Maggie didn’t tell Cole she was irritated with him, but there was no fooling him. As soon as the band left, he followed her up the stairs to her bedroom. Before she could close the door in his face, he blocked it with his elbow.
“You’re pissed off, aren’t you?”
“A bit,” she snapped.
He leaned forward as far as he could with his elbow propped on the doorframe. “Why are you upset? We all let you sing, and, well, you kind of rocked it, didn’t you?”
“With no help from you! And you call singing like that rocking it?”
“Parts of it rocked, yes.” He lowered his elbow and stepped into the room, making her back away. “I had no idea it was possible for someone to improve that much so fast.”
She couldn’t help the smile that slid across her lips, but she wiped it away as fast as it appeared. “You think I’ve improved that much?”
He nodded, and she turned away. Her bed was unmade, as usual. One of her pillows was on the floor, right in a puddle of moonlight from the window. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve spent the past four years as my only support for singing. Nobody else has believed in me, not even Grace. Then when your band asks me to sing, you don’t even encourage it.”
“You looked nervous! What am I supposed to think when you won’t let me listen to you practice? I thought you might feel pressured. Plus, I still don’t think it’s the best idea for you to join the band so close to us performing. You’re getting better, but it’s still going to take time.”
She looked away from the pillow on the floor, right up into Cole’s gorgeous brown eyes. She wanted to be angry with him, but she couldn’t. He was still her support and he wasn’t going anywhere. He had told her time and again how her voice could shine in the right moments, and that made her heart pound as she realized the magnitude of what she had accused him of. The truth was she was not angry with him at all. She had invented it so she could try to create more distance between them. It hurt too much to be so close and have to stay away. Staying here was probably the dumbest idea she’d ever had.
“I just want a chance,” she whispered as she looked into his eyes. “That’s all.”
A smile flicked across his lips. “Of course you can have a chance. I do believe in you—more than I can even say. I’m just an idiot when it comes to figuring out what you want. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to tell everyone about your voice right then, and it all came out the wrong way. You can join the band, okay? As long as we can get your voice where it needs to be.”
She straightened. His words were pure gold. “Really? You won’t resent me or anything?”
“Of course not. You need this, Maggie, I know you do.”
Something changed in his expression at that moment, everything except one emotion melting away. She couldn’t put her finger on it as he stepped forward and brushed a hand down her cheek.
“You’re incredible,” he whispered. “And you don’t even know it.”
She blinked and held her breath as he leaned toward her. Incredible. She let that word seep into her as he wet his lips and slid a hand around her waist to press her closer. She stared down at his hand, confused.
“Cole? I thought you said—”
He cut her off with a kiss, hard and deep. She parted her lips and tasted his tongue on hers, so soft and inviting. Only, this time, kissing him was like drowning herself inside a love song. It was better than singing in tune with Justin. It was better than playing her guitar. It was better than, well, everything. Deep down, she had always remembered this was what it was like to connect with him. The sensation was so strong she nearly lost her breath in the joy of it.
“You okay?” he asked, pulling away just enough to speak. His lips still touched hers, teasing. He tenderly touched the side of her face, making her shiver with anticipation.
“Yes,” she gasped, “don’t stop.”
Please, oh please, don’t stop.
She reached her hand to his neck so she could twist his hair between her fingers, squeezing him close as he kissed her once again, this time harder and more passionately. He tasted like she remembered. He felt strong and in control, just as he used to, but something was different. This was more than the raw, physical attraction they’d had when they were together those four months. This was stronger, more desperate. Sweeter. His hands slid down her back to her hips, pushing her closer and closer, and she couldn’t stop herself from wanting him to envelop her completely.
But why? Why was he doing this when he had been so adamant about staying friends? What if he regretted this later? There were too many unanswered questions, too much she didn’t know. She pulled away just as a shrill ring made them both jump, and Cole froze. “Is that your phone?”
She put a hand to her forehead. “Yes.”
Cole squeezed his eyes shut. “Maybe you should answer it. We should . . . we should stop.”
So, she was right. He was already regretting it.
She let out a heavy sigh and walked to her nightstand to get her phone. It was her mom. Pressing the receive button, she put the phone to her ear. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Maggie.” Her voice was shaky and fragile.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
She waited.
And waited.
There was a little whimper then an intake of breath.
Maggie looked at Cole and mouthed, “She’s crying.” He narrowed his eyes, confused, probably since he had never seen Sandy cry. Maggie wanted to be with her all of a sudden.
“Mom? Please answer me. What’s wrong?”
“I-I . . . Maggie, can you come home? I need you here.”
“Of course. I’ll get Cole to drive me over right now. Do you need me to stay on the phone? Are you hurt? Where’s Dad?”
“H-he’s at the studio. They didn’t need me there tonight, so I stayed home. I-I need someone, that’s all. M-Maggie, I—”
She was crying so hard, she couldn’t even finish. Maggie started turning in circles to find her cardigan and her shoes. “Mom, I’ll be right there as fast as I can, okay?”
“Thank you,” she managed between her sobs, and hung up.
* * *
On the way over, Maggie’s eyes filled with tears as she clutched her bag to her chest. It was only filled halfway with the few things she didn’t want to leave at Cole’s place in case she didn’t go back for a while. Her mom’s phone call was a trigger back to reality, and now her mind was on overload. Was this her mom’s way of getting her back home? Maybe Maggie wasn’t ready for moving out of their house. She was trying to take things one step at a time, but if it got too out of control, who would she fall back on? Grace? Her parents while they were in the middle of their own little war?
“Do you need me to pull over?” Cole asked. It was the first time he had spoken to her since they’d climbed in the truck.
She sniffed and shook her head. “No, I’m fine . . . just fine.”
He stayed silent, and when they reached the house, he helped her out of the truck and walked with her to the front door. The porch light was on. Maggie waited a minute, half expecting her mom to throw open the door and fall into her arms. When that didn’t happen, she fumbled around in her bag for her keys. As soon as she and Cole stepped inside, she punched in the code to shut off the alarm before it activated.
“Where’s your dad?” Cole asked.
“Recording studio. They didn’t need Mom tonight, I guess.” She turned and handed him her bag. “Will you take that to my room? I’m gonna go find Mom.”
“Sure thing.” Before Cole left, Maggie caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. It made her wonder if he was sad about what had happened in the bedroom or if it was about her mother or something else.
She ran up to her parents’ room, skipping steps as she went. There was whimpering when she walked through the door, but her mom wasn’t anywhere in sight, so she headed to the master bathroom—a room nearly as big as the bedroom. Her mom was lying on her side on a white, fuzzy rug. She was in her pink silk nightgown, but that was all Maggie took in before she spotted the circle of blood.
No, no, no, no.
Soaking the rug by her mom’s legs, the blood looked like it was still spreading. Maggie rushed to help her sit up. “Cole!” she screamed at the top of her lungs as she knelt down. “Get in here!”
Sandy whimpered. “No! I don’t want him in here.”
“What happened? Are you cut? Did someone do this? I don’t understand.” Maggie tried to turn her over so she could see where the blood was coming from, but Sandy pushed her arms away. Her face was a mess of tears and mascara. Maggie wanted her phone so she could call 911, but it was in her bag. Cole had her bag. Where was he?
“Maggie, I don’t want Cole in here.” Sandy twisted to look into Maggie’s eyes. “Please. I’ll be fine. Tell him to stay in the bedroom.”
“All right, but he’s not even here yet. Tell me what’s happening.” Maggie’s eyes stung. Blood had never grossed her out, but seeing so much of her mom’s blood was unnerving. Panic coursed through her faster than she could deal with it. Her hands trembled as she pushed her mom’s nightgown away so she could look for the cut on her leg. There was no way anything else could cause so much blood loss . . . unless . . .
Lynnette’s words rushed back to her. Have you looked closely at your mother lately?
“Mom,” she said softly, “are you . . . were you . . . pregnant?”
It was the strangest thing Maggie had ever asked her mom. She knew a miscarriage could cause a lot of blood loss. It was something her mom had told her when she’d given her the “girl stuff” talk way back when she was twelve. Maggie still remembered the way she’d described pregnancy and what happened when a woman lost a baby. Until now, Maggie had always questioned why her mom would choose to tell her such a strange thing.
“Maggie, what the . . .”
Cole’s voice faded as he entered the bathroom and saw Sandy and all the blood. Maggie turned around and pointed to the open door. “She doesn’t want you in here. Call Dad and tell him to call Dr. Stiles. He makes house calls for us. Hurry!”
“No!” Sandy grabbed Maggie’s wrist and squeezed. “I don’t want anyone to know about this. Even your father. Maggie, please, it’s just a little blood from the miscarriage. I’ll be fine in a few hours.” Her face was so pale, even her lips looked white. Maggie’s hand shook like crazy underneath her grip. She couldn’t pull away.
“A little blood? Mom, it soaked through the rug! It’s all over the tiles! You need help. I have no idea what to do.” When Maggie turned to see if Cole was gone, he was still standing in the doorway, staring. She could tell he didn’t know if he should listen to Sandy or to her. She mouthed to him, “Go call!” and he turned and left. Leaning down, she ran a hand across her mom’s damp forehead. “You lost a baby?” she asked in a fragile voice. Something inside her was breaking in half.
Sandy nodded as tears ran down her face. “I was eleven weeks along. That’s where I usually am when I lose them.”
A force stronger than anything Maggie had ever felt hit her in the gut. “Them?” she whispered. “You’ve been through this before?” Maybe this was what had happened all those times her mom had been super sick and stayed confined to her room.
“Seventh time now in eighteen years.” Sandy lifted a trembling hand, her fingers tinged with dried blood. She touched Maggie’s cheek. “You’re the only one, Maggie—the only one I’ve been able to keep.”
Maggie’s tears finally broke free. “Mom, I—”
“Shhh,” Sandy whispered, lowering her hand. “Get me on my feet. Help me clean up, if you can, before your father gets home. I don’t want him to know.”
Maggie let out an involuntary laugh. “He’s going to know!” she blurted out. “You can’t just hide something like this.”
“I’ve hidden it before, and I can hide it this time. We’ll tell him I’m sick with the flu and I’m on a heavy period. I already told him I wasn’t feelin’ well when he left. We just need to clean up the blood.”
Why did she so desperately want to hide everything? Why did Cole have to hide everything? It made Maggie wonder what she had hidden in her life. What did she keep from people when it would be better to get it all out in the open?
“We aren’t going to do anything,” she growled. “I’m going to put you in bed until the doctor gets here. If he says you have to go to the hospital, you’re going. I don’t care what you say.” She locked her jaw and gave her mom a don’t-argue-with-me glare. Sandy looked into her eyes, her bottom lip trembling. It was as if she had been dragged through the depths of hell and back again. There was no strength left to argue.
Maggie grabbed as many clean towels and washcloths as she could, wetting each one in warm water before getting her mom to her feet and helping her sit on the toilet seat so she could wipe the blood from her legs. The hem of the nightgown was smeared with blood, so Maggie got a fresh one and helped her mom change. Then she noticed a small pile of blood-soaked towels by the toilet.
“Mom, how much blood have you lost?” she squeaked.
“It’s normal,” Sandy whispered. “Don’t worry, honey.”
As if Maggie really believed any of this was remotely normal. But she decided to give her mom the benefit of the doubt. “What about the baby? Did you see it?”
Sandy touched Maggie’s cheek and tried to smile. “Don’t worry about that, okay? I didn’t mean for you to worry like this. I was in a lot of pain when I called you. I was panickin’, that’s all.” A weak laugh escaped her just as Cole showed up in the doorway.
“Dr. Stiles is on his way.”
Sandy sucked in her breath and shoved a hand through her hair. “You called Todd? Did you tell him? Did you—”
“No, your phone was on the bed. I found Dr. Stiles in the directory.” There was tightness in his voice that made it clear he was not happy about being so secretive.
“Thank you,” Sandy sighed. “Thank you.”
“I think the bleeding’s stopped,” Maggie said as she wiped away the last of it from her mom’s legs.
“It’s not stopped for good yet,” Sandy said, looking at the blood-soaked rug. “I’ll bleed for a while, but it’s manageable now. Dr. Stiles can help me with everythin’ else when he gets here.”
Maggie nodded. “Can you walk to the bed?”
“Yes. Get some clean towels down on the sheets first.”
Cole did that as Maggie helped her mom into the bedroom.
“When will Todd be back?” he asked Sandy as Maggie tucked the blankets around her and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Probably not until after midnight. You know how those sessions go. We’re up against a deadline.”
“Yeah, all too well,” Cole mumbled. “Are you sure you want to keep this from him?” Maggie saw the questions swirling in his eyes, but he kept them inside. He looked pale, and that made her wonder what she looked like. How were they going to keep this a secret? There was no way.
“I want to try,” Sandy answered as Maggie handed her a glass of water and urged her to drink the whole thing. A little color had returned to her lips, at least. Maggie took her free hand and squeezed. Sandy’s fingernails were painted red, and it made Maggie wince.
“Why keep this from Dad?” she asked. “Does he know about the other miscarriages?”
“Most of them, yes, but this is different.” Sandy looked up at Cole then lowered her eyes to Maggie. “We’ve hired a lawyer. The divorce is almost final.”
Maggie felt her mom’s hand go limp inside hers, a confirmation of how she was completely giving up on everything. Whatever had started breaking inside her before was now shattering into a billion pieces. She might as well lie down and bleed too.
“The band,” she whispered. “You’re going to tear everyone apart.” It was all she could think of to say. She wanted to throw something at her mom to make her wake up and see what she was doing.
“We’ll keep the band together for now. We’ve got the tour comin’ up, and our new album. We’ll ride out the year and see how we’re feelin’ after that.”
“But the press . . . you’ll—”
“The lawyer won’t leak anythin’. We’ll keep it quiet for now.” She narrowed her eyes at Maggie and then at Cole. “We’ll all keep it quiet for now.”
Cole nodded and gestured toward the bathroom. “I’m gonna go clean up.”
Sandy reached out for his hand. “Thank you.”
“Of course, Sandy.” He leaned down and kissed Sandy’s forehead. Maggie’s heart skipped a beat at his thoughtfulness, at how wonderful he had been through all of this. He got to work, and she held her mom’s hand as she drifted into a light sleep.
When Dr. Stiles arrived, Cole went down to let him in. Maggie slipped her hand from her mom’s when they walked into the bedroom and Dr. Stiles smiled at her. She had known him since she was ten. He was tall and thin with a receding hairline and a bushy, outdated mustache. Everything about him felt nostalgic to her, like walking into a bedroom full of all her old childhood things.
“Hi, Maggie,” he said. A brown leather bag dangled from his left hand. He glanced at Sandy, who was stirring awake. “Are you doing all right?” he asked Maggie, concern spread across his face.
She had to force the words out of her mouth. “I’m okay. I’m worried about Mom, that’s all.”
He nodded. “It’s not a first for her, but it is for you. I’m sorry.”
Opening her eyes, Sandy spotted Dr. Stiles. Relief flooded her face. “I’m so happy to see you.”
“Everything’ll be fine,” he said in the confident voice Maggie had learned to trust. She moved out of the way as he reached the bed and bent over to feel her mom’s forehead.
“We’ll be downstairs,” Maggie said, feeling out of place.
Dr. Stiles nodded again, and Maggie followed Cole out of the room and down the hallway to the stairs. Grabbing the banister, she sucked in a sharp breath as everything tipped out of balance.
“Mags?” Cole reached out to hold her, and she fell into his arms and finally let the tears come.