Chapter 8
Caroline flapped Sarah’s rug again, even though she’d already loosened all the dust from it on the third or fourth shake. In the morning sunshine, the dust particles glinted in the air and floated lazily away. They all seemed to make their way down the gently sloping span of yard toward the rocky beach and draw her attention to Ryan, where he kneeled next to the water’s edge.
The sunlight kissed his bent head and turned his hair into a fetching shade of golden brown. And the bright reflection off the water showed a face, hands, and arms scrubbed clean of the dust and grime that had coated them previously.
Donned in his undershirt, he was bent over and scrubbing his shirt. Using only one hand and a bar of soap, his efforts were valiant but feeble. The longer she watched, the more she was tempted to go to him, grab the shirt, and clean it herself. But somehow she knew that such an offer would humiliate him. He probably hadn’t done much of anything since his injury, including taking care of himself. Maybe one of the first steps in his healing process was to begin taking an interest in his grooming and to do some of the difficult tasks for himself, to prove to himself he was still alive.
After all, he’d only lost a few fingers, not his life.
Nevertheless, she wanted to do something for him. At the very least she needed to thank him for saving Hugh’s life yesterday. But she hadn’t had the chance since he’d ridden off and hadn’t returned until much later. From his wobbly walk, she guessed he’d spent the remainder of daylight hours at the Roadside Inn. So when evening fell, she’d ascended the tower stairs by herself and taken care of the light alone just like she usually did.
She’d expected him to come barging through the hatch, disheveled and dazed at dawn like he had yesterday. But when the sun had risen and she’d extinguished the lantern, he still hadn’t staggered out of the boathouse. So she’d turned off the light and completed the morning chores in his stead.
For the hundredth time, she’d been furious at the unfairness of the situation. Inwardly she’d railed at Mr. Finick for replacing her simply because she was a woman and for giving her job to someone who didn’t care about the light as much as she did.
But she couldn’t muster any anger toward Ryan. Not after yesterday. Not after seeing the real him.
She let the rug droop against her calico skirt and stared at his bent back, at the strength that radiated from him even as he wrung at his shirt with just one hand.
There was a decent man buried somewhere beneath his layers of heartache, she was sure of it. The same way she’d noticed there was a handsome man beneath all the grime.
“You’ve sure been out here long enough,” Tessa said, stepping out the door behind her.
Caroline focused quickly on the rug and gave it another shake. Her cheeks tingled—but only from the chill of the morning air.
“I thought you were going to town.” Tessa joined her on the grass, her apron smudged and her hands dusted with flour. She carried a cup of coffee in one hand and a plate piled with egg and porridge leftovers from breakfast in the other.
“I am going to town,” Caroline said. “I wanted to make sure Sarah’s room was clean first.” Even though she tried to look at Tessa, she couldn’t help but glance back at Ryan.
Tessa gave an unladylike snort. “I think you just like being out here watching the show.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Tessa nodded toward the shoreline. “Mr. Chambers giving himself a bath.”
“He’s not bathing.”
“And how would you know that if you’re not watching him?”
Caroline’s cheeks tingled again. She forced herself to pivot so that she wasn’t facing Ryan.
Tessa’s lips crooked into one of her disarming grins. “You’re blushing.”
“No, I’m not.”
Tessa’s grin only inched higher, and she turned to stare boldly at Ryan. “I admit he’s a much nicer man than I thought he’d be. And he’s also better looking. Much better looking.”
“Tessa!” Caroline peeked over her shoulder to see if Ryan had heard her sister’s declaration.
He gave them a sideways glance but otherwise appeared preoccupied with his soggy shirt.
“Put it this way,” Tessa continued. “I won’t mind taking him his breakfast.” The young girl sashayed her hips and winked at Caroline before lifting the cup and plate.
Caroline swiped the plate from Tessa before she could take another step. “I’ll take it to him.”
“What if I want to take it?”
“Young, unmarried girls don’t take plates of food to strange men.”
The girl’s eyes narrowed, and her smile disappeared. “I’m eighteen now. I’m practically an adult.”
Caroline wanted to roll her eyes but resisted the urge. After just turning eighteen, Tessa acted as if she were twenty-six and thought she knew everything. Without Father’s admonition, she’d steadily become more resistant to Caroline’s leadership. In fact, Caroline found herself fighting with her sister over the littlest of things.
It was true that, for some time now, Tessa had been forced to bear a large load of responsibility, beginning when their father’s rheumatism had worsened and Caroline had taken over the light. The care of the twins and Sarah had fallen onto the girl’s shoulders and she’d handled it well. But just because she’d managed the load didn’t mean Caroline wanted her flouncing down the beach and making eyes at a man they’d only just met.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up your age,” Caroline said, reaching for the coffee mug. “Still, I’ll take him the food.”
Tessa’s pretty dark eyes flashed. “I’m old enough to have a beau if I want one.” She straightened and pushed back her shoulders, which only served to emphasize her womanly curves, much fuller and more rounded than Caroline’s.
Lately, Tessa had been a little too encouraging with the few men she met at church or in town. She’d smiled at them too brightly, too invitingly. And Caroline hadn’t liked the reaction of the men. They hadn’t been able to pick their chins up off the ground and stop their drooling. Tessa was still innocent and unaware of the effect she had upon men. But sooner or later, if Caroline didn’t protect her sister, she was bound to get into trouble.
“But you’ve only just turned eighteen.” Caroline kept her voice low and controlled. “You’re still very young.”
“I suppose you want me to end up an old maid like you.”
This time Caroline couldn’t keep from rolling her eyes. Tessa’s line of reasoning was irrational. At twenty, Caroline didn’t consider herself an old maid. And just because she wanted Tessa to be careful didn’t mean she wanted Tessa to wait forever. Yet Caroline knew from past experience that it was pointless to argue with Tessa when she was in one of her belligerent moods.
“I don’t want you to go down there and flirt with the new keeper, Tessa. He doesn’t need to be bothered by such silliness. And that’s all I’m going to say about it.”
“It’s not silliness to talk with a man,” Tessa shot back. “Most girls my age are getting themselves beaus now that the boys are coming home from the war.”
Caroline pinned her with a sharp look. “You don’t need a beau. Especially not now, not when our lives are in upheaval.”
“So I suppose it’s perfectly okay for a ‘young, unmarried girl’ like you to take breakfast to a stranger?”
“At least I don’t giggle and flutter my eyelashes at every man I meet.” With an admonishing last look, Caroline started toward Ryan. Tessa’s dark gaze bore into her back, until the slamming of the front door told her that Tessa had gone back inside.
Caroline’s footsteps squeaked in the dew on the grass, and as she neared Ryan, her insides creaked with strange jitters. She supposed all the talk of courtship and beaus had made her self-conscious now.
At the sight of her, Ryan stood and stuffed his injured hand into his pocket. In the bright morning sunshine, his eyes were clear, the haze that came from the medication gone. The brown in them was as warm and kind as it had been yesterday when he was talking with the twins after the incident at the well.
But this time he didn’t smile. He simply stood and watched her, the backdrop of the lake and the sunshine causing him to glow. There was a quality about him, a vulnerability that made her want to be sensitive and patient with him. He didn’t need her censure. He probably got much more than he needed from himself already. What he needed instead was someone to encourage him and believe in him.
Maybe she wouldn’t be with him for more than a few days, but while they were together, she could show him a little more kindness, couldn’t she?
She held the plate out to him. “Tessa saved you a little breakfast. And some coffee.”
His eyes lit with hunger at the sight of the food. “Please tell her I appreciate it.”
While he ate ravenously, she picked up his discarded shirt. “This would come cleaner on the washboard with a bar of lye.”
“Probably,” he said between mouthfuls.
“Tomorrow’s washing day. If you bring your clothes over to the house, I’ll scrub them with the others.”
He swallowed a big bite and then stopped eating. He looked at her with a seriousness that made her pause. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Leaving? What do you mean?” But even as her question tumbled out, the resignation in his face gave her the answer. He was quitting his job as keeper.
“After your brothers are home from school, I’ll take them over to the well and we’ll fill it together. But then first thing tomorrow, I’m riding out.”
Her heart gave an uncertain thump. Wasn’t this what she’d wanted? For him to leave so that she could have her job back?
Ryan studied the tower rising into the blue sky behind her. “I’m not fit to take care of the light.”
She agreed with him, but he didn’t need her rubbing the fact in his face.
“Besides,” he added, “you need the job. And I can’t take it away from you.”
“You didn’t take it away,” she said. “Mr. Finick did.” If Ryan left, Mr. Finick would only send another man to replace him. And she doubted another man would be as kind and understanding as Ryan had been.
“Maybe if I talk to him, he’ll let you stay,” Ryan suggested, setting aside his plate and retrieving his coffee mug from the rock where he’d placed it.
“Mr. Finick wants me out of here. He’s wanted me out ever since my father died, maybe even before that. He won’t be happy until he has a man back in the keeper position.”
Ryan took a long sip of the coffee, staring at the calm lake and the water lapping in a gentle, soothing rhythm against the shore. “So my leaving won’t do you any good?”
“Not in the least. One way or another, I’m done here.” It was the truth, and the sooner she accepted it, the sooner she’d be able to make plans for her family. “I’m heading into town this morning to try to find a place for us to stay.”
If she couldn’t figure out something, she’d have to accept Arnie Simmons’s proposal. And that wouldn’t be the worst that could befall her. At least Arnie was a sweet, kind man.
Ryan stared into the distance. The muscles in his jaw rippled, and his eyes narrowed. “What if you didn’t have to be done?”
“I’ve already tried to convince Mr. Finick, but I don’t have any say in the matter.”
“Maybe I do, though.” His expression was hard. “Since I’m the keeper now, I’ll tell Mr. Finick that I’m letting you stay on . . . as my assistant.”
She shook her head at the impossibility of such a suggestion. “Mr. Finick would never allow it.”
“I’ll tell him I need your training and help.” He cocked his head toward his injured arm. “Which is the truth.”
A tiny ray of hope speared through the confusion and disappointment that had fallen since the inspector’s visit. Ryan did need help.
“You can continue to live in the house with your family, and I’ll stay in the boathouse.” A glow began to light his face and smooth away the hard lines.
“With the colder nights coming on, you won’t make it in the boathouse much longer.”
He shrugged. “We’ll figure something out.”
Everything within Caroline urged her to agree to his solution. It would solve her problem of where to go, at least for the short term. But she couldn’t imagine Mr. Finick would ever agree to such a plan permanently. He seemed determined to drive her away one way or another.
“We’ll split the wages,” Ryan offered.
Mr. Finick wouldn’t agree to that arrangement either. But she peered out over the water, the glassiness momentarily blinding her. Maybe Ryan’s offer would only put off the inevitable, but it could buy her the needed time to find work as well as a suitable place for Sarah.
“I’ve already hurt enough people in my life,” he said softly. “I don’t want to add you and your family to the list.”
She met his eyes, an expression of pure sincerity. “I guess we can give your idea a try then.”
He stuffed his other hand into his pocket and rocked on his heels, the tension rolling away and a smile tugging at his lips. “Good.”
“Thank you.” In spite of the temporariness of the plan, she was still grateful to him for his sensitivity and kindness.
He nodded and said, “Your beau will be disappointed.”
“I don’t have a beau.”
“Could have fooled me.” His tone was teasing. “Arnie Simmons sure has it bad for you.”
“Arnie’s just a friend.”
“It’s obvious he doesn’t think of himself as just a friend.”
“I’ve never encouraged him in anything beyond friendship. I’ve only shown him the courtesy and kindness that others neglect to give him.”
“But he’s still a man.” Ryan grinned. “And a man would have to be blind not to notice how pretty and sweet you are.”
Ryan thought she was pretty. Even though his words were spoken lightly, they made something warm flutter to life in the pit of her stomach, something she’d never felt before but that she liked.
“I guess you’re just going to break his heart,” Ryan teased.
She wished she knew how to banter with a man. But the fact was, even if there had been suitors available, she wasn’t sure she could have flirted. She wasn’t like Tessa. Making eyes and joking didn’t come naturally to her.
Even so, Caroline couldn’t resist returning Ryan’s smile. “Arnie was only trying to help me. I don’t think he really wants to marry me.”
“Oh, he wants to marry you,” Ryan insisted, his eyes dancing with a light that sent another flutter through her middle, this one warmer than the last.
She wasn’t sure how to respond. There was something honest and clear in his eyes, something that beckoned her to banter with him. And there was also a frank appreciation of her as a woman—something she hadn’t experienced before either.
His gaze held hers, bold and unswerving, until she squirmed and looked away toward the rocky beach. The warmth inside spread in a pleasurable trail to her limbs.
She needed to go. Needed to keep her dignity. Before she made a fool of herself and ended up acting silly like Tessa. She spun to leave, but then stopped. “You’ll join us for meals in the house, won’t you, Mr. Chambers?”
“Nay. I can’t.”
Her lips stalled around her sentence.
Seeing her surprise, he fought back a smile. “I won’t join you unless you promise to call me Ryan instead of Mr. Chambers.”
“I can’t.” It was her turn to try to hold back her smile. “I’ll only use your given name if you bring your dirty laundry up to the house tomorrow and allow me to wash it. Ryan.”
He laughed, giving her a smile wide enough to reveal the full power of his attractiveness. The humor and laughter in his eyes transformed his face into one of the handsomest she’d ever seen, and her breath caught in her throat.
“Do I stink that bad?” he asked too innocently.
She flipped her hair over her shoulders and started back to the house. “Perhaps on the morrow I’ll draw water so that you can take a bath. I’m not sure which needs the scrubbing more, you or your clothes.”
And it wasn’t until she was inside the house, her back pressed against the closed door, and her knees trembling, that she realized she’d done it. She’d flirted.
For the first time in her life, she’d flirted. And she couldn’t deny that she’d rather liked doing it.
“You will absolutely not lose your keeper job simply because you wear skirts and have the ability to bear children.” Esther Deluth’s voice boomed over the town square, making Caroline want to jump into one of the large barrel flowerpots that dotted the corners and burrow under the dirt.
Esther stood at the base of a ladder, staring up at a banner that read, Help build the library. Help build a better tomorrow. One of the assistants from her husband’s office wobbled at the top of the ladder.
Esther had one hand on her plump abdomen and the other shielding her eyes. “It’s hanging down on the left,” Esther called to the man, who was sweating profusely under the Indian summer sunshine of midday.
The man moved the sign higher.
“I won’t stand for this.” Esther turned to face Caroline. “This is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Deluth,” the assistant replied, raising the banner again, apparently not realizing that Esther wasn’t speaking to him but had shifted her attention to other issues.
Without another glance at the man on the ladder, Esther bustled forward, taking hold of Caroline’s arm and steering her toward a basket filled with pamphlets and signs. “This is 1865, not the Dark Ages. Men like Mr. Finick need to realize that women are quite capable of doing more than acting as bed partners to their husbands.”
Caroline stumbled at the bluntness of Esther’s statement and chanced a look around to make sure no one else had heard her friend. There were several other women standing nearby and chatting, their young children playing together on the grass of the square. They weren’t paying any attention to Esther. Neither was the group of men seated in front of the general store, many of their wagons parked in front, empty but for a scattering of grains that hadn’t made it to the mill.
At midday Grosse Pointe wasn’t anything like the busy metropolis of Detroit, which lay six miles to the south. But for a small town it had more than its share of activity, especially with Esther Deluth living here. Her father had recently been elected to the Michigan State Senate, and her husband was the town mayor. And Esther was never without one political cause or another, particularly women’s suffrage.
Caroline increased her stride to keep up with her friend. “So what do you think I should do?” she asked, knowing Esther would have advice for her. She always had, ever since they’d first met after Caroline had moved to Windmill Point as a young girl of twelve.
Though Esther had gotten married last year and was now expecting her first baby, Caroline still counted Esther as her closest friend.
“What should you do?” Esther’s voice rose with incredulousness. “What should you do? I can’t believe you’re even asking me that.” She stopped in front of the basket of flyers, picked it up, and looped it under one arm.
Next to her, Esther stood a head shorter and was stocky. Caroline wouldn’t have known Esther was six months pregnant from looking at her abdomen. The baby blended in well with Esther’s well-endowed form.
After all of Esther’s declarations when they’d been growing up about how she didn’t want to get married and have babies, that she wanted to have a career instead, Caroline thought it was rather ironic her friend was married and expecting before Caroline had even given marriage a second thought.
She hadn’t been opposed to it the same way Esther had. In fact, she’d always dreamed of finding a godly man like her father and working alongside him. She wanted someone she could love and take care of, someone who would feel the same way about her. And of course she wanted babies too.
But during the past several years, she’d had little time to think about marriage. Since her father’s death, she’d decided she couldn’t leave her siblings. She’d never abandon them for a man. And she couldn’t ever ask a man to shoulder the responsibility of caring for her family.
She hadn’t expected that any man would ever want to take on such a heavy load, which was one of the reasons she knew she had to seriously consider Arnie Simmons’s offer of marriage. Even if he acted somewhat like a child, he was nearing thirty, had a steady job, and could provide her a home. What more did she need at this point?
“Esther, please.” Caroline latched on to her friend’s arm to keep her from charging to wherever she was going next with her basket of flyers. “Please tell me what you think I should do.”
Esther finally came to an abrupt halt and turned her flashing eyes upon Caroline. “Okay. I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to stay out at the light. That’s what.”
“But Mr. Finick won’t let me—”
“He’s discriminating against you based upon your gender, and we won’t stand for it. We just fought a war to end slavery against our black brothers and sisters. Now it’s time to fight the war to end oppression against women.”
Caroline gave an exasperated sigh. She was used to Esther’s political tirades, but that wasn’t what she needed now. “How can we stop him, though? The Lighthouse Board has given him the power to hire and fire.”
“We’ll find a way.” Esther patted her arm firmly. “I’ll talk with my husband, and we’ll think of something.”
“But I need to have a backup plan,” Caroline insisted. “I can’t afford to be homeless and without a job, not with Sarah’s condition.”
“You said yourself that the new keeper is willing to let you stay on. And if that doesn’t work, you know you can always stay with Paul and me.”
Caroline glanced at Esther’s bungalow across from the courthouse. With a fresh coat of white paint, it was pretty from the outside, but Caroline had been inside often enough to know it was tiny, having only two bedrooms. With the baby on the way, Caroline knew she couldn’t impose on her friend, at least for very long.
“I need to find another job, Esther.”
Esther pursed her lips and glanced around Main Street to the smattering of little shops and businesses—the smithy, the tailor, the butcher, and others. They were all largely family-owned and operated. They wouldn’t need help from a young woman like Caroline. And even if they did, she doubted they’d be able to pay her what she’d need to support her siblings.
As if drawing the same conclusion, Esther patted her arm again. “We’ll think of something. But in the meantime, you dig in your feet and stay at the light. It’s your home and your job. And no one has any right to take it away from you because you’re a woman.”
Caroline nodded and pushed down the growing frustration. She’d come to town hoping Esther would offer her a viable solution. But Esther was apparently just as helpless as she was.
Was her only solution to travel down to Detroit and hope she could find a job in one of the factories there?
She loathed the idea of having to move her family into the squalor of the rentals. It certainly wouldn’t be a healthy environment for Sarah or a proper place to raise the twins. She could only imagine the trouble they’d get themselves into running loose in the slums reserved for factory workers.
Esther handed Caroline a stack of flyers from the basket. “Now, you can help me distribute these flyers to raise support for a new library.”
Caroline sighed and took the papers.
“Don’t worry, Caroline,” Esther said over her shoulder as she started toward the men gathered in front of the general store.
Telling her not to worry was like telling a rain cloud not to release any rain.
“And remember to come back to town on Saturday for my protest rally against cockfighting,” Esther called. “If four other states can outlaw such barbarism, then we can outlaw it here in Michigan.”
Caroline only nodded. She hadn’t told Esther about Arnie’s proposal. She knew Esther would scold her for considering it. Esther detested Mr. Simmons and made no secret over how much she opposed not only the cockfighting but also the sale of liquor at his establishment.
Though Caroline didn’t approve of Mr. Simmons’s activities either, she’d been trying to convince herself that Arnie was different. He wouldn’t hurt a soul. He was one of the kindest men she knew. In light of her current situation, he was still her best option.
Even so, she couldn’t make herself ride out to the inn and accept his proposal . . . not quite yet.