Right after leaving the church, Mariah had driven home, done a Pilates tape, and taken a hot bath in the Jacuzzi. But now she was leaning against a stack of king-size pillows reading the Tribune. She was also wondering where Curtis was and who he was with.
She was so tired of shedding tears, tired of living in fear, tired of being married to him. Which was why she’d decided tonight that she wasn’t going to take it anymore. She wasn’t going to keep pretending. Not about their happiness or about Curtis being a true man of God.
It was time she told Vivian.
“Hello?”
“Hey, girl, how’s it going?” Mariah said.
“I’m good. But the question is, how are you?”
“Actually, I’m feeling a little strange.”
“Really? And why is that?”
“I finally decided to take your advice.”
“About what?”
“I finally decided to leave him.”
“Well, good for you, Mariah.”
“I know he’ll never allow me to move out while he’s here, so as soon as he leaves the house on Monday, I’ll be packing my things.”
“Will you need any help?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”
“You know it’s not a problem. All I have to do is request a vacation day.”
“I really appreciate that.”
“Nothing happened tonight, did it?” Vivian asked. “Curtis didn’t try to hurt you, did he?”
“No. Actually, I haven’t heard from him since he left this morning.”
“Then what made you decide all of a sudden?”
“I’m just tired. I can’t explain it, but I’m really tired.”
“And you should be, because no one should have to put up with the shit Curtis is doing.”
“I know, but the sad thing is, I still love him. Even after he said he didn’t love me and that he could never be in love with me.”
“But that’s understandable, because you’ve loved him since the beginning.”
“Maybe, but it’s not a good feeling. And I hate being in love with someone who doesn’t care one thing about me. Someone who doesn’t care about anybody except himself.”
“Well, I’m just glad you didn’t stop taking those birth control pills.”
“Yeah, I am, too,” Mariah said, wishing things could have turned out differently between her and Curtis.
“So are you going to be okay until next week?”
“I’m sure I will. For the last two nights he’s been watching television down in the family room and sleeping there until morning. So I’m hoping he keeps doing that until I leave.”
“Okay, but you call me if you need me.”
“You know I will.”
“Take care, girl.”
“You, too.”
Mariah hung up and glanced over at all the cosmetics sitting atop her built-in vanity. She had a lot of packing to do, but for the most part she was only going to take what she needed. Especially since she didn’t know if Curtis would eventually try to reconcile with her or if she’d be leaving here for good. But if the latter was the case, she would come back for the rest of her things later.
She leaned farther back onto the pillows and closed her eyes. She thought about the first day she’d met Curtis, the first time he’d asked her out, the day he’d proposed on Navy Pier. She even thought about the beautiful wedding gown and how proud she was to be wearing it. But none of those memories mattered now, because her marriage was practically over.
She thought about her life in general, but the more she did, the more pain she felt. The more tears she shed. The more times she wished she’d never met Curtis. She loved and hated him all at once, and for the first time in her life she wished harm on another human being. She wished it on her own husband and refused to apologize for it.
She was wiping her face when she heard Curtis coming up the stairs. She didn’t want him seeing her like this, and she hoped he wasn’t going to bother her.
“Mariah, we need to talk,” he said, sitting down on the opposite side of her at the foot of the bed.
She looked at him but didn’t say anything.
“Hey, what are you crying about?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s not about us, is it?”
“No,” she lied.
“Good, because I know I haven’t been the best husband to you lately, and I’m really sorry about that. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve put you through.”
Mariah was baffled and wondered where he was going with this.
“And as much as I hate admitting it, I just don’t think we should stay married,” he said.
“What?” Mariah said. She knew she’d heard every word he said, but she was still shocked by it. And she didn’t know how to feel, either.
“I thought about everything I was going to say when I was driving home, but I think it’ll be best if I just tell you the truth.”
Mariah sat up a little taller and braced herself. She didn’t know what he was about to say, but she sensed it wasn’t going to be good.
“You remember when I told you that I never loved you, and that I only married you because of the church? Well, even though I said it in anger, it’s true.”
He might as well have shoved a dagger through her heart. She’d heard him when he’d said it on Saturday, but the truth was a lot easier to take during an argument. It was a lot more painful when the person wasn’t angry, because then you knew he was telling the truth. You knew he wasn’t speaking illogically.
“I can’t believe you did this to me,” she said. “I can’t believe you would use me like this.”
“I know, and I’m very sorry.”
“Well, what are you suggesting we do?”
“I think we need to file for a divorce. I know I told you I would never let you leave me because I didn’t want to lose the church, but now I realize I don’t have a right to control you like this. And I’ve also figured out a way to make it happen quickly.”
“Meaning what?” she asked.
“Meaning, the only way the board will approve of me getting a divorce is if you admit you slept with another man.”
“What?” she said, frowning. “But I haven’t.”
“I know, but it’s the only way we can both get what we want. You can move out of here, and I’ll be able to keep my position at the church.”
“You can’t be serious?”
“Of course I am. It’s the only way.”
“So you’re saying you want me to ruin my reputation so that you can keep your church?”
“Not just that. Because you’ll be able to go on with your life, too. And it’s not like a lot of people will have to know about this.”
“Curtis, there are over three thousand people at that church. And all of those people know other people here in Chicago and everywhere else.”
“Yeah, but after a while it’ll die down, and no one will even remember. I mean, even you didn’t know I was ousted from Faith until I told you. So if that died down, this will, too.”
“No,” she said matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean, no?”
“I’m not doing that,” she said, standing up and walking away from the bed.
“But you know it’s the only way,” he said, turning in her direction.
“Well, I’m sorry, but I won’t lie about something I haven’t done.”
“Then what do you expect us to do?”
“You say you could never love me, so there’s no other choice but to end this. But I’m not taking the blame for it.”
“And I’m not losing my church either, Mariah. I told you that before.”
“Well, maybe you need to tell them the truth.”
“No, you’re going to do what I told you.” Curtis stood up.
Mariah didn’t like the expression on his face and backed away from him.
“I told you that I would never let you or anyone else cause me to lose another church, and I meant that,” he said. “So you might as well get ready to meet with those deacons.”
He grabbed her arm. “Do you hear me?”
“I told you I won’t do that.”
“Of course you will,” he said, grabbing her tightly by her throat.
Mariah was terrified, and now she wished she’d made the decision to leave before today.
“Curtis, please stop it.”
“Not until you do what I say.”
She knew she could never lie about something this serious, but she told him what he wanted to hear so he would let her go.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll talk to them.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said, releasing her. “Crazy bitch.”
Mariah wondered if he’d lost his mind.
“Curtis, you know this isn’t right. You know I deserve to be treated better than this.”
He laughed. “I see that big Amazon is still pumping you up, isn’t she? But it doesn’t matter. You know why? Because regardless of what you look like now, there’s still a fat-ass woman inside you just screamin’ to get out.”
Curtis strode out of the room, totally dismissing her, but she heard him mutter, “Got me cursing in here like this.”
Mariah had never felt more humiliated or more deflated in her life. She’d never had anyone speak to her so maliciously. She’d loved, honored, and, yes, obeyed him just like he wanted, and she despised him for doing this to her.
Then, to add insult to injury, he wanted her to go to the deacons. He wanted her to lie to them.
It would be over her dead body.