LADIES’ HOUR

IT WAS A little too hot at the pool, even in the water, but that wasn’t why the ladies who swam at Ladies’ Hour were panting. Nor was it their state of fitness, although it may have been, considering the amount of flesh falling out of swimsuits. No, it was the handsome lifeguard who sat on a chair at the top of a ladder, in a cleavage-spotting hero’s eyrie. He watched Mae a little too intently as she climbed into the pool, attempting to disguise his appreciative smile. Tota, who was standing between the two of them, noticed his gaze and turned to see that her would-be daughter-in-law had taken off her towel to reveal a blue wing painted onto her white left buttock. Not only that, it was fully exposed in her G-string bikini, and seemed to disappear somewhere between her legs …

‘Mae, Mae, wait …’

It was too late. Mae had climbed into the pool backwards, blue wing prominently on display, and had started her laps, speeding past every Indian lady splashing in the pool getting ‘exercise’ during that Ladies’ Hour.

Tota ran to the steps as fast as she could, a little breathless. Just below the ladder the swimming caps of a couple of young girls bobbed up and down together and she heard them whisper.

‘He’s looking at us.’

‘What nonsense, he’s looking at her!’

The shame of it. Tota decided to wait for Mae to finish a lap, but when she reached the end the girl just changed direction underwater and kept on swimming as if she owned the pool. So Tota waited, and when Mae returned she grabbed her now most unwelcome guest by the hair until she surfaced, spitting water indignantly.

‘Get out of the pool immediately,’ she shouted, loud enough to turn a few capped heads.

‘What?’

‘Just get out! You’re not dressed properly.’

Mae, who had been head down and tattooed bum up, took a few seconds to realise that there was an emergency at hand: a fire in the pool that she had inadvertently started. Tota felt like slapping the girl, but instead tried to be polite.

‘I know you people over there don’t mind showing your thisthing, but …’

She sounded too loud so she began again, following Mae as she made her way out of the pool, trying to block the view of her thisthing with her larger thisthing. ‘We’ll get a new swimming costume, don’t worry. We’ve done enough exercise now, let’s go and have an ice-cream.’

‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know …’

Back in the changing room they dressed in their day clothes, Mae in a long skirt and a short-sleeved shirt, and nobody would have known that she liked to wear strings for undies, or that she had a tattoo where there shouldn’t be one.

Out by the poolside, Tota said, ‘Come, sit.’

The two of them sat down in cane chairs and Tota called for the bearer with the same instructional tone she used for her daughter-in-law. Just as she spoke, one of the girls in the middle of the pool started gasping. The attendant jumped from his high chair and dived into the pool to save her.

‘Poor thing,’ Tota said.

The girl was dragged to the side of the pool in the strong arms of the Ladies’ Hour lifeguard, a secret, satisfied smile on her lips.

‘Get me a Limca,’ Tota told the bearer, ‘and some finger chips, some cake and some ice-cream.’ So much for the exercise. ‘What would you like, Mae?’

‘Just a cup of tea, thanks.’

Another girl seemed to be choking in the pool now and calling for help, entirely unable to commit to the few strokes it would take to get her to the edge. Barely back in his seat, the lifeguard sprang into action again, it being rush hour for female rescues.

‘Goodness, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a single rescue mission in the ocean, but in this tiny swimming pool I’ve seen two in half an hour!’

‘The lifeguard is doing his duty well,’ Tota commented. ‘He’s a good boy.’ Watching the handsome lifeguard made her think of her own beautiful son and the inquisition she had planned for Mae. ‘Tell me, how do your parents feel about you marrying an Indian boy?’ she began.

‘They love Neel,’ Mae replied.

Tota listened to Mae, wondering how she could bring up the issue of this marriage being unquestionably inappropriate. ‘Over here there is a lot more than just love that we must consider when giving our permission for a marriage.’

‘That’s fair enough.’ It was said as a conversation stopper, but Tota took it as an invitation to trespass further.

‘It is fair because when you marry somebody you have to understand their traditions and values …’

‘That’s what’s so exciting about getting to know Neel.’

‘But how can you ever be expected to understand him? How could you be expected to know about the pressure to find him a wife and everything we’ve been through?’

‘Well, I guess that pressure may be off a bit now that we’re getting married?’ Mae looked round at the single girls, dangling their legs in the pool opposite the lifeguard.

‘Yes, but think about the embarrassment and shame for poor Chandini, who was meant to marry Neel.’

‘Er … Chandini?’

‘He hasn’t mentioned her? This is exactly what I’m saying. You cannot be expected to understand him. Even he is not expecting to be understood, otherwise he would be able to speak these things to you!’

‘He was probably too embarrassed to tell me, or hoping that he could get out of … er, meeting this girl …’

‘Chandini. The girl’s name is Chandini. His fiancée has a name. Or at least she was going to be his wife until we had to make new arrangements …’

‘It sounds to me that you were trying to force this onto him.’

‘There is no forcing a boy to do anything.’ What would the girl know about the trouble the children gave with these suggestions nowadays?

‘Well, if there’s no forcing anyone to do anything, that should be fine, then.’

Mae reached for the cake she’d been avoiding, while Tota planned how she was going to deliver her next move.

‘If you’re pregnant then I know someone who can help.’

The conversation paused momentarily as Mae held her cake in front of her face.

‘But … but who told you I was pregnant?’ She seemed to lose her confidence. It was working. ‘And I don’t know what kind of help you think I need but …’ She put the cake down. ‘Hang on a minute, did Neel tell you I was pregnant?’

‘No, but we all guessed that you must be, because of the way he wanted to hurry the marriage along.’

‘Well, for your information, I’m not.’

‘Then why would he have destroyed Chandini’s life?’

‘What?’

‘You have to understand, Mae, that Neel has obligations beyond those he has to you, and these go very deep.’

‘But he’s also an adult. And he has the freedom to …’

‘Marry who he wants to marry?’

‘I’m not here to come and steal your son. I’ve been invited by Neel to come and meet my future in-laws and get married. He’s spoken so highly about all of you and India, and until now …’

‘Of course – we are his family and Neel loves India. He’d never have the life he wants anywhere else. It’s just not possible.’

The pool was still now, and Mae was silent as the ladies made their way to the cane chairs, fully clothed, pool laps completed, lives saved and ready for their next snack. Tota felt that she had earned some ground. No doubt the girl was wondering why Neel hadn’t mentioned Chandini.

‘I think it may have been a mistake for me to come to India …’

Of course it was! Neel must have known that he was breaking his country’s commandments and stamping on his family’s holy books when he first glanced at Mae on that beach in Goa.

Satisfied, Tota realised that she had done enough work for one day. The seed of doubt had to be nurtured. There was still time before the wedding, but all the cards would have to be played in perfect sequence for her gamble to work.

‘Darling, it wasn’t a mistake coming to India! Don’t go on talking like this,’ she replied. And with a welcoming smile she continued, ‘In our country, guest is God.’