Curtis drove through the intersection of Golf and Roselle over in Schaumburg. He was headed west toward Barrington and was on his way to visit some of his minister friends. He was also talking to Adrienne.
“You miss me?” he asked.
“You know I do,” she said. “We’ve been together almost every other night, but I guess I just can’t get enough of you. I haven’t felt this good in a long time.”
“Baby, neither have I, and if I hadn’t promised the boys that I’d get together with them, I’d spend this evening with you, too. We only meet once a month, though, so I didn’t want to renege on them.”
“It’s not a problem. But we are still on for Saturday, right?”
“Absolutely. Mariah is going shopping downtown with one of her girlfriends, so I’m all yours for the entire day.”
“And you’re sure your friend is okay with us using his condo?”
“Positive. I’ve already cleared it with him, and I’ll be getting the key when I see him tonight.”
“I can’t believe it’s in the same suburb where we used to rent ours.”
“It’s practically déjà vu.”
“We were so happy back then.”
“I know, baby, and I promise you we’re going to be even happier this time around.”
“That’s what I keep hoping, Curtis, but I’m so afraid. I mean, I hear what you’re saying, and I want to believe you, but I don’t think I’ll be completely comfortable with any of this until I see your divorce papers. And I think it’s only fair for you to know that there is no way I can even consider leaving Thomas until then.”
Curtis didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like it because more than anything, he wanted the deacon out of the picture. He needed him out of the way so that he could gain better control of Adrienne’s emotions. He wasn’t sure what he would have to do to convince her to get rid of the man, but he had to come up with something.
“I know I didn’t do right by you before, but I’m telling you, baby, I’m totally committed to you for the rest of my life. Right now I’m in this situation with Mariah and you know it has to be handled very carefully, but I will divorce her.”
“That’s fine, but all I’m saying is that I won’t leave Thomas until you show me proof in black and white.”
“But don’t you think it would look a lot better if you went ahead and divorced the deacon at least a few months before I divorce Mariah? Otherwise everyone will know we were planning this whole thing, and that we’ve been seeing each other all along.”
“Maybe, but I can’t do that. So as much as I love you, Curtis, and as much as I want to spend the rest of my life with you, these are the conditions.”
“If that’s how it has to be, then that’s how it has to be.”
“It does. And just so we’re on the same page, we agreed last Tuesday on the six-month time frame, so that means you have until the beginning of October to file for your divorce.”
Curtis wanted to laugh out loud. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing or that she was giving him an ultimatum so early in the relationship. She was acting as if they had a written contract, and Curtis could tell she was dead serious.
But he knew what he had to do. He had to keep seeing her three to four times a week like he used to. He’d make love to her in every way imaginable. So much so that she would no longer be able to think straight. She was trying very hard to stay in control, but when he finished with her on Saturday, she wouldn’t know what hit her. She would beg to be with him under any circumstances.
But he decided to go along with what she was saying just to halt any confusion.
“The beginning of October it is. Or before if I can make it happen.”
“I hate to be so technical about this, but it’s the only way I can protect myself.”
“I understand. But hey, I’m just pulling up to the condo, so I’d better go,” he said, parking in the driveway behind a blue Jaguar and right next to a burgundy Escalade. There was also a black Lexus 430 parked closer to the garage.
“So I’ll speak to you tomorrow?” she asked.
“I’ll call you first thing in the morning when I get to the church. And don’t you work too late.”
“I’ll try not to, but I’m working on this special marketing report that has to be finished by Monday morning. And it’s not like I can come in on Saturday to do it.”
“No, you definitely can’t do it then, because you’ll be with me until sundown.”
“You know I’m looking forward to it. But I’ll let you go, and you have a good time tonight.”
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too.”
Curtis stepped out of the car, strolled up to the front door, and knocked.
“Hey, Rev, glad you could make it,” Tyler said, opening the door of his four-bedroom condo. He was Curtis’s closest minister friend and confidant.
“Me, too, man,” Curtis said, hugging him.
Curtis shed his blazer, loosened his tie, and joined the three men at the glass table.
“You want anything to drink?” Tyler asked.
“Whatcha got?”
“Alize, Zinfandel, and I think there’s some sort of Merlot in the fridge, too.”
“Now, you Negroes know I don’t drink intoxicating beverages,” Curtis said.
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” Malcolm said, turning up a bottle of Miller Genuine Draft. “We forgot. You don’t drink, you just sleep with as many women as you can.”
They all roared with laughter.
“Well, I never said I was perfect, and y’all know from experience that some things are just too hard to give up,” Curtis told them.
“I know that’s right,” Cletus said. “Because if I didn’t have all those fine women at my church, I don’t know what I would do. And that’s the truth.”
“God is good,” Tyler added. “I mean, just look at this beautiful condo the church is paying for, and all I had to do was tell them I needed a retreat away from home. I told them that I needed somewhere I could go meditate, relax, and clear my head from time to time, and they totally went for it. They even agreed to purchase one this large because I told them we could also use it for out-of-town ministers and their families who were visiting our church. That way, they wouldn’t have to stay at some hotel.”
“Man, you got it made, because I would love to ask for something like this from Truth,” Curtis said, admiring his surroundings. “But since I’ve only been there nine months, I figure I’d better take it slow when it comes to asking for more perks.”
“You doin’ the right thing, because you don’t want them gettin’ antsy about anything,” Malcolm agreed. “If you ask for too much too fast, they’ll start gettin’ all suspicious on you.”
“I second that motion,” Cletus said. “Because the name of the game is trust. And once you have them trusting you one hundred percent, you can ask for practically anything you want. They’ll be loving you and eating out of the palm of your hand without you even asking them to.”
“And the women will do more than that,” Tyler said. “They’ll do any and everything you ask just because you’re the pastor.”
“I’ve got the four of mine so caught up that they all know about each other,” Cletus said. “They pretend like they don’t, but they all know exactly what’s going on. And now I’ve gotten them so under control they’re on a schedule.”
“Man, you are too crazy,” Malcolm said, cracking up.
“What kinda schedule?” Curtis asked, reaching inside a bowl of beer nuts.
“All four of them have a certain week of every month. I usually see them on Mondays, since that’s my day off, and they each know which Monday is theirs.”
“You have got to be kidding!” Tyler exclaimed, lifting a piece of pizza.
“I’m serious, man. Just like the mass choir sings on the first Sunday, the male chorus sings on the second, the young adults on the third, and the children on the fourth, I’ve got my women lined up the same way. If I didn’t, how would I keep all of ’em straight?”
“You’re a trip,” Tyler said. “And if I were you I’d watch out before I ended up gettin’ busted.”
“No, see the difference between the three of y’all and me is that I stick with the young, dumb, and naïve ones,” Cletus boasted. “That way, all you have to do is take ’em to a decent hotel and throw ’em a few dollars every now and then. After that, you have total control.”
“You know, man, you might have something there,” Curtis said. “Because now that I’m back with Adrienne—”
“What do you mean, now that you’re back with Adrienne?” Tyler interrupted. “Last we heard, you’d seen her at some church concert but weren’t planning to call her.”
“Yeah,” Malcolm teased. “You were going to be Mr. Nice and Faithful to your new wife, if I remember correctly.”
“That’s right,” Cletus joked. “You were going to walk the straight and narrow until death do you part.”
“Lord knows I tried, but it didn’t work,” Curtis admitted. “Anyway, we got together for dinner and then this past week I took her to a hotel a few times. But now she’s ridin’ me about divorcing Mariah.”
“Already?” Tyler asked.
“Well, I sort of told her that I would do it in six months.”
“You what?” Tyler exclaimed.
“Are you serious?” Cletus chimed in. “You really want to divorce that fine-ass Mariah?”
“No, I’m not divorcing anybody, but if I hadn’t promised Adrienne that I would, she never would have started seeing me again. So I did what I had to do, but now she’s issuing all these ultimatums.”
“Man, you couldn’t pay me to be in your shoes six months from now. That’s for doggoned sure,” Malcolm said.
“Me neither,” Cletus said. “And I’d like to know exactly what you plan on doing about it.”
“I don’t know, but I’ll think of something by then. Have to.”
“You’d better,” Tyler said. “Because somehow I don’t think a woman like Adrienne will accept rejection all over again. I mean, you just don’t keep playing with a woman who loves you the way Adrienne loved you before and obviously still loves you now.”
“If I were you, I’d watch my back,” Cletus said.
“Man, I don’t think it’s that serious,” Curtis said confidently, but deep down he knew he had to craft something suitable before October. For the life of him he didn’t know what excuse he could come up with, but he knew it had to be good. It had to be something that Adrienne would be pleased with.
“Alright, don’t say we didn’t try to warn you,” Cletus said. “And it’s because of mess like this that I don’t deal with real women. They require way too much work, and it’s so much easier when you stick with twenty-year-olds. As a matter of fact, once they turn twenty-five or so, I don’t have much use for ’em.”
“Well, as far as I’m concerned, I think you would all feel a whole lot safer if you stuck with one mistress,” Tyler said. “I might dabble every now and then, but for the most part I stick with my wife and my main girl.”
“I agree,” Malcolm said. “One good mistress is more than adequate when you have a wife at home. And the only time I tend to stray is when I just can’t help it. Because everyone here knows what it’s like when certain out-of-town churches come to visit or you visit some out-of-town church and there’s that certain woman who you just can’t take your eyes off of.”
“Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, because even though I’ve dealt with multiple women in the past, I’m going to try to stick with just one from now on,” Curtis said. “And I’ve definitely learned my lesson about dealing with women inside my own church. So that’s totally off-limits.”
“Well, I’m sticking with my four,” Cletus argued.
“We don’t doubt that,” Tyler teased. “But hey, on a different note, Curtis, man, did you talk to your officers about installing those ATM machines and offering direct deposit to your members?”
“Man, yeah. But they weren’t too receptive. And two of the older deacons practically lost it. They acted like I was planning to commit a felony or somethin’.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, because when I spoke with mine, they wanted to know more. They also didn’t see a problem with us hiring financial planners,” Tyler said.
“But, see, that’s the thing with your officers, they hired you to lead the church, and they’re allowing you to do it,” Curtis acknowledged. “And even though I have a lot of young officers and a few from the old church, they’re too afraid to stand up for what they believe in. Some of them are a little on the conservative side, too.”
“Then what you have to do is find some skeletons,” Cletus said.
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning you need to talk to some of those gossip columnists at your church. Every congregation has ’em, and I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to tell you what they know about your little deacon board. Because you can bet your last dollar that every one of ’em has something in his past or something he’s doing right now that would give you grounds to make him step down from the board. And push come to shove, I would hire a private investigator if I had to.”
“I really hadn’t considered anything like that, but you might have a point,” Curtis agreed, and wished he’d thought of that himself. If he could get rid of Deacon Thurgood and Deacon Winslow, he’d be halfway to the finish line.
“You’ve got to do what you have to do when you’re dealing with some of these fools. Otherwise you’ll be fighting a losing battle for all eternity,” Cletus said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, you do have to get rid of the ones who won’t go along with the program,” Malcolm said. “I did that five years ago, and I haven’t had any problems ever since.”
“It’s a shame, but they’re right, Curtis,” Tyler said. “You have to get a group of men who will let you do what you think is best when it comes to running your church. You need to make sure that at least ninety-five percent of your officers are pro-Curtis Black before you try to approach them with that ATM and direct deposit proposal again. But you do need to take care of it at some point, because if you can get the direct deposit thing going, Cletus and Malcolm can show you how to funnel some of it into your own account.”
“And in the future, you need to make sure that every deacon and trustee you appoint is a very able lieutenant. You have to make sure they have the balls to back you up in front of anybody,” Cletus said.
Curtis nodded. “I should have done that when I was at Faith, because if I had, I might still be pastor over there.”
“You probably would be,” Tyler said. “Because it sounds like your main rival was Deacon Jackson, and it’s not that hard to get rid of one man.”
Curtis was glad he had three true friends in his age range who were successful senior pastors. Each of them was the man he wanted to be when he grew up. They were the men he was on his way to being before he was kicked out of the pulpit. Curtis had always taken great pride in knowing that he was on top of things and that he had a good head on his shoulders, but Tyler, Malcolm, and Cletus were on a different level. They’d all been in their positions for eight or more years and each had his entire church under command. They also had a ton more members than Curtis. Tyler, Curtis’s knight in shining armor, had over ten thousand members. Malcolm had around eight, and Cletus had just over six. They were the true definition of success, and Curtis had learned a long time ago that if a person truly wanted to be successful they needed to network with those who were doing much better than them. They needed to watch and learn from people who were already what and where they aspired to be.
“So which flick are we going to indulge tonight?” Cletus asked, walking over to Tyler’s brand-spanking-new forty-twoinch plasma TV.
“Man, I hadn’t even noticed your new screen,” Curtis said, turning around. “How much did that set you back?”
“It set New Hope back about seven grand, and the thing is, I didn’t even ask for it,” Tyler said. “One of my trustees is manager at some electronics store, and he suggested to the entire board that it would be nice for me to have the latest technology. So after discussing it, they decided it would make the perfect birthday gift from the church.”
“That’s how it’s supposed to be,” Cletus said. “Every church should take care of its pastor before it does anything else.”
“I do have to admit, they are very generous to my family and me,” Tyler said. “Tina thinks the world of just about everyone at the church, and my two daughters feel the same way.”
“I can see why,” Curtis said. “My congregation feels the same way about Mariah and me, too, and it does give you a good feeling.”
“So which one will it be, boys?” Cletus reiterated, flipping through a stack of DVDs. “Or maybe we should order pay-perview through the satellite.”
“Man, you must be crazy,” Tyler said. “You know the title of the movie will show up on the bill and the bill goes straight to the church.”
“Oh, that’s right. My bad, brother.”
“Wouldn’t that be somethin’,” Malcolm said, laughing.
“So I think you’d better pick one of those in that stack,” Tyler said.
Cletus flipped through them again and said, “Beautiful Black Bunnies it is.”