things Seelie, I shoved it in his mouth.

He sputtered and choked and then finally managed to chew for a moment. He looked at his friend. “We’re staying for lunch.”

Albert sighed deeply. “We’ll have to begin an Unseelie wing in the penthouse,” he warned. “Please, mistress, do not feed the sluagh the skittles I know you smuggled in. I have no wish to clean an aviary.”

I chewed my food and promised nothing.