FOURTEEN

September 16th

I’ve spent every minute of the last two days and nights trying to figure out a way to save Aunt Su’s cabin from the heartless, controlling beast that calls herself my mother. Yeah, I was so busy obsessing over it, I almost missed noticing when Ms. Pinski finally caught herself a fly Monday morning. I guess it was only a matter of time — Ben’s been struggling to stay awake in our first-period trig class since the first day of school. And I totally saw it coming just seconds before it happened, ’cause he was snoring loud enough to pull my eyes away from the clock above the blackboard, where I’d been watching the remaining seconds of the little cabin’s doomed existence tick by. And his head was bobbing up and down like a cork on the waves. I kicked the underside of his chair and poked him between the shoulder blades with my pencil to wake him up. See? That’s how nice of a person I can be. But it was too late. I swear, Pinski’s voice was squeaking with excitement when she caught him. Like so many math teachers, she has a secret sadistic side.

“I’m sorry, are we keeping you up, Mr. Matthews?”

Ben was slapped with a week’s worth of detention. Got off pretty easy, if you ask me. But then, good-looking people always seem to get off easy, don’t they?

I catch up to him after class by his locker. “Hey, Ben.” He half glances my way but doesn’t seem to see me. I crank my voice up a notch, just in case the drone of hallway chatter is drowning out my words. “So, sucks about that detention, huh?”

This time he definitely hears me. “Yeah. It sucks,” he says, but he still isn’t looking at me and his voice sounds like it’s light years away from his answer. Something’s wrong.

“Ben?”

His face tilts down toward mine and I watch as his pupils slowly ease into focus. It almost seems as if he’s sleepwalking. He looks so tired — like all he wants to do is lie down and rest. And there’s something else in his eyes that’s never been there before. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was panic. But that doesn’t make any kind of sense; why would Ben be freaking out over something as minor as a detention? Forgetting about my own problems, I suddenly find myself consumed with the overwhelming urge to help him. He’s like a big puppy in a rainstorm. So completely adorable and so totally pathetic all at once. It’s irresistible. I want to wrap my arms around him and give him a hug. But of course, I’m not about to do that. Not with the whole school watching. So instead, I lean against his locker and lower my voice so nobody else can hear.

“Hey, why don’t you just tell Pinski about your job at the drive-thru? Maybe if she knew, she’d cut you a bit of slack about the sleeping thing.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Well, I’m not going to give up that easily. Believe you me. And yes, I admit it: my stubborn streak is something I inherited from Mom. I poke my finger against the little magnetic mirror stuck to the inside of the open locker beside his. “Look at yourself here, Ben. You can’t even keep your eyes open for more than a few minutes. It’s like you’re a walking zombie.”

But he ignores the mirror and me and focuses instead on loading books into his backpack. One at a time … painfully slowly. Like he’s trying to drive me crazy.

God, why is it so much easier to talk to him when we’re alone together at night?

And then I have an idea so genius I blurt it out without even thinking it through. “Hey, I know: why don’t you let me take a few shifts at McCool Fries for you so you can catch up on some sleep?

I really thought that would make him smile — maybe even show a bit of gratitude for once. After all, I’ve been trying to save his ass around here since day one. But instead, he just shakes his head so hard it sends the little silver initial ring hanging around his neck swinging from side to side. He grabs the ring and squeezes it for a second before tucking it back inside the collar of his shirt. “Unh-uh. No. I can’t let you do that.”

“Really, Ben, I don’t mind. I want to do it. Let me help you out.” I lower my voice another notch. “It’s like I told you last weekend, I’m awake all night anyway.”

Okay, in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have been making offers like that. I mean, I am grounded, after all. There’s no way Mom is going to unlock my cage and let me go work the graveyard shift at McCool Fries. But I’m feeling like I have to help him. Like helping him out might make me forget about my own problems with sleep … and saving Aunt Su’s cabin. In the end, it doesn’t matter whether I can take the shift or not, because for whatever twisted reason, Ben is determined not to let me help him. Like, really determined.

“No!” His voice cuts through me like a blade. It’s so loud, I actually jump back with surprise. When he looks up from his books, his eyes are hard again. Just like they were that first night I met him. As if that night we spent at the Docks never even happened. As if every conversation we’d ever had has been rubbed out by a giant eraser and we’ve gone right back to the starting line.

“But —”

Ben’s face goes dark. “I said no! Can’t you just drop it?”

He’s full out hollering now. For a second, the hallway chatter freezes in mid-air while everyone looks around to see who’s getting reamed out. My cheeks flare up with heat as I suddenly feel every pair of eyes zero in on me. I notice Todd Nelson standing a few metres away. His eyes are bouncing between me and Ben and his face is all clenched like a fist. A second later, he starts marching towards us. To his credit, he only stumbles once.

“Are you okay, Lily?”

Oh, spare me. Not the white-knight-coming-to-the-rescue-ofthe-damsel-in-distress thing.

“Yes, I’m fine, Todd.” I force a half smile so he’ll believe me. It doesn’t seem to work. He takes a step closer to Ben. “Are you sure this new guy’s not bothering you?” he grunts.

I put my hands on his shoulders and give him a gentle push back in the opposite direction. “No, Todd, he’s not bothering me. You can go now. He’s just way overtired.”

Luckily, Todd takes the hint and leaves. But when I turn back around, I see the backside of Ben striding off down the hallway. I sprint to catch up. “Ben, wait,” I say, taking his arm. He stops walking and swings around to look at me, eyes flashing with anger. When he speaks, his voice is a growl of warning. “God, Lily! I really wish you wouldn’t go around telling everyone about my problems. Didn’t I ask you to drop it?”

Okay, this is getting to be too much. All I wanted to do was help.

“I’m sorry … I-I just …”

“That’s the point! I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me … especially not you!”

“I-I wasn’t feeling sor—”

His palms fly up in front of my face, like a traffic cop trying to stop a speeding car. “I mean it! Just. Leave. Me. Alone!” And then he’s marching away down the hall again. This time I let him go. I can feel every nosy eyeball in that hallway watching me, waiting to see what I’m going to do. My eyes fall to the floor and I have to bite my lip to keep from yelling something stupid and hurtful after him.

I’m so angry I don’t even notice Emma come up beside me until she puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a pat. “It’s okay, Lily. Don’t let Ben get to you. He’s been acting like that to everyone since he moved here. You can’t take it personally.”

I shake her hand off my shoulder and whirl around to face her. My cheeks are still burning with humiliation. “When someone treats me like crap, I can’t help taking it personally!” Because I know he’s out of earshot by now, I let my anger loose. “Ben Matthews is a total branleur!” I yell this at the top of my voice so that every single person in that hallway will hear me and understand exactly how much I hate him. Well, at least every single person who understands French curses. And for the benefit of those who don’t, I add this in English: “He’s a snob and a half, and he’s rude to everyone he meets.”

Emma just smiles this strange smile that just makes me angrier than ever. The smile is so big, I can see breakfast scraps stuck in her braces. So big, I can see a few tiny little freckles dotting the pink of her gums. How awesomely weird is that? I’m on the verge of developing a new respect for Emma. And then she blows it by saying what is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard:

“Funny, I think you guys make a perfect match.”

A perfect match? I’m so shocked, I can barely squeak out a simple one word answer. “W-why?”

“Can’t you see it?” she continues, enjoying my reaction. “It’s so obvious. You two are exactly alike.”

I feel like I’ve just been punched in the stomach. “We are not!” I hiss, looking around to see if anyone else has heard her. “We are absolutely nothing alike! For starters, I’m not rude, arrogant, or a snob.”

“Okay, so what are you, then?” Emma asks, folding her arms in front of her chest like a lawyer cross examining a guilty witness. “Why is it that you haven’t spoken to anyone in this school since, like, kindergarten?”

My mouth hangs open.

“I’m … I’m just … introverted.”

Introverted. The word escapes my lips in a whisper. It’s almost as if Aunt Su’s warning is ghosting through my brain.

Better get used to a snooty reputation, Lily-girl.

I lean back against the locker and squeeze my eyes shut. Me and Ben, exactly alike? Really? And then my shoulders sag with the awful weight of it and I know it’s true. Tabernac. How could Emma have seen it while I missed it so completely? That’s totally why I can’t stop thinking about him. We are so completely and utterly alike. The only difference is that I know exactly why I push people away.

What’s Ben’s excuse?