Chapter 3

“Betrayal can only happen if you love.” J. Le Carre

 

Adanya stretched and moved around slightly in her bed. Snoopy was at the foot, but as soon as Adanya moved, he propped up his big head and began to whine.

“I know,” she dragged her words in slow tune with her body.

She looked around and realized it was morning. Memories of yesterday’s horrific events rushed to her mind. She still felt achy and her throat was dry. She could barely swallow without it throbbing. The tray with soup and crackers was gone. The luggage and the clothes she’d thrown around the room were nowhere in sight either. She felt the need to resume crying, but told herself she didn’t have time; she had to find out the truth.

She adorned herself in her thick, white terry cloth, hooded robe. Snoopy jumped down off the bed. Adanya placed her feet inside of her slippers that were always parked somewhere close to her bedside, while Snoopy wagged his tail with excitement.

“Good morning, big boy.” She leaned down and patted him on top of his head. With caution, Adanya turned the doorknob to her bedroom door like she was an intruder.

Snoopy took off up the hallway, stopping momentarily to look back and make sure Adanya was close by.

Adanya listened for sounds of the people who she once trusted more than anyone else in the world. Now the same people had quickly become strangers to her. She tiptoed into the hallway, down the stairs, and began to follow the aroma of fresh coffee coming from the kitchen. The house was quiet. Almost eerily quiet.

Ummm. She inhaled the sweet aroma of caffeine as she made her way to the kitchen. Must be after six. The coffee pot is timed for six o’clock every morning, seven days a week. No one was in the kitchen. Adanya walked over to the kitchen sink, stood and peered out of the window backdrop. A light snow covered the ground, and ice layered the black top. More than likely, classes were dismissed for the day. It took barely an inch of snow for everything to shut down in and around Memphis.

Arf Arf.

“Okay, Snoopy. I’m sorry. Mommy doesn’t mean to neglect you.” Adanya turned completely around and headed toward the door leading out to the massive back yard. Snoopy bolted past her and jetted through the doggie door just as soon as Adanya unlocked it. He ran around the yard several times and then went to the extreme back area of the yard, where he relieved himself, before he raced back toward her, and she let him back inside.

The two of them zeroed back to the direction of her room. She was going to call in to be sure that classes were indeed cancelled for the day. Just as she turned around to leave from out the kitchen, Adanya met her mother’s uncertain stare.

Annalisse’s eyes were swollen, like she’d been crying all night long. She had each arm tucked inside the other, hugging herself.

Adanya ignored her mother’s harried look. “Where’s Daddy?” She asked before she answered her own question. “Work?”

“Yes, you know your father. Not even the apocalypse could keep that man from going into the office. He said to tell you that he hopes you feel better, and he wants you to get some rest today.”

Adanya released an audible breath. “Look, let’s not do this.”

“Do what?” Annalisse bit her bottom lip and half-rolled her eyes.

“Tell me everything.” Adanya waved her hand in a fit of anger. “Now.”

“Not if you don’t calm down. I’m still your mother, and you’re going to treat me like it too, young lady.” Annalisse kept hugging herself. “Now, sit down. Oh, and in case you don’t already know, Rhodes is closed.”

“Thanks,” Adanya responded barely above a whisper. She poured herself a cup of coffee and mixed in two teaspoons of cane sugar. She sombered over to the table, set her coffee down then pulled a chair out and sat at the table. Snoopy stationed himself beside her chair when she sat down. He looked up at her and cocked his head. “I’m sorry, Snoopy. Mommy forgot.” Adanya got back up, went to the pantry, and removed a bag of dog food. She poured some into his feeding bowl and made him a bowl of ice water, which he simply loved and immediately began to lap. She returned to the table and her waiting cup of coffee.

Annalisse was not a coffee drinker. It was Kenneth and Adanya who indulged in the caffeine brew. She went to the refrigerator instead, removed the pitcher of grape juice, poured herself a glass, and then sat down at the table across from Adanya. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“From the beginning would be perfect, don’t you think?” Adanya answered without pity, or even empathy, in her voice. “Or maybe we should start with the part where you told Miss Kaye that you’re still young and you have your own life to live. All I want is the truth.”

Annalisse twisted the fingers of both hands together, nervously. “Okay, here it is. What you heard is true. I am not your biological mother. But I am your mother, Adanya. I’ll always be your mother.”

Adanya gasped. She felt like her world was spinning out of control. She grabbed hold of the kitchen table to keep from falling off the chair.

“Adanya.” Annalisse jumped up. “Are you okay”

“I’m fine.” She swiped her forehead. “When did you all adopt me?”

“We didn’t exactly adopt you.” Annalisse’s head slowly dropped.

“What do you mean?”

“We didn’t have to.”

“What? I’m really confused. Who is my biological mother? Where is she? Why did she give me away?” Adanya shot off one question after another.

Annalisse slowly raised her bowed down head and looked at Adanya. “I think you know. Your Aunt…”

“Don’t you say it.” Adanya slammed her hand on the table and made hot coffee and grape juice splatter.

Annalisse’s body jerked. “Anaya is your mother.”

Adanya placed both hands over each of her ears and shook her head. “Nooooo.” Her left hand flew up and grabbed hold of her throbbing throat. “You’re telling me that my aunt, your sister, your twin sister to be exact, the woman that Gram and Gramps have to care for like some kid…” Adanya pointed a finger toward Annalisse. “You’re saying she’s my mother? You’re sitting over there telling me that she gave birth to me and not you?” Adanya’s tears spilled over, droplets landed in her coffee and on her robe. “How? How can that be possible? What? Just tell me. Give me the answers,” she demanded.

Adanya stood up. Rigid arms ending with clinched fists were stretched out at her sides. A steady stream of tears cascaded down her face like a waterfall. She had never felt so angry before in her life. It frightened her. Somehow, she could relate to how people must feel before they do harm to someone. She didn’t want to think like that, but an untamable force toyed in her mind, one that wanted Annalisse to feel the torment she felt at that moment.

Annalisse cried too. Snoopy, totally ignored, lay on the kitchen floor, and probably in his dog mind, realized there was going to be some real mess about to go on.

Sucking in her breath, and twisting her hands, Adanya composed herself. “Who hurt Aunt Anaya?” Adanya sat back down. “Who took advantage of her? Whoever it is, I know he has to be rotting away somewhere in a jail cell.” Adanya grew upset at the thought of someone sexually assaulting her Aunt Anaya.

Annalisse resumed talking. “We were sixteen years old. It was all a horrible mistake.”

“You aren’t making any sense. Just tell me, Momma, tell me who and where he is.”

Annalisse’s chest rose and fell. She pursed her lips and lowered her read. It was several seconds before she slowly looked back up. “My boyfriend. He…,” she paused, “mistook Anaya for me.”

Adanya’s eyebrows spoke volumes as they formed a thick black lower case M across her forehead. “Thought Anaya was you?” Adanya’s mouth popped open and stayed open. Her pupils grew large. The brightness of the streaks of sun pouring through the kitchen window reflected off them. “You’ll say anything, won’t you? I don’t even know who you are anymore, and why you’re doing this. Why are you telling me all of these lies? You’re really a piece of work. You know that?”

“Look,” Annalisse’s voice revealed frustration. “If you want me to tell you what happened I will, but I will not listen to you insult me. Which is it going to be?”

Adanya rolled her eyes. “Go on.”

“It was downright hard, if not impossible for people to tell me and Anaya apart. It wasn’t until we were almost two years old, when Mama and Daddy said they began to notice that me and Anaya may have been identical but we were totally different mentally and emotionally. You’re a grown woman now, so you already know without me having to tell you, that Anaya couldn’t take care of herself, let alone a baby. And there was no way that Mama and Daddy were going to consider an abortion.”

Adanya remained silent.

“I believe everything happens for a reason.”

“I don’t understand any of this. You’re telling me everything except what I need to hear; what I have to know.”

“It was all a big mix-up.

“So you’re saying I’m a mix-up?”

“I didn’t mean it that way, and you know it.”

“I don’t know anything anymore.” Adanya’s nostrils flared and a terrible nauseated feeling formed in the pit of her belly. “How can you take up for somebody who raped your own sister? What is wrong with you?”

“He didn’t rape her. He thought−”

“Momma, please.” Adanya showed her the hand. Don’t come to me with some he thought she was you garbage.”

Annalisse stared at her daughter with blank eyes.

“Anyway...” Adanya stopped like she’d suddenly been mean mugged in the face. She pushed herself away from the kitchen table. Her hand flew up to her open mouth. “But, you, you’re always telling anybody who’ll listen about Daddy being your first and only boyfriend. You said you were teenagers when you had me, but I was still conceived in love. Please. Don’t you even try it. You better not try to blame this on my daddy!”

“I told you,” Annalisse yelled back. “It was a mistake. Something that never should have happened, but it did. He really did think Anaya was me. And it was my fault.”

Adanya’s eyes bucked. She moved her lips but no words came out.

Annalisse bowed her head. She kept struggling, like she really did not want to rehash her past. “You see, some nights I left me and Anaya’s bedroom window unlocked so Kenneth could sneak inside.”

“You were sneaking daddy inside the house? You, the both of you, who preached to me day in and day out about saving myself for my husband, telling me not to let some boy con me out of my virginity; all of that from you and Daddy. Y’all are so fake, two phonies, hypocrites. It’s people like you that make people stay away from the church.” Adanya snarled as she unleashed her venomous, verbal assault.

Annalisse slapped her across her mouth so hard that Adanya’s head snapped back and forth like a rubber band.

Tears gushed. Adanya rubbed the side of her cherry red cheek. Her speech was cut off. Her cheek stung like someone had doused her with acid.

“Don’t think I’m about to say I’m sorry for slapping the taste out of your mouth either. This is not some soap opera. This is real life. And in real life, I will not allow you to talk to me any old kind of way. I don’t care if you’re grown or not. You are out of line, and I won’t hesitate to pop you in your mouth again. I am your mother, whether biologically or not. Nothing is going to change that. So you better recognize, girl. And, I know what we taught you, and I’m not going to renege on any of it. You have standards to live by. Before you judge me, let me admit to you that I was young and I was in love. I know we shouldn’t have been having sex, but still Kenneth is the only man I’ve ever been intimate with.”

“And that’s supposed to make it better? Too bad he can’t say the same.” Adanya spoke with anger while rubbing her cheek. “What else have you and Daddy kept from me?”

“I need to tell you what happened while I can. I’m afraid if I stop now, I won’t be able to relive my past again.”

Adanya waved her hand carelessly.

“Sometimes at night,” Annalisse paused, “after Anaya was asleep, yes, it’s true, I would let him come over.”

Adanya couldn’t picture it. Her mother, sneaking her father in the house? It was almost funny, but there was no time for humor. She listened as Annalisse continued.

“It wasn’t that many times. And, me and Anaya had twin beds. So she never knew he was there because I made sure she was sleep.”

Annalisse sniffled as tiny dribbles of snot escaped from her nostrils. She stood up and walked over to the counter top. A half roll of paper towels hung on its holder. Annalisse yanked off a couple of sheets. Hands shaking, she wiped her nose and mouth and returned to sit down. She used the remaining sheets to nervously wipe up the pool of coffee and juice.

“The night it happened, Anaya and I had been lying in my bed together. I was reading The Terrible Tickler story to her. She used to be afraid monsters were underneath her bed, so after she started crying, I told her she could get in bed with me and I would tell her a story to make her laugh instead of scared. The Terrible Tickler was her most loved story. Well, she fell asleep while I was reading. I didn’t bother moving her. I climbed in her bed instead, and started to think about the bad news Kenneth had gotten earlier about college.”

“So what does all of this have to do with me?” Adanya sighed. Annalisse ignored Adanya a second time. “I tossed and turned. I couldn’t sleep. I decided that I was hungry so I got up, went to the kitchen, and made a sandwich and got a warm soda from one of the many cases daddy kept in the pantry. You know how much he loves those clear, zero calorie drinks.”

Adanya rolled her eyes up in her head. Come on, stop all of the theatrics, she wanted so badly to tell her mother.

“I wasn’t gone that long. At least I didn’t think that I was, but obviously, I was gone long enough. And Kenneth wasn’t supposed to be coming over, so there was no reason to put Anaya in her own bed.

“Sure he wasn’t,” Adanya smarted off again.

“Look, forget this.” Annalisse slammed the palm of her hand on the table while her other hand flew up in the air as she got up. “No more. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you and your insults and back talk, I told you.”

“My insults? Back talk?” Adanya released a breath of air and bit her bottom lip. “I’m not going to go there.”

“I tell you what, when you’re ready to listen like an adult, and act like one, then come see me. Maybe I’ll tell you the rest. But as for now, I’m finished. You’ll have me catching a charge because I’m about to beat you down.”

“This didn’t happen to you,” Adanya yelled. “It happened to Aunt Anaya. And it’s affecting my life. I would think you would understand.

“And you should understand that this is the most difficult thing I’ve had to do? I’m a victim too.”

Adanya rolled her eyes. “Okay, I hear you. Just tell me the rest.”

Annalisse sighed and then resumed her story. “Like I said, I kept the window unlocked a lot. He came in like always, and got into my bed. Of course, it was dark in our bedroom; and he had no reason to think that it wasn’t me. No reason at all. But it wasn’t me. It was Anaya. Don’t you see, Adanya? It was all a terrible mistake. Kenneth didn’t mean to do what he did. He’d had a lot on his mind that whole week. After he didn’t get accepted into Howard like he thought he would, he got really depressed. He told me on the phone earlier that same evening that he felt like he was a disappointment to his parents, and to his whole family.”

Adanya screamed. “My daddy is not a rapist. He would have known that she wasn’t you. You’re lying.” Adanya jumped up from the table. Tears flowed. “You probably have all along. Why are you doing this? Do you hate me and Aunt Anaya that much?” She screamed.

Like a lion, Annalisse pounced up, inhaled, and screamed back at her daughter. “No, I don’t hate you. I hate what was done. But I loved Kenneth back then, and I love him now. I love you too, and so I raised you as my own daughter. Anaya barely showed being pregnant too. Mama and Daddy never told anyone our family secret, not even their closest friends. Everybody assumed that I had gotten pregnant and that I was the one that had the baby.

“And when they questioned me after you were born, I told them I didn’t show during my pregnancy. I guess folks bought it because no one said anything after I gave them that explanation.”

“But you said I was born in Nashville because that’s where y’all lived at the time. So that was a lie too?”

“Yes and no. We used to go there most holidays. Mama and Daddy had a cabin up there. You remember the cabin. We used to take you up there until you were four or five, and then some years later they sold it.”

“I don’t know if I can take any more of this. It’s all too far-fetched to believe. I must be dreaming.” Adanya pinched herself on the arm like that would make her wake up from the nightmare she was living.

“You’re not dreaming, Adanya. Do you need some time?”

Silence infiltrated the thick tension in the airy kitchen. Snoopy lay fast asleep next to his food bowl.

Annalisse exhaled. “As soon as Anaya gave birth to you, I stood in as your mother, and Kenneth adored you. We finished our senior year and then went off to Fisk University. Mama, Daddy, and Mr. and Mrs. Anniston took care of you, and after we graduated, we became your full time parents.

“It wasn’t hard for people to believe that you were mine and Kenneth’s baby. We were so in love with each other back then even though we were young. We called you our daughter from the beginning. We came home from college to see you as often as we could. Sometimes Kenneth’s parents would bring you to see us too. When we graduated from college, we got married and the three of us moved into our first home. We never discussed what happened again. Outside of me and Kenneth’s parents, Anaya’s doctor was the only other person who knew.”

“How is that when you were talking to Kaye about me? And how can you be so sure Aunt Anaya doesn’t know that I’m her daughter. Maybe she knows but she just can’t express it. ” Adanya looked like she could draw blood from Annalisse.

“I don’t think so. Just because she gave you your name, Mama said the doctor still says she probably has no recollection whatsoever about what happened. She’s never reacted in a way that would make us believe otherwise.

“She gave me my name? How can a person with the mind of a five or six year old, give me a name that fits in with our family? All of this is absurd.”

“Mama said that after Anaya had you, she started saying ‘Pretty Adanya.’ Maybe it was because she used to call her baby doll Pretty Adanya, so Mama said that’s what they were going to name you, and they did.

She might be autistic and mentally challenged but she is still capable of love. We all love you. It’s why we did it. We did it to protect you and Anaya.”

Adanya shook her head. “So to save yourselves, you and Daddy never told me she was my real mother?”

“When would have been a good time to tell you? Look at how you’re taking it now.”

“I can’t listen to any more of this.” Adanya jetted around and ran down the hallway, to the stairs, and back upstairs to her bedroom, with Snoopy right on her heels. She slammed her bedroom door so hard it sounded like it popped off its hinges. She pulled out her suitcase again, and began a repeat performance of the night before. She looked in her closet and pulled out a pair of deep blue leggings and a wide-mouth, long-sleeved sweater. She disrobed from her night clothes, groomed her body, then began to dress while Snoopy sat on the bed quietly watching her every move. After Adanya put on a pair of leather boots, she picked up her purse on the nearby night stand and hurried back down to the kitchen, past her mother and outside to the garage. She kissed Snoopy on the top of his nose.

“Where are you going? Adanya, please don’t go.” Annalisse begged.

Adanya ignored her mother’s cries and got inside of her car, hit the remote, and the garage door flew open. Without giving the car time to warm up even a little, she backed it into the street, and proceeded in the direction of her father’s Collierville office.

What was usually a seventeen minute drive took a little over thirty- five minutes due to the weather. Thoughts of the things Annalisse said caused Adanya to become physically ill to the point where she couldn’t hold back the sick feeling flooding her stomach any longer. She pulled off on a side street, opened her car door, and threw up. When she finished, she pulled a tissue from the console and wiped her mouth along with the tears that had started to form again. She continued the rest of the way with the sick feeling still present. But nothing was going to keep her from confronting her father.

Her father’s office building finally came into view. The sign read Anniston Digital Technology Corporation. She wrapped herself in her coat, parked, and dashed inside and out of the cold.

“Why, hello, Adanya,” the receptionist said. “I can’t believe you’re out in this weather.”

“Hi, Sherri,” Adanya responded minus the smile that was usually plastered on her adorable face. “Is my father in his office?”

“Yes, let me tell him that─”

Adanya didn’t wait on Sherri to finish. She walked past her and headed straight down the hall to the elevator and up to her father’s fourth floor executive suite overlooking a broad area of the Memphis skyline. She didn’t bother to knock. She burst inside, and luckily, he was in his office alone.

“Tell me that everything that woman said is a lie. Tell me,” Adanya insisted and rushed into her father’s arms as soon as he got up and walked from behind his oversized desk.

He gently rubbed her hair back from her face and held her chilled body next to him. This time, Adanya didn’t push him away. She needed him to tell her that Annalisse was a liar and was crazy.

“Shhh, Pumpkin. Don’t cry.”

Adanya raised her head and met his eyes. “Why did she lie to me? Why did she say that you, you did something terrible to Aunt Anaya?”

“Pumpkin.” Tears gathered in his eyes. “Listen to me. It was a terrible thing that happened. I was young, stupid, and sloppy drunk. Believe me, I didn’t know it was Anaya.”

Adanya jumped back like she’d been popped in the face-again. Her father walked up on her and reached one hand out for her.

Adanya didn’t respond. “We didn’t tell you because we wanted to protect you.” He kissed her on her forehead tenderly.

Adanya cringed and stepped back.

“Baby, listen. I love you. Your mother loves you. God blessed us with you.”

Adanya looked broken. “Don’t you even try to put this on God. You raped Aunt Anaya.”

He took hold of her elbow and led her to the boardroom style, five-seat sofa in his office, and waited until she sat down before he sat next to her.

“Hear me.” As he talked, he shift from one leg to the other. “I have loved your mother since the very first day I laid eyes on her back in seventh grade. We were middle school and high school sweethearts; she was the love of my life. I’ve always told you that. And she still is.” He cleared his throat; and lowered his head.

Adanya continued to listen, but it was hard for her to comprehend what he was talking about.

“We had great plans for a future together. I wanted to go to Howard so bad back then. It was going to be Howard or nothing. But when I got the letter telling me that I wasn’t accepted, I was torn to pieces. I felt like I was a total loser. I had other college scholarships, including one at Fisk, but for me it was Howard or bust. I didn’t know how to accept the rejection.”

Adanya looked at him like he was a stranger.

Kenneth didn’t let up. He acted like he needed to talk, had to talk about it all. He was talking so fast. He got up and started moving around in his office like a mad man, hands flailing and his voice was strained.

“I thought I was going to go crazy. I felt like I was a disappointment to my parents, to my teachers, to Annalisse, to everybody who looked up to me.” He grabbed hold of the sides of his temples with both hands. “I didn’t think I would be able to get an education that would help me realize my dreams. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t eat. I became so angry.”

Lord, please wake me up. Wake me up.

“When I got that rejection letter, I did something really stupid. I sneaked out and met up with a couple of my homeboys. One of them had an older brother who thought it was cool for us to drink. He used to do it, so he didn’t see the harm in it.

“I had never indulged in alcohol before that night. It never appealed to me. But that night, man—I just didn’t care. I got wasted. I mean stupid, out of my mind wasted.

“Anyway, after I got drunk, I wanted to see Annalisse so I went over to the house. Next thing I remember is seeing Anaya walk into the bedroom, only it wasn’t Anaya. It, well you can figure out the rest.”

Kenneth sobbed, bending over like he hoped for solace from his child. There was none. He wiped tears with the back of one hand and looked back up toward Adanya.”

Adanya cried loudly. She wanted him to stop talking, but then again she didn’t want him to stop. She had to know and she hated that she wanted to know.

“Annalisse lunged at me and started pounding me off of Anaya. I was out of my head; out of my mind. I didn’t know what was happening. I quieted Annalisse by putting my hand over her mouth until I could be sure she was really Annalisse and not the other way around, and, I didn’t want her parents waking up, at least not until I had a chance to tell her what had happened. But it was too late, because Mr. Kaplan stormed in the room. I thought he was going to kill me. It took Annalisse and Mrs. Kaplan to keep him from beating the brakes off me.

“It was an ugly scene. One that I’ll always remember.” Kenneth swiped his hand across his mouth. “Trying to explain to them what happened was the hardest thing I had to do, but I did it. If I had to go to jail for making the worst decision of my life that night, I deserved it. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t know if the Kaplan’s were going to press charges against me or not. But they didn’t. I don’t know how they ever forgave me, but they did.”

Adanya couldn’t move. She listened to the horrid truth, the sad truth, the life changing truth.

Kenneth continued. “It wasn’t until weeks later, after Anaya started having morning sickness, lying around, and not feeling well that Annalisse told me she overheard her mother and daddy talking about how Anaya had missed her period and they were scared that she might be pregnant. I was crazy out of my mind with worry. My folks were so upset with me. I had shown that even if I had been accepted at Howard, I probably wouldn’t have lasted up there. I definitely messed up.” Kenneth paused. “Do you want me to keep on?” he asked as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears.

Adanya nodded.

“Annalisse didn’t want anything else to do with me. I couldn’t blame her. For weeks, I begged her to forgive me. I begged Mr. and Mrs. K; I begged my parents; I begged God to forgive me. I prayed hard. I loved Annalisse so much; I couldn’t see living my life without her by my side.

“She finally gave in, and took me back. We finished college, got married and started raising you.

“The bottom line is you raped Aunt Anaya.” Adanya’s voice was laced with contempt. “And you didn’t spend a day in jail? You got a slap on the wrist and went off to college? Went on about your merry little life? You and Annalisse?” Adanya’s hands flailed. “You’re sorry, that’s for sure, but not the way you think.”

“Don’t you realize the hurt Annalisse went through after she learned what had happened? It took her a really long time to forgive herself.”

“Whooptie do. Is that supposed to make me feel sorry for her? Well, I don’t. She should feel the way she’s feeling.” Adanya began to walk away.

“Honey, wait.”

“What?”

“I know I really screwed things up, but I didn’t mess up when it came to you. If I had the power to make that night where it never happened, then I’m telling you if it meant I wouldn’t have you, then I’m not ashamed to tell you that I wouldn’t change a thing. You’re my baby. You’re my blood.”

“But think about what you did, the crime you committed, and then hid for all these years. Then answer this one question. Adanya stared at him, and without so much as a grimace she asked, “What’s blood got to do with it?” Before he could answer, Adanya whisked out of his office.