Chapter 12

Every pew inside Truth Missionary Baptist Church was filled. It was Easter Sunday and there were at least a thousand more people than usual in attendance. Mariah tried not to focus on negative remarks, especially when she was at church, but she couldn’t help thinking about her favorite aunt and what she used to say. “I go to church every week of the year, but not on Easter. I don’t go because it’s the one Sunday that every lukewarm, juke-joint, holy-rollin’ Christian is guaranteed to be at church. And all they come for is to show off their new outfits. Then you don’t see not one of them again until next year.”

Mariah didn’t know about the lukewarm, juke-joint part, because it wasn’t her place to judge people, but it was amazing how full the church always was on Easter Sunday. There were more colossal hats and loud colors than one could find at the circus. But the saddest part of all was that she’d quickly fallen into the same category. Before she’d met Curtis, she attended a church with only five hundred members and wore the same business suits she wore to work. She never wore hats, and it was highly unusual for her to sport a flamboyant suit like the one she was wearing today. It was doubly unusual for her to match a purse to every pair of shoes that she owned.

She’d had no desire toward dressing to impress, but Curtis had told her that if she was going to be the first lady of his church, she was going to have to act like it. He’d told her that it was up to her to set an example for the rest of the women in the church and that under no circumstances was she to ever dress beneath any of the members. He’d even told her that it was time-out for those nondesigner purses she carried on the weekdays, too, and had personally taken her to buy three new ones. One from Louis Vuitton, one from Coach, and one from the Fendi store. She still remembered how shocked she’d been when she realized he’d spent fifteen hundred dollars in total. It had seemed ridiculous to her at the time, but it wasn’t long before she’d acquired those same exquisite tastes. Before she met him, she had no problem with shopping at JCPenney, Lerner’s, and, for special occasions, Marshall Field’s. But now it didn’t feel right unless she frequented Saks, Nordstrom, and Neiman Marcus.

Mariah returned her attention to the morning worship and watched her husband stand up and walk across the pulpit. He was preparing to deliver his Easter message, and this was the first time since marrying him that she didn’t want to hear him preach. She hadn’t ever felt as hurt and as angry as she had last night, and she didn’t know what she was going to do about her situation. She wished she had the courage to pack her bags and leave the way Vivian had suggested when she called her this morning, but she wasn’t strong enough to do it. She wanted to be, but a part of her was hoping that maybe Curtis was just going through a phase. Maybe he’d been single for so long that he needed some time to regroup and get used to his new life with her. Maybe he was acting so terribly because of all the stress that came with being a pastor. She wanted to believe all of the above, but she knew none of those reasons was the problem. She knew deep within her soul that Curtis was seeing someone else.

Mariah watched Curtis as he began to speak.

“Oh, what a time, what a time,” he said, holding either side of the podium. “Choir, you all are truly singing from your hearts today. Singing for the Lord. Singing for that great and wonderful man who died on Calvary for all your sins and mine. But oh, didn’t he get up early one Sunday morning just like he said he would? He rose just like he promised. He stayed true to his word, church,” Curtis said, pounding the podium with his fist. “Oh, I tell you, I’m happy today. I’m happy because someone loved us so much, He sacrificed His own life so that we might live eternally.”

Curtis spun around three times right where he was standing.

“Give the Lord a great big handclap,” Curtis said, following his own instructions.

The congregation applauded loudly.

When it quieted down, Curtis continued.

“You know, the fact that we are so blessed doesn’t mean that we’re any better or any more of a Christian than the next person. We just as easily could have been drunks or drug addicts, living on the street. And the only difference is that God, for whatever reason, decided to favor each and every one of us here.”

Hundreds of members yelled amen. Mariah just didn’t have it in her this morning, and she saw Curtis looking over at her, probably trying to figure out why she wasn’t into what he was saying.

He turned his Bible to where he wanted to read and gazed back across the congregation.

“I’m not going to preach about Easter Sunday this morning, because just about everyone in here knows that Jesus died on the cross and why he did it. No, what I want to talk about today is something else that also might help you in your daily lives. But before I do, I want my beautiful wife to stand up for a minute.”

Mariah hated when he did this. She hated how he always put her on the spot like she was the Queen of England. But since all eyes were planted on her, she didn’t have much choice but to do what he’d asked.

“Isn’t she looking good today?” he said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, she always looks good, but today she looks especially nice in that off-white and fuchsia.”

Amens echoed across the entire church.

“There ain’t nothing like having a beautiful wife to look at every day.”

Amen, Pastor,” one gentleman said loud enough for everyone to hear.

Laughter resonated throughout the congregation.

Mariah smiled graciously and took her seat.

“I hope y’all don’t think I’m standing up here bragging, because I’m not. It’s just that I love my wife, and I want the whole world to know it,” he said, looking at Mariah. “Honey, I just want you to know that I thank God for bringing you into my life. He brought us together for a reason, and I’m just glad about it.”

He hugged himself, rocked from side to side, and visually fought back tears.

Mariah felt like going home.

Curtis finally settled himself and said, “Today I want to speak on the subjects of adultery, fornication, and lust.”

Mariah heard members yelling everything from “All right now” to “Preach today” to “Fix it up.” They couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say.

“So if you have your Bibles, please turn with me to First Corinthians, chapter six. After that, we’ll be reading in Jeremiah, Proverbs, and Matthew.”

Bible pages rustled until everyone arrived at the designated spot.

“Before we begin, though, I just want to clarify the difference between fornication and adultery. Fornication, you see, is the illicit sexual relation between unmarried individuals.”

“Uh-huh,” a woman sang.

Adultery is when someone has sexual relations with someone other than his or her own spouse.”

“True, true,” an older gentleman said.

“And when we turn to Matthew, we’ll find that even looking at someone with a lustful heart is also an act of adultery.”

Mariah wondered when he’d decided to preach this particular sermon and wondered why he was doing it. She wondered if he was trying to convince her that he wasn’t an adulterer himself. If he was, he’d soon learn that it was going to take a lot more than some sermon to make her believe what he was saying. It would take even longer for her to ever trust him the way she had when she first met him.

She listened for a few minutes longer, but when she couldn’t listen anymore, she tuned Curtis out and waited for his sermon to be over.

It was unfortunate, but for the first time since she’d joined Truth Missionary Baptist Church, she didn’t want to be there.

Mariah hung her suit in the walk-in closet and slipped on a two-piece lounging outfit. Curtis eased up behind her and grabbed her around the waist.

“Baby, you haven’t said more than two words to me since we got home,” he said. “So what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m tired and I don’t feel well.”

“But you didn’t say much at the restaurant either.”

Mariah ignored him and walked into the master bathroom. She turned on the faucet and squeezed a few drops of facial cleanser inside her palm. She massaged the makeup from her face, went over it with toner, and then saturated her face with moisturizer. When she came back out to the bedroom, Curtis was waiting for her.

“Baby, come sit down for a minute,” he said. “Please.”

She wondered where this pleasant nature of his was coming from, but she took a seat and didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you last night and for being gone all day with Tyler. I was totally out of line, and I won’t ever treat you that way again.”

“But it’s not just about yesterday, Curtis. It’s about every day for the past three weeks or so.”

“I know. That schedule at the church is killing me, and after we argued last night, I prayed and asked God to deliver me from it. So what I’m going to do is start delegating more of my duties to my associate ministers and start saying no to some of these outside services. I can’t give up everything, but you were right when you said I promised to take every Monday off and spend it with you.”

Mariah wanted to stay angry at him, but he was making it harder by the minute. Maybe she’d been wrong about Curtis. Maybe she’d jumped the gun when she’d accused him of sleeping around. Maybe Vivian had pushed her to confront him much too quickly.

“The thing is,” he continued, “I took on leadership of a huge church and got married three months later. And before I knew it, I started feeling totally stressed out. Then one thing led to another and before long both you and Alicia were on the back burner.”

“It’s not that I don’t understand all the pressure you’re under, because to a certain extent, I do. But you really hurt me last night when you said all those terrible things to me.”

“I know, baby, and I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I guess I felt like you were trying to interrogate me for no reason.”

“But I did have a reason, and I also wanted you to tell me why our marriage was all of a sudden falling apart.”

“I know, and like I said, I’m sorry.”

He hugged her, and she couldn’t help yielding to his embrace. As she closed her eyes, warm tears rolled down her face.

“You know it really bothered me last night when you said you couldn’t go on with the way things were,” he said. “Because, Mariah, baby, I just couldn’t stand it if you actually wanted to leave me.”

“I only said that because I’m so unhappy. You know that I love you, Curtis, but it’s starting to feel like you don’t love me anymore.”

“But I do. With all my heart. And that’s why I felt compelled to tell the whole church during service this morning.”

“But you do know that you embarrassed me, right?” she said, smiling.

“Well, I didn’t mean to.”

“Well, you did.”

“Then I’ll try not to do that again. But you are as beautiful as I told them.”

Curtis gently leaned her back onto the bed and removed all of his clothing. He helped her remove her lounging set and pulled her toward him.

“You know, baby, I was thinking about what you said,” he continued.

“What?”

“You know. That you thought it was time we started a family.”

“And?”

“Well, I think it’s time, too. At first I didn’t, because of Alicia, but I had a long talk with her the other night when she called me about the dance, and I think this will be fine with her.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I want you to stop taking your pills as soon as your doctor okays it.”

“Curtis, I don’t want to do this if you’re not really ready.”

“But I am ready. I’ve been thinking about it ever since you came to my office to talk about it. But after last night, I agree that we do need something that will be a part of both of us.”

“You just don’t know how happy that makes me,” she said.

“It makes me happy, too.”

They held each other and made passionate love and Mariah couldn’t remember Curtis ever being so patient with her. She didn’t know if he was serious about everything he’d said or if he was simply trying to appease her for the moment. But she was going to assume he was being genuine. She just didn’t see how she couldn’t. Especially since she’d married him for better or worse. Vivian wouldn’t be too happy, and now Mariah wished she hadn’t told her all those awful things about Curtis. She wished Vivian could see them now and that she could’ve heard how well Curtis explained everything.

She lay there in her husband’s arms, exhaling deeply. She was glad to have him back and felt completely relieved.

She couldn’t wait to have his baby.