VIVIAN WAS STANDING on the porch of the church where she was supposed to be married. It was spring again in New Hampshire, and the air smelled of rich, damp earth and millions of trees. The church door was locked, so she knocked, once, twice, again, wondering where everyone was.
Glancing down she saw that the full skirt of her wedding dress had stains on it, all kinds of mud and dirt, like she’d been wearing it during fieldwork. She tried to brush it off, but the dirt smeared so she gave up and knocked again and again and again.
Slowly other sensations trickled in. Blankets, tickling her chin. The dusty afternoon scent of sunlight through a window. She wasn’t on a porch or in a wedding dress. She was in her bed in the cute little cottage she’d rented in Shelter Creek. As the dream faded, she realized the knocking was coming from her front door.
She opened her sticky eyes, so glad to be here, not there, jilted, in a dirty dress. But who was knocking?
“Hang on,” Vivian croaked and scrambled out of bed. Her clock read 6:00 p.m.—the sunlight was the last of the day. She scrubbed her palms across her eyes and glanced down at her T-shirt and sweats. She remembered pulling them on this afternoon, after a quick shower to make sure she hadn’t brought any ticks or other unwanted visitors back from Jace’s ranch. Then she’d crawled into bed and been asleep in moments.
Pieces of the present fell into place. She’d left work early, flattened by a bone-deep fatigue that she couldn’t ignore any longer. It could be the lupus—fatigue could be a warning sign that she’d pushed herself too hard.
She’d worked long hours for the past two days, ever since finding Jace’s endangered salamander. She was determined to finish surveying the perimeter of the pond by the weekend, creating a grid on her laptop to document what she found in every square meter. She’d located only one more salamander, which was about what she’d expected. Most of them would be underground until the first big winter rainstorm.
Maybe Vivian had worked too many hours, because this afternoon her joints had ached, her shoulders and knees threatening to freeze up, as they had when she’d experienced her first, horrible lupus flare-up. The pain, combined with the fatigue, had finally forced her to pack up early and stumble to her truck, desperate for home, bed and sleep.
But tonight was book club. Vivian ran to the front door and yanked it open, and there was Maya, leaning on her porch railing, chatting with a woman Vivian didn’t recognize.
“There you are!” Maya shook a finger in the air at her. “I was about to break your door down. I was worried about you.”
Vivian pressed her palms to her heated face. “I’m so sorry! I’m supposed to be at your grandmother’s house right now, aren’t I?”
Maya smiled, and Vivian caught the traces of relief in her expression. “It’s okay. Grandma’s not upset or anything. She just got worried and sent Trisha and I to make sure you were okay.” Her expression tensed. “Are you okay? I really was getting ready to bust your door down.”
Uneasy guilt settled on Vivian’s shoulders. By law, she wasn’t required to tell Maya of her illness, so she hadn’t. She’d wanted this job so badly and was sure she would be great at it, despite her lupus. But here the disease was, doing what it did so well. Slowing her down, tiring her out so it seemed that her limbs were moving through molasses.
“I took a nap. I guess I haven’t been sleeping so well the past few days.”
“Do you still want to come to book club?”
“Of course.” Vivian glanced down at her clothing. “Give me just a minute to get changed?”
“Ahem,” the other woman said with an exaggerated cough.
Maya jumped as if she’d been poked in the ribs. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I have the worst manners. Especially when I’ve been working out in the middle of nowhere for a few days. Vivian, this is my friend and your soon-to-be colleague, Trisha. Once we get the animal rehabilitation facility built, she’ll be in charge of any injured animals that come our way.”
“I’m glad to meet you,” Vivian said. “It’s so exciting to be a part of such a new project. I can’t wait for the buildings to be finished.”
“You mean you’re already tired of working out of a trailer on a construction site?” Maya’s grin was contagious. Vivian was certain the less-than-ideal working conditions didn’t bother her boss one bit. Maya was famous among field biologists for the years she’d spent in the most remote corners of the Rockies, studying mountain lions and other top predators. Rumor had it, Maya had only come out of the mountains long enough to email her research articles. But then she’d surprised everyone by returning to her hometown of Shelter Creek to help start a wildlife center here.
“I’m fine with the trailer for now,” Vivian assured her. “I’m spending most of my time on Jace’s ranch, anyway.”
“Where you found California tiger salamanders,” Maya said. “I got into town a few hours ago and finally checked my email.” To Trisha, she said, “I leave her alone for her first week on the job and she locates previously unknown populations of an endangered species. I told you I’m good at spotting talent.”
Trisha grinned. “I wonder if Jace sees it that way.”
“Trust me,” Vivian assured her. “He doesn’t see it that way. I’m pretty sure he thinks I put those salamanders there deliberately, to thwart him.”
“Uh-oh.” Maya bit her lower lip. “Is he giving you a hard time? I’ll talk to him. I swear, these cowboys around here all have such giant chips on their shoulders, it’s amazing they don’t look lopsided.”
Trisha cracked up and Maya flashed Vivian a conspiratorial smile. “Caleb was pretty upset when I first offered him advice on how to prevent mountain lion attacks on his ranch.”
Clearly there was a lot more to that story, but despite the missing pieces, Vivian felt the strain of the past couple of days lift from her shoulders. She needed Maya’s humor desperately. She was working every waking hour to come up with a solution for Jace and the cattle he wanted to graze in Long Valley.
She’d always fallen for the underdog. Colin had been that for her. A skinny, cerebral guy who got sick a lot, who seemed to need Vivian’s care in order to be okay in the world. And Vivian had loved him and wanted to make life okay for him, so she’d stepped up and given him all the comfort she could.
She’d worked so hard to create a home for him. They’d worked together on projects of his choosing. She’d helped him type his notes and write his papers. Then she’d stood back while he took all the credit for their success.
And then she’d gotten sick. She couldn’t know for sure, but sometimes she wondered if she’d caused it with all that self-sacrifice. By taking on all the stress so Colin wouldn’t have to feel any.
She had worked so hard to gain Colin’s affection, to keep him by her side. Afraid to ask for anything she wanted or to pursue the projects that interested her, because if she did, it might upset him. Or his love might disappear.
And, sure enough, when the tables were turned and she was the one who needed nurturing, when she wanted him to step up and care for her, he couldn’t. As he explained in his wedding-day note, caring for someone sick just “wasn’t in his nature.”
In other words, she’d been a total fool. And this week she’d fallen right back into that same old pattern with Jace. He looked down at her with those gorgeous blue eyes, and she immediately went into rescue mode. And, once again, she’d done it at the expense of her health.
A psychologist could have a field day with her. Would probably say something about her father walking away when she was born and her mother having to work constantly from then on to make ends meet.
But today had been her wake-up call. No more long hours for Jace. She’d try to be quick and efficient, but she wasn’t going to make his problems her own.
The image of little Alex, so excited about the salamander, ached in her heart. She understood that the root of Jace’s frustration and urgency was that he wanted to do right by his nieces and nephew. But that was Jace’s job. Not hers.
“I’m going to go get dressed,” she told Maya and Trisha. “Would you like to come in and wait inside?”
“Nah, we’re fine out here.” Maya plunked down on the porch steps with a happy sigh.
“Maya’s always happier out of doors,” Trisha added. “And I’ve been working at the veterinary clinic all day so I appreciate the fresh air.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.”
It only took Vivian a moment to pull on some jeans and a sweater, splash her face with water and comb her hair. She rarely wore makeup, so there was no need to worry about that. Still, she wished her first visit to the book club wasn’t one where she was showing up late and half asleep. The fatigue still clung to her like moss on a tree. Parasitic. Draining.
When she went outside again, the cool evening air helped revive her a little, and jogging to Maya’s truck with Trisha and a big dog Maya introduced as Einstein had Vivian smiling. Einstein sniffed her with one ear flopped forward. It wasn’t until Maya picked him up and set him down in the small back seat of the truck cab that Vivian realized the dog only had three legs. Trisha climbed in next to him saying, “Scoot over, Einstein,” leaving Vivian to sit in the front.
“This is quite a welcoming committee,” she told Maya. “I’ve never been chauffeured to a book club before.”
“Well, that’s what you get for napping.” Maya glanced her way as she started up the engine. “Are you sure you’re not overdoing it? I looked at the notes you sent me, and you’ve accomplished a whole lot of work for the first week on the job. Maybe you should take tomorrow off.”
“I can’t,” Vivian told her. “I’ve got a biologist, Orin Redmond, coming from Sacramento to take a look at Jace’s ponds. He’s an expert on the tiger salamander. I think he’s going to bring a team of grad students from UC Berkeley up here to do a survey of Shelter Creek and a few other local ponds.”
“Wow, you are on it.” Maya flashed her an admiring smile. “Thank you. But I can meet with him if you’d like.”
Vivian gazed out the window as Maya navigated them through the adorable streets of Shelter Creek, the clapboard houses nestled in the shade of big oaks, kids playing in their front yards before their parents called them in to dinner. It was tempting to take a day off. To give herself time to sleep and to wander this town so she could get to know it better.
But no. Just two more days until the weekend. Then she could rest. Then she could wander. She’d come out to California determined to work hard and live well despite her illness. She couldn’t let one day of fatigue send her running for cover. “You are welcome to join the meeting. In fact, it would be great because you know a lot more about possible habitats around here than I do. But I’d really like to be there, as well, to see this thing through.”
“I figured you’d say that.” Maya shot her another smile as she pulled up in front of a lovely old two-story Victorian-era house. “But this weekend you have to take it easy. Boss’s orders. Except on Sunday, when I’m hoping you’ll come to a barbecue at Caleb’s ranch. We’re celebrating our engagement.”
“Congratulations!” Vivian’s first instinct was to say no. Maya was her boss, and of course she was just inviting her to such a personal event out of obligation.
But then Trisha leaned forward from the back seat and put a hand on Vivian’s shoulder. “Please say you’ll come. Now that Maya and Caleb are engaged, I don’t have any single gals to hang out with. I need you there!”
There was no denying Trisha’s plea and Vivian didn’t really want to. A barbecue on a ranch. It was so...so Western. She’d take some photos to send to her mom and her friend Charlotte back in New Hampshire. Proof that she was hanging out on real ranches with real cowboys and cowgirls. It was still all so unreal. “Okay, I’ll go.”
“Oh, good.” Trisha gave her shoulder a light squeeze. “You’ll have fun. Caleb’s ranch is really nice.”
Maya turned the engine off and leaned back in her seat, as if she were gathering strength. “Well, girls. Are you ready for an evening with The Booze Biddies?”
Trisha burst out laughing. Vivian looked from one to the other in confusion. “I thought we were going to a book club.”
“Oh, yes, they talk about books sometimes.” Trisha reached into her tote bag, pulled out a copy of a novel Vivian recognized from the bestseller lists and waved it vaguely in the air. “But mostly they gossip and drink cocktails.”
“Well, I guess that’s good for me, since I haven’t read it.”
“Trust me, no one cares. I’m sure they’ll be more interested in getting to know you than anything else. They’re kind of...” Maya paused, as if trying to find the right words “...involved?”
“Meddling,” Trisha added.
“Enthusiastic,” Maya said.
“Okay!” Vivian couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled so much. “I get the picture. And even if they are a bit...um...”
“Nosey?” Maya supplied.
Vivian giggled. “Okay, yes, even if they’re nosey, I’m still grateful that they, and you, have included me. It’s strange being new in town. It’s nice to have a plan.”
“Trust me, they will fill your days if you let them,” Trisha said. “They’ve taken up the cause of mountain lion conservation, they’ve been trying to set me up on dates and they organized the entire community to rebuild Caleb’s ranch this summer. And now they’re working together to raise funds for the wildlife center. Eva, the founder, is one of The Biddies. She used her savings as the seed money for the project.”
“They sound like amazing women.”
Maya put a hand to Vivian’s shoulder. “I hope you still feel that way after this evening. Are you ready? You might never be the same.”
It was meant as a joke. Just a humorous threat. But Vivian kind of hoped it was a promise. She didn’t want to be the same. Didn’t want to be the stressed, mousy, people pleaser she’d been back in New Hampshire. She wanted to be strong, independent, a problem solver, someone who accomplished things. She wanted to have fun and have friends. And if The Book Biddies could help with that, she was on board.
TRISHA AND MAYA had tried to warn her, but nothing could have prepared Vivian for the mile-a-minute action of a Book Biddies meeting. She’d just followed Maya and Trisha into the grand old living room and found a seat when a beautiful older woman in a colorful tunic, leggings and motorcycle boots flitted into the room with a tray of full glasses.
“Champagne!” she said, passing out the flutes.
“What are we celebrating?” Trisha asked. She’d taken a seat next to Vivian. “By the way, that’s Eva,” she whispered.
Oh. The Eva. The driving force behind the wildlife center and Vivian’s job. Vivian had spoken to her on the phone just the once, when she’d first called to inquire about the posting, but she hadn’t actually met her yet.
“Full funding for the Shelter Creek Wildlife Center! A friend of a friend of a friend connected me with a very wealthy nature-loving venture capitalist in San Francisco who grew up in this area. He has provided the last fifty thousand dollars. We can complete the building!”
A cheer went up around the room.
“That’s amazing, Eva!” Maya’s grandmother, Lillian, clasped her hands together in delight. “What wonderful news!”
“You started building the wildlife center before you had all the money?” Vivian asked of no one in particular.
“We had faith,” said the woman with curly hair and a sensible brown cardigan sitting in the armchair next to Vivian. “I’m Priscilla, by the way. Priscilla Axel. I was Maya and Trisha’s teacher when they were young.”
“The best teacher ever,” Trisha added, leaning across Vivian to give Mrs. Axel’s hand a squeeze.
“Nice to meet you,” Vivian told her.
Eva stopped in front of Vivian and handed her a glass. “Vivian. It’s so nice to finally meet you. Welcome to Shelter Creek.”
“Thank you for having me.” Vivian flushed as she realized her words made no sense. Ugh. Sometimes it seemed like she’d never get any better at social situations. “I mean, thank you for hiring me.”
Eva’s smile was a warm welcome. “From what I hear, you’re off to a fantastic start. I look forward to getting to know you. But for now, I have champagne to distribute.” And she was off across the room, moving with the smooth grace of someone far younger than she seemed.
“Look at this gorgeous hair!” A perfectly made-up older woman with bleached-blond hair had crossed the living room and was reaching for Vivian’s ponytail. “Do you always keep it tied back? Have you ever considered adding just a few extra highlights? It’s such a beautiful brown, and if you broke it up with larger streaks of blond it would really show the depth of the color.”
“This is Monique,” Mrs. Axel told Vivian. “She gets a little excited and forgets her manners.”
“I’m sorry!” Monique pulled her hands away and clasped them in front of her ample bosom. “It’s nice to meet you, Vivian. Come by the salon soon and let me play with your hair. Monique’s Miracles. Right downtown next to Chaparral Books.”
“I will,” Vivian promised before she realized that she was people pleasing again. She didn’t really want to change her hair. “I mean, I’ll think about it.”
“Monique, don’t pressure the poor thing. Her hair is just fine as it is.” It was Annie, whom Vivian had met at the town hall meeting. She had a folding chair under her arm that she plunked down on the other side of Mrs. Axel’s armchair.
“Of course it is. But it would be nice with highlights, too.” Monique’s smile was totally unapologetic and she gave Vivian a pat on the head. “Welcome to Shelter Creek. We’re all so glad you’re here.” She gave a little wave, walked over to the big couch under the window and sat down next to Maya and Lillian.
“Monique can come across a little strong, but she’s the nicest person and she really is a genius with hair.” Annie put a hand to her gray, streaked bob. “She put something she calls lowlights into mine. I was skeptical, but now I love it. Anyway, I’m so glad you could join us tonight. We were worried you’d gotten shy on us or something.”
Vivian shook her head, flushing because she was shy and she’d been shy at that first town meeting when she’d tried to speak into the microphone. It was amazing how she’d found her voice a little bit already since coming to Shelter Creek. Maybe it was a good thing she had to work with Jace. He was so frustrated with her and her discoveries that it forced her to push back at him.
Annoyance rose at just the thought of him. He might be a good man for taking in those kids, but it wasn’t her fault his pond was home to endangered salamanders. There was no need to be rude or to try to make her feel guilty simply because she’d been the one to spot the little creatures.
Maybe she’d tell him that straight up if he was rude again. She remembered him lecturing the elk by the pond the other day and smiled. He might be annoying but he was also kind of funny.
Which was not something she should think about. She couldn’t get sucked into his problems when she had plenty of her own.
Her thoughts had taken her completely off track and she pulled herself back to her conversation with Annie. “I can be shy sometimes but I’m very glad to be here.” She pretended to take a sip of her champagne, then set her glass down on an end table. Lupus was notorious for damaging people’s kidneys. The last time Vivian had been tested everything seemed fine, but she wasn’t going to add alcohol into the equation. She couldn’t afford to.
“Vivian, we are so glad to have you working at the wildlife center.” Eva, perched on the couch now, raised her glass in Vivian’s direction. “Our second full-time employee. It’s so exciting.”
“And Vivian has already uncovered our first big wildlife dilemmas.” Maya explained to the group about the elk and the salamanders—and Jace’s quandary.
“Poor Jace.” A woman Vivian hadn’t met yet bustled in from the kitchen with a tray of crackers and cheese. “He’s already given up so much. It seems like that man just can’t get a break.” She set the tray on the coffee table. “I’m Kathy Wallace, by the way. I’m Lillian’s neighbor.”
Kathy’s smile was so kind that Vivian immediately felt at ease with her. “Nice to meet you,” Vivian told her. “Are you talking about Jace’s rodeo career?”
“It took Jace years to work his way up to the top of pro rodeo,” Annie explained to Vivian. “He finally made it, started winning, made a little money, got a few sponsors and it seemed like his hard-won dreams were coming true. Then his sister got into all that trouble and there was no one else to take the kids.”
“And Jace always looked out for Brenda,” Kathy added. “So of course he stepped in to take her kids. He wouldn’t know how to do it any other way.”
“Well, good thing he did,” Lillian said. “He may be struggling now, but it’s the best decision.” Lillian glanced at Maya and the love in her expression was a sight to behold.
“Aw, now you’re going to make us all cry.” Maya’s tone was silly but she put her hand over her grandmother’s. “My grandmother raised me after Social Services took me away from my own parents.”
“Well, it’s really a shame about Jace’s rodeo career, but aren’t those kids cute?” Mrs. Axel sighed. “I met them at the market the other day. That little Alex and Amy are really bright. They almost made me want to go back into teaching.”
Vivian thought of Alex, so animated at the pond the other day. All those words tumbling out of his mouth because he’d been excited about the salamanders. She’d promised herself she’d keep her distance from Jace and his family. That she wouldn’t get too involved. But if she could get Alex talking about salamanders, maybe eventually he’d start talking to other people about other things.
No, that was not her problem. Not her responsibility. If Jace brought Alex down to the pond, of course she’d welcome his help. But she wasn’t going to take on worry that wasn’t hers. Stress made lupus worse. And she really didn’t want to get worse.
“And of course there’s Carly, his teenaged niece.” Maya sighed. “I’ve been trying to get to know her. Jace brings the kids by to visit the horses and hang out on the ranch, but Carly either doesn’t come with them or won’t talk to anyone if she does.”
“Well, those are challenging years.” Lillian gave her granddaughter an affectionate smile. “You weren’t exactly smiles and rainbows back then, either.”
Maya grinned at her grandmother. “I’m sure I was very charming, in my sullen, teenaged way.”
“Maybe Carly would like a job,” Eva said. “Once we get the building finished we could use someone to help out a few hours a week at the front desk. She could file, answer the phone, help us with our social media, things like that.”
“It’s a great idea.” Maya brightened. “I’ll mention it to Jace.”
“I love that we’re already calling it the wildlife center, when it’s really still just a trailer parked on a construction site,” Kathy teased.
“Dream big and big things happen.” Eva folded her arms across her chest defiantly. “We should all be proud of ourselves. We only came up with the idea this summer. But we’ve already found the land, started construction, hired two employees and become fully funded. Ladies, I propose a toast to our alter egos, the wildlife-saving Cougars for Cougars.”
Everyone in the room raised their glasses and Vivian did, too. But while they all drank, she set her glass down with a sigh. It was hard to feel festive when the wildlife center’s work was causing Jace so much trouble. And when he blamed her for a lot of it. He thought of her as some kind of Snow White, living in a fantasy world with her animal friends. A woman who’d never known hardship. Who’d never had her plans end in disappointment. Ha.
Still, it shouldn’t matter what he thought of her. He was just a frustrated rodeo star, overwhelmed by his new life as a dad and taking that stress out on her. So why was her mind on him so often? Why had she looked for him the last couple days when she’d been working in his valley?
She’d come to Shelter Creek to be like these women around her. Strong. Independent. Not needing a man in their lives to feel fulfilled. She’d given up so much of her life to Colin. She would not do the same for Jace.
She leaned over to where Maya sat, two seats over, and put a hand on her arm. “Maya. I think I’m going to take you up on your kind offer of taking tomorrow off.”
Maya raised her glass with a smile. “Good decision. Relax and get some rest. I’ll set everything up with the visiting scientists.”
Vivian leaned back in her chair with a sigh of relief. She needed this break. Needed a fresh perspective. Needed to remember that Jace Hendricks was just a handsome, troubled cowboy with bad luck when it came to choosing a ranch and nothing more than that.