The Answer Is… FATHERHOOD

Jean got pregnant with Matthew just three weeks after we were married. We wanted to have children, but we didn’t think it would happen that quickly. If I remember correctly, Jean called to tell me she was pregnant just before I won my first Emmy. I was in New York. The ceremony was at Radio City Music Hall. In my acceptance I said something like, “I want to thank you for this. I just got a phone call from my wife telling me that she was expecting our first child. And I just heard the show has been picked up for next season. As soon as I leave this stage, I’m going to go outside and immediately buy a lottery ticket. Because today I’m hot.”

When you get married and have sex, you’re intelligent enough to realize one of the consequences is your wife could get pregnant. But it still doesn’t prepare you for the incredible feeling of actually hearing the news.

Matthew’s birth was hard for Jeanie. She probably should’ve stayed an extra day in the hospital. When we came home, it was Sunday. I carried the baby inside, and Jean went directly to bed to rest, and I took Matthew and put him on my chest and watched the Lakers game on television. We were all very happy and very satisfied with where we were on that day.

With Emily, I also found out right before I was about to do a show. It was the National Hockey League awards show in Toronto. And Jeanie called to let me know, “You’re gonna get another one.” Emily’s birth was so much easier. With Emily, it was a piece of cake. I was taping a short-lived reboot of the game show To Tell the Truth, and word came down that Jeanie was going into labor. Mark Goodson was producing that show, and he said, “Go ahead. Just leave. Go.” And he hosted the last two shows that were due to be taped. Yet he paid me for all five shows that week. He didn’t deduct for the shows he hosted. Mark was a good guy in many ways.

The most challenging thing about fatherhood is that it introduced an element of fear into my life. When you’re a bachelor, you do all kinds of dumb, daredevil things. You don’t fear for your life too much. You don’t worry about anything. But when you’re married and have a family, you worry. If they go to school, you worry. If they’re a little late to meet you, you worry. If they’re not where they’re supposed to be, you worry. And yet isn’t it amazing how fathers—you never see mothers do this, only fathers—if they’re out at a shopping mall with their kid, they will hide behind a post. Their child will start to cry, and then they’ll pop out and say, “Oh, no, no, it’s okay. Daddy’s here.” Guys are the only dorks who do that. Mothers don’t do that because they realize it’s traumatic. But guys—we’re silly as all get-out.

It’s not just the kids I worry about. It’s Jeanie too. She goes on walks in the park near our house quite often. She’ll go in the late afternoon. In the winter months, it gets dark early. I don’t like her being up there when it’s dark. It worries me.

So, yeah, having a wife and children introduces an element of fear into your life. And it changes your whole perspective on things that are important to you.

Celebrating Matthew’s first communion.