Chapter 22

“You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.” Oprah Winfrey

 

The one year mark was approaching since the beginning of her heartache, and Adanya still refused to see or talk to her parents. Her free time was divided between spending time with Anaya, or chilling at home.

Adanya stepped into a pair of pumps. She went to the den, and picked up her Bible from off the center table. Nanette was supposed to call and let her know what time she was going to pick her up for church. She wished she hadn’t agreed to go with her, but she no longer attended her home church because she didn’t want to chance running into Annalisse. Annalisse had been spared prison, and granted three years of probation, along with being ordered to complete a twelve week anger management and domestic violence class. She was still considered a felon, but Annalisse didn’t let that bother her. She was thankful that she was a free woman. Church service was more like a confirmation for Adanya. Nanette’s pastor preached an on fire, soul convicting, sermon about redemption and forgiving. Adanya felt like the pastor had specifically prepared it for her. Now only if her family had heard it.

The Sunday before Valentine’s Day and what better topic to preach about than loving, forgiving others, and loving people as they are. Adanya squirmed slightly in her seat. The Word of God was definitely stronger than a two-edged sword, and she felt like she was experiencing the prick of the sword first hand.

“What have you done that’s keeping you from receiving the full blessings of God? What has the enemy placed on your back and forced you to carry for years because you felt shame and afraid? What have you done that you think is simply unforgiveable?”

The pastor kept preaching. People started standing. Others started shouting. Adanya and Nanette sat quietly, but an elderly lady nearby more than made up for their silence.

The woman stood up and waved her white handkerchief in the air. “Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord,” she continued to shout. Tears streamed down her smooth, olive toned face. Her hands spread out and she kept praising God. Adanya looked around and no one seemed to be disturbed or agitated by the woman.

“What has been done so badly to you that you’re too mad to forgive?” Pastor asked the congregation. “The word of God commands us to forgive, and to forgive endlessly. Who are we to hold grudges and to stick our noses up and tear families apart over something that has happened? What you need to do is pray. God can turn any bad situation around and make it work for your good.” Adanya was pulled to his voice, and the words he spoke seemed to penetrate her heart bit by bit.

“Any circumstance, not some circumstances, but anything and everything that Satan has planned against you to make you fall, stumble, trip and die, God already has it covered. God doesn’t quit on the job. You sitting out there dressed all up on the outside, and dirty as dirty can be on the inside because you call yourself mad about something; or you can’t get over what your momma and daddy did when you were little, or so and so did this to me fifty years ago! Stop holding on to that mess.”

“Glory to God,” the woman shouted. “Speak today. Have your way,” she said.”

After the sermon, the pastor opened the doors of the church and extended an invitation to come to Christ to be saved. After several people came forth, he invited anyone who wanted to come to the altar for prayer, to do so.

“You know, my brothers and sisters, it’s that time of year where people celebrate and show each other how much they love one another. I’m asking you to come to the altar today. Ask God to restore His love, a love like His in your heart.”

Adanya became lost in a world of her own. The past year had really been difficult. She’d entertained the idea of leaving Memphis altogether. Since Bleak was out of the picture and her family had been further torn apart, she didn’t see a reason to stay.

 

◊

 

“Pretty Adanya, I love you,” Anaya told her while sitting across from her in the restaurant.

Adanya and Nanette had swung by to pick up Anaya after they got out of church. Anaya seemed to bring out the best in Adanya. She could make Adanya laugh when she felt like crying, or smile when she felt like frowning.

Anaya took a bite out of her hamburger, and the three of them laughed and talked while they ate. It wasn’t until they were almost finished with their desserts that Adanya spotted Bleak entering the restaurant with a strikingly attractive, blonde female clinging on to him like plastic wrap.

“What are you looking at?” asked Nanette and looked over her shoulder. “Ohhh, snap,” she said. “Who is that with him?”

“How do I know? And anyway, who cares?”

Nanette turned and looked directly at Adanya. “Girl, please. You know you’re just a little bit curious. I know I am. But I can’t say I blame him.”

“What?” Adanya’s voice rose, but then she quickly quieted down when she remembered she was in a public establishment.

“You heard me. You let him walk out of your life. Yeah, it would have been awkward for the two of you to be together, but that would have passed. Everyone would have gotten used to it.”

“I don’t want everybody to have to get used to it. That’s not what bothered me. What bothered me is me, myself,” she whispered to Nanette. “I’ve told you that. No way could I be around Bleak’s mother. I just can’t do it. And I couldn’t expect him to just desert his mother, his little sisters, all for me.”

“But you could have─”

“His sisters are my sisters, and you’re going to tell me that it wouldn’t be a mess to deal with and explain to them? They’re innocent in all of this. They wouldn’t understand about me and Bleak. I couldn’t do that to them, and I won’t do it to myself.”

“It’s your decision, but if you really mean what you say, then why are you looking like you could choke her out.” Nanette asked and briefly took another look over her shoulder to see if Bleak and the female were still in view. They weren’t.

“What you doing?” asked Anaya.

“Oh, nothing, Aunt Anaya. Nanette and I are just talking.” Adanya turned her attention back to her food.

“Where did they go?” Adanya whispered to Nanette while scanning the restaurant. “Wait, I see them.”

“Where?” asked Nanette.

“Look over your left shoulder, then slowly allow your eyes to follow that row of tables next to the window. They’re in a booth toward the end.”

Nanette looked. “I see them.”

“Who? Can I see?” Anaya asked.

“Honey, it’s no one. Just a friend, but she’s gone now. How’s that chocolate lava cake?” she asked Anaya hoping to shift Anaya’s thinking.

“It tastes mmmhum good.”

“Good. I like mine too.” Adanya took a bite of her peach cobbler.

“I’m not trying to come down on you, Adanya. I just want you to be happy. And I thought you and Bleak could have had something. That’s all.”

“Yeah, I know. And I’m sorry for losing my cool. I’m just so frustrated.”

“Hello, Adanya. Hi, Nanette.” Adanya couldn’t move after hearing Bleak’s familiar voice. She hadn’t seen him coming. Why didn’t I get up and leave when I saw him coming in here?

Hi, Bleak,” Nanette said first.

“Hi, Bleak,” Anaya repeated like she knew him.

“Hello, Bleak,” Adanya said last while looking past him and eyeing the woman holding on to his arm.

“It’s good seeing you,” Bleak said with his eyes penned on Adanya. “Hello, Miss, uh,” he said, shifting his gaze toward Anaya.

“Anaya,” replied Adanya.

Bleak’s eyebrows rose. “Hello, Anaya.”

Anaya laughed. “You’re funny.”

Bleak introduced the woman holding on to him. “This is Mallorie.” Mallorie clung even tighter to his arm.

“Nice to meet you,” Adanya mumbled.

“Hello, Mallorie,” said Nanette.

“You have gold hair,” said Anaya.

Mallorie laughed. “Yes, I do. Nice to meet y’all too,” she said in an exceptionally strong southern accent.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How are you?”

Adanya nodded. “I’m good.”

“Glad to hear that.”

Awkward silence.

“Well, I just wanted to say hello. Take care. Come on, Mallorie, let’s get back to our table so we can order our food.”

“Sure.” She turned to walk away, without releasing her hold on him.

“Nice seeing you, Bleak,” Nanette said before looking at Adanya.

“Yeah, and take care,” Adanya followed.

Bleak and Mallorie left. Immediately, Adanya placed a hand over her chest and exhaled.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m ready to leave.” She looked at Anaya. “Anaya, it’s time to go.”

“Okay, I’m ready,” Anaya took the final spoonful of cake and placed it inside her mouth.

 

◊

 

No matter how hard she tried to read, she couldn’t concentrate. All she could think about was Bleak. Seeing him had awoke feelings she still held for him. But there was nothing she could do to change everything that had transpired.

How could she ever feel totally and completely comfortable with Bleak? I have to let the past go. I can’t move into my tomorrow until I let it go. God, help me through all this. Show me what your will is for me, because I don’t know which direction to go. I’m confused. I need a word from you.

Ding. Her phone beeped. “It was good seeing you today. Still beautiful.” The text was from Bleak.

Should I answer or just ignore it? She read the text again then she typed, “u 2.” Good 2 see u moved on w ur life.”

Ding. “B blessed.”

Be blessed? Is that all you have to say? She threw her phone down next to her on the sofa. Get it together. You’re the one who said you couldn’t handle being in a relationship with him, so let him go. Move on in your life. He obviously has, she inwardly chastised herself.

“You know what, Snoopy, maybe we do need a change of scenery. Would you like that, boy?” she said to the dog as he whined at her feet. “But that would mean moving away from Anaya. But what does she know? Out of sight, out of mind for her. Right? Let’s see what else this big old world has to offer. You game?”

This time Snoopy barked like he was in agreement. Adanya smiled and pat his head. “Yeah, maybe a change is exactly what we need.”