Haley flipped through an endless series of infomercials and reality shows she hoped didn’t reflect anyone’s true reality as she lay back on the sofa, her slippered feet propped on the footstool. She thought she heard voices in the front hall, but she was too tired to go check for herself. Besides, her movie would be back on after the commercial break she was channel surfing to avoid, and she didn’t want to miss any of the drama.
Would the Meg Ryan character, Annie, and Sam, the character Tom Hanks portrayed, end up together at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day? Of course, Haley already knew the answer to that question, but that was part of the appeal of watching old chick flicks again and again. The couples always ended up together in the end. Love always prevailed.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t like that in the real world. And real-life heroines had no makeup artists on hand to touch up their faces after a crying jag. She could really use one of those—the makeup artist, not the crying jag. She was good on those already.
When the movie came back on, Annie was on the building’s observation deck, waiting for a would-be date, who either she’d missed or wasn’t coming. Was that what Haley was doing, waiting for Matthew to finally get his head on straight and figure out that she was the person for him, the one he could trust?
Haley crossed her arms over her chest in a huff. She was not doing that because if she were, she would look pitiful. Her heart might long for a future with Matthew, but she had to ignore its plea. Loving him wasn’t enough. She wanted, and frankly, deserved more than a man who couldn’t trust her.
She must not have heard them enter the room because suddenly her mother and Mrs. Warren were standing at the doorway of the tiny family room, staring at her. Mrs. Warren looked shocked, as if she’d never seen someone having a movie day on a sofa before.
Strangely, Haley was tempted to fluff some of the pillows she’d piled on either side of her to increase the comfort factor. She should have put away her tray after lunch instead of leaving her empty soup bowl and the waxed sleeve from a package of saltines resting on the floor next to the couch.
“You see what I mean?” Trina crossed her arms as she studied her daughter. “Just look at her.”
“I’m looking.”
For a few seconds, Haley stared back at them, but finally she couldn’t take any more. “What are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a person wearing sweats before?”
Mrs. Warren shrugged. “Well, she’s not wearing pajamas, I guess.”
“Yes, she is. She slept in those last night. Those slippers,” Trina paused, pointing to her daughter’s feet, “she’s been wearing for the past four days.”
“Oh,” Amy said aloud, though her expression said “ew.”
Haley frowned at the two older women. “I’m right here, you know.”
“Yes, you are, dear,” Trina said. “And you’ve been right here every day this week.” She indicated the family room with a wide sweep of her hand.
“Where do you expect me to be? I don’t have a job to go to. And I don’t have anywhere else to live, either.” Haley reached for the remote and flicked off the TV, sending into darkness the image of Sam and Annie holding hands with the amazement of newfound love on their faces.
Trina planted her hands on her hips. “Well, I doubt sitting there will help you to right either of those situations.”
Amy elbowed Trina in the side, as if she didn’t think her friend’s usual tough love was working. She glanced at the television and then back at Haley. “Wasn’t that Sleepless in Seattle? That’s a good movie.”
“Not very realistic,” Haley murmured.
Amy nodded. “Probably not, but a lot of fun to watch.”
“Especially when you’ve got a case of the blues,” Trina said. “You have a case, and we’ve come to help you shake it off.”
At first, Amy frowned at her friend, probably over her bluntness, but then she stepped over to the sofa and looked into Haley’s bowl with soup congealing on the sides. “She’s still eating, anyway. That’s a good sign.”
“She’s been showering, which is a blessing, too.” Trina pinched her nose and winked. “And, yes, she is still eating but only comfort foods. She’s depressed, all right.”
Haley held her hands up to stop the assault. “I’m not depressed. Don’t you think I would recognize if I were depressed? And even if I did feel down in the dumps, wouldn’t I have a good excuse? It’s only been five weeks since my fiancé dumped me.”
Mrs. Warren grasped her chin between her thumb and forefinger in a thoughtful pose. “She has a point there.”
“That’s true.”
At her mother’s acceptance of the excuse, Haley calmed. It was too humiliating to admit that her blues had nothing to do with an ex-fiancé and everything to do with a man she’d had only one date with and would never have another.
“Strange, though.” Trina inserted one of the dramatic pauses her daughters had learned to be wary of before continuing. “You didn’t become a resident of my davenport until the day after one date with the son of my dear friend here. That must have been some date.”
Haley stiffened. She couldn’t be as transparent as that. “If you’ll remember, I lost my job that night, too.”
“Point taken,” Trina said. “Still, I think I’m going to stick with my premise.”
“It’s ‘curiouser and curiouser.’” Amy chuckled.
“Oh dear.” Haley gripped her head with both hands. “Now they’re quoting Alice in Wonderland. If I promise to turn off my movies, throw on some jeans and eat a steak, will the two of you leave me alone?”
“As soon as you tell us the whole story about you and Matthew,” her mother told her. “For you to be as upset as you’ve been this week, there has to be more between you two than one date.”
A lump formed in Haley’s throat. No, she wouldn’t cry again. All week she’d kept her tears few and at least in private in those moments when she couldn’t contain them. She didn’t want to change that now.
“I don’t know why either of you would think there would be anything between us.” Haley hated hearing the rancor in her voice, but she couldn’t help herself. “You’d never considered it a possibility before Matthew made his announcement.”
“You’re right,” Trina said. “And now I’m not sure why. I guess it was hard for me to see my youngest as anything but a little girl, so I never thought of it.”
Amy raised both hands in an act of surrender. “I don’t have an excuse, but then I’ve been banned from involvement in my son’s love life, so I wouldn’t trust my opinion.”
“Hmm, maybe you shouldn’t be here at all,” Trina said to her friend.
“It’s fine,” Haley heard herself admitting. “There’s nothing between Matthew and me, at least anything that matters.”
“What would make it matter?” her mother asked her.
“Feelings would have to go two ways.”
Haley braced herself for the onslaught of prying questions, but to her surprise, the two women let the subject drop. The tension in the room diminished as the other women took their places on the sofa and recliner near Haley and the subject changed to Haley’s plans for the future.
Instead of questioning her decision to return to college for her master’s degree as rash, both women were encouraging. Her mother even offered to have Haley live at home while she commuted to Indiana University, making the plan a true possibility. She wasn’t sure how she would be able to avoid Matthew while living in the same small town and attending the same small church, but she would handle that challenge when she faced it.
“You realize you’ll have to put on real clothes and skip the slippers to go to class, don’t you?” One side of Mrs. Warren’s mouth lifted as she asked it.
“And you’ll have to save your movie watching for the weekends…when your homework is finished,” Trina chimed.
“Thanks, you two.”
Though she was responding to their clever comments, Haley was thanking them for far more. They were right; she couldn’t sit around feeling sorry for herself. She needed to get on with her life.
Though this wasn’t the life she would have chosen or even the one that still filled her dreams, her subconscious would have free reign in her writing, and it did give her a reason to get up each morning. It was a far stretch from what she’d felt was her calling to help raise Elizabeth Warren, but with writing, she would be doing something she loved and living life on her own terms.
Matthew gripped Elizabeth’s hand as he hurried down the steps from church that Sunday morning. If only he could escape his thoughts as easily. He’d expected it would be difficult standing at the lectern and seeing Haley out in the congregation, but he hadn’t prepared himself for the painful ache in his heart.
He’d tried not to look at her, really tried, but his eyes seemed to have a mind of their own, searching her out so often that most of the membership had to notice. Conversely, Haley had kept her gaze averted and had purposely looked at her hymnal or the organist every time she accidentally glanced his way.
All this week he’d waited and prayed about it, giving his thoughts the time to settle and his reason the chance to return. He’d hoped to feel nothing when he saw her again, but what he did feel was certainty that he’d lost someone he should have known to cherish.
As they trudged down the steps, Elizabeth kept craning her neck to look over her shoulder. “I want to see Miss Haley.”
“She left already.” He’d been relieved when Haley hadn’t been needed as a substitute teacher in his daughter’s Sunday school class. He’d also appreciated it that Haley had left through one of the side doors rather than to go through the receiving line where he stood with Reverend Boggs. He didn’t know what to say to her now.
She glanced out at the parking lot and then back at her father. “I want Miss Haley.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
“My name is Lizzie.” Her comment would have sounded defensive if her little bottom lip hadn’t started trembling. “Miss Haley calls me Lizzie.”
“I know, honey.” She’d been talking about it all week. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to call her that, even though he no longer minded the nickname. It would be another reminder in a week where already there had been far too many.
Their car was one of the few remaining vehicles in the church parking lot. As he put Elizabeth in her booster seat, he glanced down in time to catch her wiping away a tear. He understood too well how she felt. He’d thought he was shielding Elizabeth’s little heart, and his own, by trying to keep Haley Scott at a distance, but he realized now he was already too late.
Haley had come into their home and had shaken up their lives with her noise, her irreverence, her joie de vivre. Before Matthew had realized it, Haley had made a place for herself in their home and in both of their hearts. Their family had been changed because of her. It felt incomplete without her.
The thought should have terrified him, but he was surprised to find that it no longer did. Although he’d made a point of not allowing himself to need someone again, that decision hadn’t made him happy. Just alone.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore. More than that, he didn’t want his precious child to grow up without knowing the love of a mother. He’d enjoyed a love like that all of his life, and yet he’d taken it for granted, focusing instead on those who’d failed him. Haley loved his daughter that way as well, the child of her heart if not her body, and yet he’d failed to recognize the blessing she was, as well.
That was before. Haley couldn’t even bear to look at him now. He deserved no better than that, and she certainly deserved better than him. The other night had been full of possibilities and such promise in the kisses they’d shared, but the door that had been slowly opening now appeared tightly closed. It was too late, and he had no one to blame but himself.
Was there anything he could do to change it now? He didn’t think so, but as he pulled out of the church parking lot, he turned not toward his house but toward an address a few streets over, the one he would always know as home. He needed to ask for some advice from the woman he’d just told to stay out of his love life.
“Surprise, Grammy!” Elizabeth threw herself into her grandmother’s stomach as Amy Warren opened the front door.
“Oh,” Amy said, though the sound came out sounding more like oomph. “I wasn’t expecting you. Did I invite you two to Sunday dinner and then forget about it? Because I have some chicken thawed and I can—”
Matthew kept shaking his head until she stopped. “No, you don’t need to go to any fuss.”
“It’s no fuss.”
He shook his head again. “That’s not why we’re here, though I’m sure Elizabeth would appreciate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you have one to spare.”
“Lizzie,” his daughter corrected, looking up at the adults.
He cleared his throat. “Lizzie.”
His mother raised an eyebrow but turned toward the kitchen. “You’re probably starving, and that mean old dad won’t even feed you.”
The little girl giggled as she trailed after her grandmother into the kitchen, while Matthew stowed their coats in the closet. Within minutes, Amy had the child seated in the dining room with a full plate of, not peanut butter, but leftover roast beef, roasted potatoes, green beans and a thick slice of chocolate cake.
“Don’t you want anything?”
He shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”
“I didn’t figure you would be. You look terrible.”
“Thanks. I came over here just for a pick-me-up like that.”
Patting her granddaughter on the head, Amy headed out of the dining room and into the formal living room. When they were out of his daughter’s earshot, she asked her son, “What’s with Lizzie in there?”
“Haley called her that, and now she’s insisting that Mrs. White call her that, too.”
“How’s that working out, anyway?”
“Mrs. White has the patience of Job. I’ll give her that.”
“That good, huh?”
“Elizabeth’s just having a difficult time with the transition. She wants Haley.”
Having changed out of her Sunday clothes into a soft pink tracksuit, Amy took a seat on the sofa and patted the space next to hers. “Can you blame her? You want her, too.”
He studied her as he lowered himself on the cushion. “Is it that obvious?”
“I saw the way you looked at her in church. As if part of your heart was missing.”
“Great.” He planted his elbows on the thighs of his dress trousers and held his head in his hands. “Everyone in church could probably tell something was wrong.”
“I don’t think so. Even if they could, they probably also saw the way she was looking at you when she was sure you wouldn’t notice.”
He swallowed. “Oh.”
“I saw Haley a few days ago, as well. She looked almost as bad as you do.”
“Almost?”
“No. She looked exactly as bad as you do.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying this.”
His mother had been chuckling until then, but she suddenly grew serious. “I’m not enjoying this. It doesn’t make me happy to see you miserable.”
“I’m not miserable.”
She continued as if she wasn’t buying his story. “I don’t know why it surprised Trina and me at first. Of course, you would choose Haley.
“She’s like a breath of fresh air when you hadn’t slowed down enough to breathe in a long time. Her zest for life and her effortless faith are contagious. And she loves Elizabeth nearly as much as you do. What can attract a young father more than that?”
Everything she’d said was true, and yet Matthew still studied his mother in surprise, waiting for her to make some pithy remark. After a long pause, he realized she wasn’t going to make one. “I don’t get it. Why the change of heart?”
“No change of heart. I’ve always loved Haley.”
“But not for me.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head, but the smile never left her lips. “I was too focused on my own plans to see it. Anyway, as wonderful as she is, Caroline wouldn’t have been a good match for you because it would have been like marrying a copy of yourself in feminine outfits.”
Any other time, he would have laughed at the image her comment put in his head, but this wasn’t a laughing matter. “None of that matters now. I figured out what I wanted too late.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Too late? I think it is.” Leaning back into the couch, he blew out a frustrated breath. “It might sound corny, but I feel as if God sent Haley into my life to awaken my spirit. It’s as if He knew that Elizabeth and I needed joy and even chaos in our ordered lives, and He wanted Haley to bring those things to us.”
“That does…sound corny.” She grinned. “But it’s also sweet. We know how you feel now, so what are you going to do about it?”
“I wanted to be with her, but as soon as we took a first step at getting close, I got scared and pushed her away. I couldn’t help myself. Now I’ve messed everything up so badly that it can’t be fixed.” Even he could hear the resignation in his voice, so he didn’t assume she couldn’t hear it, too. He stared down at his hands that rested in his lap.
“I wish I’d done things differently. I’m so sorry,” Amy said.
Matthew glanced up at her in surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“After my divorce, I shouldn’t have relied on you the way I did. You were just a kid yourself. I made you grow up too fast.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I wanted to help.”
“I’m sorry that your father and Stacey left you and that your losses have made it difficult for you to trust anyone else.”
“I don’t know why you’re bringing all of this up now.” He shook his head. “It’s water under the bridge, anyway.”
“Is it?” Her gaze seemed to look right through him. “I just don’t want your past and the mistakes I have made ruin your future.”
“I think I might have already done that.”
“Well, undo it. Another thing Haley has brought into your life is an example of true faith. Maybe you should have a little faith in Haley…in her ability to forgive.”
“Do you really think she could?”
“You’ll never know until you ask.”
He shrugged. She was right. He’d known all along what he needed to do. He should have been at Haley’s right now, pleading his case with the woman he loved, instead of coming here to have his mother bolster his courage. Well, he’d spent too much of his life settling for the ordinary instead of striving for the wonderful. No matter how much he had to lose, he was taking that risk now.
He stood up from the couch and strode to the doorway. Turning back, he indicated the room down the hall with a tilt of his head. “Would you mind watching her for a few hours?”
“You mean Lizzie?” She waited for his smile. “Of course. Now go convince Haley you’re worth all the trouble.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
He slipped into his coat. His hand on the door handle, he turned back to his mother. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Don’t you find it ironic that you would come to me for relationship advice? I wasn’t the best role model for making relationships last.”
Matthew leaned down to place a kiss on his mother’s cheek. “I wouldn’t have asked for advice from anyone else.”