Chapter 20

Mimi

I sat there for hours, waiting to see what the doctor would say about Kailay. It had taken so long that I actually thought things were going wrong in that operating room. He said that it wasn’t supposed to take long, but it did. Lord knows I wasn’t good with waiting at all, so the minute Dr. Dallas came from the back and called out to us, I practically ran to him. I waited on pins and needles to hear what he had to say, wishing in my mind that it was all good news. When he came out and told me that Kailay’s surgery was a success, I was ecstatic. Even though he said that no one could stay in the room with her, I wanted to jump for joy. I was even happier when he said that she was expected to make a full recovery. That moment was short-lived when reality hit me. I was sitting in the hospital for one of my daughters, my other daughter was currently with her grandmother, and my boys were still missing. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about them. Their birthday was coming up in a couple of months, and I wanted so badly to have them with me.

“Hey, girl, are you okay?” Troy asked, pulling me to the side.

“Yes. Well, no. I’m glad that Kailay’s going to be around, but I will never feel comfortable until I have all of my kids back together. I miss my boys so, so much and my world will not be complete until I have them. To be honest with you, I don’t care if I never get to seek revenge against Kaylin, Stacy, and my father. As long as I’m able to get my boys back, I’m fine with that. I just want my boys home, that’s all,” I said as the tears began to roll down my face.

“It’s going to be okay. We’ll get them back. I’ll make sure of it. If that’s the last thing I do, we’ll get them back,” she said as she wrapped her arms around me. “Come on, let’s get out of here. You need some rest. We all do. We’ll be back to check on Kailay tomorrow.”

“Okay, but before we do that, I want to go ahead and check on my mother. I think it’s about time that we put our past behind us,” I said. She looked at me as if I were crazy. Hell, I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my own mouth either.

“Okay,” she replied as we went to get Jayden and Mark from the waiting room.

“Oh, and, Troy, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Weedy, but I can definitely tell you that y’all need to talk,” I said, stopping her.

“What you mean?” she asked, all confused.

“I mean that I think Weedy still wants you.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because when we went to see what was going on earlier, I noticed he give Mark this strange look. So I think you need to check on it before the shit turns into some drama, and you know damn well we don’t need that,” I said, walking off as I called out to Jayden so we could leave. When I looked back, she was still standing there. “Why you just standing there? Come on. Let’s go.”

It took her a couple of seconds to move, but she finally began to walk our way.

“Is something wrong?” Mark asked her.

“No, nothing is wrong,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. Then we headed toward the exit.

Before I left, I made sure to give every nurse by the station my phone number. I wanted to make sure that they could reach me, in case they needed me for Kailay. After being reassured that they’d call, we left the hospital, making our way to my mother’s house.

I wasn’t too sure about what I was about to do. Hell, I even wanted to change my mind, but I knew that I couldn’t leave her hanging. I mean, after all of the things that she had put me through, she’s still my mother. Besides, I forgave her a long time ago. It was time that I started acting like it.

* * *

An Hour Later

We rolled through our old neighborhood feeling like outsiders. Everything was the same, and yet it was so different. We pulled up to my mother’s building. It was now dark, and I wanted to be extra careful, so I invited Jayden and Mark to go up with us. It wasn’t that I was scared of anything or anyone; I just didn’t have the strength to protect myself if anybody did try something.

“Come on, let’s go before I change my mind,” I said, getting out of the car.

I walked over to the sidewalk and waited for them. Once everyone was ready, I started walking to where my mother lived. As soon as I made it to the building, I picked up my stroll. I had to cover my nose and mouth, because the smell was so damn rank and strong that I thought I was going to pass out. I was walking so fast that someone would’ve thought someone was behind me or that I was on drugs or something.

When I walked up to my mother’s apartment, the door was cracked open, so I just walked right on in. As always, the living room was a damn mess. I was afraid to even walk up in there. I found a few needles and empty liquor bottles. I couldn’t do anything but shake my head. “Some things will never change, I guess,” I said to myself.

As I slowly made my way around the apartment, I thought that I was going to throw up. Besides needles and bottles, there were old newspapers, dirty clothes, and rat shit all over.

“Watch your step,” Troy called out from behind me as I was about to step in a huge puddle of vomit.

“She needs to do better than this shit,” I said, walking past it. I then made my way to my old room. I didn’t know why I was even trying to go in there, being that I hadn’t been there since the day that I was raped. When I opened the room, I was shocked to see that it was clean. My old bed was in there, and it was made. I walked farther into the room to see that the carpet was removed, and there were ceramic tiles in its place. The holes and dirt stains that were on the walls were no long there. Instead, a nice pink color adorned them. When I walked over to the closet, I gasped. All of my clothes from when I was a teenager were hanging neatly on hangers.

“Oh, my God,” I said as tears welled up in my eyes. “She kept it. I can’t believe that she kept it,” I cried when I noticed the cover and sheets from when Gorilla Zoe had raped me. “Why would she keep this?” I asked.

“It’s going to be all right. I’m sure there’s a perfect excuse why she did that,” Troy said, standing next to me. I turned to her, laying my head on her shoulder. She then wrapped her arms around me and tried her best to comfort me.

“I can’t believe that she would keep it though,” I cried in her arms. I wanted so badly to forget the memories as I stood in this room, but looking at those things, they came flooding back.

“Why did she let him do that to me?” I asked her.

“I really don’t know, but come on. Let’s get up out of here,” she said, making her way to the door. I looked up to find Jayden and Mark standing there confused. I guessed they were wondering what the hell was going on. I wanted to tell them, but the thought of anyone else knowing what happened to me was too painful. Besides, I didn’t need anyone judging me.

When we walked back into the living room, I took a minute to calm myself down. I didn’t want to get my nerves all worked up and shit.

“Come on, let’s go,” she said, trying to get me to leave.

“No, I have to find my mother and get her some help. Did you even look at this place? I need to get her up out of here,” I said stopping her. I was determined to put everything aside so that I could help her get her life together.

“I know that you want to help your mother, but do you think that will be a great idea? I mean look what just happened to you,” she responded, which caused me to think about what I was about to get myself into. To be honest, I wanted to turn around and just forget about the shit, but something inside of me told me not to.

“I have to do this. I need to,” I said, looking at her with pleading eyes.

“You know what? If that’s what you want to do, then that’s fine. I’m always here to back you up.”

“Good,” I said, flashing a small smile. I turned around and began walking toward my mother’s room. I knew that she was in there, because there wasn’t anywhere else she could possibly be.

With each step that I took toward the room, I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I wanted to turn around, but the voice kept on telling me not to. I kept saying that I didn’t have to be like my mother, that I should help her and put the past behind me, so I kept going. When I made it to the door, I slowly raised my hand up, placed it on the knob, and I turned it. I opened the door to find my mother passed out on her bed, with some guy lying next to her. I couldn’t believe that she still had this same routine going. I knew she had to be tired of doing this her-damn-self.

I walked over to the bed and kicked it, trying the wake them up. She didn’t pop up; however, the dude she was with did, and it looked like he was surprised to see me standing there.

“Who are you and what are you doing in here?” he asked, struggling to get up.

“Who am I? Who the hell are you?” I asked him.

“Look, bitch, what the fuck are you doing in here?” he asked, with a groggy look. I took one good look at him and knew that he was on drugs.

“I’ma ask you to watch your mouth when you’re talking to me,” I said, pointing my finger in his face. “Now I’ma need you to get your fucking shit and get the fuck out!”

“I don’t have to do a fucking thi—” he started to say but was stopped when he saw Mark and Jayden standing by the door. He got up from the bed, grabbed his clothes and shoes, and left, without even putting them on. I waited until I heard the front door opening and closing before I walked around the bed to the side where my mother lay.

I bent down and started pulling the covers back when I noticed that she barely had any clothes on. I turned to find Jayden, Mark, and Troy standing in the doorway.

“Umm, guys, I’m going to need a little privacy here,” I said to them. They shook their heads and turned around to leave. “Not you, Troy. I think I’m going to need your help with this.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, turning around.

“Close the door,” I called out to her. She did as I asked and then walked over to where I was.

“What’s wrong?”

I pulled the cover back so that she could see. “I need you to help me put some clothes on her.”

“Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” she asked as she walked over to the dresser, and grabbed a pair of pants and a shirt out of it.

“She’s probably drunk like always,” I said, with a wave of my hand. She walked back over and handed me the clothes. I then bent down and started turning her over, when I noticed that she had a belt tied to her arm. Removing the belt, I then noticed a needle lying next to her. Pissed, I started to shake her so that she would wake up, but she didn’t.

“Oh, my God, she’s not moving!” Troy screamed, panicking. I stood there in a daze. I couldn’t believe that something like this was happening right now. I mean I was already having a hell of a time with Kailay. I didn’t need this shit on my plate right now.

“Mimi, we have to call 911,” Troy screamed, but I stood there in a state of shock. It didn’t register to me to call for help. Why do these bad things keep happening to me? I thought, wishing that I knew the answer.

“What’s wrong? Why are you yelling?’ Mark asked as he and Jayden entered the room.

“We have to call an ambulance, now!” I heard her yell.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jayden asked.

“Mimi’s mother not moving. She won’t wake up,” she said to him. She then walked over to where I was and began to shake me. “Mimi, you have to pull it together, mami.”

I blinked a few times before I looked her way, remembered where I was, and ran to my mother’s side. “Did anyone call an ambulance yet?” I asked them. They looked at each other, and then shook their heads, saying no. “Well, could y’all please do so?”

I watched as Troy pulled out her phone and walked out of the room. I then turned back to where my mother lay, and I tried to cover her up. “Can one of you guys please help me put a shirt on her before the ambulance gets here?” I asked, looking at them.

Jayden came over to where I was, picked up the T-shirt that Troy had gotten and helped me slip it over her head. “Thank you,” I said to him, just as Troy walked back into the room.

“What happened?” I asked her.

“I called. They said they’ll be here in about three minutes,” she replied.

“Okay, thanks,” I said to her. I sat there in a funk. I couldn’t believe I was placed on this earth just to go through all of this. I hadn’t been in this state for a full twenty-four hours, and here I was, into some shit again. I sat there trying to go over every inch of my life that I could possibly remember, trying to figure out what I did wrong, but I came up with nothing. I didn’t know why it was happening, but I couldn’t keep going through all of this. I knew there was a God up there somewhere and I wished He would help me before I went insane.

I was so into my thoughts that I didn’t see when Troy had left the room. She came back a minute later with two paramedics following her.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” the female said. I got up and stepped on the side so that they would be able to work.

“It looks like a drug overdose. We’re going to have to transfer her before it’s too late,” the female said as the male left the room to get the stretcher.

“What’s her name?” she asked, looking at me.

“Um, her name is Marie Washington,” I replied, stuttering.

A few seconds later, the male paramedic returned to the room with the stretcher. I silently prayed as they placed her on the gurney and prepared to leave. Once we made it outside, I spotted a gang of people surrounding the building. I figured as much, because around here people never minded their business.

“Is everything all right with Marie?” some old lady asked me.

“Yes, everything is fine,” I replied, never slowing my stride.

“Well, what’s wrong with her?’ she asked as she struggled to keep up with me.

I gave her a look that said, “Bitch, mind your own business,” but it was a few seconds before she got the hint.

“Is anyone going to ride in the ambulance with her?” they asked once they had loaded her into the ambulance. I stood there looking at Troy, who was looking at me.

“I’ll go,” she replied.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll go,” I told her. She had done more than enough for me with Kailay. I couldn’t let her keep on doing this. It was time that I faced my own problems. I needed to handle them myself.

“And you are?” she asked me.

“Um, I’m her daughter, Amina Washington,” I replied.

“Well, okay, come on. We have to go now,” she said, walking off.

“I’ll meet you guys at the hospital,” I said, turning to Troy. I then followed the EMT to the front of the ambulance and got in. It was in that moment I made a promise to myself that I was going to get my life back in order. I was determined not to let any of this break me. I was going through all of this as tests. If these were tests from God, I was not going to fail. I was going to pass every one of them with flying colors.

* * *

Three Weeks Later

I was getting ready to have a mental meltdown. I hadn’t had a full night of rest in three weeks. Hell, actually, you could say that I hadn’t had a full night of rest since I got shot, and I was feeling it. I was so tired and burnt out that I really didn’t have any energy left in me. I’d been running back and forth between Kailay’s and my mother’s hospital rooms. To be honest, I was beat. All I wanted to do was take a hot bath and sleep for a couple of days. That’s how tired I was. Besides sleeping, I really needed a strong drink or two, because my head was all over the place.

When we made it to the hospital that night with my mother, my nerves were on edge and my heart was in my ass. I really thought she was getting ready to check out of this world. Like before, I spent hours waiting for the doctor to update me on her condition. It wasn’t until the morning that I was informed that she had a dangerous amount of heroin in her system and they weren’t sure if she was going to pull out of it. I spent hours by her bedside, praying that she was going to make it. By the grace of God, she pulled through, and I was actually happy about it.

All in all, today was going to be a good day. Today was Kailay’s release day from the hospital, and I was ecstatic. At first, I wasn’t so sure, but the doctor said that she healed faster than he thought she would. She still wouldn’t be able to do all of the things that normal little kids her age did for a while, but I was still grateful that my baby was alive and getting out of the hospital.

“Mommy, can I have some ice cream?” she asked as I helped her put on the clothes that Troy had brought for her. I turned and looked at the scar that was left on her head from where she was cut, and I almost cried, but that look in her bright eyes made me smile.

“Yes, baby. We’ll get you some as soon as the nurse comes with your discharge papers,” I said, helping her into her jacket.

“Okay,” she replied as her little eyes lit up with joy.

“Okay. Now, why don’t you lie down and watch cartoons until the nurse comes? I have to go check on someone,” I told her.

“Can you put it on Doc McStuffins?” she asked.

“Yes, baby,” I replied.

I got up from the chair, grabbed the remote, and searched the channels for Disney Junior. There were over a hundred channels on TV. I finally found it after searching a minute to find it.

“There you go, baby. I’ll be right back,” I said, placing the remote back on the bed.

“Thank you, Mommy,” she replied before the TV had her full attention.

As I was about to leave the room, Troy came walking in. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m ’bout to go check on my mama. What’s up with you?” I asked her.

“Nothing. I’m just ready to blow this joint. Hospitals are so damn depressing to me,” she said, taking a seat on the bed next to Kailay.

“Who you telling?” I replied. “I’ll be right back.”

I didn’t wait for a reply. I grabbed my purse and left the room. On my way out of the room, I bumped into the nurse.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on someone who’s on another floor,” I said to her.

“Oh, well, I have these papers here for you to sign,” she said, referring to the papers in her hands.

“Okay, well, my sister is in there with her right now. You can just let her sign them.”

“Um, okay,” she said, then headed into the room.

As I started walking toward the elevator, my phone began to ring. I looked at the caller ID and noticed that it was Weedy calling. Since I already knew what he wanted, I answered.

“What you got for me?” I answered the phone, just as I was getting onto the elevator. I pressed the button for the third floor and waited for him to answer.

After a pregnant pause, he finally answered. “Ma, there’s absolutely nothing in the street right now. We’ve searched high and low in and around New Orleans, and we still didn’t find them.”

“What about the house in Edgard?” I asked.

“We searched that one too and, just like the others, they haven’t been there,” he said, making my heart drop. Then everything fell silent. I sat there playing in my thoughts, wondering what I was going to do next. Then he said something that had me interested.

“Ma, I know you want to find your kids and get your revenge, which is why I’m willing to help you. I have this friend who knows some dude who’s a private investigator, but the only thing about it is that he lives in West Virginia.”

“Can you get his information for me?” I asked him. “Right now, I’m willing to do anything.”

“Let me holla at my boy first and see. I’ll holla back at you in a minute,” he said, just as the elevator stopped on the floor that I was going to.

“Okay, and thanks for everything, Weedy,” I said, stepping off the elevator.

“No problem,” he replied. “I’ll call you the minute I get that info for you.”

“Okay,” I said and hung up the phone. I had to stop to take a minute to gather my thoughts. Here I was yet again. No one could find Stacy and Kaylin. I could feel my anger getting the best of me, so I decided to put that to the back of my mind for now.

I was still standing by the elevator when I noticed the nurse and doctor walk into the room that my mother was in. I quickly got myself together and made my way there. When I walked into the room, she was sitting up as they were reading a few things from a clipboard.

“Um, what’s going on, Doctor? Is something wrong?” I asked, getting their attention.

“Oh, no, ma’am. Nothing is wrong. Your mother is going to be released today. We were in here suggesting a few rehab facilities that she can enroll in,” he said, turning his attention to me.

“Well, I wasn’t aware that she’s going home today. Are you sure that’s right?” I asked, walking over to where they were.

He looked at his clipboard before he flipped a few pages and brought his attention back to me. “Well, yes. Your mother no longer has any signs of drugs in her system, and all of her vitals are strong, which is why we’re releasing her.”

“Okay, you said something about a rehab facility?” I asked.

“Um, yes. Although your mother’s been clean a couple of weeks, the fact of the matter is that she has a drug problem. Without rehab, there’s an excellent chance that she will relapse into using, which is why I suggest that she checks into a drug rehabilitation facility,” he said, handing me a few pamphlets. I took one look at the info and decided that I was going to get my mother some good help, but I didn’t think a facility in New Orleans would do that. I needed to get her out of this state and into a place that she knew nothing about, which was just how I was going to get to West Virginia without Jayden becoming suspicious. “Okay, thank you. When will she be discharged?”

“Um, actually we have the papers right here. We were just waiting for someone to come and sign them so that she could be released.”

“Okay, well, I’m here. I’ll sign them,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said and handed me the clipboard so I could sign the papers. Once I was done signing everything, he handed me a copy and said that a nurse would be right here to roll her out. They made sure that we had everything, they said good-bye, and left, leaving my mother and me there alone.

The room was so quiet that if you dropped a needle on the floor, we were going to hear it. I stood there in the same place that I was when the doctor left. She just sat there staring at me as if something was wrong with her. I wasn’t scared or anything. I was more nervous. Here I was in a room with my mother, the same woman who managed to make my life a living hell, and I didn’t know what to say. This was actually the first time we’d been alone in years, and it was awkward as fuck.

“Why are you helping me, Amina?” she asked, just above a whisper.

“What did you say?” I asked her. I was so nervous that I had to tap my hand against my leg to try to calm my nerves.

“I asked, why are you helping me? I mean after all of the things that I did to you in life, I figured you would be the last person to help me. So why are you doing it?” she asked again.

“To be honest with you, I don’t know why. I mean, in my mind I keep hearing myself say that I want to put the past behind us and help you, but as I stand here right now, I don’t know if I’m able to,” I responded. She didn’t say anything. She just sat there. I guessed she was trying to find the right words to say.

“Amina, I’m not looking for self-pity, nor am I looking for you to do anything for me. When I said that I was sorry a few weeks ago, I meant that. I know I wasn’t a great mother to you at all and I wouldn’t or couldn’t be mad if you hated me, because I deserve it. You can leave right now if that’s what your heart is telling you, and I wouldn’t feel no type of way, but I want to thank you for being there for me when I didn’t deserve it. Like always, you never cease to amaze me.”

“Marie, if I wanted to leave, I would have. I told you what I came here to do. Yes, I know I just said that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I’m all you got. I wouldn’t feel right if I left you hanging like this in your condition. If you let me, I want to help you, and after that, you can go back to your life, and if you choose to, whether we both like it or not, we’re going to be in each other’s lives. Point. Blank. Period,” I said to her. She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t even look at me. She just sat there with her fingers entwined.

“Amina, I already told you that I don’t need no pity party. I’m not looking for you to do anything for me out of guilt.”

Here she goes again with this shit, making me start to rethink my decision. Fuck it. I walked over to the bed and took a seat by her foot. “I told you why I want to help you. I’m not worrying about the shit that you’ve done to me before. I just want to put the shit in the past and leave it there,” I said, reaching for her hand. Her breath quickened as I slowly rubbed my thumb over the back of it. I couldn’t believe that this moment was happening either. “In order for us to move forward, you have to let all of this go.”

“Darling, I want you to know that I love you, and I know I haven’t shown you that, but I do. Again, I want to say that I’m sorry for all of the things that I’ve put you through and there’s no way that I could let all of that go. I’ve really done some things that I’m not proud of, and I can’t believe that you are willing to forgive me for it, but I’m willing to try,” she replied. I raised my head up and noticed that she was now crying.

“Aw, Ma, you don’t have to cry,” I said, hugging her. I used my thumb to wipe the tears that had rolled down her face, just as the nurse walked in with a wheelchair to take her out. “Now come and let’s get up out of here before I go crazy.”

“Okay,” she said, with a light chuckle. She then reached up to my face, giving me a kiss on my cheek. I was confused at first, but it made my heart warm up. I didn’t know what this feeling was, but I was happy to be feeling it. A few years ago, if someone had told me that my mother and I would be in this position today, trying to repair our broken relationship, I would’ve probably spit in their faces and cursed their asses out after all the shit she had put me through. But today was different. I was different. I was more forgiving, and I was happy about that.

I got up from the bed and waited to the side as the nurse helped her get dressed and then placed her in the wheelchair. Once everything was straight, and she was ready, the nurse handed the chair over to me, and then we left. Hopping onto the elevator, I hit the button for the fourth floor and waited for the doors to close.

“Where are we going?” my mother asked once she noticed that the elevator was going up instead of down.

“I have to pick someone up from here,” I replied as the bell rang. Getting off the elevator, I bumped into the last person I’d expected to see.

“Amina, is that you?” she asked, looking confused as fuck.

“Yes, Darlene, it’s me,” I answered. I could believe that this bitch had the nerve to show up here, after all of the things that Kaylin had put me through.

“But how? I thought you was dead!”

“Nah, as you can see. I’m alive and fine now, no thanks to your son,” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

“Well, does Kaylin know about this?” she had the nerve to ask.

“No, actually, no one knows that I’m still alive and I’d love for you to keep this to yourself.”

“But you have to tell him. The last time I spoke to him, he sounded as if he was going to go crazy, thinking that you were dead.”

“Darlene, what did Kaylin actually tell you?” I asked, because from the way she was talking, I knew damn well he didn’t tell her what went down that day.

“He didn’t say much. When he called me, all he said was that you was dead,” she replied. “He’s going to be so happy to know that you are alive.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

“Why? What are y’all not telling me?” she asked.

“Ms. Darlene, Kaylin was the one shot me and left me for dead. All because of Stacy,” I said, bursting her bubble.

“No, that can’t be true. My son would never do something like that to you. He loved you,” she replied, shaking her head as if the shit weren’t true.

“Loved me? Yeah, he loved me enough to fuck my friend—no, my sister—and get that ho pregnant. Then he let her come back years later and destroy our family. Now I don’t know what Kaylin has told you, but whether you want to believe it or not, Kaylin was the one who did this to me, and I hope he rots in hell,” I said, and then walked off, leaving her standing there with her mouth open. I didn’t have time for this shit. I’d think about Kaylin’s ass a little later. Right now, the only thing on my agenda was to get my mother and daughter up out of here, so that they could go home.