Chapter Forty: Bruce Meets the Helpful Zero

Bruce hid behind an artificial tree next to a clearing as he spied on Twenty-two’s ship from a distance. After they’d landed in London, he’d sneaked off and taken a floater to Washington D.C. He knew that Toby would have objected to his plans, so he didn’t tell him. He’d been ignoring Toby’s calls since.

There was enough security surrounding the ship to populate a small country. Bruce’s mission was to steal the ship, locate Twenty-two, and rescue her. The whole enterprise seemed like something Feodora might do between tea breaks.

He had an idea. There were numerous recordings of Twenty-two speaking. He pulled up the first one, when she gave a short speech to the cameras after her “welcome” by Dubois.

She’d said, “I am Ambassador Twenty-two. I come from Grodan, the third planet from Tau Ceti. I am here to observe and learn about your political process. I have learned much today. I look forward to learning more. I will be around. Now I return to my ship.”

After some splicing and snickering at all the uses of “I,” he had the message he wanted in the alien’s voice. He transferred it to an audio player, and played it loudly on a portable loudspeaker he’d brought.

“Ship, I am Twenty-two. Come here.”

The security people about the ship looked up. Because they were looking for the source of the loud voice, they didn’t at first see the ship as it rose up above the trees, then moved toward Bruce.

It floated down into the clearing next to Bruce. There were shouts and pointing fingers from the security people, and a contingent of them raced for the clearing.

A sing-songy voice called out. “You are not the great Twenty-two.”

This must be Zero, Bruce thought. Twenty-two had told him a little about the ship’s computer, though not the apparent high regard it held for her.

“I’m Bruce, and I need your help to rescue her.”

“Hi Bruce. Does she need a massage?”

He glanced back at the rapidly approaching security. “Twenty-two has been arrested and is in great danger. If you let me inside I can tell you more. If you do not, those people running toward us are going to shoot me in about ten seconds.”

The ship’s door began to lower in maddeningly slow fashion.

“Come on!” Bruce yelled. The sound of footsteps grew louder.

“Freeze!” someone yelled.

Bruce leaped for the walkway before it was one-third down, and squeezed through the opening between the door and the ship. Someone grabbed his foot as he scrambled up. He looked for something to grab to pull himself in, but there was nothing but whiteness.

Someone grabbed his other foot. They began to pull him out of the ship. At least they weren’t shooting.

Then something from inside the ship—a tentacle?—wrapped around his neck, tightened, and pulled. He wanted to scream, but couldn’t with the chokehold on his neck. Slowly he was pulled into the ship.

Then the tentacle let go for a second and wrapped around his chest. “Sorry about that,” Zero said. “Grods do not have such delicate necks. My sensors said you were in distress. Is this better?”

“Yes!” he rasped as the tug of war continued, but now the tentacle was clearly winning. A moment later he was pulled mostly into the ship. But the security people still grasped his feet, which dangled out the door.

An electric shock went through him, and he yelped. So did the people holding his feet, who released him. The tentacle yanked him the rest of the way into the ship and the door closed.

“Sorry again,” Zero said, releasing him. “It seemed the most expedient way to make them let go. I could use my tractor beam, but I might have hurt them. Would you like a cup of tea? My research tells me humans like tea.”

Bruce looked about, a bit shaky from the electrocution. The tentacle came out of the featureless white wall that circled the room. Then it disappeared into the wall, leaving no trace and the white room completely featureless.

“No thanks. Can you help rescue Twenty-two?”

“Yes. Do you need a place to sit down? Humans use chairs for that, correct?” A bulge came out of the floor, which quickly stretched into a chair. Toby sat down, resting his arms on the armrests. It was soft and comfortable.

“Twenty-two liked the smell of shiggles,” Zero said. “Would you like that too?” A few seconds later the room filled with an intense flowery scent.

“You don’t seem that enthused about rescuing Twenty-two,” he said.

“I am very enthused about it.” The tentacle was back, placing a cup of tea on a table in front of him that hadn’t been there seconds before. “I believe I used the correct formula for tea. I hope you like it.”

“Then why aren’t you asking me what happened?” Bruce stared at the tea, unsure if he should try it.

“Because I only respond to questions, except to give out needed information, to aid in the comfort of my passengers, and in emergencies.”

If only people were like that, Bruce thought, Earth would be heaven. “Have they been trying to break into you all this time?”

“If you mean the humans outside, yes. They have shown an interesting arsenal of ineffective weaponry.”

“What are they doing now?”

“See for yourself.” The white walls became transparent. They were surrounded by the security people, who apparently couldn’t see in. Several were yelling at each other, though Bruce couldn’t hear them—the ship’s walls were soundproofed.

“Can you create a face or something, so I’ll have something to talk at?”

“How is this?” A tentacle came out of the wall. Its tip rapidly formed into the face of the famous cartoon character Joseph Wang. “This is the most common face shown on human entertainment programs.”

“That’ll be fine,” Bruce said. He hated the cartoon. “Twenty-two was arrested and is imprisoned somewhere, probably in China. Can you find her?”

“I have already done so with my sensors,” Zero said. It seemed strange to Bruce to hear Zero’s voice come out of the moving lips of Joseph Wang. “Are you going to try the tea?”

Bruce stared at the glass. What the heck, he thought, if it’ll keep Zero happy. He took a sip.

He spat it out reflexively, almost before he consciously tasted the foul stuff. His nose had been stuffed up from his earlier tussle or he would have smelled the putrid liquid.

“Would you like another?” the face of Joseph Wang asked. As Bruce watched, the “tea” he’d spit out disappeared into the floor.

“No thanks. Where is Twenty-two?”

“She is in France, in Val-de-Marne, southeast of Paris.”

“Do you have the ability to rescue her?”

“I believe so.” The tentacle reappeared, this time holding a pitcher. It refilled his glass, and then disappeared into the wall again.

“Then why haven’t you?”

“Why should I?”

“Wouldn’t her being arrested be considered an emergency?”

“Why?” The Joseph Wang face looked perplexed.

Okay, he decided, maybe it wouldn’t be heaven if people were like this. It was time to take charge. “Do you have any weapons?”

“Twenty-two left a hand laser behind. The tractor beam can be used as a weapon. The ship can be used as a ram.”

That should be sufficient. “Take me to Twenty-two.”