Alicia pressed the entry code on the keypad near the garage and waited for it to open. It was Friday, so right after school she’d gone shopping with Danielle and her mother and was just now arriving home.
Once inside the house, she strolled toward the kitchen and saw her mother and James standing at the island. They looked as if the world had come to an end. Now what?
“What’s wrong?” she asked them.
“Apparently a whole lot,” Tanya answered. “Because only minutes ago, your counselor just informed me that you’ve been skipping your math class all week.”
Alicia gazed at them, but decided it was probably best not to respond. Especially since her mother looked like she wanted to kill her.
“So why haven’t you been going?” Tanya asked.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know?” Tanya asked with fire in her eyes, moving closer to Alicia. “Last week we found out you were failing world history, now this.”
“Sweetheart,” James said to Tanya. “Why don’t we all go into the family room so we can sit down and discuss this more calmly.”
“No, what I want is for Miss Alicia to explain herself right here and right now.”
Alicia’s stomach churned, but she was also starting to despise her mother’s crazy attitude.
“Girl, don’t you hear me talking to you?” Tanya continued.
“Yes.”
“Then why aren’t you answering my question?”
“Because, Mom. I don’t know why I skipped math.”
“James, are you listening to this?” Tanya said.
James raised his eyebrows in silence. He’d learned early on that it was better not to interfere in his wife and stepdaughter’s confrontations.
“Alicia, I’m really to the point where I don’t know what to do with you,” Tanya continued. “And I’m completely fed up with all of these reports we keep getting from your school.”
“Maybe I should just go live with Daddy,” Alicia threatened.
“You know, Alicia, maybe you should. Maybe it’s time that you moved out of here and in with your father and Mariah. Maybe I’ve done all I can do.”
Alicia was stunned. Usually her mother became highly upset whenever she spoke about going to live with her father, so she hadn’t expected this response at all. She didn’t know what to say next, but the one thing she did know was that she’d rather die than go live with her father and his wife.
“What do you think, James?” Tanya asked. “Because maybe it really is time Alicia went to live with Curtis. Maybe he can get her to go to class and do her schoolwork the way she’s supposed to.”
“Sweetheart,” James said. “I don’t think that’s necessarily the solution.”
“Well, is this what you really want to do, Alicia?” Tanya asked.
“I don’t know.”
Tanya laughed sarcastically. “Well, is there anything that you do know?”
“Yes,” Alicia spoke boldly, yet in tears. “I know that you and Daddy are divorced and that we’re never going to be a family again.”
“Alicia, I realize you’ve had a tough time with all of this, and yes, you’re right. Things are never going to be the way they once were. I wish, for your sake, that they could be, but they can’t. I know you’re still feeling a tremendous amount of pain, but I just don’t know how to help you anymore. When we were in counseling a couple of years ago, you seemed to come to terms with everything, so why is this all of a sudden becoming a major issue again? You seemed fine until a few months ago.”
Alicia wanted to tell her how right she was. Because until her father married Mariah, she’d still held on to the possibility of her mother and him getting back together. She’d known her mother was married to James, but as long as her father was still available, she’d kept high hopes. She’d even prayed about it every chance she got. She’d even figured out a way for it to happen where no one would get hurt. James would accidentally meet another woman, fall in love, and then tell her mother that he couldn’t be with her any longer. But her mother would be fine with it because deep down she’d really want to be back with Alicia’s father, anyway. Alicia had played that scene in her head at least a thousand times, but the curtain had been yanked shut the day her father married Mariah. That stupid fairy-tale wedding of theirs had ruined everything.
“Pumpkin, do you think it would help for you to go to counseling again?” James asked Alicia.
“I don’t know . . . I mean, maybe.”
“Why don’t we do that then?” James said, turning his attention to Tanya.
“That’s fine,” Tanya said. “Because I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
“Can I be excused?” Alicia asked.
“Yes, but until you get your grades back up to where they should be, you won’t be going anywhere except school, church, and back home.”
“But, Mom, I have Camille’s birthday party this weekend.”
“Not anymore you don’t. Because starting today, you’re grounded until further notice.”
“Why are you doing this?” Alicia said, sobbing. “Why are you and Daddy always trying to make my life so miserable?”
“Look, Alicia. I’ve said what I have to say, and I don’t want to hear any more back talk from you.”
Alicia left the kitchen and went fuming up to her bedroom. She hated her mother almost as much as she hated her father. As a matter of fact, James was the only adult in her life who had any sense. He never harassed her about silly stuff, he never yelled at her, and he always went out of his way to do nice things for her. She was starting to wish that he was her biological father, and that she had a different mother to go along with him. And she was never going to forgive her mother for making her miss Camille’s birthday bash. Camille’s parents owned a top black magazine and were filthy rich. They were even sending a limo to pick up Camille’s closest friends. Not to mention the actual party they were having downtown at the Four Seasons. They were expecting two hundred guests and had rented a suite for Camille and five of her friends. Alicia, of course, was one of them. Her mother had said that it was ridiculous for any parent to spend thousands on any child who was just turning fifteen, but what did she know? Maybe Camille’s parents were doing it because they truly loved their daughter. Maybe they actually knew how to treat a child that they’d voluntarily brought into this world.
Alicia lay across her bed, still weeping. When she finally calmed herself, she glanced over at her computer. Julian always made her feel better and she was starting to realize that he was the only person she could turn to. Yes, she had her best friend, Danielle, but it wasn’t the same as when she shared her feelings with Julian. As a matter of fact, she hadn’t even told Danielle about her chats with him, because she wasn’t sure how Danielle would take it. Sometimes she blew the tiniest things out of proportion, so Alicia had decided not to mention her new on-line buddy. At least not yet, anyway.
She kicked off her tan platform shoes that mimicked those designed in the seventies and sat down at her desk. Usually when her mother said she was grounded, that also included telephone and Internet privileges, but what her mother didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
She signed on to AOL and waited. As soon as she heard the words “You’ve Got Mail,” she turned down the volume on her computer. She would keep it at mute status until she was no longer on punishment.
She checked her e-mail messages and broke into tears again when she read the one from Camille. It was a note informing everyone that her parents had called in a favor and now a surprise hip-hop music artist was going to be singing at her birthday party. If it was someone Alicia was a big fan of, she would never speak to her mother again.
She read a message from Danielle about homework, and smiled when she saw that Julian had just signed on to his account. She quickly sent him an instant message.
ALICIABLK: Hey, Julian.
JMONEY1: Alicia! What’s up with you this evening?
ALICIABLK: You don’t even want to know. ☹
JMONEY1: Hey, now what’s with the sad face?
ALICIABLK: My mother is acting just as crazy as my father was last week.
JMONEY1: I’m sorry to hear that. You’ve really been having it out with your parents a lot lately, haven’t you?
ALICIABLK: Yes, and I’m really getting sick of it. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anyone, and if I didn’t have you to talk to, I don’t know what I would do.
JMONEY1: You know I’m always here for you. I just wish I could talk to you by phone or see you in person.
And why couldn’t they speak by phone? Every time he mentioned talking to her or getting together, she sort of shied away from it, but maybe if she could hear his voice, she’d actually feel better.
ALICIABLK: What’s your phone number?
JMONEY1: (312) 555-2823.
ALICIABLK: Do you want me to call right now?
JMONEY1: I’ve got the phone sitting right here. So all you have to do is dial the number. ☺
ALICIABLK: Okay.
Alicia lifted the receiver and thanked God she’d convinced her mother to install a separate phone line for her. The only extension was in her bedroom, so at least there was no way her mother could eavesdrop or suddenly pick up the phone, yelling at her to get off it. The worst that could happen was her storming into the bedroom, but she still wouldn’t be able to find out who Alicia was talking to. And if that happened, Alicia would lie and say it was Danielle, because she and Danielle maintained a permanent pact. They’d promised each other two years ago that if one of their parents ever questioned them about anything, they’d lie for each other until the end. To this day, Danielle had never let her down. Although sometimes she tended to be a little fearful, and that was the real reason Alicia hadn’t told her about Julian.
She dialed the number displayed on her monitor and waited for Julian to answer.
“So what’s up?” he said.
“Not much.” She was more nervous than she’d imagined, but she loved the sound of his voice. It was so deep, and he sounded so cool!
“You sound like you’re uncomfortable with this.”
“No . . . not really.”
“I like your voice.”
“I like yours, too.”
“So. Tell me what’s going on with your moms.”
“I missed my math class a couple of times this week, and she went crazy.”
“Well, you know how most parents are when it comes to the school thing.”
“Was your mother like that when you were in school?”
“No, she couldn’t have cared less whether I went or not. But my stepmoms made sure I got to school and did my homework. And for the most part, I didn’t have to do a lot of studying. I used to study for tests the night before and still get an A on them,” he said.
“I’m sort of like that, too, but lately I don’t feel like doing any of my assignments. Sometimes I don’t even bother to answer all the questions on my tests. It just depends on how I feel.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m just not motivated and because me getting good grades is all they seem to care about.”
“You do need good grades if you’re planning to get a good job or go to college.”
“You didn’t go college, and you already have your own place.”
“Yeah, but it’s only because I have my own business, and I make a shitload of money doing what I do.”
“I can’t believe so many people buy CDs from you and that you have so many regular customers.” Alicia was amazed.
“People love music, and that’s one thing in this world that won’t ever change.”
“I guess not.”
“So tell me. When am I going to get a chance to see you?”
Alicia was hoping he wouldn’t bring this subject up so quickly. She was hoping the phone call would suffice for a while.
“I don’t know,” she said. “But soon.”
“Soon was fine until I heard your voice. Because, girl, you sound so sweet, and now I can’t wait to kick it with you. I can’t wait to take you out to dinner or wherever you wanna go.”
“I can’t wait either,” was all she could think to say. “Well, can I ask you something else?”
“What?”
“Are you sexually active?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I’m just wondering, because your voice is so sexy, and you sound much older than seventeen. You sound more mature than some twenty-year-old women I know.”
“Yeah, right,” Alicia said, beaming.
“I’m serious. You do.”
“Whatever, Julian.”
“And to tell you the truth, I’m starting to wish you hadn’t called me.”
“Why?”
“Because hearing your voice is bringing out some feelings I didn’t know I had. Especially for a woman I haven’t even seen before.”
“What kind of feelings?” She was a little bit confused by what he was saying and needed him to explain. But she loved that he saw her as a woman and not some childish little girl.
“I’d better not say.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to embarrass myself,” he said, laughing.
“Come on, Julian. Tell me.”
“Girl, don’t start somethin’ you won’t be able to finish.”
“Like what?”
“Okay, look. I don’t usually fall for women just from chatting with them on-line or by talking to them on the phone, but, girl, you’re makin’ me crazy.”
“Are you saying you like me like a girlfriend?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Alicia was afraid to ask any further questions, because she didn’t know where the rest of the conversation was headed. But the truth of the matter was she could tell she had feelings for him, too. She had to remind herself that Julian wasn’t one of those little boys at her school and that she had to act as grown as she knew how to.
“But we haven’t even seen each other before,” she said.
“I know, but I’m tellin’ you, girl, I’ve got some straight-up real feelings for you, and if I knew you better, I’d show you just how serious they are, right here on the phone. I’d make you feel the way every woman is supposed to feel.”
“And how would you do that?”
“You don’t even want to know.”
“Yes I do,” she said, and wondered how in the world he could show her anything through the phone. He was so silly.
“I know you’ve heard of phone sex, haven’t you?”
“Yeah . . . I guess so.”
“Well?”
“I don’t know, Julian.”
“Why? Are you afraid?”
“No.” She spoke quickly.
“Then why? It can’t hurt anything and it’s the safest sex you can have.”
“What if my mother walks in and catches me on the phone with you?”
“If you think she might come into your room, then we won’t do it.”
“I just don’t know, Julian, because I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“All you have to do is listen.”
“And then what?”
“You do the things I ask you to do. Okay?”
She was terrified that her mother might burst into her room at any moment, but a part of her wanted to hear what Julian had to say.
“Okay,” she agreed.
“What do you have on?”
“A knit top with a chiffon blouse over it.”
“Pants or a skirt?”
“Jeans.”
“Well, I need you to take all of that off.”
“Everything?”
“Yes.”
Alicia hesitated, but then told him, “Hold on for a minute.”
When she’d removed everything except her bra and panties, she picked up the phone.
“Okay, I did it,” she said.
“You took off everything?”
“Yes.”
“Even your underwear?”
“No . . . I mean, you didn’t say that you wanted me to.”
“Well, it’s up to you, but this will work so much better if you take off everything.”
Alicia removed her bra but simply couldn’t will herself to remove her panties. That was going too far and she just didn’t feel comfortable doing it.
“Okay, now what?” she asked.
“You took everything off, right?”
“Yes. Everything.”
“Do you have a headset for your phone?”
“Yes.” Although the only reason she had one was that she and Danielle loved talking to each other and surfing the Internet simultaneously for hours at a time. Sometimes they did research for papers they had to write and sometimes they did it just for fun.
Alicia put on the headset.
“You ready?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, now close your eyes.”
Alicia followed his instructions and waited nervously.
“Take both your hands and massage both your nipples until you feel them getting hard.”
Alicia bugged her eyes open and covered her mouth with both hands.
“And I mean massage them until it feels so good that you don’t ever want to stop.”
Alicia didn’t move.
“Are you doing it?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, and covered her mouth again.
“I bet it feels real good, doesn’t it? And if I was there with you, I’d suck both those titties like a baby suckin’ his bottle.”
Alicia burst into laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
He sounded irritated, and now she was sorry she’d laughed at him.
“Nothing,” she finally answered. She was still sniggering.
“Well, somethin’ must be real funny or you wouldn’t be crackin’ up like that.”
“I’m sorry, Julian. I didn’t mean to.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, because I had no idea you were so immature. You sound a lot older than seventeen, but now I’m wondering if you’re even in high school yet.”
“I am seventeen,” she insisted.
“Whatever. But hey, I’m gettin’ ready to bounce, okay?”
“But, Julian?”
“But, Julian, what?”
“Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
“I’m so sorry, and I promise I’ll make this up to you.”
“And how do you plan on doing that?”
“I don’t know, but I will.”
“Well, like I said, I have to go.”
“Are you going to be on-line again tomorrow?”
“Maybe. Who knows?”
“You’re really, really mad at me, aren’t you?”
“I told you I wasn’t. Now I have to go.”
He hung up and Alicia felt so stupid. How could she have been so childish when all he’d done was try to make her feel like a woman? She had to make him realize how sorry she was and that she was more than willing to try that phone sex thing again. This time she would do everything he told her and she wouldn’t do one thing to upset him.
She grabbed her bra, hooked it back on, and heard a knock at her door.
“Yes,” Alicia said.
Her mother walked in. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing. I’m just changing out of my school clothes.”
“Do you have homework?”
“Yes.”
“Then as soon as you finish dinner, that’s what I want you to work on for the rest of the evening. Oh, and by the way, being grounded also means no personal phone calls and no Internet.”
“But, Mom—”
“I mean it, Alicia,” Tanya said, and closed her daughter’s door.
Alicia fell across her bed and wished she lived in another household.