I fell to the ground and heard a voice asking me, “Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?” I answered, “Who are you, sir?” The person told me, “I’m Jesus from Nazareth, the one you’re persecuting.”
Acts 22:7–8
There is nothing you can do that can’t be forgiven except to deny that God is God. If you have made him Lord of your life, then you have forgiveness for all of your stuff. All of it! There is no dark corner, no seedy past, no horrible mistake that can’t be wiped clean. If God could forgive Paul, who persecuted Christians, and turn him into a holy man who wrote much of the New Testament (see Acts 22:1–21), then surely your sin isn’t too awful to be forgiven as well.
If you think your sin is too huge for the blood of Christ to cover, then you’re saying that Christ died for nothing. But you know that isn’t true. His death was sufficient to bring forgiveness to anyone who wants it, including you. You are not the most loathsome creature to ask for forgiveness. You are not a special case; you are a human case. And we are all the same: dirty, rotten sinners in need of salvation. Just agree with God that your sin was evil against him, and every part of your past will be forgiven and cleansed. That means you don’t have to hold on to it any longer. You don’t have to worry about it, regret it, or wonder about it. It’s gone—as far as the east is from the west (see Ps. 103:12).
Once you accept his forgiveness, you will be made new. Your life can be redeemed to change the world, just like Paul’s was. You can be freed from your old, empty way of life and set on a new path toward becoming the woman God wants you to be.