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I WANTED TO AVOID POPPING up on HR’s radar and becoming another casualty. But looks like the cat was out of the bag. I muttered a few curses in my head. My heart was racing. Would I be axed?
“How did you know?” I asked in stunned disbelief.
“I saw that pile of work Larchwood put on your desk this morning. Jonas Katers quit and all his work had to be divided up evenly. I know you feel overwhelmed. But don’t. You’ll get through it. And I can help as much as I can.”
I let out a long sigh of relief. Work. She was flipping talking about work.
“It’s so much,” I said, playing along. “But I can handle it. I’m tough. I don’t know how, but I’ll get through it.” I think I was talking more about my personal life than my work one.
She chuckled.
“What are you doing tonight?” she asked. “Any big plans for Friday night?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve got some big ones.”
Throwing on my pajamas, watching a movie on Netflix, and crying into my ice cream. I guess the old break-up cliché is true. I was living proof of it.
Betty smiled. “Oh yeah? What?”
“Um, a show. I’m going to watch...”
“That new show on Broadway? Oh, I want to go to that so bad! Those are great plans.”
She grabbed her coffee and walked off. When I turned around, I bumped into Tom. The coffee splashed out of my cup and onto his black dress shirt.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Spilling coffee on the boss,” Joan’s voice rang out. “Not good. Especially when it’s time for your quarterly review.”
Our first meeting post-breakup and I doused him with coffee. Great. Just great. What a gut-wrenching disaster. Okay, don’t let your emotions get the most of you. Stay calm. Breathe. You could do this.
Tom chuckled. “It’s okay.”
I ran to the sink and grabbed some paper towels. Like a madwoman, I started dabbing his shirt. I felt like such an idiot and klutz. Remember, I thought. Stay polite and completely professional. I couldn’t let negative things affect my productivity and professional reputation. I knew the workplace could become a minefield of anxiety and distraction, and I didn’t want that to happen.
“Please, don’t worry about it,” he said.
My mind was racing. I didn’t want to have that “Oh my gosh, I’m a crazy ex!” moment.
When his hands touched mine to stop me from wiping up his shirt, I looked up. A shiver slid down my spine. I couldn’t do this. Seeing him every day like this... I was going to change my routine and plan my break at a completely different time. I had memories in this break room. I remembered how totally hot it was to steal a kiss here when no one else was watching. His lips were so soft, his kiss so addictive.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“No, it was all my fault. I’m sorry.”
Sorry that you crushed all my hopes and dreams? Of course, I didn’t say that. He had told me a few days ago in a text that he wanted to stay friends. How nice. His friendship was my crappy 'consolation prize.' No thanks.
I hated this stomach-churning confrontation. I felt like bursting out in tears as emotion consumed me. I wanted to cry a river right there on the reports I was holding. And soaking those with tears wouldn’t do much to establish my credibility.
Why was he so hot? Looking at me with those pretty blue eyes and handsome face in that designer suit that made him look like a million bucks.
It wasn’t fair, Thomas Larchwood. Not fair at all. I loved him. And he threw it all away. And I couldn’t even show how upset I was. Or tell anyone we ever dated. I was a dirty little secret.
I couldn’t let hurt feelings make it uncomfortable for everyone else.
How was I supposed to deal with the fallout eight hours a day, five days a week, with reports, meetings, and all the other stuff that comes along with management? Should I dust off my résumé and start somewhere else? No. I worked hard to get here. I gave up everything to get this position.
“Joan’s right. It’s time for your quarterly review,” he said.
“Are you giving it to me?” I asked.
“I gave it to Michael,” he answered. “I’m too swamped to get to it.”
Yeah, right.
I shook my head. “Oh, okay. Well, I’ll see him as soon as I get the chance.”
Our eyes locked.
Then I darted out of the break room, running as far away as I could get. It’ll get easier to get over him if I just got on with my life. The busier I made my life, the easier it would be to forget him. I spent too much time thinking about him which meant I was too invested. That had to stop! Okay, I needed to be more focused and move on. That’s what I had to do. No matter what happened between us, I needed to leave the drama out of it.
It was best to avoid the ex at all costs.
I went back to my office hoping and praying he wouldn’t come after me. He didn’t. And I was thankful for that. I couldn’t take seeing him right now. But I wasn’t so lucky later in the day.
Rose called me on the work phone.
“What are you doing tonight?”
I didn’t answer.
“Please don’t tell me you’re sobbing into your keyboard?”
“I’m not.”
“Good. What are your plans?”
“You know my plans only too well.”
She let out a long exaggerated sigh. “Not ice cream.”
I bit my lip. “Maybe.”
“How about wine?”
“I don’t want to be sad, drunk, and alone.”
“No, silly. I’ll drink with you. We’ll laugh, and then I’ll cry with you afterward. Like you did for me when Jeremy dumped me.”
I sighed deeply.
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean that you were dumped.”
“I don’t want to end up all alone,” I said. “I want somebody to take long walks on the beach or snuggle by the fire. I want to feel Tom’s body heat under the covers as we cuddle.”
“Look at you go. You’re already writing up your dating profile. We might want to leave out that last part, though.”
“No internet dating!”
“Why not? Tinder is great.”
“No Tinder, Rose. No fix ups or blind dates either.”
“Okay. But Michael has this gorgeous friend and...”
“I know you mean well. But you have a date with Michael. Go be happy. Don’t let me suck the light away like some kind of black hole.”
“Stop it!”
“Will you take my phone away so I don’t leave Tom any drunk-texts I’ll regret?”
“I sure will. And want some advice?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to give it to me anyway.”
“Yep. What’s the key ingredient in the prescription for recovery?”
“Wine. Lots of wine.”
“No.”
“A wild party and lots of booze?”
“Create distance from Tom. It’s time to sever all bonds that aren’t work related. No texts, no phone calls, block him on text and social media, etc. You get the drill.”
“I do. Don’t explain. Don’t rationalize. Don’t say anything. Ignore everything. Block him on everything, everywhere.”
“Atta girl.”