Nine felt a rising sense of panic in her chest. She grabbed a quick, shallow breath. As strange – as terrible – as this all was, she had to stay calm.

“Fine. The bad news?” she said. “Apart from the fact there’s a wooden spoon about to kill me.”

“Oh, that’s not news. That’s entirely to be expected, Madam,” said the wizard, as Nine raised an eyebrow. “No, the bad news is that this house is under a curse. We cannot even step outside.”

Nine gave a puzzled frown, but only for a moment. After all, considering everything that had happened in the last ten minutes, was a cursed house so unbelievable? “And the good news?”

Flabberghast clapped his hands together childishly. “You are the one to break it. Oh, we have been waiting for you for a very long time. The one who knocks on the door!”

The wizard and the troll grinned at her. Big, wide, fixed grins…

Nine thought quickly. They needed her. So … surely, they wouldn’t hurt her. She only hoped they’d remembered to tell the spoon that bit of information. Remembered to tell the spoon? Why was she even thinking this? No. This was ridiculous. She threw her hands up in the air.

“Everything about this is madness! Everything about you is madness!” She waved her hand at the spoon. “And is this really how you treat your guests?”

Flabberghast gave a little, nervous laugh then glared at the spoon and gestured at him to lower his sword. The spoon huffed loudly, muttered something about incompetent wizards and jumped down from Nine’s shoulder.

“That’s better,” Nine said, hoping she sounded calm and in control, because she really wasn’t – not any more. “Yes, I can fix your curse. Watch this.”

She walked towards the wizard and troll, who exchanged nervous glances before stepping aside. Heart thumping, Nine grabbed the door handle, yanked open the door and stepped outside onto the uneven cobbles.

“Outside. See? Not difficult. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be off.” She took a step away from the house—

“NO!” The utter desperation in their voices stopped Nine in her tracks. She turned around slowly to look at them. The troll was wringing his tufty-ended tail, the wizard was wringing his hands, and the spoon looked like he wanted to wring her neck.

The wizard held up his hands in surrender. “Just … step back inside, Madam,” he said carefully. “You can leave the door open and I will demonstrate exactly what the matter is.”

Slowly, Nine stepped back inside the house, eyeing the wizard warily as she did so. She could always run for it if she needed to.

The spoon hastily hopped halfway up the staircase before turning around to watch. He clung to his kilt and looked nervous. Nine moved next to Eric, who shook his head sadly and slowly. He leaned forwards and stretched out his arms.

“Wh-what are you doing?” hissed Nine.

“Eric catch,” said Eric.

“Catch?” said Nine. “Catch what?”

“Madam,” said the boy sharply, “observe.” He rolled up his indigo sleeves, took a deep breath and went to take a step outside.

There was a BOOM – a soundless BOOM. More a feeling of having been BOOMed. A ripple of energy washed over Nine and her satchel flapped up and hit her on the nose. The candelabra flickered and went out, and the wizard was thrown backwards, landing in the arms of the troll. He scrambled back down to the floor and smoothed his pyjamas indignantly. The candelabra relit itself with a gentle whoosh.

Nine opened her mouth to speak but had no words.

“You see, Madam,” Flabberghast snapped. “The indignity of it! The sheer spite! I thoroughly dislike flying in all its forms.”

“Lady help?” said Eric, with a pleading look in his eyes.

“Aye,” said the spoon, looking Nine up and down. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Nine shuffled uncomfortably. “Help? Well … don’t you have a back door?”

“Oh, if only we’d thought of that!” hissed the wizard through clenched teeth. “Of course we have a back door. The problem is the cursemaker thought of that, too…”

Flabberghast shepherded Nine down the hallway and the spoon jumped from the bannister onto Eric’s shoulder as the troll followed. As Nine passed the staircase on the left, she noticed the cupboard under the stairs had a sign pinned on it: NEVER OPEN THIS DOOR. There were several rooms on the right-hand side, which was odd. Nine was sure the layout of the house on the inside didn’t match the squashed-up, eleven-storeyed house on the outside.

Nine tried to peer inside the dark rooms as she passed – she could have sworn one of them was whispering and had purple sparks flying around inside – but Flabberghast quickly moved her along and into the kitchen at the hallway’s end.

Nine glanced around, keen to be aware of her surroundings in case things turned bad, which she assumed was quite possible in the company of a long-tusked troll and a clearly agitated – if not entirely unbalanced – wizard.

The kitchen was filled with random cupboards of all sizes, with a back door on the far wall. A tall hat stand was next to an arched, wooden door on the right-hand wall. On the left was a crockery-filled dresser and a large bricked fireplace with a black cauldron suspended above it. In the middle sat a wooden table and three elaborately carved wooden chairs, with which Nine could probably do a fair amount of damage, if she needed to. She should surely, at least, be a match for a wooden spoon.

Near the arched door, a slimy orange drip plopped noisily into a bucket. Nine looked up to see a damp patch on the ceiling. She opened her mouth, then decided that some questions were best left unasked.

Apart from that the kitchen looked normal enough. But then, the umbrella stand at the front door had looked normal enough before a blue arm had zoomed out of it…

“Eric,” The wizard stood by the table. “If you would be so kind.”

The troll’s long toenails scratched along the brick-paved floor as he lolloped towards the back door. He turned and beckoned her. Slowly, Nine followed him.

“Lady open,” Eric said as the spoon pointed his sword at her, then at the door.

Nine put her hand on the handle, wondering when the chair-bashing should begin. But Nine had never been able to help her curiosity, which was why she found herself pulling the handle down and quickly opening the door…