December 7, 1554
Saint-Germain-en-Laye

It is one day before my birthday and almost a year ago that I began this diary that my dear mother sent to me all the way from Scotland. I once again stand on the roof garden of the château and watch the river flow below me. I began my fast a few hours ago. It is an ancient practice. Many do not do it before their First Communion, but I decided to, for it is said that through fasting one can seek a purity of heart. This I need in order to be a true communicant. I want to remember the hunger in my stomach each time I take the sacraments, for with this in mind, with a purity of heart I shall, I think, be a better Christian as well as a good Queen. I need to do this for I know that there is within my heart a dark part. I am not sure precisely what the cause is, but there is a shadow that lurks there. I want this shadow to dissolve before I kneel before the altar and recite the catechism to my confessor. What is it that lurks in my heart? What could it be? I search and search for it. Perhaps the hunger will drive it out.