It did Deedee’s heart good to see Pearl make a serious effort to enjoy Thea’s company and even speak of Fitz. She knew it must still be paining Pearl to compare Thea’s happiness with her own inner turmoil, but the main thing was that she was trying, and Deedee could see her gradually lose herself in the task at hand.
Now the tree was finished, the ballroom was looking wonderfully festive. Some of the other WAAFs had collected greenery and had started the work of winding garlands round the doorways and the huge mantelpiece. There were also colourful paper chains – another find from Tom’s decorations – hanging from the ceiling. The room was starting to look like a scene from a Christmas card or jigsaw. She experienced a sudden flash of how it must have looked before the war and when Tom’s wife had still been alive, with her, Tom and friends gathered around the tree, singing carols.
Well done, Deedee. There you go, jealous of a dead woman, and after all you said to Pearl, too. But it was a reminder that she had promised Tom to think about their relationship. The trouble was, every time she decided to do the sensible thing and tell him they couldn’t be more than friends she felt a twist of disappointment. But anything more was impossible, and it would be cruel to keep him dangling. She would have stern words with Pearl and Thea if they treated a man like that, and she couldn’t hold her granddaughters to a higher standard than herself. Therefore, as she made the return walk to the Gatehouse, she promised herself that the next time she managed a moment alone with Tom she would break it to him.
They returned to the Gatehouse with the boxes of decorations that had been too fragile or precious, reluctant to leave them anywhere they might be broken. The women hadn’t long settled beside the fire in the living room, cradling mugs of steaming cocoa, when there was a ring on the doorbell. Deedee felt a flutter, thinking it might be Tom. She couldn’t decide if she longed or dreaded to see him. However, a lurch of pleasure won out when the man himself staggered into the room, carrying a small spruce in a pot.
‘I thought the room could do with some festive cheer,’ he said as he placed the tree in front of the French windows. ‘I don’t know what we can use for decorations, though, what with all mine being up at the house.’ Then he caught sight of the boxes that the women had left on the dining table, unsure where to store them. ‘Wonderful! We can use these.’
‘Oh, but these are the ones we were too scared to use in case they broke,’ Pearl protested.
‘Nonsense. What’s the point of having unused decorations?’
This tree was easier to decorate than the one in the ballroom. That one had reached almost to the ceiling, whereas this stood only about four feet high in its pot. They festooned it with a string of colourful lights that they had judged too small to show up on the larger tree, and then hung it with the delicate glass baubles and strings of beads. As they worked, Pearl told Tom about the latest news she’d had from Fitz.
Tom listened with a grave face. ‘That must have been a terrible shock,’ he said. ‘I wish there was something I could do. The thing about my job is that I’ve built up a huge network of contacts around the country, so I’m used to having someone I can contact for help in practically anything. But I don’t know anyone who could help with this. I’m sure you need a quick answer so you can know for sure.’
‘It’s fine,’ Pearl assured him. ‘That’s not why I told you. I just wanted you to know.’ She paused to dab her eyes, and Deedee moved to put an arm round her. Tom, however, got there first, and Pearl rested her head against his shoulder for a moment before stepping away and hanging another bauble on the tree. Deedee was pleased to see how easily Pearl seemed to have accepted Tom as her grandfather and even more how readily Tom had taken to the role. The way he offered emotional support reminded Deedee of how she had always been able to rely on his strength.
She felt a wave of loss as it hit her all over again just what she, Clara, Pearl and Thea had missed all these years. And now Tom was asking if she would let him into her life again, it was hugely tempting to agree. Not just because he made her feel like a giddy twenty-year-old again but also because she longed to be in his company all the time. The trouble was, for her being in a full relationship meant holding nothing back, and if she did that, she stood to lose him altogether. What should she do – risk everything by telling him the truth, or keep him as a friend? It was an impossible decision.
When the tree was finished, they turned off the main electric light, keeping the room illuminated by nothing more than the firelight and the twinkling lights on the tree. Tom opened the gramophone and put on some Christmas carols.
‘This feels magical,’ Pearl said from her seat on a cushion at Thea’s feet.
Thea nodded. ‘I could almost believe that any wish we make now will come true.’
‘That would be perfect,’ Pearl said with a sad smile.
While Deedee had never been one for wishes, she found herself picturing Greg walking into the room, making the little family huddle complete. She was sure Pearl’s thoughts were running along similar lines.
And if she could make a wish for herself? She would wish that Tom would understand and forgive her if she confessed all. In a way, it was a relief that Deedee didn’t get a moment alone with Tom that evening. It being a Sunday, the last bus to Lincoln left earlier than the other nights, and so he and Pearl couldn’t stay late. Being still undecided over her answer, she made no attempt to catch him alone, and waved them off after extracting a promise from Pearl to call her should she hear any more news, no matter the time.
The next day she was feeling much recovered from her fall. Her wrist was less swollen and much less painful, and her other aches and pains had almost disappeared. She didn’t want to stray far from the Gatehouse in case Pearl tried to contact her, so she spent the morning wrapping her gifts for everyone. The paper shortage meant the only wrapping available was newspaper, but she chose her pages carefully – nothing with news of the war and certainly not the tragic report concerning the young Cambridge woman who had gone missing three weeks earlier. She glanced at the offending page long enough to read the headline: Cambridge Girl Found Murdered in London and the accompanying subheading: Police losing hope in search for three other missing girls. With a sad shake of the head, she set it in the salvage basket with the rest of the grim reading, then selected pages filled with lighter news and adverts and set to work. A search in the writing bureau turned up a tin of coloured pencils, giving her the idea of drawing sprigs of holly and mistletoe on each parcel to make them look more festive. Once the gifts were arranged under the tree, she stepped back to admire them, pleased that they made the room feel Christmassy.
That done, she saw it was almost time to catch the bus to Lincoln for her usual lunchtime meeting with Pearl. She hurried upstairs to apply some lipstick and powder, but when she picked up her powder compact she made the mistake of using her injured hand. She fumbled and dropped it, breaking the compact powder into thousands of fragments.
‘Damn and blast,’ she muttered. There was no saving any of it; all she could do was fetch a dustpan and sweep the scattered powder from the floorboards. She would have to buy some more, because she hated going out without all her make-up on. For now, she had to content herself with just a slick of lipstick before dashing to catch the bus.
When she arrived in Lincoln there was still twenty minutes before she was due to meet Pearl, so she decided to see if she could buy more face powder. She set out for the high street and soon found a little chemist with a small selection of cosmetics. To her joy, she found the same Yardley powder that she always used. With cosmetics in short supply, this was a major triumph, and she was smiling when she left the shop with her latest purchase. As she was turning to head for Haughton Newspapers, she caught a glimpse of a man leaving a nearby tobacconist. She walked on a few steps, feeling she had seen him before somewhere; that flashy suit looked familiar. As the term spiv floated into her mind, she remembered. It was the man she had seen at the show. She suspected he was the agent who had introduced himself to Georgie.
Without making any conscious decision, she changed direction to tail him from an unobtrusive distance. She only had to follow him for fifty yards or so before he pushed open the door to a cafe and disappeared inside. Quickening her pace, Deedee drew level with the cafe’s leaded windows and peered in, making a show of adjusting her hat in her reflection. It didn’t take her long to find the spiv. He was at a table with his back to Deedee, but there was no mistaking the cheap suit. And he wasn’t alone. Facing him was a young woman smiling at him with a rapt expression. Deedee thought she looked familiar, although it took her a moment to place her. Then she had it – she had played Maid Marian at the pantomime. She was holding something, turning it over and over between her fingers. Squinting, Deedee saw it was a tiny rectangle of card, and she would bet good money it was the same business card Georgie had shown her. So this was David Mountjoy, and he was evidently scouting for talent in Lincoln, although Deedee didn’t think the girl who had played Maid Marian had the same star quality as Georgie.
Deedee turned away and resumed her walk to Haughton Newspapers, unable to shake off her suspicion. It just didn’t make sense that a successful agent would need to come all the way to Lincoln to find talent; he must have any number of hopeful actors clamouring for his attention.
She stopped abruptly, earning herself an irate glare from a woman who had to dodge to prevent a collision. Deedee ignored her and felt in her pocket. Until now, she had forgotten all about the card Georgie had given her, but she was sure she’d put it in her coat pocket. Then her fingers closed around the little card rectangle and she gave a grunt of satisfaction before setting off again, this time at twice the speed. The evening before, Tom had lamented that his plentiful contacts didn’t stretch far enough to help Pearl locate Greg. However, there was a good chance they included someone who could help her find out more about David Mountjoy. Having encouraged Georgie in her ambitions, she felt responsible for the girl, and something about this Mr Mountjoy made her uneasy.
Of course, that did mean seeing Tom again. Before going into the building, she got out her new compact and found a sheltered spot out of the wind to apply a little powder. This wasn’t for Tom’s benefit; she always liked to look her best. Satisfied that her lipstick hadn’t smudged and her hair was tidy, she went inside and asked to see Mr Haughton.
Tom was delighted to see her. He met her in the foyer and insisted on escorting her to his apartment, despite her protests that she really needed to meet Pearl. He settled the matter by asking the receptionist to telephone Pearl and ask her to meet them in the apartment.
Once in his living room, he offered her a drink, which she refused, then he said, ‘Dare I hope you’ve come to a decision?’
Despite her earlier resolution to turn him down, she knew she couldn’t do it now. Not when she was about to ask a favour. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to mess you around, but I still need more time. I—’
He raised his hands, palms out, to stop her. ‘It’s fine. I’m sorry. I obviously misread the situation.’
Deedee stared at him, torn between guilt and relief. Guilt because she hated to give him false hope and relief because she could pretend for a while longer that they could make this work. If she was being totally honest with herself, she had to admit that she could see herself falling in love with him all over again, and didn’t she deserve just a few days of imagining them together before facing reality? Yet because she didn’t want to deceive him, she forced herself to say, ‘I don’t want to mess you around, but so much has happened since we were together that I need to be sure I’m doing the right thing. Whatever happens, I do want us to be friends, and I’m scared that if we try and rekindle the old romance, it won’t work out and I’ll lose your friendship all over again. I couldn’t bear that.’
‘You’ll always have my friendship,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t bear to lose that either.’
He was fiddling with his watch again, and it was such a sharp reminder of old times that she had to resist the temptation to throw caution to the wind and kiss him.
‘I just need more time to work things out,’ she told him, putting a little more space between them to ensure her resolve didn’t weaken.
‘Of course.’ After a pause, he added, ‘Anyway, as you didn’t come all this way to throw yourself into my arms, why did you want to see me?’ This was said with a deprecating grin. He was obviously trying to make light of his disappointment.
Feeling a complete heel, she pulled out David Mountjoy’s card. ‘I can’t remember if I mentioned it to you on Saturday night,’ she said, ‘but Georgie said she’d been approached by a man calling himself a theatrical agent. I was instantly suspicious, but there’s nothing I can put my finger on. Anyway, I saw him again just now.’ She related what she had seen before ending with, ‘I wondered if any of your contacts could find any information about him. If he’s genuine, I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise Georgie’s chances, but I just don’t see a reputable London agent coming all the way to Lincoln for an amateur show.’
‘More fool them.’ Tom took the card. ‘They were excellent. I know what you mean, though.’ He glanced at the name on the card. ‘It doesn’t ring any bells, but I’m a bit out of touch with London society these days. Leave it with me and I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Thank you. And I’m sorry about… well, you know.’
His eyes twinkled. ‘You mean sorry for stringing me along but still expecting me to be at your beck and call?’
She chuckled. ‘Something like that. I thought I was supposed to be the outspoken one.’
‘Maybe it’s infectious.’
It was probably a good thing Pearl chose that moment to arrive, because Deedee needed reminding that she was there for her, not to lose herself in Tom’s company.
‘Shall we go to the canteen again?’ Deedee asked as they stepped outside into the icy breeze.
‘I suppose— no.’ Pearl felt strangely out of sorts, and found her voice approaching a wail as she added, ‘I’m fed up of the same thing day in, day out. I need a change. I need— oh, I don’t know.’ She was aware of the startled looks from passers-by but couldn’t seem to stop herself.
Deedee spoke as one would attempt to soothe a nervy horse. ‘It’s not a problem. We can go somewhere else. How about the Bishop’s Pal?’
Pearl shook her head, as much to dispel the nervous tension as to show her disagreement. She had been there with Greg too many times, and the same could be said for the cafe at the Regal cinema. ‘I’m fed up with that too.’
‘Then where would you suggest?’
‘I don’t know. I can’t think.’
‘Thea often mentions the cafe above Boots. We could try there.’
‘I suppose so. It’s not far.’
It turned out to be a good choice. Pearl didn’t often go there and so it didn’t carry the same associations with Greg as her usual haunts. The cafe had a string quartet playing, so it was possible to talk without being overheard, and potted plants dotted around that made the tables feel secluded. Pearl and Deedee found a corner table and they both ordered soup and tea and then sat in silence until their drinks arrived. Pearl listened to the music, and it gradually soothed her restless spirits. Finally she poured tea for herself and Deedee. ‘I’m sorry for getting upset earlier. I don’t know what came over me.’
‘I do, and there’s no need to apologise. This endless waiting is wearing for me, so I can only imagine how it’s affecting you.’
Pearl treated herself to two lumps of sugar and stirred her tea before replying. ‘Even so, it’s no excuse. I’ve snapped at you, snapped at Thea. I’ll be lucky if anyone still wants to speak to me when this is all over.’ She let out a heartfelt sigh, releasing all the minor irritations of the morning. ‘So thank you for your understanding and please accept my apologies for being so crabby.’
Deedee reached across the table and patted her hand. ‘There’s really no need, but thank you.’
The waitress arrived with their food and there followed a lull in the conversation, broken only by comments of appreciation as they ate the delicious lentil and vegetable soup. Pearl, whose stomach had felt too knotted to manage much breakfast, felt considerably better after a few mouthfuls, and tucked in with relish. Eventually she said, ‘I don’t know how I would have managed if you hadn’t come to stay. I appreciate it’s caused some awkwardness for you, what with meeting Thomas again, but I’m so glad you came.’
‘You and Thea are the most important things in the world to me. I’ll always be there for you both. And don’t fret about me and Tom. I’ve missed him a lot over the years, and now, thanks to you and Thea, we’re friends again. It means a lot to have him back in my life.’
‘But only as a friend?’ Pearl was curious to learn whether Deedee had come to a decision.
‘I think that’s best. Whatever else we once meant to each other is in the past. I don’t want any more complication.’
It seemed to Pearl that Deedee was trying to convince herself more than Pearl. ‘As long as you’ve made that decision for yourself and not from some misguided belief about what you think is best for me or Thea. Or Thomas, come to that.’
‘I have.’
Pearl wasn’t wholly convinced, yet short of accusing Deedee of lying there wasn’t anything more to say. Only then did it occur to her to wonder why Deedee had been in Thomas’s flat earlier. ‘Is that what you were doing with Thomas this morning – telling him you wanted to remain just friends?’
Deedee grimaced and waved the salt shaker over her soup, apparently not noticing that nothing was coming out. ‘I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Anyway, I actually wanted to ask him for help. Something to do with Georgie.’
‘Is it something I could help with?’
‘I don’t know. You’ve got enough on your plate at the moment. I don’t want to bother you with more.’ She ate another spoonful of soup and pulled another face. She picked up the salt pot again and shook it vigorously over the palm of her hand. ‘Blasted thing is all bunged up.’
Pearl reached back to the empty table behind her and grabbed the salt from there. She gave it an experimental shake over her own hand. ‘Here, this one’s working.’ Once she was satisfied that Deedee had seasoned the soup to her taste, she carried on, ‘Honestly, it’s no bother. Trust me. The more I have to occupy my mind, the less time I spend worrying.’
‘If you’re sure.’
And Pearl listened, intrigued, as Deedee described Georgie’s excitement at being approached by a theatrical agent. ‘And after I saw the same man earlier, talking to another girl from the panto,’ her grandmother concluded, ‘I suddenly remembered what Tom said to you yesterday about having many contacts. So I thought I’d ask him to see what he could uncover.’
‘Good thinking,’ Pearl said. ‘Well, I’m sure if anyone can find out anything, it’s Thomas, but I’ll keep my eyes and ears open too. I agree it’s strange to hear of a successful agent coming to an amateur production in Lincoln. Unless he was visiting family for Christmas or something like that.’
‘Yes, I suppose that would explain it.’
They went on to discuss what little information they had from all angles. Finally Pearl caught sight of the time. ‘Goodness. I must fly or I’ll be late.’
As Pearl’s office was on the way to the bus stop, Deedee walked back with her, and they said their goodbyes in the foyer. Pearl told Deedee she would need to work late for the next few evenings to put the finishing touches to a Christmas double edition of the Bombshell, which was due to go to the printers on Thursday. ‘Once that’s all done, we’re closing down until the new year, so I’ll be able to come to Fenthorpe to see you.’ Her voice wobbled and she swallowed to control it. It was impossible to forget that Greg had planned to take leave to coincide with her own break. But she was sure she and Deedee would find plenty to do in Fenthorpe, even if it meant removing all the ballroom decorations and starting them all over again.
She was about to go up to the office when Thomas emerged from the lift. His face lit up when he saw Deedee, making Pearl wonder all the more about her grandmother’s feelings. She hoped for Thomas’s sake that his obvious affection was not one-sided. ‘I’m glad I caught you,’ he said, addressing Deedee. ‘I’ve managed to find something about that matter you mentioned earlier.’ His gaze strayed to Pearl, then back to Deedee.
‘Don’t worry,’ Deedee said to him. ‘I’ve already told Pearl everything I told you.’
Thomas’s face cleared. ‘Oh good. Well, I telephoned a friend of mine in London, because he knows anyone who’s anyone in the theatre. Apparently David Mountjoy is a well-known agent. Totally above board.’
Deedee’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. ‘That’s good to know. Just goes to show you can’t judge people on appearance.’