Chapter Eighteen

The next morning, Finn deposited a kiss upon Aiden’s lips with the promise of having dinner together once he’d finished up with diving. And with that, he left Aiden in the cozy embrace of pillows and sheets. Surrounded by Finn’s scents, by Finn’s things, rolling atop Finn’s lingering heat on the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t surprising that it took no time at all for Aiden to fall back asleep.

And for the first time since he’d arrived, Aiden’s dreams were plagued with images of Dan and Kat. Shared giggles, lingering touches, whispering together and shooting people looks that just screamed “yeah, we’re talking about you.” The nightmare was fabricated by an overactive mind, but Aiden knew these people—knew what they could be like.

So when he woke up covered in sweat, chest heaving, Aiden didn’t feel that pang of heartbreak he’d associated with even thinking of the two of them in a room together. Instead, he felt a rippling desire to know more.

How it happened, why it happened, how long it had been happening. Surely he was owed at least that?

But maybe he was better off not knowing, digging his head in the sand and trying to make peace with what happened that way. If Aiden thought about it, shying away from the truth hadn’t served him any good so far. Turning his back away from a relationship deteriorating before his very eyes, trying to maintain a relationship with his sister that she clearly didn’t value as much as he’d thought.

Aiden ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a labored breath.

The answer was obvious, no matter how much he may want to recoil from it.

Showering while his phone charged, Aiden made himself some tea and stirred thoughtfully as the percentage hiked higher and higher. Once it reached fifty, steadied by his second cup of tea, Aiden bit the bullet and made the call.

“This number is not available.”

Aiden pulled the phone back from his ear, scowling at the screen. He had that number committed to memory; she never changed it. Freezing, a sudden realization struck him.

Had Kat blocked him?

Aiden turned back toward the kettle, boiling it again.

One more try, he allowed himself—then he’d put this matter to bed. If Kat didn’t want to speak to him after he ignored her texts for so long, then he was just going to have to deal with that.

Thumb pausing over the three, a metaphorical lightbulb weakly glimmered. A dialing code hadn’t once crossed his mind. Too caught up in his nerves to remember that extra step. Taking a sharp breath, Aiden plugged in the eight numbers he’d used for calling his mam.

After three rings, Kat picked up.

“Aiden?”

Out of everything Aiden had overthought, dissected to the point of close obsession, not once had he considered how hearing Kat’s voice would impact him. On the other side of the world, so fucking far away, she still froze him to the spot, voice captured in the tight confines of his throat.

“Aiden, you there?”

“Yeah,” he said after far too long. “I’m here.”

Kat let out a soft breath. Aiden didn’t have to see her to know the barely there shake of her head that accompanied that noise. “It’s good to hear from you.”

“I figured it was about time.” If only to busy his trembling hands, Aiden puttered around the kitchen, putting away the washed knives and forks from the night before. “How are you?”

“I’m not the one who had a mental breakdown and fled the country.”

Aiden gripped the phone, jaw coiled even tighter. “I didn’t have a mental breakdown. I was due time off work, and I haven’t had a holiday in ages.”

“Really? Because Richie told me that you up and left your job.”

Aiden didn’t curse beneath his breath, but it was a close thing. Kat had her fingers in every pie of Aiden’s life, and he’d do well to remember that. Richie was one of the managers and Kat’s close friend from college. Ireland was a small country, and Dublin even smaller.

“I was going to leave anyway.”

“Right.” Kat was unconvinced. “Mam’s worried about you.”

“Because you told her I had a mental breakdown?” Aiden guessed, shutting the kitchen drawer closed with a bit more force than necessary. “I’m fine. I’ve been calling her most days. Have you been doing some of her bits?”

“Well somebody has to.” The implication hung heavy between them, but Aiden didn’t dare rise to it. “Aren’t you coming home?”

“No.” Aiden paused, swallowing. “Not yet. I just wanted to talk.”

“To be honest, I thought you were calling to ask me to buy you a plane ticket.”

Taken so aback that he had to lean against the countertop for support, Aiden forced himself to string together a coherent sentence. “You think I would ask you for money, after everything?”

“It never stopped you before.”

“That was once. I was in college, and it was for rent.”

“Which you still have to worry about,” Kat shot back. “You didn’t pay your rent before you left, and now you’re behind.”

Aiden slumped down farther and farther, until his ass was on the floor and his legs were sprawled out in front of him. Bitterly, he asked, “Did Dan tell you that?”

Kat grew silent, and if it weren’t for the matter at hand, Aiden would have been smug in rendering his sister speechless. “That answers one of my questions.”

“You’re acting really immature. You’re a grown man, Aiden. You can’t just abandon your job, your flat, your family, your mother—”

Aiden would be lying if he said he paid attention to everything Kat said after that. And whether that was intentional or not was up for an internal debate. He knew how Kat spoke, her need to be the one in control of the conversation. It undoubtedly made her killer at her job, and a great friend to have if you wound up in a bit of trouble, but not to Aiden. Not to someone who had experienced this many times before, quieted because there were more important things to discuss.

“How long, Kat?” Aiden cut her off, voice steelier than he’d ever thought he was capable of.

“How long what?”

“You know what.” Drawing his knees up to his chest, Aiden rested his cheek atop them. “I called to get some answers. That’s it. You don’t have to lecture me on how irresponsible I’m being. I’m well aware already, and y’know what? I really don’t care. So tell me how long you and Dan have been going at it behind my back.”

Silence resumed on the other end of the line, and for the briefest of moments Aiden wondered if she’d hung up on him.

“A little over a year.”

His mouth dried up, and all he could hear was the rushing of blood through his ears.

A year. A whole year of lies and sneaking around and keeping Aiden in the dark.

A year of sharing the same bed as Dan, of kissing him, of—

Aiden wanted to get sick, but he couldn’t make his body move.

“Wow.” Aiden was winded, eyes fixated on a dripping tap, gaze unfocused. “Must be serious.”

“It just happened, Aid.” Kat’s voice was quiet, more unsure than he’d ever heard her. “Neither of us expected it to go as far as it did.”

“I mean, I kinda knew it was more than a one-off shag.” Aiden laughed, devoid of humor. “But hearing it? That’s another thing entirely.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

“An apology would be nice.”

Another beat of silence, and that lightbulb sprang to life once again.

“But you’re not going to apologize.” Aiden took a breath, head thunking back against the drawers. “Because you’re not sorry. You love him.”

Kat didn’t say a word, and Aiden didn’t expect her to.

“I don’t want him back, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Even mentioning the concept made him feel sick. Aiden might not have a lot of things waiting for him at home, but crawling back into the embrace of a man who could so easily keep this from him for a year was not something he’d eagerly do.

“Dan was going to break up with you,” said Kat, voice regaining the strength Aiden always expected from her. He wondered if he, in a different reality, would find comfort in that unwavering strength, if he had Kat to fight in his corner.

If Mam knew about Dan and Kat, would she take sides as she often would?

“Bit too late for that.” Biting down on his lip almost painfully hard, he asked another question that all sense begged him not to. “Mam’s birthday. That’s when it started, right?”

Aiden could see that day with complete clarity. The three of them gathered in Mam’s small council house, blowing out the candles on a grocery-store cake. Between the candles and slicing the cake, Kat and Dan disappeared, only to emerge an hour later citing fixing up an emergency leak in the bathroom.

Now, Aiden knew the only leak was from Dan’s dick.

“Yes.”

Another thunk of his head against the drawers. “That’s fucked, Kat.”

“I know.”

“You and Dan were made for each other. Tell Mam I’ll call her later.”

“Aid—”

He hung up, and the house resumed its silence.

“Well, Aiden,” he said to himself, because he couldn’t take the quietness. Not right now. “Is that what you were looking for?”

Aiden was embarrassed by how long it took him to find his way down to the coast. In theory, it made sense. Just keep walking toward the great big blue thing, and eventually he’d get there. What Aiden didn’t consider was the lack of clear paths to take him there and the road eventually running out.

But he persevered, because he’d been here for a few weeks and not once had he walked along the beach in Canlaroy. He’d seen the ocean and the sprawling tourist beaches in Brisbane in the backdrop of looming buildings, sunk his toes in the warm sand in Mooloolaba—but not once had he gone near the beach on his doorstep. And something just seemed incredibly wrong about that, so Aiden set off on this fruitless trek, gaining a scraped knee for his troubles. Hands braced against his hips, supporting a backache, Aiden braced himself for the walk back. This was a bad idea; he shouldn’t have come this far without actually knowing where he was going.

Turning on his heel, a gust of breeze picked up and—

Salt. Aiden could smell salt.

He was so close.

Fifteen minutes and one cascade down a dirt bank on his ass later, Aiden found himself on a beachfront devoid of sun loungers, ice-cream carts, and convenience showers. Instead, only a couple out walking their dog and a group of friends on the far end of the sand. Locals, making the most of a sunny afternoon before the school break, and the dog having the time of their life.

He was out of place here. This was a place of happy memories, a place to kick back. Not to—

What was Aiden even doing here, anyway? What had possessed him to come all this way? He was scared of the water, had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t step foot in there again. Aiden paused. But where had that gotten him so far in life?

His fear, his hesitance in doing anything new. In doing anything for himself.

Aiden kicked off his shoes, depositing them on the sand and hoping the dog didn’t steal them.

He didn’t have to go right in. No one was forcing him to. This was just for Aiden, to show himself that he could do this. He could poke his toe in the water, no big deal.

Aiden ventured toward the lapping waves, fists clenched by his sides. It had been years since he’d stepped foot in the sea, years since he’d ignorantly followed Kat because she was his big sister—he was supposed to.

Kat was his sister. She wasn’t supposed to hurt him like this.

Aiden took a deep breath and stepped foot into the water—he startled at how cool it felt against his skin. In the clear water, the sand where he’d rested flurried around his toes before starting to sway in tandem with the gentle lap against the shore.

He took a deep breath, salty air filling his lungs, and he swore he’d never smelled anything better.

And Aiden smiled for no one other than himself.

“Y’know, next time you plan on going to the beach, maybe text me where you are specifically,” Finn said on approach, hands shoved into his pockets and a bemused smile on his lips.

“It would help if I knew where I was,” replied Aiden, sitting cross-legged in the slowly rising tide, bottom half completely soaked. “I thought ‘look for the pointy rock’ was a really helpful indicator.”

Finn kicked off his shoes and stepped into the ankle-deep water beside him, a laugh rumbling deep in his chest. “I thought you didn’t like the sea?”

“I felt like a change.” How else could Aiden put it into words? It was something he didn’t quite understand himself. Yet it felt so monumental to him that he couldn’t imagine going back to a time before this. And all for getting his underwear saturated. “Thanks for coming to pick me up. I couldn’t face the walk back.”

“Smart call,” said Finn with a sage nod. “You’d chafe like mad.”

Snorting, Aiden splashed water up onto him in retribution.

Easily sidestepping, Finn grinned even broader. “Maybe I’m just trying to win your favor. Get you to make more of that pasta bake.”

As though faced with a very difficult decision, Aiden took a breath and worried his bottom lip between his teeth, weighing up the importance of the condition he was about to issue him. Then, with a sigh, he extended a hand for Finn to shake. Waiting for the other man to place that warm, broad palm within his own, Aiden said, “If you bring me scuba diving tomorrow.”

Aiden had seen Finn make a variety of facial expressions during their time together. He’d witnessed him pissed off, affronted, shocked, and in blissful delirium. But Aiden found his favorite in that moment—mouth ajar as a slow, elated grin spread over his cheeks. Finn gripped his hand, sealing the deal.

“Deal.”