A MERE SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO, A BEAUTIFUL blond baby was born in sunny San Anselmo, California. That baby was named Avery Dennis, and over the next seventeen years, she proceeded to date more hotties than most people date in a lifetime, to run the Prom Committee like it was her job, and to pretty much crush it, generally speaking. However, an unfortunate incident in the spring of her senior year changed everything, sending the formerly formidable Avery Dennis tumbling into a pit of doubt and despair.

This is the story of how Avery Dennis overcame adversity, decided she was done with dating, and against all the odds, changed the landscape of San Anselmo Prep’s senior prom forever.

Now that the legendary prom night of Avery Dennis has come to a close, the girls and boys—especially the boys—who bore witness to this historic event have come together to discuss the long and winding path that led Avery Dennis to her moment of greatness. Here, for the first time ever, is the complete and authoritative oral history of Avery Dennis’s dating life. I present to you, Ms. Segerson, “It’s Not Me, It’s You: An Oral History of Boys.”

—Avery Dennis

Avery, you clearly misunderstood the assignment. Please see me after class.

—Ms. Segerson