Chapter 13
Mimi
Five Hours Later
We made it to Louisiana in no time. I didn’t sleep the entire trip. My whole ride was spent worrying about my kids, wondering where they were and if they were okay. I tried to think happy thoughts, but I couldn’t. My mind was getting the best of me. We drove through the Ninth Ward, and I swear it felt like we never left. I could honestly say that nothing about this place had changed. There were still crackheads and drug dealers on the corners, kids playing in the streets, and many buildings still abandoned and run-down. Typical New Orleans, I thought, sadly shaking my head.
I realized we were on the same street as my old building, and I told everyone we were going to make a detour. There were old questions I needed answers to, and the only person I knew who could give me those answers was the bitch who gave birth to me twenty-seven years ago. Quickly, I mentally prepared myself for the visit. I hadn’t seen this woman in years, and if it weren’t for the fact that I had to come down here, then it would’ve stayed that way. I really didn’t have much to say to her, because she was never the mother I needed. She was more like my master than my mother. I remembered there were days and nights I used to go without eating. There were times she would wake me up out of my sleep on school nights just to clean up after her. I reflected on the many hurtful names that she called me because she couldn’t have the one person that she wanted the most: my father.
I never really understood her. I mean, how could you let a man bring you down like that? She never gave a fuck about me. She only had me because she thought that it would keep him, but I guess she was surprised when it actually pushed him away instead. That was the reason why she treated me poorly. She was the main reason why I’d always felt low. It was because of her that I was never too sure about myself, until I met Kaylin. Now that he’d done this to me, I didn’t know what to think about myself anymore. I was starting to believe that I was a black widow or something, like it was meant for me to be alone.
Pulling up to the building, I just sat there and looked. The building itself looked like it was going to fall down any minute now. I didn’t know how anyone could live there. I was nowhere near prissy, because I knew where I came from, but I knew that I wouldn’t have continued to live there with the building in that condition.
Grabbing the jacket that was sitting on the back seat, I put it in and threw the hood over my head. I wasn’t ready for everyone to know that I was still alive just yet. I knew that if people saw me, then it would get to Kaylin and Stacy, and I didn’t want them to leave with my kids. I wanted them to be surprised when they saw me. I wanted to see the panic and shock on their faces as they saw the fury on mine.
“Do you want me to come inside with you?” Troy asked.
I swallowed hard, trying to remove the lump in my throat. I managed to croak out, “Yes.”
We got out of the car and made our way into the building. It was too early outside for these crackheads to be out here looking for crack. I spotted the dude Lucky and quickly picked up the pace, because if he saw me, then Kaylin would know for sure.
I was walking so fast that poor Troy had to run to keep up with me. Like all ghetto hallways, the one in this building smelled just like strong piss. I had to cover my nose to keep from gagging. Walking up the stairs, I notice a big-ass rat sitting in a corner. All I could do was shake my head because the City of New Orleans was wrong as hell for this shit. They’d rather spend money on stupid shit than fix up the projects around this city.
With each step, I came closer to the apartment my mother stayed in. My heart began to beat faster and faster. Hell, I hadn’t seen this woman in years. This would be one hell of a reunion, considering we never really liked each other. When I got to the door, I paused.
“It’s okay. Take your time,” Troy whispered behind me. I nodded my head as I took a minute to calm my nerves down. When I was ready, I softly knocked on the door.
“If you keep knocking like that, we’ll be out here all day,” Troy said. She was right. I knocked like a punk. Stepping aside, I let her knock. She began beating on the door so loud, I stepped farther to the side because I didn’t want the occupant to fire a shot through the door.
“Bitch, chill out. You knockin’ like you the police,” I said, grabbing her hand.
“Hell, it was better than that punk-ass knock you did,” she said, rolling her eyes. I was about to answer her when I heard a voice coming from the other side of the door.
“Who the hell is it? Shit, knockin’ on the damn door hard like that and shit,” a female voice yelled, but I couldn’t tell whose voice it belonged to.
“It’s Troy. Is Marie there?” Troy yelled back.
“Yeah,” the person responded, opening the door. My mouth instantly flew open at the person before me. She was so small, like she was suffering from malnutrition or something. Her hair was broken off, and her clothes were just hanging off her. I kind of felt sorry for her.
“Um, is Marie here?” Troy asked again.
“Yeah, it’s me, Troy. What do you want?” she replied, catching an attitude.
Troy didn’t answer her. She just stood there staring with her mouth wide open. I stood off to the side where Marie couldn’t see me, but I could catch glimpses of her.
“Um, you just gonna stand there, or you gonna tell me what you came here for?” Marie asked with her hands on her frail hips.
“Um, I came to talk to you. Can we come in?” Troy said, finally snapping out of her state of shock.
“Sure.” She shrugged, walking away from the door.
Troy and I exchanged a quick glance. “Come on,” she mouthed while motioning with her hand.
“Go ahead, I’m comin’ right behind you,” I said to her.
She walked inside, and I followed right behind her, making sure to close the door behind me. When I walked inside the apartment, I gasped. There was not one piece of furniture in there. The place had beer cans and bottles all over the place. I wanted to ask her how she could live like this, but it wasn’t my business.
“What do you want? I already know about Amina’s funeral, so if you’ve come all this way to tell me that, you wasted your time,” she said, not turning around. I wanted to say I was hurt, but I wasn’t, because I already knew how this woman was.
“Um, you don’t have to worry about that, because there won’t be a funeral,” Troy said to her.
“How come?”
“Because I’m not dead. I’m alive,” I said. I watched as her back stiffened. I could tell that she wasn’t expecting me to be here.
“What are you doing here?’ she asked with her back still turned.
“I came here for answers.”
“Answers? Answers to what?”
“Answers to things I should’ve asked you,” I said, stepping from behind Troy.
“I don’t have anything to say to you, so you’ve wasted your time coming here.”
“Why do you hate me? What could I possibly have done to you that made you so evil toward me? As I can recall, I don’t remember doin’ anything to you.”
“Amina, please leave.”
“No, turn around and face me. I need to know why you treated me bad for so long,” I said to her. I wasn’t about to go anywhere.
“Get your ass out of here.” She didn’t even bother to turn around.
I got fed up, walked over to her, and spun her around myself. “Look me in my eyes and tell me why you’ve mistreated me for so long. I need to know because from what I recall, you treated me like shit. Was it because that nigga didn’t love you or was it because you couldn’t love yourself? Were you mad because I was prettier than you? No, it must be because I had a head full of hair. Which one was it?” I asked, with tears pouring out of my eyes. I wanted to know, and she needed to give me an explanation, because I sure as hell wasn’t leaving without it.
“Come on, tell me!” I screamed. “After all these years, now you wanna be quiet? You’ve always said what was on your mind. Why won’t you say the shit now?”
She just stood there, still as a statue, looking at me. In all my years of living with her, I never knew her to be this quiet.
“You know what? Don’t even worry about it. I already know the answer,” I said to her. “Just so you know, all the things you said and did to me ain’t did shit but make me a better woman and mother than you could ever be. Every day I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to forgive you, and you know what? He has, and I’m actually glad that I have. Otherwise, I would’ve been a bitter bitch just like you. Come on, Troy, let’s get out of here!”
I stepped back from her and took her in from head to toe. I was about to say something else, but I changed my mind. She wasn’t even worth it. She was always going to be the same bitter bitch she’d been since I was a teenager. I shook my head at her and turned to leave. I was almost out the door when she decided to speak.
“You want to know why I hate you, Amina?” she asked, making me stop in my tracks. “Is that what it is? You want me to tell you why I hate you?”
“Yeah, that’s what I want to know,” I said, turning around. I walked back over to her and stood in front of her. “Tell me why you hate me.”
“Hate you. You think I hate you? What I felt toward you wasn’t hate. I never did hate you. I think the proper word would be envied. I’ve always envied you. In fact, I’ve envied you since the day you was born,” she said, looking at me. “From the minute I brought you into this world, you was a happy baby. No matter what went down, you always had a smile on your face. I always found myself wondering how you could be so happy when you was brought into a world like this. We were poor, your father wasn’t here, and yet you was still happy. You didn’t have enough food to eat or clothes on your back, but you was still happy. While I was falling into a deep depression over a man I knew would never be mine, you was here being happy. No matter what happened in your life, whether it was good or bad, you never let anything get to you. You had a ‘fuck what people think’ attitude that I wished I had. You had a shitload of courage and confidence, but I had nothing. That’s why I treated you the way I did. It wasn’t because I hated you. It was because you was the woman I wished I could’ve been,” she cried as I watched the tears fall from her face.
“Happy? You thought I was happy? My whole life, you treated me like I was shit. I was never happy. In fact, I was far from it. I just knew how to actually hide my feelings, unlike you.” I didn’t know how she could figure I was happy, because I wasn’t. I never was happy when I was with her. She made sure of it.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve lived my life for years regretting what I’ve put you through. If I could turn back the hands of time, I promise I would’ve done things differently. Can you please forgive me?” She reached for me, but I took a step back.
“I’ve already forgiven you, Marie. I don’t hate you anymore. I’ve given all of that to God already. I only came here because I had no choice. I needed to know.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Uh-huh,” I said. I’d heard what I needed to hear. Now it was time for me to find my kids and bring them back home with me.
“Amina, wait, there’s something else you need to know.”
I turned around and found her walking up to me. She stopped right in front of me and just stared, making me feel uncomfortable. “Well?” I was starting to feel uneasy.
“For all these years I’ve struggled with this, but I think it’s time you know what was going on around you.” She was beginning to scare me. “The reason Kaylin and Tyreek went to jail when they were young was because I reported them. I saw when they killed Joe and removed his body. I was drunk, but the next morning I remembered everything. At first I thought that I was trippin’, but when I couldn’t find Joe for a couple of days, I reported it to the police.”
I didn’t say anything. I just turned around and reached for the doorknob.
“And the reason Stacy hates you so much is because she wants to be you. In fact, she’s related to you.”
When she said that, I removed my hand from the knob. “Related to me how?” I asked, not turning around. Suddenly, it became quiet as I waited for her to tell me what was going on.
“She . . . she’s your sister. You both have the same father.”
Thinking that I heard her wrong, I turned around. “Say what?”
“You heard me right, Amina. The reason Stacy hates you so much is because she’s your sister. I didn’t know it at the time, and by the time I found out, she had done slept with Kaylin. When I went to go and ask Julius about it, his wife happened to be there. She heard everything and threw him out.”
I looked at Troy who had an “oh, shit” look on her face. I bet she was thinking the same thing I was thinking: that backstabbing bitch. I quickly turned around, opened the door, and ran out of there.
“Mimi!” I could hear Troy screaming behind me, but I didn’t stop. I kept running until I made it all the way to the car. When I got there, I threw up the little food I had on my stomach. I puked for all of five minutes, until nothing came out.
“Are you okay?” Troy asked. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, indicating that I didn’t. I needed time to process this shit. I couldn’t believe that the bitch who was my former friend was actually my sister. Now I knew why that ho was always hating. She really wanted to be me.
* * *
It turned out the warning I’d gotten was right. Troy got a call from Weedy, and he said that something had happened. He didn’t see it himself what happened, but he knew there were gunshots at the house my babies were staying at, and one of them could be hurt. I sat in the back seat of the car feeling hopeless. I honestly didn’t know why God picked me to go through all of this mess, but I was really hoping that He’d end it all soon. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I needed to think about something, anything, positive that could stop me from going crazy, because all of these negative thoughts were eating me up. It seemed to be taking forever and a day for us to get to where my babies were. I wanted to scream so badly, but I didn’t. Even though my nerves were on edge, I had to remember that Jayden wasn’t from around here and he didn’t know anything about New Orleans. It would take him longer than it would take Troy or me to get there. If it weren’t for the GPS system, I was more than sure that he’d be lost.
I silently sat there and prayed. I prayed as I had never prayed before, asking God to please be with and protect my kids, because I didn’t know what I’d do if I were to lose them. I’d probably be lost. I did know one thing: if anything did happen to any one of them, I’d be painting the whole city of New Orleans red, and that wasn’t a threat. It was a promise.
“Are you okay?” Troy asked, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
“To be honest, I don’t know what I’m feeling right now,” I said pulling my hand away from her. I really didn’t know how I was feeling. I was just in a zone, numb. On one hand, I wanted to find my kids, rescue them, and move out of state, where no one knew who we were. On the other hand, I wanted to fuck everything up. It was like a push-and-pull battle going on inside of me, and I didn’t know what to do.
“We’re almost there,” Troy said interrupting my thoughts. My heart pumped an extra few beats, as I realized that I was finally about to be reunited with my children.
“What are you going to do?” she asked a few minutes later. “You do know that there will be a lot of people out there when we get there. If you get out of the car, you risk the chance of someone seeing you, and that will probably get back to Kaylin.”
Damn, I never really thought about that. To be truthful, I had completely forgotten about that fact that I was supposed to be dead. The only thing on my mind right now was my children and getting them back.
“I’m not worrying about all that shit. The only thing I’m concerned with is the safety of my children.” I side-eyed her.
“I don’t think that will be a good idea, sis,” she replied, shaking her head.
“Well, what am I supposed to do? You expect me to just sit here while my kids are hurt?” I asked. I could already feel my eyes getting misty. I couldn’t believe she wanted me to sit there while my kids could possibly be in there hurt.
“We don’t know how bad it is. When we get there, just let me see what’s going on first and, if it’s bad, you can show your face.”
“Okay, but if it’s that serious, I don’t care who’s out there. I’m showing my face,” I said, serious as a heart attack.
“Well, let’s hope and pray for a better outcome. Right now it can only get better, because we’re most definitely living through the worst. But if it’s not as serious as we think, I’ll just handle it while you sit back in the car.”
“Okay, cool,” I said just as the car came to a stop. She looked at me, and then out the window, and then she looked back at me.
“No matter what happens, know that I’ll always have your back, regardless. I’ll be on your side and in your corner until the death of me,” she said, pulling me into a tight hug.
“Thank you,” I said, hugging her back.
“Sit tight. I’ll be right back,” she said and got out of the car, with Jayden and Mark following right behind her.
It was hard for me to see out of the window, but I could see a little bit. There were cops everywhere. I watched as Troy walked over to Weedy and gave him a hug. They said a few things to each other, and then she backed up. She then proceeded to introduce him to both Jayden and Mark. I notice the look that Weedy had given to Mark, and I made a mental note to ask her about them.
Once everyone was acquainted, they all walked over to the cops who were standing around a tan-colored van. Troy said a few things to the cops, and then a young black guy pulled her to the side. They spoke a few words to each other, and he pointed to a few areas that were blocked off with yellow crime scene tape. They talked a bit more as he began to write on his notepad. When they were done, he handed her a business card, shook her hand, and walked off.
Throughout all of this, I didn’t see an ambulance anywhere, but I did see a coroner’s van parked by a curb. Seeing that made my heart fall straight to my ass. I just knew that there was one of my kids in there. I wanted to get out and check for myself, but as I realized that one of my kids could possibly be in that van dead, I stayed put. I didn’t want to see it. I needed to be sure, and if it was one of them, I needed some time to get it together. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and was about to dial Troy’s number when I noticed her pointing to the car that I was currently sitting in. Again I feared the worst, so I hung my head down and did the only thing that I could do right now.
“Lord, please. I know I haven’t been all that good during these past twenty-seven years, but I’m asking that you please spare my kids and don’t let them pay for whatever it is that you think I did wrong. Please let me pay my own consequences,” I said. That was the only thing that I could do to help my kids. I felt so helpless. I felt that if I didn’t get a grip on this situation soon, my world would continue to come crashing down. Soon I wouldn’t be able to do anything at all to help them.
I was deep in my thoughts when someone started knocking on the window. At first, I didn’t hear them because the knocks were super soft, so they knocked a little louder. Turning to see who it was, my eyes got buck as shit. Wendell, or Weedy as we called him, stood there looking as good as the last time I’d seen him. I realized how Troy once fell in love with him in the first place. He was sporting a fresh fade as if he just stepped out of the barbershop today, with a Rick Ross goatee, a light brown complexion, the prettiest set of green eyes that I’d seen on a man, and a banging body. I knew why all those bitches threw themselves at him. I couldn’t lie. Dude was fine as fuck, but he was a dog and he knew it, which was why Troy left his ass in the first place.
I swung the door open, motioning with my hand for him to get in. I waited until he was seated all the way in the car before I spoke to him. “Hello, Weedy,” I said to him.
He just sat there staring at me with his mouth open. He was yet another person who couldn’t believe that I was actually alive and not dead.
“Boy, close your mouth before something flies in it.”
“I’m just . . . What’s up, ma?” he asked, stumbling all over his words. He reached over and gave me a hug. “I can’t believe that you’re alive, Mimi.”
“Well, believe it, because this is me. Here in the flesh,” I replied, quickly hugging him and sitting back in my seat.
“I see that, ma, I see that,” he said, shaking his head.
I sat there and waited a few moments for him to collect his thoughts. I knew his mind was all over the place. After waiting, I got straight to the point. “So what’s up? What happened? What did Kaylin tell you? Talk to me, Weedy,” I said, getting serious.
I watched as he shifted uncontrollably in his seat before he lowered his gaze to the floor. He then took a deep breath and looked out the window. Finally, he brought he gaze back to me.
“Ma, I can’t tell you too much. Like I said over the phone, I wasn’t here when everything went down,” he said, shaking his head as he rubbed his legs. “But what I can tell you is that ya boy done got himself into some serious shit and your kids are in deep trouble. Your girl Stacy and her pops are around here, playing for keeps. Since they couldn’t get to you, they went after your mother, getting her strung out and everything. When they tried to get at you, Kaylin stood in the way of all that, so Julius sent Stacy after him as a distraction, but she ended up falling in love with him, and that’s when Kaylin Jr. came about. Word around the street is that they’ve been trying to get at you for a while now. I’m still trying to find out why, but once I find that out, you’ll be the first person I call.”
I hung my head low as I sat there, taking in everything Weedy was saying. Life was definitely a bitch, and I’d seen that ho firsthand. I knew that Weedy wasn’t on that bullshit, which was why what I was about to say next would probably throw him.
“You can stop looking for that reason, because I already know why they want my head,” I said, raising my head. “As it turns out, Stacy’s my sister, my blood sister. We have the same father.”
He gave me a look that said, “What the fuck?”
I continued, “Yeah, my mother fell in love with a nigga who already had a woman. As a matter of fact, the nigga was married, with kids already. Stacy and I were actually born in the same year, with me being the youngest. When my father found out about me, he gave my mother an ultimatum. It was either she got an abortion, or else she would never see him again. She called his bluff and decided that she would have me, thinking that he wouldn’t leave her, that he’d be there for us.”
I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “On the day that she went in, she called to tell him. He answered and told her that he was at home with his family and for her never to call him again. From that moment on, my life has been a living hell, because of him. I never had a normal life. I don’t know why he’s bitching, because I’ve been going through hell my entire life. Yes, he may have lost his family, but why should I give a fuck? I lost my whole childhood. I was forced to grow up way before I had to. I didn’t tell him to cheat on his wife. He did that shit himself. He could always get married again. My childhood was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I can’t get that shit back. I was beaten and raped. Do you think he cared about it? No, because he was too busy being part of a family. Should I be sad about his situation? Hell no, and I’m not. I don’t give one fuck about him or his family, because I never had one until now.”
I hadn’t noticed that I was crying until he cradled me in his arms. I felt like shit. Lately, I hadn’t been doing anything but crying. The shit made me sick. I was never this weak. I was always a strong woman. I was actually somewhat glad though. I’d been holding that cry in for a long damn time. A good cry was what I had needed.
“Damn, ma. It’s going to be okay. You just have to tough that shit out. Bring back the child I once knew. You know, the one who ain’t took no shit from nobody, the one who’d fuck something up without thinking twice about it. Bring her back. You gotta show them that they’re not the only ones who can get grimy,” he said, wiping the tears that had fallen from my eyes. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”
“Thank you, Weedy,” I said, sitting up and hugging him.
“Anytime. Make sure you take care of yourself, and I’m serious. If you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to call me,” he said before he got out of the car.
I sat there thinking about what he said. He was right. Troy and I used to fuck a lot of shit up together back in the day. I wondered where that girl went, because I most definitely needed to find her and bring her back. As I sat there reminiscing, it was in that moment I realized that I hadn’t asked him about my kids.
I picked my head up, trying to see if he was anywhere in sight, but he was gone. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dialed Troy’s number. I placed the phone to my ear as I waited for her to answer it.
“What’s going on? Why y’all taking so long?” I asked once she had answered the phone.
“We’re coming back to the car right now,” she replied. “Jayden and Mark wanted to look at a few things before we left.”
“Okay,” I said and hung the phone up. I sat there pissed. My nerves were back, and they were playing around and shit. I wondered what the hell it was that they were trying to see. I reached in Troy’s purse to grab a cigarette and lit it, just as they entered the car. Once they got inside the car, Jayden turned the key inside the ignition and pulled off.
“What’s going on, Troy? Why y’all ain’t saying anything, and where are we going?” I asked as Jayden entered an address into the GPS system. Getting a good look at it, I noticed that the thing said University Hospital. “Why are we going to University Hospital? Troy, where are my kids?”
I watched as she took a deep breath, and then she turned toward me. When she turned my way, I noticed that her eyes were glossy.
“Troy, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” I asked. If she wasn’t about to tell me, I swore before God that I was going to start mixing on her ass.
“The boys weren’t there,” she replied.
“Well, where are they?” I asked her.
“Right now, they really don’t know. They’ve put out an APB on them, and there’s now an AMBER Alert on the boys,” she replied.
“Oh, my God. I can’t believe this,” I said. I could already feel a headache coming along as I sat there realizing that I wouldn’t be reunited with my kids today.
“Mimi, it’s Kailay. She . . .” she said, starting to get choked up.
“What about Kailay, Troy? What’s wrong with my baby?” I asked, already fearing the worst.
“Kailay was the one who got hurt during the accident. They don’t know how or why. They just said that she was at University Hospital and for us to get there as soon as possible,” she said as the tears started to roll down her face.
I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces as the different scenarios played out in my head. I tried to say something, but my mouth went dry, and the words got stuck in my throat, so I didn’t say anything at all. I just did what I did before, and prayed. I prayed for God to give me the strength to handle whatever it was that I was about to face. I also prayed for guidance and forgiveness, because when I found Kaylin, Stacy, and Julius, I was going to make sure that they got exactly what they deserved.