Chapter 25

The journey to Exilon 5 seemed longer than the one Bill Taggart had made three months before. In other ways, too, the two trips couldn’t have been more different. This time, he was concerned for the Indigenes, and about Stephen in particular. He had to know for certain that Stephen had arrived home safely—he had arranged for him to get on the ship and felt responsible for his safe arrival—and to warn the Indigenes about the World Government’s interest in their second generation, as Isla had stated in her letters. But it was also a personal mission: he needed to know if his wife might still be alive, and if not, what had really happened to her.

Bill sat in the recreation room of the passenger ship with Laura O’Halloran and Jenny Waterson. Their plan to remain out of sight hadn’t worked too well; they had been kicked out of their sleeping quarters while the maintenance robots fixed the air conditioning. The white-walled recreation room was moderately busy, and the sound of animated conversation filled the air.

He removed his DPad from his bag and scrolled through the encrypted list of contacts. He would only use them as a last resort. He also checked his own location—the location of his replica chip: there he was, on the Outer Hebrides, off the west coast of Scotland. If the World Government were tracking him—which he was certain they were—that’s where they would think he was. Did they know about the decoy identity chips? He had no idea. Laura’s encounter with the camera at the ESC building suggested she was being watched, but there was no way to tell how much they might know.

The car chase through Magadan still bothered him though. It seemed too orchestrated. Maybe that was the point—the World Government had been sending him a warning. Or perhaps it was something else. The ITF hadn’t checked in with him much. Deighton seemed more interested in Anton’s capture than in reassigning him. It was true that Bill knew too much. But surely he’d be more useful as an ally than an out-of-work operative? Something clicked in his mind and suddenly everything fell into place. Forgetting where he was, he smacked his hand against his forehead; Jenny and Laura looked up at him, their eyes wide with concern.

Bill smiled at the simplicity of it. Of course! He would be more useful as an ally—of the Indigenes. The World Government was allowing him free rein so they could learn more about the Indigenes. The car chase had been merely a stage act, to disguise their interest in him. He put the DPad back in his bag, placed his arms on the table and clasped his fingers together. He tapped the floor anxiously with his foot and smiled mysteriously at Laura and Jenny; he would fill them in later.

Just then, an infobot entered the room to announce that the food specials would be posted on the board in the next hour. Bill watched Jenny for a moment. She seemed to be relishing her first journey as a passenger on board the ship. Her eyes were hungrily taking in every sight and Bill felt a pang of jealousy. What he wouldn’t give to feel that excited about something again.

‘I can’t believe I’m here,’ Jenny said, unable to hide her excitement.

‘Trust me, the novelty will wear off quickly,’ Bill replied.

Laura sat quietly with her palms flat on the table and her head turned to the side, keeping a close eye on the infobot.

‘Have you travelled on the ship many times?’ Jenny asked.

‘Enough to know that I’m sick of it.’

‘Yeah, I can understand that. Doing the same thing over and over again can be a little monotonous.’ Jenny studied the area on her thumb where the replica chip had been inserted.

‘Is it bothering you?’ asked Bill.

‘What? No. There’s a slight tingling sensation, that’s all.’

‘Yeah, me too.’

It had been awkward for him to return to Magadan with Jenny in tow, especially after the car chase and attempted shooting on his first trip with Laura. He rehearsed many times what he was going to tell Harvey Buchanan before turning up with Jenny and another blank replica chip that he’d claimed not to have any more of. Bill pretended to be put out when Harvey strong-armed him into handing over another blank chip for Harvey’s associates to tinker with—but he’d come prepared to give another one away. Clearly they still didn’t know about having to ‘mark’ the chips with the host’s blood, otherwise they surely would have detained him.

Bill had a sudden flashback to the last time he was in a passenger ship recreation room when his abuse of coffee and Actigen pills had made him lose control. This time, he was more worried about Laura’s mental state. He wished he’d been more insistent that she travelled in stasis; then, perhaps, her quick changing moods, brought about by a severe lack of Vitamin D, would not have troubled her as much. In her hurry, she’d forgotten to pack enough supplies and the ship didn’t cater for emergencies beyond life-threatening ones. Bill was having trouble figuring out how to deal with her, and he was glad that Jenny was there to help.

‘How much longer is it?’ Laura said as softly as she could, turning her head to look at Bill. Her moods were swinging between irritability and melancholy, and got worse the longer she stayed off the Vitamin D. The shot of Actigen she’d taken instead only seemed to aggravate her current state of mind.

‘A few days,’ Bill said. It was the first thing he’d said to her in two days. She had deliberately stayed in her sleeping quarters to minimise her contact with him and Jenny. Every conversation seemed to turn into an argument; she’d told him she didn’t like it when she couldn’t control her outbursts when she was off her medication.

Laura’s cheeks flushed and her eyes flitted uneasily around the room. She stood up abruptly, attracting the other passengers’ attention. ‘I need to get back to the sleeping quarters.’

‘Sit down, Laura,’ Bill said softly. ‘It’ll be fine.’

Laura walked off.

‘Where’s she going?’ he hissed at Jenny. ‘The quarters are off limits. She needs to stay here.’

‘I’ll get her,’ Jenny said.

When she caught up with Laura she linked their arms and whispered something in her ear. Bill could see Laura’s shoulders relaxing and Jenny gently led her back to the table.

‘I … I can’t bear it when I’m like this,’ Laura explained. ‘It’s like a switch in my head keeps flicking back and forth. I need a distraction. I don’t know how else to control this.’ Her body twitched involuntarily in the chair.

‘Let me try something with her,’ Jenny said. She turned to Laura. ‘Have you tried meditation to deal with your seasonal depression?’

Laura shook her head, her blonde hair falling across her ashen face. In that moment, she looked helpless and Bill had to look away, unable to watch while Laura, usually so confident and in control, struggled to keep it together.

‘Perhaps we could try together,’ Jenny suggested, gently holding both Laura’s hands.

‘I’ll try anything that gives me back an ounce of control over this,’ Laura muttered.

‘Okay, I need you to relax first. Take a deep breath in. Hold it—and then let it out slowly. And again—’

Laura tried a few deep breaths but soon gave up. ‘Everything is so distracting, and not in a good way. I don’t know how to block it all out,’ she said, looking at the people at the next table who were playing virtual cards.

‘Just ignore them,’ said Jenny soothingly. ‘Close your eyes. You won’t notice them in a little while. I promise.’

Laura took some more deep breaths. This time her body began to relax and she loosened her grip on Jenny.

‘Good. Now, I want you to picture a place that makes you happy, a place that gives you comfort.’

Laura smiled.

‘Where are you?’ Jenny asked.

‘In Dublin, before we moved to Sydney. The sun still shone back then.’

Bill started to pay attention again.

‘What are you doing?’ Jenny asked.

‘My dad and I are taking a walk. He’s holding my hand so I don’t blow away.’ Laura laughed gently.

‘How does it make you feel?’

‘Excited, exhilarated, I guess. I loved it when it was just the two of us. He gave me a strength my mother never could.’ Laura slowly let go of the tension she’d been holding onto since she’d arrived on the ship and her shoulders dropped.

Jenny nodded as if she understood. ‘Keep taking deep breaths and grab hold of the memory of how you felt with your father. Control your feelings, don’t let them control you. ’

Laura’s breathing had become more shallow and even. Bill smiled; he couldn’t help but be impressed by how quickly Jenny had calmed her down.

After a few minutes of silence, Jenny said. ‘Now, you’re going to come back to the present, slowly and gently. Become aware of the sounds around you … and when you’re ready open your eyes.’

After a few moments Laura opened her eyes and looked at Jenny.

‘How do you feel?’ Jenny asked.

‘Better, I think,’ Laura said, sounding more like her old self.

‘It’s only temporary,’ Jenny warned. ‘The effects will wear off. But when you feel rough again, I want you to practise that technique and find your inner calm. Do you think you can do that?’

‘I think so. Thanks. And I’m sorry’—she looked from Jenny to Bill—‘I wish I could help it—you know, the mood swings.’

‘No worries,’ Jenny said. ‘Just hold on to that inner calm when you feel low and you’ll be all right. You know, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Bill told me what happened with Harvey Buchanan. Why did you do it?’

‘I didn’t really think about it.’ Laura shrugged. ‘One minute I saw the scalpel in his hand, and the next I was holding it up to his neck. I just did what I needed to.’

‘Exactly! Now you get it,’ Jenny said.

Just as Laura closed her eyes and smiled, Bill leaned towards Jenny. ‘Where did you learn that?’

‘I’m not just a pilot, you know. It’s how I survived the madness of living with an addict—my ex-husband—and a difficult daughter.’

Bill pursed his lips.

‘What?’ asked Jenny.

‘What will you say to Stephen when you see him again?’

She shrugged lightly. ‘I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask him for forgiveness. I should have recognised a man in need of help.’

‘But you did help him,’ he said softly. ‘He found me and Laura because of what you did.’

Laura still had her eyes closed. Jenny smiled. ‘I guess. But it’s not enough, not when I wonder every day if he is safe, or if my actions made things worse for him.’

Laura opened her eyes. ‘Trust me, he would have been worse off if he’d been caught.’

Jenny nodded solemnly.